Tag: spiritual growth

Living and Growing from a place of not knowing

Too often we fashion ourselves as experts in things we are quite unfamiliar with. This is a mechanism to protect the more vulnerable parts of our personality because we are afraid our not knowing is a sign of lacking when in reality no one knows everything. We feel scared when we are thrust into something we feel unprepared for and sometimes to protect ourselves we act like we know.

Rabbi Dr. Abraham Twerski, in Growing Each Day, expounded on the following Talmudic passage from Berachot 4a:

דְּאָמַר מָר: לַמֵּד לְשׁוֹנְךָ לוֹמַר ״אֵינִי יוֹדֵעַ״, שֶׁמָּא תִּתְבַּדֶּה וְתֵאָחֵז.

articulated by the Master: Accustom your tongue to say: I do not know, lest you become entangled in a web of deceit.

Rabbi Dr. Twerski suggested:

“While no human being can know everything, some people cannot admit any ignorance about anything. For them, any admission of lack of knowledge threatens their fragile egos… Furthermore, the only way we can acquire knowledge is by accepting that we do not have it. People who claim to know everything cannot learn. Therefore, many opportunities to learn pass them by, and their denying their ignorance actually increases their ignorance… (p.216)”

Saying I don’t know is not strictly an admission of not knowing. Rather it is an opening and invitation to explore. It is through this exploration that we can know, and remove the desire to “fool” ourselves or others. Unfortunately, it is common that our fears of being “seen” actually further hinder our growth and ability to make forward strides. It is that fear that keeps us stagnant and yet leaves us feeling antsy, anxious, unsettled. We are unsettled because we close ourselves off from the value of listening to others and truly listening to ourselves.

One of the core elements of my chaplaincy and now my coaching is to foster the dual listening in the space of care. By my listening to others and hopefully the individuals listening to the words they are saying, it allows us to cultivate the gaining of knowledge through exploration, questions and reflections. Together we open the gates to find new vistas to confront challenging and difficult situations.

May we be blessed to be comfortable in the uncomfortable space of not knowing.

If you are looking to explore and discover new approaches to the difficulties in your life, Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com.

It’s storming – Don’t lose yourself

Lately, it seems we are all caught up in a storm that just won’t end. Between a pandemic, social upheaval, war, terrorism and not to mention our individual challenges we face during life, it feels like we are just being blown around without a rudder. It can be difficult to catch out breath, to feel calm, to find our focus.

Yesterday, in the course of a conversation about life’s challenges, someone shared:

“Don’t let the storm take you off course.”

I found these words to be the right fit at the right time. It is so easy for us to veer off our paths because of all the things happening outside of our control. We watch the news, we doom scroll through social media, looking for the next thing to worry about. How many of us begin the day thinking, ‘what bad news will I find today?’ These are not new things to experience. Yet, I know that most of us have been living in such a heightened state of concern these past couple of years that it is almost the norm.

Still, in those quiet moments, when we are not overwhelmed, when we look to our goals, our dreams, our hopes, we must not allow the uncontrollable take control. We care, we are empathetic to the plight of others. We try to do for those suffering, for those in horrific situations. And, as we are taught, if we don’t help ourselves, we will struggle to help others (a fundamental principle in any caring profession and perhaps the number one rule to limit the compassion fatigue we are bound to experience).

My hope today is that whatever storm you are feeling, whether it is the global problems we are experiencing or your own personal storm, that you continue to see your path and not get pushed off course.

Need help staying on course in the midst of your storm: Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com

Process and new beginnings

Today, I was reminded of a valuable lesson about process and fostering new beginnings. When we set out on the road to a destination, most of us are anxious to arrive as soon as possible. While it is true that there are times when we have a deadline to reach or a timeframe that we must adhere to, many of our journeys are less structured and not time bound. This can be quite challenging.

