spiritual journey – New beginnings: A blog about spirituality, chaplaincy and renewal

Believing in Oneself is a form of Humility

Most of us are familiar with some version of the following story (found here):

So there is a joke you probably know on the topic of humility. The chief rabbi of the synagogue at Yom Kippur is beating his breast and crying, tears running down his cheeks “I’m nothing, Lord! I’m nothing! I’m absolutely nothing!” Next to him the chief donor to the synagogue, a wealthy banker kneels down and hits himself on the chest and yells “I’m nothing! God forgive me for thinking I’m something. I’m not. I’m nothing!” Whereupon Shlomo a poor man who sweeps the synagogue out after services and hauls trash gets down on his knees and yells “I’m nothing! I’m nothing.” The rabbi observes this, elbows the banker and whispers “Look who thinks he’s nothing.”

We tend to confuse humility, the idea that we lack pride and the idea of having an attitude that even if we are skilled and knowledgeable, it doesn’t make us inherently better than anyone else, with feelings of low self-worth and self esteem. In most spiritual practices this distinction is crucial because it can help frame a fundamental spiritual practice of self-nullification. Self-nullification is about recognizing that within the greater universe, we are practically nil. In many religions, this is described in relation to the divine, that from a divine perspective, the only real existence is the divine (see here for one example of a Jewish perspective of the definition and purpose of self-nullification).

Yet, in conjunction with this important practice, our spiritual growth can only truly become manifest if we balance this self-nullification with knowing that our lives have purpose and meaning. I have been thinking about this in relation to a piece I read last weekend from R. Elimelech Biderman in Torah Wellsprings (Parashat Beshalach – see the full piece here pgs.4-5).

To quote a few excerpts from the piece:

Reb Tzadok HaKohen (Tzidkas HaTzaddik 154) writes: “Just as one must believe in Hashem (Gd), one must also believe in himself. This means to believe that Hashem is interested in him. He must believe that his soul comes from Above, and Hashem has pleasure from him and has enjoyment when he does Hashem’s will. This is the meaning of the pasuk (verse) (Shmos ויאמינו בה’ ובמשה עבדו (14:31, ‘And they believed in Hashem and in Moshe…’ Moshe represents the six-hundred-thousand Yidden (Jews) of that generation. They believed that Hashem desires them and derives pleasure from them and from the good that’s in them.”

It is hard for people to believe that Hashem wants them because they know their faults. However, faults and errors are part of the creation of the world. This shouldn’t prevent us from believing that Hashem wants us…

From the very essence of creation, a pattern of imperfection emerged.

Yet after all of that, it states (Bereishis 1:31) וירא אלקים את כל אשר עשה והנה טוב מאוד, ”And Hashem saw all that He had made, and behold it was very good.”

This is what Hashem calls good. It is because of imperfections that Hashem created the world. Hashem has pleasure when we overcome the struggles, downfalls, blockades, and hardships and do His will. So, you can believe in yourself, even if you are imperfect. In fact, your imperfections are the purpose of the entire creation. This trait enables you to bring a nachas ruach (inner sense of wellbeing) to Hashem more than all the malachim (angels) in heaven…

Our approach in life is two fold. We must be humble in recognizing our finite nature, our inherent imperfections and our existence in relation to Gd. At the same time, we cannot see ourselves as so low and unworthy that we never strive for anything, we never strive to grow and improve and lessen the imperfections we have in life. When we have a healthy sense of self-compassion and self-worth, we are able to do the things that help us move along our paths to fulfill our goals, our purpose for being.

This is a challenging practice to work on. It can feel extremely difficult to maintain the balance between humility and self-worth. Yet, we must always be working to find the balance, the right mix, so that we are moving forward step by step, moment by moment. We have the opportunity each day to practice through prayer, through our relationships with others and through our work towards attaining our personal goals.

May we each work to foster our own balance between believing in ourselves and the humility to recognize each of us is another part of our interdependent existence.

If you or someone you know is looking to forge ahead and set new goals for the journey of life or trying to find a sense of meaning in life, we are here to help foster spiritual and emotional growth and change. Schedule your appointment today here. For more information, please contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com

True Greatness Is Knowing Where We Are

We all have those days where we feel we will never amount to what we wish we would become. We feel small, distant, lost. We don’t know how to find our way forward along the path to find our “greatness.” Instead, we spend so much energy and time seeing all the ways we haven’t reached our life goals.

