Spirituality – Page 11 – New beginnings: A blog about spirituality, chaplaincy and renewal

Spiritual Companionship/Coaching is a Two Way Street

It is a both a beauty and a challenge. In the opening pages of the book, Parting: A Handbook for Spiritual Care Near the End of Life, the authors offer a powerful description of what spiritual companionship means:

When you sign on to be a spiritual companion, you enter a two-way street. You invite intimacy, and you share from your own soul. You are a source of strength, but you look to the dying person for inspiration and moments of strength as well.

You open the window for peace to the surround the one who is dying, and you feel its breeze on your face.

You look for truth, for the expression of candid and deep feelings ranging from agony and anger to joy and acceptance, and find you must bare your feelings also.

Both of you will grow. You will care for one another. And you both will find tears to be a healing release and closeness of body, mind, and spirit to be a shelter from the cold night of pain and grief.
p. 2-3

While the chaplain, spiritual coach, spiritual care provider, (pick your title), has the ethical and professional responsibility to maintain boundaries, the ability to accompany a person from a spiritual place requires the professional to enter the sacred space heart and soul. We are the mostly non-anxious presence in the midst of a person’s struggle with the vulnerabilities that come from illness and loss of sense of wholeness. As such, when we enter, we are open to relationship being a two way relationship. While this does increase the risk of compassion fatigue and burnout, when we are meeting people from the place of relationship, we must meet the person as two vulnerable, imperfect human beings, not just in a the hierarchical relationship that is presumed by the professional role the chaplain or spiritual coach brings to the space.

This reminds me of the following passage from the Talmud:

וְהַיְינוּ דְּאָמַר רַבִּי חֲנִינָא: הַרְבֵּה לָמַדְתִּי מֵרַבּוֹתַי, וּמֵחֲבֵירַי יוֹתֵר מֵרַבּוֹתַי, וּמִתַּלְמִידַי יוֹתֵר מִכּוּלָּן.

And this is what Rabbi Ḥanina said: I have learned much from my teachers and even more from my friends, but from my students I have learned more than from all of them.
BT Taanit 7a

If you are in the midst of illness or spiritual struggle and are in need of a person to be on this journey with you, Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com

Audio – Lessons in Tanya 36

Part two of Chapter 24. He continues the discussion of sin as a result of the “spirit of folly.” The section deals with three types of violations:

1. Cardinal sins which cannot be violated at any cost

2. Prohibitions that need to be violated in the short term for the sake of long term gain

3. Violations of prohibitions punishable by Karet – divine separation, vs. most other violations, which are temporary breaks with the divine.

I also attempt to express my view of how the spirit of folly as he presents it is not an excuse for the bad choices people make and yet we must also recognize that often people are not making rational choices when making hurtful, horrific choices in the actions that they take.

Episode 36

All episodes can also now be heard on Apple Podcasts – here

Do you want to work on taking the actions of your life and find meaning in all you do and who you are? Are you struggling with your spiritual growth. Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com

Audio – Lessons in Tanya 35

Part one of Chapter 24 This chapter explores how violating the 365 prohibitions of the Torah leads to a sense of separation from Gd. The previous chapters looked at how our actions lead to a closeness and a unification with the divine. This chapter shares the opposite, reflecting on different degrees of sin. We mess up because of our sense of self and we mess up because the animal soul influences us to the point of folly. The latter might help us understand the difference between the Beinoni and the Rasha. Finally, this lesson also contains a short message for Tu B’Shvat at the end of the recording.

Episode 35

All episodes can also now be heard on Apple Podcasts – here

Carob tree and planting the seeds of success – Tu B’Shvat

Today marks the midway of the winter season and the new year for trees in the Jewish tradition. It is the holiday called Tu B’Shevat, named after the day it falls out, the 15th of Shevat. This days marks the starting point of seed growth, of seeing the results of the plantings we have done in the fall, preparing for the Spring/harvest season. In honor of Tu B’Shvat, I want to share a short reflection on the Carob tree and setting events into motion.

