Placing my actions upon my heart

We all have our task lists.

These are the items we put down to check off during the day. Many of the tasks we set for ourselves are seemingly mundane. And so, we do them and then place them to the side. In the following story, I was struck by the pain of feeling like one is going through the motions of the day:

As a bachur, a young yeshiva student, Reb Mendel Futerfas learned in Tomchei Temimim, the famed Lubavitcher yeshiva. One day, he encountered Reb Chaim, one of the respected elders of the community. Seeing Reb Chaim looking uncharacteristically despondent, Mendel inquired of his well-being and asked what was wrong.

Reb Chaim stared at the young man and answered with intensity: “I am getting on in years. It won’t be long before I go before the Beis Din Shel Maalah (the heavenly court) and have to give an accounting of my every moment.” Mendel was taken aback and confused. Reb Chaim was a role model whose every move was suffused with yiras Shamayim (awe of heaven). He was well-known as an oved (someone who serves Gd) and a saintly person.

Reb Chaim saw the confusion on Mendel’s face, and said, “Let me explain. Each morning, I wake up fresh to serve Hashem and say Modeh Ani. When I’m finished, I take the Modeh Ani and put it in a large sack that I carry around with me. Then I wash negel vasser (ritual washing upon awakening) and I put that in the sack as well. I go to the mikveh (ritual bath), and then put that into the sack. After we learn Chassidus for an hour and put that in my sack. I put on tallis and tefillin and…”

Mendel, who was starting to catch on, chimed in light heartedly, “Oh so the davening goes into your sack too!” Reb Chaim was not amused. He stopped for a moment, looking down at the ground, and then continued in a heavy tone.

“I proceed with my day. I wash my hands for pas shacharis (meal with bread for breakfast), as prescribed by halachah, make Hamotzi, and eat a kzayis (olive size by volume) of bread, after which I bentch (blessing after the meal). All of that goes into the sack I carry. I come to the yeshiva and learn with bachurim (students) all morning and spend the afternoon lunch break learning with students and strengthening them in avodas hashem (worship of Gd). All that goes in the sack.”

“After Minchah and more learning and teaching, I tend to the needs of my home, and put all of that into my sack too. Following Maariv and more Torah, which I put into my sack, I prepare for bed with krias shema al hamitah (recitation of shema at bedtime). Every action and effort in kedushah (holiness) throughout the day goes into the sack, which by the end of the day is almost overflowing. I schlep it to my room and place it next to my bed as I go to sleep each night.”

“I fill one of these sacks every day, 365 days a year. And I have been doing this for more than seventy years. According to my calculations, since my Bar mitzvah, I have amassed 27,260 sacks, and filled each one to the brim.”

Mendel listened intently, and with every sentence he became more confused than before. Reb Chaim had described a life completely dedicated to Yiddishkeit!

“Young man, listen carefully,” Reb Chaim said, “I will tell you the reason for my concern.” He leaned in and delivered a punchline Mendel never forgot:

“Why did I have to put all my Torah learning, davening, mitzvos and maasim tovim (good deeds), all that I’ve done, all that I have, into a sack? Why didn’t I put it into my heart?

BaDerech, by Rabbi Judah Mischel p 465-467

Why don’t I put them into my heart? How many of us look at our lives and wish this was the question we were asking? To grow, we must not just complete tasks, but must give room for the those tasks to be impactful on who we are.

For more information and to schedule a session to work on making your checklists work for you, contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or email newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com.