When the journey seems to be going nowhere, or it feels like we are spinning our wheels, it can be of value to stop and take stock of the steps taken so far. Don’t just wait until you have reached a “destination” because each step is a destination to cherish.It is also of value to remember that while we are planting the seeds and must do the work associated with cultivating those seeds, we are not alone in working the path.

As you go on your journey, keep planting! Without the seeds in the ground, we cannot grow and develop our paths.

Looking for help in cultivating the seeds planted along the way: Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com

Purim 2022/5782 – Incomplete Joy/Complete Joy

Tonight begins the holiday of Purim, which focuses on the story told in Megillat Esther, set in Persia approximately 2500 years ago. Purim is a festive, fun, topsy turvy day, celebrating Jewish survival from the midst of an evil, genocidal decree. The victory and survival bring about a tremendous sense of relief and joy. This is best described in Esther 8:16:

לַיְּהוּדִ֕ים הָֽיְתָ֥ה אוֹרָ֖ה וְשִׂמְחָ֑ה וְשָׂשֹׂ֖ן וִיקָֽר׃

The Jews enjoyed light and gladness, happiness and honor.

Yet, if we take the story as a whole, something is missing. The book of Esther ends with the Jews in the same place as they were at the beginning, remaining under King Ahasuerus’s rule in Persia instead of returning to Israel and rebuilding the Second Temple.  In fact, the story ends with the anti-climatic moment of the Ahasuerus placing a tax upon all who live in his land, showing how surviving a genocidal decree doesn’t mean being free from the whims of weak leadership and potential oppression.  How can we celebrate while also sitting with this sense of incompleteness?

I would like to suggest that celebration is warranted, even if the story seems incomplete. In the moment of triumph, we can feel a tremendous burden lifted off our shoulders, leading to a sense of exhilaration or a sense of relief.  I contend most of us can find many experiences in our lives where this sense of relief in the moment might even lead us to a temporary happiness.

For the Jews of Shushan, surviving Haman’s decree provided this sense of relief.  As such, they celebrated their newly found “new lease on life.” Their celebration was one of communal care and support, guaranteeing all could celebrate through the giving of Mishloah Manot (gifts to friends) and Matanot L’Evyonim (gifts to the poor).  Subsequently, this celebration was established as a yearly practice, as being able to celebrate Purim was proof of continued survival, and the importance to taking the time to reflect on the moment. 

At the same time, 2500 years later, with the fortune of hindsight, we are led to question what were the long term gains of this survival.  They continued to be under foreign rule.  Eventually, the lightness, the relief goes away, and the reality of life returns, with all its trials and tribulations.  Yet, by establishing Purim, we are acknowledging the value in celebrating even a good that might not be complete, recognizing that it is right to celebrate momentary victories even when they remain incomplete.

This is a fundamental life lesson. While keeping the end goal in front of us is important to our journeys, if we don’t take stock in the middle, enjoying the pieces of the story each of us is writing, then we miss opportunities to reinvigorate and reinvest ourselves in our growth. May this Purim be a reminder of the importance of taking the time to celebrate the steps along the path the goals we have set for ourselves.

Updated from the piece I originally wrote here:

Find the joy in the steps along the path to change. Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com

The power of a pause

We are constantly doing. It is hard to stop and reflect. We think that if we stop we won’t progress. If we don’t pause to reflect and to truly listen to our inner voice, so much will be lost.

The book of Leviticus, VaYikra, begins with Gd calling to Moses as an invitation to teach Moses the vast array of laws related to sacrifices. Verse 1:1 states:

וַיִּקְרָ֖א אֶל־מֹשֶׁ֑ה וַיְדַבֵּ֤ר יְהֹוָה֙ אֵלָ֔יו מֵאֹ֥הֶל מוֹעֵ֖ד לֵאמֹֽר׃

Gd called to Moses and spoke to him from the Tent of Meeting, saying:

When Gd is speaking to Moses, the Torah usually says, Gd spoke to Moses, similar to the language in the middle of verse one, after the initial call. As such, the first words, Gd called to Moses, seem superfluous. The great medieval commentator Rashi offers a pedagogical/psychological answer to this seeming redundancy.

