Tag: letting go of the past

How to stave off forgetfulness

For starters, this is not one of those quick fixes for how to remember more. I believe that much of our “forgetfulness” stems from being overwhelmed by the difficulties of life, or from the increased stressors of life. Perhaps there is a way to alleviate forgetfulness by being more attuned to ourselves and true growth and change. To illustrate, I want to share a short piece I read yesterday from Smiling Each Day by Rabbi Dr. Abraham Twerski (Rabbi Dr. Twerski published a few of these daily readers, three of which I am reading this year and as you have seen, sharing a few pieces with you):

A chassid complained to Rabbi Elimelech of Lizhensk he was suffering from forgetfulness. Rabbi Elimelech said, “Do teshuvah (repent, return from your ways – my translations) and your memory will improve.”

The chassid was bewildered. “What is the relationship of teshuvah to memory?” he asked.

“It is very simple,” Rabbi Elimelech responded. “The Talmud states that teshuvah is so great that it reaches the very throne of the Almighty (Yoma 86b). We also say in the prayer of Rosh Hashanah that ‘there is no forgetfulness before the throne of the Almighty.’ All you must do is put the two together. If you do teshuvah, you will reach the throne of the Almighty. In that status, you will have no forgetfulness.”

Rabbi Elimelech’s wit is more than supported psychologically. If we can free ourselves of the burden of our mistakes by proper teshuvah, the acuity of our minds is certain to improve.

p. 119

When we consider what “proper teshuvah” means, we realize it is about introspection and taking stock of who we are and how we got to this point. It is not merely the confession of doing wrong and pledging to do better next time. It is a whole process with the goal of real change. It is through this introspection that we should be able to overcome those challenges and stressors we inevitably carry in life. I know from my own experience, the times of calmness, the times after having unburdened myself of the heavy burdens I might find myself carrying help in my ability to remember and recall. I attribute this to a lessening of stress.

As we begin this new year of 2022, may we find a path to true and deep introspection so as find an inner calm and renewed ability to focus and through this focus find new opportunities to grow and become the person we hope to be.

Transitions can be hard to navigate alone. If you are someone in the process of creating your own new beginning, New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC is here to help. For more information, please check out: https://achaplainsnewjourney.wordpress.com/about/

To begin new, we must end what was

The other day I shared the first rule of transitions as posited by William Bridges in his book Transitions. The rule described how we gravitate back to the familiar in the midst of transition.

Bridges’s second rule about transitions is very simple yet very profound:

Every transition begins with an ending. We have to let go of the old thing before we can pick up the new one – not just outwardly, but inwardly, where we keep our connections to people and places that act as definitions of who we are.

p. 11

A new beginning requires something to come to an end. In order to create this transition, we must be willing to let go of the image of who we think we are. Most often, the barriers to change come from a fear that by changing, we lose our core self. We worry family and friends won’t be accepting and we will lose the social connections that help fulfill our lives. Yet, as is so often the case, our perceptions of what we will lose are merely the internal voices we project on others because we ourselves are not ready yet.

If we can embrace endings as much as we tend to desire to embrace a new beginning, we will truly be on the path of transitioning to a new beginning in whatever we choose to do.

If you are someone in the process of creating your own new beginning, New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC is here to help. For more information, please check out: https://achaplainsnewjourney.wordpress.com/about/

Lech lecha – blessing of a new journey

Genesis Chapter 12:1-3 presents the divine call to Abraham to begin a new journey, to a new land, with the hope of a new beginning. The verses state:

וַיֹּ֤אמֶר יְהֹוָה֙ אֶל־אַבְרָ֔ם לֶךְ־לְךָ֛ מֵאַרְצְךָ֥ וּמִמּֽוֹלַדְתְּךָ֖ וּמִבֵּ֣ית אָבִ֑יךָ אֶל־הָאָ֖רֶץ אֲשֶׁ֥ר אַרְאֶֽךָּ׃

The Lord said to Abram, “Go forth (for you) from your native land and from your father’s house to the land that I will show you.

