Tag: new beginnings

Living and Growing from a place of not knowing

Too often we fashion ourselves as experts in things we are quite unfamiliar with. This is a mechanism to protect the more vulnerable parts of our personality because we are afraid our not knowing is a sign of lacking when in reality no one knows everything. We feel scared when we are thrust into something we feel unprepared for and sometimes to protect ourselves we act like we know.

Rabbi Dr. Abraham Twerski, in Growing Each Day, expounded on the following Talmudic passage from Berachot 4a:

דְּאָמַר מָר: לַמֵּד לְשׁוֹנְךָ לוֹמַר ״אֵינִי יוֹדֵעַ״, שֶׁמָּא תִּתְבַּדֶּה וְתֵאָחֵז.

articulated by the Master: Accustom your tongue to say: I do not know, lest you become entangled in a web of deceit.

Rabbi Dr. Twerski suggested:

“While no human being can know everything, some people cannot admit any ignorance about anything. For them, any admission of lack of knowledge threatens their fragile egos… Furthermore, the only way we can acquire knowledge is by accepting that we do not have it. People who claim to know everything cannot learn. Therefore, many opportunities to learn pass them by, and their denying their ignorance actually increases their ignorance… (p.216)”

Saying I don’t know is not strictly an admission of not knowing. Rather it is an opening and invitation to explore. It is through this exploration that we can know, and remove the desire to “fool” ourselves or others. Unfortunately, it is common that our fears of being “seen” actually further hinder our growth and ability to make forward strides. It is that fear that keeps us stagnant and yet leaves us feeling antsy, anxious, unsettled. We are unsettled because we close ourselves off from the value of listening to others and truly listening to ourselves.

One of the core elements of my chaplaincy and now my coaching is to foster the dual listening in the space of care. By my listening to others and hopefully the individuals listening to the words they are saying, it allows us to cultivate the gaining of knowledge through exploration, questions and reflections. Together we open the gates to find new vistas to confront challenging and difficult situations.

May we be blessed to be comfortable in the uncomfortable space of not knowing.

If you are looking to explore and discover new approaches to the difficulties in your life, Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com.

Cultivating Gratitude when times are tough

The world is a crazy place. I find myself often feeling this forlorn sense that everytime we think we have passed one hurdle there is another one coming our way. It can feel like a neverending barrage of bad news after bad news. And even if there is a feel good moment, such as when a Blue Jays Fan Gives Home Run Ball to Young Yankees Fan, it quickly gets lost in the bad.

How do we combat this sense of feeling forlorn, lost, depressed? How can we find ways to increase our positive thinking? First and foremost we need to accept that the negative feelings that do come and that we do feel. It is part of the human experience. Once we are able to name and acknowledge the negative, we remove the resistances we build to avoid challenging and difficult feelings, thus opening ourselves to the ability to experience the positive moments as well. One of the methods for embracing this more positive method is through gratitude practices. Months ago I discussed the value of beginning our day with thanks as exemplified by the Jewish practice of reciting the prayer Modeh Ani (I give thanks), Prayer: beginning with gratitude.

While we can get into the habit of starting our day with gratitude, it is easy to lose sight of the initial positive feelings of the day when we are going through the motions of the day. It is easy to feel lost in the depths of too much constant information and media. To cultivate gratitude through the day requires us to be as deliberate as we are in the first moments of our day. Do we take the time, even a focused moment, to thank someone when that person does good for us? By this I don’t mean throwing out a muffled thank you as we zip past someone. I am referring to intentionality, being mindful and focused on feeling grateful for receiving something from another. I have found that these small moments of focused appreciation can help us journey further away from the named frustrations of the day.

If we begin building a foundation of reframing our time and days with positive moments, perhaps when we look back, our mind will be filled with positivity instead of the negative we so easily find.

If you or someone you know is looking to cultivate a new path in life, Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com.

Telephone Poles and leaning into what could hurt

I am in the midst of reading The Five Invitations: Discovering What Death Can Teach Us about Living Fully by Frank Ostaseski. In describing the second principle, Welcome Everything, Push Away Nothing, he discusses the value of leaning into suffering. I found the following anecdote meaningful and important for us to consider as we venture forth on any journey in life.

During a workshop in the rural Northwest, I was speaking on the possibilities that arise when we stop running away from what is difficult. One of the attendees, a burly middle-age man with broad shoulders and an even wider smile, spoke up. “That reminds me of telephone poles.”