ויקרא אל משה AND HE CALLED UNTO MOSES — This implies that the Voice went on and reached his (Moses’s) ears only but all the other Israelites did not hear it). One might think that for the subsections there was also such a call! It, however, states, “[And the Lord called unto Moses] and spake (וידבר) [to him]”, thus intimating that a דבור, a complete section had (was preceded by) a call (e. g., in our text chapters 1—4), but not the subsections. And what purpose did these subsections serve (i. e., why are the larger sections broken up into smaller ones)? To give Moses an interval for reflection between one division and another and between one subject and another — something which is all the more necessary for an ordinary man receiving instruction from an ordinary man (Sifra, Vayikra Dibbura d’Nedavah, Chapter 1 9).

There is a distinction between calling and speaking that hints towards the importance of allowing a lesson to resonate before moving on. In the Torah’s context, the verse is saying: Moses was called to Gd to be taught a series of laws. This call was an overarching invitation to be in the same space. Once Moses enters the space, Gd speaks to him. Yet, Gd doesn’t just teach everything in one breath. Rather, it is broken into different lessons. Via this picture, we can see, as Rashi indicates, the importance of teaching ideas in manageable parts while recognizing that there is an overarching subject. This message is of such importance that Rashi repeats the same idea 10 verses laters, stating:

ואם מן הצאן AND IF [HIS OFFERING BE] OF THE SHEEP — The ו (of אם) adds something to the former subject (i. e. shows that this is a continuation of it). Why, then, is there a break between the two paragraphs (i. e. why does the following form a separate paragraph)? In order to give Moses an interval between the one section and the next section to reflect upon what has already been said (Sifra, Vayikra Dibbura d’Nedavah, Section 5 1).

Rashi Vayikra 1:10

From a literal perspective, the breaks are just breaks. They indicate a change in subject. Breaks are a means of clear, structured writing. Yet, in this comment, we see that a break is more than that. It is a lesson about life. When we want to change, we can’t just do it all at once. We must go step by step and allow the change to time have to percolate. There is as much to learn in the break as there is in the words themselves.

All new beginnings take time and energy because if we do too much too quick, we are more likely to lose all momentum. If we break things down into smaller, subsections, we have a higher chance of success.

Take the first step! Open the door to a new path and begin a process of change. Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com

The Smallest of Openings

The following reflection is from Rabbi Dr. Abraham J. Twerski’s, Living Each Day

Open for me the tiniest portal of teshuvah (repentance), even like the eye of a needle, and I shall expand it like the doors of a great palace (Shir HaShirim Rabbah)

All we are asked to do is to make a beginning in teshuvah, and Gd will then assist us in broadening it.

“But,” said the Rabbi of Kotzk in explanation of this Midrash, “it must be a thorough beginning. It may be the tiniest in magnitude, like the eye of a needle, but it must penetrate the personality through and through.

A disciple of the Rabbi of Karlin complained to him that whereas his colleagues were all making progress in their spiritual growth, he seemed to be getting nowhere.

“Alas,” said the Rabbi. “I have not yet found the key to your heart.”

“A key?” cried the disciple in anguish. “Who needs a key? Open my heart with an axe!”

“No need,” said the Rabbi. “It has just been opened.”

All that is needed is a single moment of spiritual awakening, but it must be sincere, permeating every fiber of one’s being.

P. 178

Open the door! Open your heart!

A single step is all it takes to begin on a new path. Sometimes it takes a simple movement and sometimes it takes a jolt, but with one step forward, we can begin anew.

Take the first step! Open the door to a new path and begin a process of change. Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com

It’s already inside you

One of the challenges of growth relates to wishing we had something we think we are missing a feeling. When we are deep in sadness we feel as though we have no happiness. When we are frustrated constantly, we look to those who seem content and wish we had a more relaxed demeanor. Who doesn’t ask themselves “how do I acquire that positive feeling?”

