Living Each Day – New beginnings: A blog about spirituality, chaplaincy and renewal

Self-Compassion, not Self-Loathing

As is apparent by now, I am a big fan of Rabbi Dr. Abraham Twerski, o.b.m. I have been reading his works since I was a bar mitzvah, having gotten as a Bar Mitzvah gift his daily reader, Growing Each Day. I often quote snippets from this and a couple of his other daily readers whenever a message speaks to me. Yesterday, I came across this one line which is a good reminder of the dangers of self-loathing and the importance of self-compassion:

“We may not truly realize that our own unbridled anger may be even more destructive to us than hostility to others.”
Rabbi Dr. Abraham Twerski, Living Each Day, p. 72

Anger at oneself can be even more harmful than the anger we express towards other people. This is the anger of frustration regarding not being the best or ideal person we wish to be. This is the anger that comes from a place of shame. And this anger can lead us down a dark path. Anger towards someone else, even if expressed, can be less severe because its destructive nature will depend on how the person we are angry with reacts.

To respond to this, we would do best to work on self-compassion. For me, self-compassion begins with a constant work of recognizing and being accepting of the mistakes, the times I fall short. This is an active process of recognizing the emotions that arise in those moments when the self-loathing begins. Self-compassion is not an excuse to not work to improve. Self-compassion is the tool that helps us find the avenues to be comfortable with change and improvement as we open ourselves to learn from our mistakes and to remember we can try again.

My prayer for today is we find the tools to help quell the self-anger that often arises as a means of being open to the new journeys and opportunities always unfolding in front of us.

Looking to invest time and focus on the tools we have to help cultivate self-compassion and combat self-loathing. Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com

Growth comes from Faith

Humility need not cause feelings of worthlessness. Although a zero may be nothing when it stands by itself, adding zeros to another digit can result in a number of astronomical magnitude.

If we stand alone, we are nothing. But when we stand together with G-d and with one another, we constitute a value of infinite proportion…
Rabbi Dr. Abraham J. Twerski’s, Living Each Day p. 42

Humility is the recognition that we need not go at it alone. It is recognizing our place in the greater cosmos, reminding ourselves to be mindful of how we are part of a collective humanity and our lot in the world is not just of our making. Humility is recognizing the gifts we have and the need to use those gifts in a way that is beneficial to all those around us.

Faith is not a passive notion of simply saying “I believe…” It is not something we just “have.” Faith is an active recognition that we are not alone. Faith is the recognition we are working in partnership with a being greater than ourselves.

I believe that one of the biggest challenges to growth is how often we believe in the idea that “I must do this alone.” While it is true that it is the “I” that has to take the first step to change, it is just as true that growth and change take a collective effort. It is through recognizing that we do not have to go forth on our own which can be the difference between success and failure.

May each of us find that sense of connectivity and togetherness along the way of our journeys.

Looking to shift to a new road on your journey. Let me help you along that process. Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com

Nissan and Renewal

Yesterday marked the new month of Nissan in the Jewish calendar. According to the Torah, the month we know as Nissan is the first month of the Jewish calendar:

הַחֹ֧דֶשׁ הַזֶּ֛ה לָכֶ֖ם רֹ֣אשׁ חֳדָשִׁ֑ים רִאשׁ֥וֹן הוּא֙ לָכֶ֔ם לְחדְשֵׁ֖י הַשָּׁנָֽה׃

This month shall mark for you the beginning of the months; it shall be the first of the months of the year for you.

While this date is not celebrated or formally acknowledged as the new year (for that we wait until the 7th month, Tishrei, when we celebrate Rosh Hashanah), Nissan is an auspicious time as it was the month of the Israelite redemption and the first month commemorated by the Israelites in Egypt, which we acknowledge in a special reading from Exodus (12:1-20) on the Shabbat preceding or coinciding with the new month.

In light of the Israelites new beginning, I wanted to reflect on new beginnings and the symbolism of this new day and month. In the lunar calendar, a new month begins when the moon is no longer or almost no longer visible from Earth. The month encapsulates the amount of days the moon cycles from invisibility to full visibility to invisibility again. This cycle can be a symbol for how life goes for many of us. In the words of Rabbi Dr. Abraham J. Twerski:

Whereas the secular calendar is based on the sun, the Jewish calendar is based on the moon. Many commentaries remark that there is a symbolism in the lunar calendar. After reaching its maximum brightness, the light of the moon begins to decrease until it disappears completely. Then, out of the darkness a bright new crescent appears.

This is something to remember when circumstances in life are such that we find ourselves in utter darkness, without any visible sign whence our salvation may come. We should know that out of the depths of darkness, a new brightness can appear…
Living Each Day p. 181

While every month contains this message, in a way this idea is most exemplified by the story that places in Nissan, leading up to Passover. On the night of Passover, the main section of the seder, Maggid (telling the story) is designed as a microcosm of the first 15 days of the moon’s cycle, as we are to tell the story through the eyes of going from slavery to freedom, from darkness to night. Passover night in a way is the apex. Yet, after the apex, the climax of the Exodus, the actual leaving, the Israelites lives wax and wane, with moments of terror and fear followed by moments of redemption and hope.

Perhaps this is the lesson of the days leading to Passover. We must prepare for both the celebration and integration of what redemption means and also prepare for the realization that a redemption is also a new beginning and new opportunity. And new opportunities are not easy, not always shining with light. Sometimes the path is dark even after part is lit up.