Change is hard. Change can feel impossible. So often, we might feel like we aren’t progressing, perhaps even feeling like we are “swimming upstream.” I know that many times I have to remind myself of this idea.

There is a Talmudic story which reflects this same concept. All we can do is plant the seeds and celebrate the possibilities of success. BT Taanit 23a describes the following story:

יוֹמָא חַד הֲוָה אָזֵל בְּאוֹרְחָא, חַזְיֵיהּ לְהָהוּא גַּבְרָא דַּהֲוָה נָטַע חָרוּבָא, אֲמַר לֵיהּ: הַאי, עַד כַּמָּה שְׁנִין טָעֵין? אֲמַר לֵיהּ: עַד שִׁבְעִין שְׁנִין. אֲמַר לֵיהּ: פְּשִׁיטָא לָךְ דְּחָיֵית שִׁבְעִין שְׁנִין? אֲמַר לֵיהּ הַאי גַּבְרָא: עָלְמָא בְּחָרוּבָא אַשְׁכַּחְתֵּיהּ. כִּי הֵיכִי דִּשְׁתַלוּ לִי אֲבָהָתִי — שְׁתַלִי נָמֵי לִבְרָאִי.

One day, he was walking along the road when he saw a certain man planting a carob tree. Ḥoni said to him: This tree, after how many years will it bear fruit? The man said to him: It will not produce fruit until seventy years have passed. Ḥoni said to him: Is it obvious to you that you will live seventy years, that you expect to benefit from this tree? He said to him: That man himself found a world full of carob trees. Just as my ancestors planted for me, I too am planting for my descendants.

יָתֵיב, קָא כָּרֵיךְ רִיפְתָּא, אֲתַאי לֵיהּ שִׁינְתָּא, נִים. אַהְדַּרָא לֵיהּ מְשּׁוּנִּיתָא, אִיכַּסִּי מֵעֵינָא, וְנִים שִׁבְעִין שְׁנִין. כִּי קָם, חַזְיֵיהּ לְהָהוּא גַּבְרָא דְּהוּא קָא מְלַקֵּט מִינַּיְיהוּ, אָמַר לֵיהּ: אַתְּ הוּא דִּשְׁתַלְתֵּיהּ? אֲמַר לֵיהּ: בַּר בְּרֵיהּ אֲנָא. אֲמַר לֵיהּ: שְׁמַע מִינַּהּ דִּנְיַימִי שִׁבְעִין שְׁנִין. חֲזָא לַחֲמָרְ[תֵּ]יהּ דְּאִתְיְילִידָא לַיהּ רַמְכֵי רַמְכֵי. Ḥoni sat and ate bread. Sleep overcame him and he slept. A cliff formed around him, and he disappeared from sight and slept for seventy years. When he awoke, he saw a certain man gathering carobs from that tree. Ḥoni said to him: Are you the one who planted this tree? The man said to him: I am his son’s son. Ḥoni said to him: I can learn from this that I have slept for seventy years, and indeed he saw that his donkey had sired several herds during those many years.

The planting we do is not always for ourselves. It can be something an ancestor set into motion that we are experiencing today. Today is the day we celebrate the beginning of the potentiality becoming reality. We might not know what will result, but we can find the will to rejoice in the effort and process because we know something will eventually come from it.

If you are struggling to establish and pursue your goals and dreams and need help working through the underlying motivations? Or if you know someone who is working on goal setting and needs support in the process, Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com

Audio – Lessons in Tanya 34

Chapter 23. This chapter discusses the concept of the Torah and Gd are one. In this chapter, we go deeper into the centrality of Torah study as the ultimate way to be in unity with Gd. We explore how our actions allow us to be a vessel for the divine but the pursuit of engaging Gd through Torah allows us to be one, even at the level of the soul.