Fear not: The positive emotions and character traits you are looking for already live inside of you. True growth comes from unveiling what is already inside. We do not have to search outside of ourselves to acquire change. We can, ourselves or often with the help of others, search inside ourselves, investigate the path we have taken and finding the tools necessary that we collected along the old path to help forge a New Beginning.

As a chaplain/spiritual care provider for many years, working in hospice and senior care, my philosophy of care and support has been to be with others and foster the revelation of the already developed and nurtured feelings they carried deep down. I believe that if we examine our lived experiences, we will find the tools necessary to handle most challenges, from grief and loss to traumas and tragedies as well as the unexpected shadows that often come from good times. It is through the self-discovery that so many are able to walk forward step by step during the times when it feels like we are stagnant.

New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC is based on this same principle. I am here to foster this approach to personal growth in whatever stage of life one finds oneself. If you or someone you know is looking to unveil what is covered up inside and learn how to incorporate these newly revealed aspects of yourself, contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com

Don’t forget about the inner essence

One of the biggest challenges in finding a true balance in life is how much our profession becomes our defining character trait. Most of us tend to introduce ourselves by our profession because it is something concrete to hang our hat on. Yet, the professional we are is not who we are.

Over the course of the past few weeks, the Torah cycle has arrived at the building of the Tabernacle in the desert. In a few places throughout this latter part of Exodus, Gd warns the people that while building the Tabernacle is of much value, the people must be careful to not work on it on Shabbat. R. Eliezer Melamed in the introduction to his work on the Laws of Shabbat vol. 1, expresses an idea about this connection which I feel speaks to the challenge of getting to who we really are:

One might have thought that only secular activities would be prohibited on Shabbat, but actually the Torah prohibits any type of activity necessary for the construction of the Mishkan (the Tabernacle erected by the Israelites in the desert). Moreover, the 39 melakhot (types of labor forbidden on Shabbat) are derived from the work done for the Mishkan, and all forms of labor that were involved in assembling the Mishkan are prohibited on Shabbat. Thus, juxtaposed to the descriptions of the work done in the Mishkan we read, ‘Nevertheless, you must keep My Shabbatot (Shemot 31:13), which teaches us that although erecting the Mishkan is a great mitzva, one must desist even from on Shabbat. For even crafting the Mishkan needs to be connected to its inner divine essence. If this were not the case, all the difficulties in putting up the Mishkan would be left like a body without a soul, unable to fulfill its purpose of revealing the word of Gd to the world. Sometimes it is specifically those whose work is linked to the holy who need to be particularly careful about this, because due to their awareness of the value of the holy they are likely to invest their all in building a framework for it, to the point that forget its inner essence.

Laws of Shabbat vol. 1 p 14-15

Shabbat is a day of rest from those things which distract us from getting to our core, our essence. It is the day that allows us to “check” on our foundation, making sure what is truly holding us up is not just “smoke and mirrors.”

We are always striving to achieve but are those achievements built on a strong or a weak foundation. As each of us looks to new opportunities, new beginnings, are we being careful to reinforce those parts of us with which we are traveling forward on this journey in life? Are we uncovering the inner essence of what makes each of us special, unique, or are we just making the framework look more beautiful?

May each of us find the beauty in Shabbat and find the spark that helps to reinforce our inner essence.

If you or someone you know is struggling to see your inner essence as part of your spiritual journey, contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or email newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com.

Humans are Spiritual

Spirituality is not what your are, but what you make of yourself. In this sense, the heavenly angels are not spiritual. Only man can be spiritual.

Rabbi Dr. Abraham J. Twerski, Living Each Day p . 168

Being our imperfect selves is the epitome of being spiritual. As we strive to manage the ups and downs of our imperfect lives, may we remember that in the struggle is the spiritual.

If you or someone you know is striving for success in growth on one’s personal spiritual journey, contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or email newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com.