rabbichaplain

Calm Water

My fundamental goal in establishing New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting is to help people navigate the waves in life. Our lives are composed of a series of ups and downs, daily, weekly, monthly, etc. While there is much to be gained from life as dynamic like a wave as opposed to static like calm water, most want a life with tiny waves in the midst of calm waters, not giant waves crashing down.

I came across a quote from a short book of reflections called How to Relax by Thich Nhat Hanh that I found particularly poignant to part of the philosophy underlying my spiritual coaching method:

Each of us is like the waves and also like the water. Sometimes we’re excited, noisy and agitated like the waves. Sometimes we’re tranquil like still water. When water is calm, it reflects the blue sky, the clouds, and the trees. Sometimes, whether we’re at home, work, or school, we become tired, agitated, or unhappy and we need to transform into calm water. We already have the calmness in us; we just need to know how to make it manifest.
p. 16

For more information and to schedule a session, contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or email newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com.

Pray for minimum sin

While we are always striving for perfection, reality is that we will always be faced with making mistakes and errors. It in how we learn from these imperfections that can help us truly improve and grow.

In Living Each Day, Rabbi Dr. Abraham Twerski suggests the following interpretation of a little know prayer to be recited before Kiddush on Friday night.

Grant us that we may welcome many Sabbaths amidst much joy, with abundance and honor, and with a minimum of sins

Why pray for a minimum of sins? Why not pray to be completely free of sin?
Sins are mistakes in life, and no person goes through life without making any mistakes.
Mistakes can be valuable experiences and can teach us a great deal, but only if we are open minded and willing to learn, willing to accept both reprimand and guidance.
We can learn just as well from minor mistakes as from very serious mistakes. If we do learn from minor mistakes, we may well be able to prevent major ones. If we dismiss minor mistakes as trivia, as insignificant, then we learn nothing from them, and we render ourselves vulnerable to more serious mistakes.
So we pray for ‘minimal’ mistakes. But we must be wise to know how to benefit from them.
P. 127

If you are someone in the process of creating your own new beginning, trying to negotiate the hazard along your journey, New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC is here to help. For more information, please check out: https://achaplainsnewjourney.wordpress.com/about/

Hazardous travel – life is a journey

When we drive or travel along a road, sometimes we come across a sign warning us about hazardous road conditions. Without this sign, we would not be prepared for the challenges of the road ahead.

In Living Each Day by Rabbi Dr. Abraham Twerski, he discusses the importance of noticing the hazards along the way on our personal paths in life.

In ancient times, travel was indeed hazardous. There was always the danger of being robbed by highwaymen, attacked by ferocious beasts, or injured in a violent storm.
Today’s travel is, of course, much safer. But there is one journey that remains hazardous, and that is the journey throughout life, until we arrive at our final destination.
Awareness of the presence of danger is in itself a safeguard, because we can then be alert and on guard. One can take protective and evasive measures, or enlist the necessary help to overcome the danger.
If we bear in mind that life is a journey to an ultimate destination, we may then be alert to exercise the necessary precautions so that nothing should interfere with our arriving at our desired goal.
p. 126

As we journey each day, being aware of the potential hazards is fundamental to reaching the destination to which we hope to arrive. May each of us be able to see the obstacles as we negotiate the day to day of our lives, and may those barriers not hold us back from continuing forward.

How to stave off forgetfulness

For starters, this is not one of those quick fixes for how to remember more. I believe that much of our “forgetfulness” stems from being overwhelmed by the difficulties of life, or from the increased stressors of life. Perhaps there is a way to alleviate forgetfulness by being more attuned to ourselves and true growth and change. To illustrate, I want to share a short piece I read yesterday from Smiling Each Day by Rabbi Dr. Abraham Twerski (Rabbi Dr. Twerski published a few of these daily readers, three of which I am reading this year and as you have seen, sharing a few pieces with you):

A chassid complained to Rabbi Elimelech of Lizhensk he was suffering from forgetfulness. Rabbi Elimelech said, “Do teshuvah (repent, return from your ways – my translations) and your memory will improve.”
The chassid was bewildered. “What is the relationship of teshuvah to memory?” he asked.
“It is very simple,” Rabbi Elimelech responded. “The Talmud states that teshuvah is so great that it reaches the very throne of the Almighty (Yoma 86b). We also say in the prayer of Rosh Hashanah that ‘there is no forgetfulness before the throne of the Almighty.’ All you must do is put the two together. If you do teshuvah, you will reach the throne of the Almighty. In that status, you will have no forgetfulness.”
Rabbi Elimelech’s wit is more than supported psychologically. If we can free ourselves of the burden of our mistakes by proper teshuvah, the acuity of our minds is certain to improve.
p. 119

When we consider what “proper teshuvah” means, we realize it is about introspection and taking stock of who we are and how we got to this point. It is not merely the confession of doing wrong and pledging to do better next time. It is a whole process with the goal of real change. It is through this introspection that we should be able to overcome those challenges and stressors we inevitably carry in life. I know from my own experience, the times of calmness, the times after having unburdened myself of the heavy burdens I might find myself carrying help in my ability to remember and recall. I attribute this to a lessening of stress.

