spiritual practice – New beginnings: A blog about spirituality, chaplaincy and renewal

Believing in Oneself is a form of Humility

Most of us are familiar with some version of the following story (found here):

So there is a joke you probably know on the topic of humility. The chief rabbi of the synagogue at Yom Kippur is beating his breast and crying, tears running down his cheeks “I’m nothing, Lord! I’m nothing! I’m absolutely nothing!” Next to him the chief donor to the synagogue, a wealthy banker kneels down and hits himself on the chest and yells “I’m nothing! God forgive me for thinking I’m something. I’m not. I’m nothing!” Whereupon Shlomo a poor man who sweeps the synagogue out after services and hauls trash gets down on his knees and yells “I’m nothing! I’m nothing.” The rabbi observes this, elbows the banker and whispers “Look who thinks he’s nothing.”

We tend to confuse humility, the idea that we lack pride and the idea of having an attitude that even if we are skilled and knowledgeable, it doesn’t make us inherently better than anyone else, with feelings of low self-worth and self esteem. In most spiritual practices this distinction is crucial because it can help frame a fundamental spiritual practice of self-nullification. Self-nullification is about recognizing that within the greater universe, we are practically nil. In many religions, this is described in relation to the divine, that from a divine perspective, the only real existence is the divine (see here for one example of a Jewish perspective of the definition and purpose of self-nullification).

Yet, in conjunction with this important practice, our spiritual growth can only truly become manifest if we balance this self-nullification with knowing that our lives have purpose and meaning. I have been thinking about this in relation to a piece I read last weekend from R. Elimelech Biderman in Torah Wellsprings (Parashat Beshalach – see the full piece here pgs.4-5).

To quote a few excerpts from the piece:

Reb Tzadok HaKohen (Tzidkas HaTzaddik 154) writes: “Just as one must believe in Hashem (Gd), one must also believe in himself. This means to believe that Hashem is interested in him. He must believe that his soul comes from Above, and Hashem has pleasure from him and has enjoyment when he does Hashem’s will. This is the meaning of the pasuk (verse) (Shmos ויאמינו בה’ ובמשה עבדו (14:31, ‘And they believed in Hashem and in Moshe…’ Moshe represents the six-hundred-thousand Yidden (Jews) of that generation. They believed that Hashem desires them and derives pleasure from them and from the good that’s in them.”

It is hard for people to believe that Hashem wants them because they know their faults. However, faults and errors are part of the creation of the world. This shouldn’t prevent us from believing that Hashem wants us…

From the very essence of creation, a pattern of imperfection emerged.

Yet after all of that, it states (Bereishis 1:31) וירא אלקים את כל אשר עשה והנה טוב מאוד, ”And Hashem saw all that He had made, and behold it was very good.”

This is what Hashem calls good. It is because of imperfections that Hashem created the world. Hashem has pleasure when we overcome the struggles, downfalls, blockades, and hardships and do His will. So, you can believe in yourself, even if you are imperfect. In fact, your imperfections are the purpose of the entire creation. This trait enables you to bring a nachas ruach (inner sense of wellbeing) to Hashem more than all the malachim (angels) in heaven…

Our approach in life is two fold. We must be humble in recognizing our finite nature, our inherent imperfections and our existence in relation to Gd. At the same time, we cannot see ourselves as so low and unworthy that we never strive for anything, we never strive to grow and improve and lessen the imperfections we have in life. When we have a healthy sense of self-compassion and self-worth, we are able to do the things that help us move along our paths to fulfill our goals, our purpose for being.

This is a challenging practice to work on. It can feel extremely difficult to maintain the balance between humility and self-worth. Yet, we must always be working to find the balance, the right mix, so that we are moving forward step by step, moment by moment. We have the opportunity each day to practice through prayer, through our relationships with others and through our work towards attaining our personal goals.

May we each work to foster our own balance between believing in ourselves and the humility to recognize each of us is another part of our interdependent existence.

If you or someone you know is looking to forge ahead and set new goals for the journey of life or trying to find a sense of meaning in life, we are here to help foster spiritual and emotional growth and change. Schedule your appointment today here. For more information, please contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com

Audio – Lessons in Tanya 51

Part two of Chapter 31 – We continue to explore how to raise up the soul when the heart is feeling numb. We explore the metaphor of exile and redemption, using the Exodus story as the paradigm for rising above our physical desires. This part also speaks to the need to not just raise the divine soul but also the animal soul to newer heights through Torah and Mitzvot, through the work of spiritual growth.

Episode 51

All episodes can also now be heard on Apple Podcasts – here

Do you want to work on taking the actions of your life and find meaning in all you do and who you are? Are you struggling with your spiritual growth. Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com

Audio – Lessons in Tanya 43

Part two of chapter 27. The Tanya warns us not to be sad about the internal struggle because the internal struggle is our mission in life. He suggests that it is this struggle which helps define the Beinoni, the intermediary person, to whom he is writing. We discuss the power of struggle and overcoming it to continue along a path of spiritual growth. I reflect on the importance of maintaining practice even if our minds are not engaged because the actions can, if we are intentional, hopefully open the door to further spiritual growth.