וְאֶֽעֶשְׂךָ֙ לְג֣וֹי גָּד֔וֹל וַאֲבָ֣רֶכְךָ֔ וַאֲגַדְּלָ֖ה שְׁמֶ֑ךָ וֶהְיֵ֖ה בְּרָכָֽה׃

I will make of you a great nation,
And I will bless you;
I will make your name great,
And you shall be a blessing.

וַאֲבָֽרְכָה֙ מְבָ֣רְכֶ֔יךָ וּמְקַלֶּלְךָ֖ אָאֹ֑ר וְנִבְרְכ֣וּ בְךָ֔ כֹּ֖ל מִשְׁפְּחֹ֥ת הָאֲדָמָֽה׃

I will bless those who bless you
And curse him that curses you;
And all the families of the earth
Shall bless themselves by you.”

At first glance, it appears that God’s call to Abraham is to leave everything behind and travel forth to start fresh. Yet, in 12:5 we read that Abraham doesn’t travel alone or empty handed:

וַיִּקַּ֣ח אַבְרָם֩ אֶת־שָׂרַ֨י אִשְׁתּ֜וֹ וְאֶת־ל֣וֹט בֶּן־אָחִ֗יו וְאֶת־כָּל־רְכוּשָׁם֙ אֲשֶׁ֣ר רָכָ֔שׁוּ וְאֶת־הַנֶּ֖פֶשׁ אֲשֶׁר־עָשׂ֣וּ בְחָרָ֑ן וַיֵּצְא֗וּ לָלֶ֙כֶת֙ אַ֣רְצָה כְּנַ֔עַן וַיָּבֹ֖אוּ אַ֥רְצָה כְּנָֽעַן׃

Abram took his wife Sarai and his brother’s son Lot, and all the wealth that they had amassed, and the persons that they had acquired in Haran; and they set out for the land of Canaan. When they arrived in the land of Canaan,

Abraham travels on this pilgrimage with family, an entourage from his homeland and his property. This would seem to contradict the nature of what we imagine as Abraham’s sacred pilgrimage. How do we resolve this potential contradiction between the divine request and the actual fulfillment of the request?

When we consider the overall nature of Abraham’s appointed mission, I believe that this is not in fact a contradiction but a key to the Abraham story and a lesson to learn. Abraham’s journey needed to be a new start, yet one which built off of his past. Abraham needed to leave behind the elements of his past that would have hindered him, that would have weighed him down. At the same time, in order to fulfill the promise of God, that he would be the founder of a great nation and a blessing to all those whom he encounters, the promise had to emerge from that which already existed. His was a journey that was more than just a physical pilgrimage. It was a journey of internal growth and change.

Abraham’s journey is a symbol for how we start anew. For most of us, the desire to change often leads down a road where we wish to leave everything behind and start completely fresh. Yet, for most of us, this is not a realistic way to approach change, growth and establishing a new beginning. Growth and change need us to leave the past in the past, move forward from what was, and yet not neglect all that got us to the moment of change. True growth and change emerges from the discovery of our core and enhancing those things we have cultivated throughout our lives. If we allow our past to be there as a guidepost and only a guidepost, not a chain to keep us trapped, we can experience the blessings of the new and better path we find ourselves on.

Ritual for coming into the present moment

Prayer is a verbal encounter with G-d, with the divine in our lives. Prayer is also a series of actions and rituals which help the body engage with the mind and soul in this spiritual, mystical encounter. In the Jewish tradition, the central prayer of the thrice daily services is referred to as Shemoneh Esrai, the 18, referring to the 18 (now 19) prayers/blessings. These prayers connect one to a deep, personal and communal relation with Gd, requesting for the restoration of what Jews would consider an ideal society and lifestyle. Before the beginning of this part of the service, the tradition is to take three steps back from the position one is standing in and then take three steps forward back into the initial position. I recently came across a sweet and deep explanation offered as to what is behind this ritual of movement.