May this be a season of renewal, of new beginnings, or finding the light when things seem dark and finding the tools to combat the waning light that often happens after reaching the next step.

Looking for methods to foster feelings of renewal: Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com

The Smallest of Openings

The following reflection is from Rabbi Dr. Abraham J. Twerski’s, Living Each Day

Open for me the tiniest portal of teshuvah (repentance), even like the eye of a needle, and I shall expand it like the doors of a great palace (Shir HaShirim Rabbah)
All we are asked to do is to make a beginning in teshuvah, and Gd will then assist us in broadening it.
“But,” said the Rabbi of Kotzk in explanation of this Midrash, “it must be a thorough beginning. It may be the tiniest in magnitude, like the eye of a needle, but it must penetrate the personality through and through.
A disciple of the Rabbi of Karlin complained to him that whereas his colleagues were all making progress in their spiritual growth, he seemed to be getting nowhere.
“Alas,” said the Rabbi. “I have not yet found the key to your heart.”
“A key?” cried the disciple in anguish. “Who needs a key? Open my heart with an axe!”
“No need,” said the Rabbi. “It has just been opened.”
All that is needed is a single moment of spiritual awakening, but it must be sincere, permeating every fiber of one’s being.
P. 178

Open the door! Open your heart!

A single step is all it takes to begin on a new path. Sometimes it takes a simple movement and sometimes it takes a jolt, but with one step forward, we can begin anew.

Take the first step! Open the door to a new path and begin a process of change. Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com

Humans are Spiritual

Spirituality is not what your are, but what you make of yourself. In this sense, the heavenly angels are not spiritual. Only man can be spiritual.
Rabbi Dr. Abraham J. Twerski, Living Each Day p . 168

Being our imperfect selves is the epitome of being spiritual. As we strive to manage the ups and downs of our imperfect lives, may we remember that in the struggle is the spiritual.

If you or someone you know is striving for success in growth on one’s personal spiritual journey, contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or email newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com.

Do we ever truly arrive?

Two chassidim were discoursing.
“How do you define a chassid?” asked the first
“A chassid is someone who aspires to be a chassid,” the other answered.
“Well, what person would not want to become a chassid?” the first asked.
“That’s simple. Anyone who thinks that he already is one,” the other replied.
Living Each Day p. 165

I recently came across this story In Living Each Day by Rabbi Dr. Abraham Twerski. Rabbi Dr. Twerski offers the following observation upon this exchange:

Spirituality is a rather strange entity, in that we only have it as long as we think we do not have it. Once we believe we already have attained spirituality, we have actually lost it.
Spiritual growth can occur only when we feel ourselves to be lacking in spirituality.
ibid.

What is true for spirituality is a foundational point about growth in all aspects of life. If we do not see ourselves as always working towards attainment, then we stop growing and moving forward. While it is nice to define ourselves a certain way, and valuable to celebrate milestones, we benefit from not resting on the accomplishment. Rather we benefit from seeing the milestone as another resting place along the journey. Through this recognition, we can use the energy and excitement from arriving to push us to strive further down the road.

If you or someone you know is striving for success in growth on one’s personal journey, contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or email newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com.

Pray for minimum sin

While we are always striving for perfection, reality is that we will always be faced with making mistakes and errors. It in how we learn from these imperfections that can help us truly improve and grow.

In Living Each Day, Rabbi Dr. Abraham Twerski suggests the following interpretation of a little know prayer to be recited before Kiddush on Friday night.

Grant us that we may welcome many Sabbaths amidst much joy, with abundance and honor, and with a minimum of sins

Why pray for a minimum of sins? Why not pray to be completely free of sin?
Sins are mistakes in life, and no person goes through life without making any mistakes.
Mistakes can be valuable experiences and can teach us a great deal, but only if we are open minded and willing to learn, willing to accept both reprimand and guidance.
We can learn just as well from minor mistakes as from very serious mistakes. If we do learn from minor mistakes, we may well be able to prevent major ones. If we dismiss minor mistakes as trivia, as insignificant, then we learn nothing from them, and we render ourselves vulnerable to more serious mistakes.
So we pray for ‘minimal’ mistakes. But we must be wise to know how to benefit from them.
P. 127

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Hazardous travel – life is a journey

When we drive or travel along a road, sometimes we come across a sign warning us about hazardous road conditions. Without this sign, we would not be prepared for the challenges of the road ahead.

In Living Each Day by Rabbi Dr. Abraham Twerski, he discusses the importance of noticing the hazards along the way on our personal paths in life.

In ancient times, travel was indeed hazardous. There was always the danger of being robbed by highwaymen, attacked by ferocious beasts, or injured in a violent storm.
Today’s travel is, of course, much safer. But there is one journey that remains hazardous, and that is the journey throughout life, until we arrive at our final destination.
Awareness of the presence of danger is in itself a safeguard, because we can then be alert and on guard. One can take protective and evasive measures, or enlist the necessary help to overcome the danger.
If we bear in mind that life is a journey to an ultimate destination, we may then be alert to exercise the necessary precautions so that nothing should interfere with our arriving at our desired goal.
p. 126

As we journey each day, being aware of the potential hazards is fundamental to reaching the destination to which we hope to arrive. May each of us be able to see the obstacles as we negotiate the day to day of our lives, and may those barriers not hold us back from continuing forward.