Episode 43

All episodes can also now be heard on Apple Podcasts – here

The Day after – What happens after we decide on a goal?

Yesterday, as I was sitting and scrolling through Facebook and Twitter, I was seeing reminders of the big Daf Yomi Siyum HaShas (completion of the daily study of one page of Talmud a day which takes 7.5 yrs to complete) event that took place Jan. 1 2020 at MetLife stadium and other venues around the world. In seeing these posts, I began to reflect on the drive to maintain daily disciplines, whether study, prayer, spiritual practice, new hobby, etc. What does it take to maintain these self-driven desires for improvement, for growth? How do we start a daily routine and keep it going without becoming self-absorbed in it to the detriment of those around us?

Here is an outline of how to best work towards true goal setting and change:

What do we want to change? Before getting into the muck of why and how we want to bring about change, we must first name the change, either in specific or in general terms. Name the thing we want to do different.
Why do I want to change? What is motivating the change? For some, it is the humdrum nature of the lives we are currently living. For others, there is a deep yearning of the soul for growth and connection to something far greater than ourselves. Maybe we feel stuck, lost, drained. And maybe we need to make a better change to foster better, healthier habits and choices. Regardless, in order to set goals and maintain change, the motivation for why needs to be clear and needs to be constantly reviewed so as to remember why we started down this path.
How do I bring about the change in behavior? Truth is, this might be the toughest category to reflect upon. Making a big change to establish a new routine and/or goal requires a multiplicity of smaller changes which can affect others. Do I need to change my sleep habits? Do I need to delete an app from my phone that I’m addicted to? How do I balance a new routine with the needs of my family? These questions and many others require time and discussion as we work on scheduling and establishing this new thing. As such, each of us needs to take a two prong approach. On the one hand, begin the journey. Don’t wait for everything to line up perfectly because it never will. On the other hand, make sure those around you support you as best they can. It can be hard for others to fit your change into their lives. For true spiritual growth, we need to be working toward finding a balance of our desires with the needs of those around us.
Don’t overthink – With those other three suggestions, remember to not overanalyze and overthink the journey. It is easy to get paralyzed in all the details of how to make it work instead of just Do It. Sometimes, the doing makes the rest fall into place. Sometimes it will be imperfect. Sometime it might even be going through the motions. But as you do and you build step by step, seeing how far you have come will help motivate on those days it is more difficult to get going.
Don’t get overwhelmed by the process. Going back to the Daf Yomi as an example, it is easy to feel like the task is too big. I know that studying a page a day can be very challenging, which is why I have failed at it more often than I remember (by fail I mean I fall off and stop). I am in the midst of trying again. This time, my motivations have changed and my focus is different. I hope to maintain the success and am proud of how I try each day, even when it is far from an ideal situation.

These 5 ideas are how I work on setting my goals and how I work with others to set and maintain their spiritual growth and work.

May each of us find the motivation and focus to succeed along the path we wish to set before us in our spiritual and emotional growth.

Set goals for this year and looking to uncover and solidify the why and how of making the goals stick? Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com

Self-reflection/looking in the mirror

A couple of my more recent posts have explored the topic of identifying the various components of self identity. In this post, I am…, I included the beginnings of a list of different terms as to who I see myself as and as a paradigm for your personal growth. This practice, of listing the various “I ams” is a crucial component of growth. By looking in the mirror and engaging in the various elements of who we see, we can then explore the deeper characteristics that underlie each of those elements of our self-makeup.

Some of you reading this might question this method. After all, the work of claiming an “I” seemingly flies in the face of many spiritual practices. It is a common misconception that the goal of spiritual practice is an absolute self-nullification, a removal of all “I” elements of life. I would argue that this is a mistaken premise. Self-nullification, losing oneself in greater spiritual growth, is about the work of not allowing any of the identifying elements of the self to become sacred, to become the be all and end all.

Rather, what I am proposing is that the “I am” is a gateway to deep exploration and spiritual work as it relates to growth. This dawned on me in working with a couple of my clients, exploring the underlying meaning of the terms they were using to identify themselves. The exploration was to try to understand what were the drivers behind the particular term that the person used as a definition of self. When we are clear on who we are and what that means to us, we can then travel a road of who we wish to become within or without the term we are exploring.

For example, in my previous post, I identified myself as a “reader.” If I were to break this down further, I might begin by describing what I like to read or the types of books I find myself reading at the moment. I might explore what reading does for me. In fact, here is a rough outline of what saying I am a Reader is to me:

explorer
curious
seeker of knowledge
reading allows me times to escape from the challenges of life
reading is a spiritual practice
growth and change
reading is a gateway to unexplored worlds
reading is helpful in being a writer

I would then take this list and go deeper in this and related topics as it pertains to the goals the person I am working with would like to explore. For example, if I want to explore the notion of reading as a personal spiritual practice in relation to what it means when I define myself as a reader, I would work with the person to deepen their self-notion of what reading as a spiritual practice is. Is it the focus of reading? Is reading really about study and being absorbed in the depths of another’s words? Is it a form of connection to Gd (there is much in religious thought about connecting to the divine through the practice of study, of learning)? The goal of these explorations would be to help foster within the person the richness that comes from insights into the self so as to better foster the growth a person is looking for.