I didn’t have a clue what he was talking about. “Telephone poles? What do you mean?” I asked.

He explained that he once had a job installing telephone poles. “They’re hard and heavy, standing up to forty feet high.” There was a critical moment after you placed a pole in the ground, he said, when a pole was unstable and might topple over. “If it hit you, it could break your back.”

His first day on the job, the man turned to his partner and said, “If this pole starts to fall, I’m running like hell.”

But the old-timer replied, “Nope, you don’t want to do that. If that pole starts to fall, you want to go right up to it. You want to get real close and put your hands on the pole. It’s the only safe place to be.

p. 86

Instinctually, we are programmed to run away from danger, from pain, from suffering. If we think about the telephone pole, it is likely we won’t outrun it and the further away we are, the harder it will hit and hurt. If we sit with the pain, “leaning-in,” experiencing and not running away from the suffering, we are more likely to find the path to absorb and move through the pain.

This message is also important for any new adventure. As we journey into the unknown, we often try to run back to our comfort zones when confronted with difficulties along the way. If we continue to push forward and not run backwards, pushing “the telephone pole up,” we will come out ahead instead of finding ourselves further away from our goals and hopes.

May we find the fortitude to remain with the suffering and carry forward what we experience and learn from those moments in life we find ourselves challenged with the difficulties of life.

If you are someone you know is going through painful, challenging times, Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com.

Rollercoasters and post Pesach reflections – taking a holiday message into our lives.

Mako Rollercoaster

I used to be a rollercoaster junkie. Any amusement park I went to I would spend my day riding one rollercoaster after another, seeking the next thrill, the next controlled risk. Nothing could stop me.

As often happens, as we get a bit older, we shy away from many thrills and risks. So there we were, during Chol HaMoed, at Sea World Orlando, and I decided I needed a thrill, a risk. Still, even though I had made up my mind, I was feeling nervous and worried. The ride warnings were telling me “just don’t” but my adventurous, live life side said “try.” Yet, it wasn’t until my nephews grabbed me by the arm to ride the Mako rollercoaster that I finally committed to “stepping back in time” and going for it.

The rollercoaster was wild. If you didn’t watched the video on top, watch it. The coaster was intense, leaving me with a sore neck and a bit woozy. Yet, was completely worth it! What a ride! Of course, it ended up being the only rollercoaster I went on all day (hey, I still have limits).

As I was sitting around reflecting on this moment, reminding myself of all the fun I used to have riding rollercoaster after rollercoaster, loops, no loops, wooden, you name it, I also found a hidden Passover message in the ride and the risk.

Passover celebrates the beginning of the Israelite journey out of Egypt. Beginnings are like the initial plunge of a rollercoaster. The new start seems very slow, an upwards grind, fighting “gravity.” The anticipation of the thrill as well as the accompanying fear grows as it travels higher and higher. And then, wham! the plunge, the moment of truth. When the Israelites leave Egypt, each part of the journey is like the grinding ascent, it’s a slow path to a moment. And once they reach that moment, there is no turning back.

For them, leaving Egypt was the initial plunge, the risk. Passover acknowledges the initial powerful, plunge into the unknown. Even if you can see the path of the rollercoaster, until you are on it, I would say you don’t know it. The Israelites knew the journey was to get to Israel, but how they would get there is the question. And along this journey there weren’t plunges, ups and downs and turns sideways, upside down, etc. we know the story is long, and we know Passover is just a moment and it is the moment all wrapped into one.

Life is similar. When we embark on the next rollercoaster, the next risk, we build up and up until the moment we choose to commit. We then take the plunge. We don’t know how it works ends, how it gets you there, but we know an end of the ride will be waiting. Every journey has this process.

The rabbis offer an approach to framing the beginning and end. We begin with the negative, the difficulties, the grinding upward mobility and end with the praises, the hope, etc., or in their words מתחיל בגנות ומסיים בשבח. Each journey begins from jettisoning the negative weight of what was and building up to the new, positive weight going forward. And when you take the step forward, the twists and turns makes for the thrill of the ride. So…

Take the plunge!

Need help riding the rails of new challenges: Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com

Nissan and Renewal

Yesterday marked the new month of Nissan in the Jewish calendar. According to the Torah, the month we know as Nissan is the first month of the Jewish calendar:

הַחֹ֧דֶשׁ הַזֶּ֛ה לָכֶ֖ם רֹ֣אשׁ חֳדָשִׁ֑ים רִאשׁ֥וֹן הוּא֙ לָכֶ֔ם לְחדְשֵׁ֖י הַשָּׁנָֽה׃

This month shall mark for you the beginning of the months; it shall be the first of the months of the year for you.