As we begin this new year of 2022, may we find a path to true and deep introspection so as find an inner calm and renewed ability to focus and through this focus find new opportunities to grow and become the person we hope to be.

Transitions can be hard to navigate alone. If you are someone in the process of creating your own new beginning, New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC is here to help. For more information, please check out: https://achaplainsnewjourney.wordpress.com/about/

When 80 percent is perfect

When we embark on any new beginning, we often get lost in our ideal selves wanting everything to be perfect. While we must always strive to do the best we can, with hard work, dedication and resolve, it is important to be grateful for the imperfections that will be inevitable. Often, if something isn’t perfect, we immediately give up.

As we are arriving at the end of 2021, heading into another new calendrical year, when so many of us consider what we want to do new or different, let us not lose momentum when things are imperfect. Instead, recognize how far you have come and find the inspiration to keep going through seeing how much you have accomplished so far.

If you are someone in the process of creating your own new beginning, New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC is here to help. For more information, please check out: https://achaplainsnewjourney.wordpress.com/about/

When we resist transition

As we consider what it means to make a transition in life, one of the aspects of this process is to examine in oneself how previous times of change have gone. While no two situations are the same, there are clear commonalities in how operate when we reach a transition point in life. Yet, when we look back in an effort to gain perspective, there are times when we gloss over key elements of how previous situations worked. In William Bridges’ Transitions, he describes this resistance as his third rule of being in transition (see links for rule one and rule two):

Although it is advantageous to understand your own style of endings, some part of you will resist that understanding as though your life depended on it.
p. 15

I often find that one’s desire for a new beginning is so great that they will ignore the searching of self needed to know what worked in the past. People tend to want to assume that the past self cannot help the current self determine what the future self will need for the journey. While it is important not to bring all one’s baggage along on the new journey, all new journeys are informed by the events of the past.

As an exercise, notice the next time you are thinking about a transition what past situations comes to mind. I would offer that you might be surprised to relive stories of younger years that at first glance don’t seem to relate. It might be a relationship gone bad, a choice that you made which you wish you could do over, a conversation you wish you hadn’t had. Whatever the memory, instead of trying to block it out or trying to ignore it, sit with it and investigate what it might be trying to tell you now.

As you work towards your new journey, may the memories of past changes be a helpful guide to your molding your new self.

Light Attracts

I read a short quote from the book HaYom Yom, which is a book compiled by the Rebbe, Rabbi Menachem Mendel Schneerson, of righteous memory, in 1942, upon the instructions of his father-in-law, the Previous Rebbe. Hayom Yom is an anthology of Chasidic aphorisms and customs arranged according to the days of the year. It has since become a beloved classic work and a source of daily inspiration.

The quote says:

Where a lantern is placed, those who seek light gather around – for light attracts.

Am I Living or Existing?

The inspiration for this piece came from a question posed on a WhatsApp group I am part of with friends from my year of study in Israel over 20 years ago.

Genesis 47:8-9 describes a conversation between Pharaoh and Jacob after Jacob and his family arrive in Egypt.

וַיֹּ֥אמֶר פַּרְעֹ֖ה אֶֽל־יַעֲקֹ֑ב כַּמָּ֕ה יְמֵ֖י שְׁנֵ֥י חַיֶּֽיךָ׃
Pharaoh asked Jacob, “How many are the days of the years of your life?”
וַיֹּ֤אמֶר יַעֲקֹב֙ אֶל־פַּרְעֹ֔ה יְמֵי֙ שְׁנֵ֣י מְגוּרַ֔י שְׁלֹשִׁ֥ים וּמְאַ֖ת שָׁנָ֑ה מְעַ֣ט וְרָעִ֗ים הָיוּ֙ יְמֵי֙ שְׁנֵ֣י חַיַּ֔י וְלֹ֣א הִשִּׂ֗יגוּ אֶת־יְמֵי֙ שְׁנֵי֙ חַיֵּ֣י אֲבֹתַ֔י בִּימֵ֖י מְגוּרֵיהֶֽם׃
And Jacob answered Pharaoh, “The days of the years of my sojourn [on earth] are one hundred and thirty. Few and hard have been the days of the years of my life, nor do they come up to the life spans of my fathers during their sojourns.”