May each of us discover new aspects of ourselves as we consider the “I ams” we bring to the world.

Reflecting on your own path of self-discovery: Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com.

Being Mindful of being Mindless

Do you feel mindless? Do you notice when your mind is just wandering all over the place?

If so, then perhaps you are already on the right track. I came across the following idea in a book I am currently reading, Now Is the Way: An Unconventional Approach to Modern Mindfulness by Cory Allen:

When you realize you are living mindlessly, you are succeeding in living mindfully. Becoming aware that you aren’t engaging with the present is the first step to mindfulness.
p. 22

True growth in spiritual practice begins with the first step we take in the process of working on that practice. This first step is predicated on one’s desire to make a change. Thus, the real first step is recognition. Once we have arrived at recognition, then we can take the next step, which is the first of many active steps along the path of change and growth.

Reflecting on how to foster step by step growth and change: Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com.

Announcement: Aromatherapy Partner

I want to announce that I am now partnering with Robin B. Kessler, CCA. She is a Certified Clinical Aromatherapist and the Owner of RBK Aromatherapy LLC. For more information about Robin, see my Partners/Consultants page.

Below is an excerpt from Robin’s website explaining what aromatherapy is and how it can help.

What is Aromatherapy?
It can be described as an art and science of utilizing naturally extracted aromatic essences from plants to balance, harmonize and promote a health of body, mind and spirit.
Essential oils have been found to provide both psychological and physical benefits when used correctly and safely. It is not just using essential oils, it is using other methods like herbs and resins which can be burned or infused in carrier oils to help soothe the body and spirit.

How Can It Help me?
Aromatherapy can help with Anxiety, Stress, Pain Management, Allergies, Concentration & Memory, Headaches, Skin Conditions, Confidence and much more.
https://www.rbkaromatherapy.com/

In reflecting on the inclusion of aromatherapy as an offering of my coaching practice, I find myself reflecting on an aspect of the Israelite Temple service. In studying the various korbanot, sacrifices, Gd commanded the Israelites to provide as delineated throughout the Torah, including in this week’s portion, Shelach, one will notice a common theme. The phrase רֵ֤יחַ נִיחֹ֙חַ֙ לַֽיהֹוָ֔ה, an odor pleasing to Gd, repeats itself over and over as part of the descriptive nature of the sacrifice. Part of the sacrificial ritual is in the scent ascending to Gd as a sign of acceptance. Another element of the Temple rituals that also related to the olfactory senses was the ketoret, the incense offering.

In our times, without these sacrifices, we have found and created alternatives to allow these rituals to continue to play an important part in our lives. To bridge the gaps between us and our spiritual selves, we must constantly work towards enhancing our sense of wellbeing. There are many tools people choose to use, whether it is meditation, yoga, exercise, etc. One of the tools we can use is Aromatherapy.

I look forward to this opportunity to expand the offerings of New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC to further enhance the goal of supporting and helping you during your journey through the waves of life.

Need support to navigate the waves of life. Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com.

Cultivating Gratitude when times are tough

The world is a crazy place. I find myself often feeling this forlorn sense that everytime we think we have passed one hurdle there is another one coming our way. It can feel like a neverending barrage of bad news after bad news. And even if there is a feel good moment, such as when a Blue Jays Fan Gives Home Run Ball to Young Yankees Fan, it quickly gets lost in the bad.

How do we combat this sense of feeling forlorn, lost, depressed? How can we find ways to increase our positive thinking? First and foremost we need to accept that the negative feelings that do come and that we do feel. It is part of the human experience. Once we are able to name and acknowledge the negative, we remove the resistances we build to avoid challenging and difficult feelings, thus opening ourselves to the ability to experience the positive moments as well. One of the methods for embracing this more positive method is through gratitude practices. Months ago I discussed the value of beginning our day with thanks as exemplified by the Jewish practice of reciting the prayer Modeh Ani (I give thanks), Prayer: beginning with gratitude.

While we can get into the habit of starting our day with gratitude, it is easy to lose sight of the initial positive feelings of the day when we are going through the motions of the day. It is easy to feel lost in the depths of too much constant information and media. To cultivate gratitude through the day requires us to be as deliberate as we are in the first moments of our day. Do we take the time, even a focused moment, to thank someone when that person does good for us? By this I don’t mean throwing out a muffled thank you as we zip past someone. I am referring to intentionality, being mindful and focused on feeling grateful for receiving something from another. I have found that these small moments of focused appreciation can help us journey further away from the named frustrations of the day.

If we begin building a foundation of reframing our time and days with positive moments, perhaps when we look back, our mind will be filled with positivity instead of the negative we so easily find.

If you or someone you know is looking to cultivate a new path in life, Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com.