While this date is not celebrated or formally acknowledged as the new year (for that we wait until the 7th month, Tishrei, when we celebrate Rosh Hashanah), Nissan is an auspicious time as it was the month of the Israelite redemption and the first month commemorated by the Israelites in Egypt, which we acknowledge in a special reading from Exodus (12:1-20) on the Shabbat preceding or coinciding with the new month.

In light of the Israelites new beginning, I wanted to reflect on new beginnings and the symbolism of this new day and month. In the lunar calendar, a new month begins when the moon is no longer or almost no longer visible from Earth. The month encapsulates the amount of days the moon cycles from invisibility to full visibility to invisibility again. This cycle can be a symbol for how life goes for many of us. In the words of Rabbi Dr. Abraham J. Twerski:

Whereas the secular calendar is based on the sun, the Jewish calendar is based on the moon. Many commentaries remark that there is a symbolism in the lunar calendar. After reaching its maximum brightness, the light of the moon begins to decrease until it disappears completely. Then, out of the darkness a bright new crescent appears.

This is something to remember when circumstances in life are such that we find ourselves in utter darkness, without any visible sign whence our salvation may come. We should know that out of the depths of darkness, a new brightness can appear…

Living Each Day p. 181

While every month contains this message, in a way this idea is most exemplified by the story that places in Nissan, leading up to Passover. On the night of Passover, the main section of the seder, Maggid (telling the story) is designed as a microcosm of the first 15 days of the moon’s cycle, as we are to tell the story through the eyes of going from slavery to freedom, from darkness to night. Passover night in a way is the apex. Yet, after the apex, the climax of the Exodus, the actual leaving, the Israelites lives wax and wane, with moments of terror and fear followed by moments of redemption and hope.

Perhaps this is the lesson of the days leading to Passover. We must prepare for both the celebration and integration of what redemption means and also prepare for the realization that a redemption is also a new beginning and new opportunity. And new opportunities are not easy, not always shining with light. Sometimes the path is dark even after part is lit up.

May this be a season of renewal, of new beginnings, or finding the light when things seem dark and finding the tools to combat the waning light that often happens after reaching the next step.

Looking for methods to foster feelings of renewal: Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com

Process and new beginnings

Today, I was reminded of a valuable lesson about process and fostering new beginnings. When we set out on the road to a destination, most of us are anxious to arrive as soon as possible. While it is true that there are times when we have a deadline to reach or a timeframe that we must adhere to, many of our journeys are less structured and not time bound. This can be quite challenging.

When the journey seems to be going nowhere, or it feels like we are spinning our wheels, it can be of value to stop and take stock of the steps taken so far. Don’t just wait until you have reached a “destination” because each step is a destination to cherish.It is also of value to remember that while we are planting the seeds and must do the work associated with cultivating those seeds, we are not alone in working the path.

As you go on your journey, keep planting! Without the seeds in the ground, we cannot grow and develop our paths.

Looking for help in cultivating the seeds planted along the way: Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com

What is your soundtrack?

Song and music are manifestations of a great inner joy that cannot be contained inwardly. A person, overcome with joy, breaks out in song. Song and music are also infectious; they call forth a response in the listener, and often touch upon the innermost feelings of a person, making him want to join in the singing. This is especially so in the case of sacred music, which inspires higher feelings, and often touches upon the very heartstrings of the soul.

My Prayer, vol. 1 P. 205

What is your soundtrack? How does music help uplift your mood?

Most of us have our soundtracks, bands, etc. for our daily commutes. Sometimes the music changes depending on our mood and where we are headed. The same is true in life. How many of us wonder what the soundtrack of our lives would sound like? As we journey, what are the sounds of the day?

Let us help in finding the “soundtrack” for your journey. Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com

The Smallest of Openings

The following reflection is from Rabbi Dr. Abraham J. Twerski’s, Living Each Day

Open for me the tiniest portal of teshuvah (repentance), even like the eye of a needle, and I shall expand it like the doors of a great palace (Shir HaShirim Rabbah)

All we are asked to do is to make a beginning in teshuvah, and Gd will then assist us in broadening it.