Rabbi Samson Raphael Hirsch suggests that underlying the question and answer posed in these verses is a lesson about how we view our lives. As he states:

“V. 8 – Still today, royalty, whose time naturally is extremely previous at audiences, as a rule just throw out a few short words or enquiries, the replies to which they are in reality entirely indifferent. But it must be rare indeed for a king to have understood to secure more delicacy in a few interrogative words than Pharaoh did here. And even more seldom has the person addressed expressed more wisdom in a short reply, than Jacob did here. When one counts by years, one does not reckon any more the days. It is only with a few select people that each day is full of importance and is considered by them as having a special meaning. A really true human being does not lives years but days…”

After elaborating on the underlying philosophy behind Pharaoh’s question, Rabbi Hirsch presents his take on Jacob’s response:

” V. 9 – In his reply Jacob differentiates between living and existing. ‘You ask after the days of the years of my life. I have not lived much. I have sojourned on earth during one hundred and thirty years. The days of the years that I can really call my life (on which I really fully carried out all that I should) were in reality only few, and they were just the bitterest and those most full of worry…'”

R. Hirsch is suggesting in his in depth analysis of this dialogue a question for each of us to reflect on. Are we living or merely existing? Do we find each day meaningful in some way or is life merely a series of “groundhog” like days? We desire to make an impact, to live meaningful, fulfilling lives.

In fostering a new beginning, a primary goal is to change the direction of the path we have been cultivating because it seems monotonous. We can do this through a variety of means. We can foster our desire to help others, to reconnect to those we care about, to come back to a latent spirituality and creativity that might have been purposefully left dormant for years.

May each of us experience life as daily living and not merely as existence.

If you or someone you know is trying to foster a renewed sense of living life to the fullest, New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC is here to help. For more information, please check out: https://achaplainsnewjourney.wordpress.com/about/

To begin new, we must end what was

The other day I shared the first rule of transitions as posited by William Bridges in his book Transitions. The rule described how we gravitate back to the familiar in the midst of transition.

Bridges’s second rule about transitions is very simple yet very profound:

Every transition begins with an ending. We have to let go of the old thing before we can pick up the new one – not just outwardly, but inwardly, where we keep our connections to people and places that act as definitions of who we are.
p. 11

A new beginning requires something to come to an end. In order to create this transition, we must be willing to let go of the image of who we think we are. Most often, the barriers to change come from a fear that by changing, we lose our core self. We worry family and friends won’t be accepting and we will lose the social connections that help fulfill our lives. Yet, as is so often the case, our perceptions of what we will lose are merely the internal voices we project on others because we ourselves are not ready yet.

If we can embrace endings as much as we tend to desire to embrace a new beginning, we will truly be on the path of transitioning to a new beginning in whatever we choose to do.

Strength to the Weary

Among the morning blessings is one that blesses Gd for giving strength to the weary.

בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יְהֹוָה אֱלֹהֵֽינוּ מֶֽלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם הַנּוֹתֵן לַיָּעֵף כֹּֽחַ:
Blessed are You, Adonoy our God, King of the Universe, Who gives strength to the weary.

Many of us recite this in the midst of feeling tired, either physically or emotionally, yet within this blessing is a moment of the inspiration to feel energized for the day ahead. I read a short piece that I believe helps frame the deeper sense of this blessing.

Consider: two persons, one young and the other old, walking the same road, or climbing the same mountain, with the goal far out of sight; who will reach it: the young one, starting out with full strength, but with little hope, or the old one, lacking in strength, but full of hope? The youth will soon get out of breath, and, despairing of ever attaining the goal, will give it up in frustration. But the old man will steadily forge ahead constantly renewing his strength by hope and confidence. This is what the prophet tells us: Physical strength will be of no avail, where there is no hope, but “they that hope in Gd will renew their strength (Isaiah 40:31).”
And so, when we start a new day, which may be a difficult one, it is good to bear in mind that it is Gd “who gives strength to the weary.” With hope and trust in Gd, no road is too long or too hard, and no obstacles are too difficult.
My Prayer Volume 1 by Rabbi Nissan Mindel pg. 34-35

So often we burn bright and burn out too fast because we get caught up in the moment and lose sight of the goal and the steadiness goal setting can provide us. If we take a moment to trust that the process is going at the pace it needs to and that we are along the right path, we can maintain the strength needed to forge ahead. The strength comes from the hope in the correctness of the path. This doesn’t mean the path is always the right one, but the path, right or wrong, will lead to the next crossroads and to the next new beginning. In one sense, every day is this opportunity. And so we recognize that when we are weary there is a strength we can draw on each day to strive forward.

For more information about New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC, and how we can support you on the journey through the waves of life, please check out: https://achaplainsnewjourney.wordpress.com/about/