And so, before beginning the Amidah, the quintessence of prayer, we take three steps back as if to clear ourselves of thoughts of the future, and then we take three steps forward, as if to clear our consciousness of the past. Then we can stand with ha’kol, “everything,” all of ourselves, in the simplicity of the present moment, to attune to and engage the Ribbono Shel Olam – the Source of Everything – and to address our immediate reality and our current needs. The rivers of past and future mingle, converge and fan out across the ground of the present moment. In the Amidah we stand firmly on stable ground with Hashem, opening ourselves and our hearts in prayer, touching eternity. Contact with the Infinite is only possible here, now. (Rabbi Judah Mischel, BaDerech, PG. 66.)

As Rabbi Mischel explains, we can take this movement as an opportunity to center ourselves in the present, leaving behind the past and future during this few minutes of intimate, one on one time with G-d. I find myself drawn to this idea of physically bringing ourselves into the present moment while we are also mindfully doing so in the form of the opening words of the prayer:

אֲדֹנָי שְׂפָתַי תִּפְתָּח וּפִי יַגִּיד תְּהִלָּתֶֽךָ:

My Master, open my lips, and my mouth will declare Your praise.

When we are in search of mindfulness, we must bring our body and soul together. We must strive for this harmony within who we are.

Let the broken pieces fall

Scrolling through Facebook yesterday morning, I came across a powerful dialogue created by John Roedel. The post was shared by a chaplain colleague. The dialogue is between Gd and a person in which the person asks Gd to put back the broken pieces of the person’s life. Gd’s response is to not repair, to not fix, but let the pieces fall away so as to allow the person to shed those things which are hindrances in the person’s life.

Here is the dialogue in full:

1EF2926F-7B93-421E-94D9-575C5CDAC537

Me: Hey God.
God: Hello…..
Me: I’m falling apart. Can you put me back together?
God: I would rather not.
Me: Why?
God: Because you aren’t a puzzle.
Me: What about all of the pieces of my life that are falling down onto the ground?
God: Let them stay there for a while. They fell off for a reason. Take some time and decide if you need any of those pieces back.
Me: You don’t understand! I’m breaking down!
God: No – you don’t understand. You are breaking through. What you are feeling are just growing pains. You are shedding the things and the people in your life that are holding you back. You aren’t falling apart. You are falling into place. Relax. Take some deep breaths and allow those things you don’t need anymore to fall off of you. Quit holding onto the pieces that don’t fit you anymore. Let them fall off. Let them go.
Me: Once I start doing that, what will be left of me?
God: Only the very best pieces of you.
Me: I’m scared of changing.
God: I keep telling you – YOU AREN’T CHANGING!! YOU ARE BECOMING!
Me: Becoming who?
God: Becoming who I created you to be! A person of light and love and charity and hope and courage and joy and mercy and grace and compassion. I made you for more than the shallow pieces you have decided to adorn yourself with that you cling to with such greed and fear. Let those things fall off of you. I love you! Don’t change! … Become! Become! Become who I made you to be. I’m going to keep telling you this until you remember it.
Me: There goes another piece.
God: Yep. Let it be.
Me: So … I’m not broken?
God: Of course Not! – but you are breaking like the dawn. It’s a new day. Become!!!
~John Roedel~

I find the imagery of the broken pieces powerful. We are not denying those pieces are a part of who we were. Rather, we are acknowledging them, maybe even storing them somewhere, but not trying to fit them back into the person we are becoming.

In a way, it is metaphor for this blog. In the journey of beginning anew, moving forward, I cannot forget what was but cannot allow the past to merely be the barometer of who I am. I am the person who I have become because of the past yet as I continue to be, I am also not the same person as yesterday. Each day, we have a chance to renew. We do that by allowing ourselves to evolve and to grow. By allowing the pieces to fall as they do, we can also find hope for the future, no matter what the past has wrought.

I am also imagining that we gather the pieces that have fallen and keep them somewhere safe, pulling them out for reflection as we continue on our journeys. How often do we find ourselves reflecting on events of years past, wondering why all of a sudden the memory returns? The pieces that have fallen off can be teachers for us, but can never be fitted back onto who we are becoming.