“But,” said the Rabbi of Kotzk in explanation of this Midrash, “it must be a thorough beginning. It may be the tiniest in magnitude, like the eye of a needle, but it must penetrate the personality through and through.

A disciple of the Rabbi of Karlin complained to him that whereas his colleagues were all making progress in their spiritual growth, he seemed to be getting nowhere.

“Alas,” said the Rabbi. “I have not yet found the key to your heart.”

“A key?” cried the disciple in anguish. “Who needs a key? Open my heart with an axe!”

“No need,” said the Rabbi. “It has just been opened.”

All that is needed is a single moment of spiritual awakening, but it must be sincere, permeating every fiber of one’s being.

P. 178

Open the door! Open your heart!

A single step is all it takes to begin on a new path. Sometimes it takes a simple movement and sometimes it takes a jolt, but with one step forward, we can begin anew.

Take the first step! Open the door to a new path and begin a process of change. Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com

It’s already inside you

One of the challenges of growth relates to wishing we had something we think we are missing a feeling. When we are deep in sadness we feel as though we have no happiness. When we are frustrated constantly, we look to those who seem content and wish we had a more relaxed demeanor. Who doesn’t ask themselves “how do I acquire that positive feeling?”

Fear not: The positive emotions and character traits you are looking for already live inside of you. True growth comes from unveiling what is already inside. We do not have to search outside of ourselves to acquire change. We can, ourselves or often with the help of others, search inside ourselves, investigate the path we have taken and finding the tools necessary that we collected along the old path to help forge a New Beginning.

As a chaplain/spiritual care provider for many years, working in hospice and senior care, my philosophy of care and support has been to be with others and foster the revelation of the already developed and nurtured feelings they carried deep down. I believe that if we examine our lived experiences, we will find the tools necessary to handle most challenges, from grief and loss to traumas and tragedies as well as the unexpected shadows that often come from good times. It is through the self-discovery that so many are able to walk forward step by step during the times when it feels like we are stagnant.

New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC is based on this same principle. I am here to foster this approach to personal growth in whatever stage of life one finds oneself. If you or someone you know is looking to unveil what is covered up inside and learn how to incorporate these newly revealed aspects of yourself, contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com

There is always another chance

One of the ideas behind New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC is to help foster the principle that each of us always has the opportunity to start anew. I have discovered in myself that losing sight of this hope can be quite detrimental in all aspects of life. Unfortunately, because starting new can seem like a daunting task, we tend to shy away from taking the risk that comes from the first step on a different path. Fortunately, we can recognize that every action is an opportunity that allows us to start new, to begin again. We need not do the same action the same way. I came across the following story in my daily reading that I think illustrates the power of desire and hope to rise above the circumstances of the moment and hope for a new opportunity even when things seems almost impossible:

Shortly before Rav Elyashiv was hospitalized with his final illness, Rabbi Rudinsky was visiting Jerusalem and offered the honor of sitting next to Rav Elyashiv during davening (prayer). Because of his advanced age (he was approx. 103) and medical condition, Rav Elyashiv had difficulty standing, and he sat throughout the davening. Rabbi Rudinsky noticed however, that at each Kaddish and during the chazzan’s (prayer leader) repetition, Rav Elyashiv would strain himself to lean forward ever so slightly in his chair.

After davening, Rabbi Rudinsky garnered the courage and “holy chutzpah” to ask the gadol (great rabbi) the reason for his exertion; surely the centenarian was exempt from rising? Rav Elyashiv explained, “Throughout my entire life, I always stood up for the recitation of Kaddish and chazarat hashatz (repetition of the Amidah). Now that I no longer have the strength to do so, I’m considered an oneis (someone who has no control over a situation), and I am patur, exempt, from standing. But a Jew is never patur from wanting; we are never exempt from our obligation to try.”

“Every time another Kaddish arrives, there is another chance for me to try…Maybe the Ribbono Shel Olam (Master of the Universe – Gd) will me strength to stand this time?”

BaDerech, by Rabbi Judah Mischel, p. 484

The lesson of this story reminds me of the famous quote, “its better to try and fail than never to try at all.” Too often we choose not to try a different road because we are afraid to fail. Our mission is to not allow this fear to be our driver. Rather, if we just try to shift a little, maybe just maybe, the shift will open up for us a different road. Its a matter in doing our part and having faith in the potential of change to occur.

For more information and to schedule a session to help foster the courage to take a new first step, contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or email newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com.