Episode 34

All episodes can also now be heard on Apple Podcasts – here

Audio – Lessons in Tanya 33

Chapter 22. We continue on the topic of Divine vs Human speech with a discussion of the Torah speaking in the language of humanity. The Torah uses our way of seeing the world to describe Gd, so on some level we see Gd’s speech as being “separate” from Gd. This leads into a discussion of how Gd can allow for the notion of denial of Gd in the universe, exploring in greater depth the ramifications of the term tzimtzum (contraction). Chapter 22 focuses on how people come to “false worship,” the notion of having “other Gods before Gd,” which is prohibited in the 10 commandments. We get into a discussion of arrogance and humility as it relates to our relationship to Gd and to how speech is the crux of the connection between the divine and human.

Episode 33

All episodes can also now be heard on Apple Podcasts – here

Audio – Lessons in Tanya 32

Chapter 21. We continue to explore the mechanism of speech. This chapter focuses on how we understand what it means when it says Gd spoke. What is divine speech in relation to human speech? We explore the topic of Gd’s unity as it pertains the bringing into existence of being. We also discuss the topic of Tzimtzum and Hester Panim, contraction and the veiling of Gd’s face.

Episode 32

All episodes can also now be heard on Apple Podcasts – here

Audio – Lessons in Tanya 31

Chapter 20 – This chapter begins our journey into understanding Gd as the unchanged, true existence. We discuss how everything else is “non-existent,” or contingent existence. This discussion leads us into the beginning of a focus on speech. The previous chapters have been focused on we refine and understand our thought and action as it pertains to the Beinoni. This chapter begins to explain how speech is the revealed form of thought, the revealed form of the divine sparks in the world.

Episode 31

All episodes can also now be heard on Apple Podcasts – here

Audio – Lessons in Tanya 30

Chapter 19 – We continue to explore what is the meaning of the hidden love. We discuss his metaphor of a flame on top of a candle needing to remain attached to the candle while also striving to rise up. This chapter continues to explore the topic of connecting to Gd no matter the cost and also understand that the fear of Gd we should be cultivating is a fear of being distant from Gd.

Episode 30

All episodes can also now be heard on Apple Podcasts – here

Climb the mountain to attain the goal

Do we really want to attain the goal we have said we wish we could do? How much are we willing to do to make it happen?

In addition to a couple of other ideas I have shared about setting and working towards our goals, see for example here and here, I wanted to share something about achieving our goals that I was reading this morning. Rabbi Dr. Abraham Twerski, in Growing Each Day, offers a perspective on our attitude towards goal attainment:

While humans do not have an instinctual goal, we do have the capacity to discover our goals by use of our intellect. We must often overcome many hurdles and obstacles to reach out goals, and we must not allow ourselves to be discouraged by the struggles we encounter. Those who do not have the courage to overcome the challenge are likely to rationalize their retreat by saying that the goal is not worth the sacrifice. Instead of admitting their reluctance, they devalue the goal.

Moses knew that the land which was promised by Gd to Israel was the spiritual goal of the Jewish people, but he knew that when confronted with the difficulties of acquiring the land, some people might retreat and rationalize their reluctance by disparaging the land.

“Only if you are ready to climb mountains,” said Moses, “will you be able to truly see what the land is like.” The truth can be appreciated only by those who are ready to sacrifice for it.
P. 129

The question we must be asking ourselves when we start a task is whether we truly want to accomplish the goal. Are we willing to climb the mountain, working hard at times to achieve our wishes and dreams? What is our motivation? This can be a challenge in itself because motivations change. How many times do we start something with excitement and eventually lose momentum, forgetting the initial motivation?

As you set a new goal for yourself, I would encourage you to ask yourself the following kinds of questions and set demarcation points to review and reflect on the questions to see what continues to drive you and what has changed:

What is my goal?
What do I hope to accomplish?
How do I achieve my goal?
What is my motivation?

And when reviewing these questions during the process, some other questions to ask are:

Am I still motivated and why?
What has changed and how do I adapt those changes to my goal?
Is my original goal still the same goal or do I need to readjust?

May each of you find your goal and motivation to achieve your goal. May you find the resolve to climb the mountain and see.