One area I want to focus on is spiritual growth. In working on our spiritual goals, our spiritual growth, this inability to focus on where we are versus where we aren’t can make it feel like we aren’t having success. We feel distant from our desires to be more connected to our faith, our religion, our trust in Gd. But are we really so far away? Perhaps we aren’t distant but how we perceive things is what is leading to think we are distant. So much of growing along the path of life comes down to the mindset we bring to the moment. I think this is illustrated in the following teaching:

Someone asked the Rebbe Shlit”a how they should deal with their feelings of lack of success. They hear so much from the Rebbe about the high and lofty spiritual levels one should reach, but they feel so far from reaching any of this! The Rebbe answered that the Zohar HaKadosh says that “he who is small is great,” therefore, by a person simply acknowledging where they are truly holding i.e. that they are “small” and not yet on these high levels they learned about, they are showing that they are truly great.
Sea of Wisdom, Parshas Bo 5784 – R. Yitzchak Meir Morgenstern

When we embrace the notion that we aren’t there yet, not in a negative way, but in a growth mindset way, we change the paradigm. It is no longer that our distance from our desired goals is a sign of what we are lacking. Rather, our place now is our “greatness” and through this current greatness, we are on the path to higher levels of spiritual growth.

Today, and everyday, when we take stock of where we are, not where we haven’t gotten to, I hope that we can see we are in the place of today’s greatness, knowing full well we want to journey further to tomorrow’s greatness. May we embrace where we are now and find the inspiration from this spot to move along the road of becoming more and more.

Looking for help in recognizing the greatness that is you? If you or someone you know is looking to forge ahead and set new goals or trying to find a sense of meaning in life, we are here to help foster spiritual and emotional growth and change. Schedule your appointment today here. For more information, please contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com

Rebbe Nachman’s Advice # 12 – Finding Truth through removing the urge to win

Most of us have a competitive nature. This competitiveness can be positive in that pushes us to success. Yet, this same push can also have negative side effects. Often this competitiveness will lead people to push others aside, cut corners or do other things just for the sense of victory. In this piece by Rebbe Nachman, he suggests that this dark side of looking for the victory can blind us to what is sitting right in front of us:

לג. הַנַצְחָן אֵינוֹ סוֹבֵל הָאֱמֶת, וְאַף אִם יְבָרְרוּ לְעֵינָיו דְּבַר אֱמֶת יִדְחֶה אוֹתוֹ מֵחֲמַת נִצָּחוֹן. עַל־כֵּן מִי שֶׁרוֹצֶה לֵידַע הָאֱמֶת לַאֲמִתּוֹ, יְסַלֵּק מִקֹּדֶם מִדַּת הַנִּצָּחוֹן מֵעַצְמוֹ, וְאָז יָכוֹל לִרְאוֹת הָאֱמֶת אִם יִרְצֶה בֶּאֱמֶת: (לק”א סי’ קכ”ב)

One who always wants to be victorious is very intolerant of truth. The truth may be staring him in the face. But because he is determined to win at all costs he ignores it completely. If you want to find the real truth you must rid yourself of the urge to win. Then you will be able to see the truth if you wish (122).

This is a powerful spiritual growth principle. When we are looking to foster our drive to fulfill our goals, are we blinded by the end game? Do we constantly just look at the ends but not spend time where true growth really occurs, which is the process of striving towards a goal? Do we struggle to find that inner sense of the spiritual because we are always comparing ourselves to the images we think are the truths in front of us?

It is too easy to compare ourselves to others, to judge others based on how they appear and think that their lives are better. Too often the stumbling block to seeing the truth we know, the one in which we are making progress and succeeding in our own journey, is the urge to compete and compare lives. There are few who have fully shed this blindness to the reality right in front of us.

Yes, there are times we need to “fake it till we make it.” There are moments when the appearance is primary, dressing for the success we hope to have (attested to in the theme of this week’s Torah portion, Tetzaveh, which describes the clothing the priests and high priest must wear when in service to Gd in the Temple). We give off the positive impressions on the outside as part of the societal norms. Yet, our true path, true growth, comes from the internal, not from how I am in relation to another but how I am in relation to myself.

Today, may each of us work towards striving to see the truth that is already in front of us, inside of us. May we find the gratitude towards the self for all of our successes, seeing that Truth cannot be fostered when we are judging ourselves based on someone else.

Are you struggling with your spiritual growth? Faith? Feeling lost in the midst of the journey of life? Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com

Rebbe Nachman’s Advice # 10 – Personal faith and the conflict of religion vs/ spirituality

In the modern world, the practice of a religion and the journey for increased spirituality are often at odds. Many times it is because we create false dichotomies between the two as a means of explaining away the ways of people. It is an example of how I often will say don’t a religion by the people who practice it. Religion can and should be a pathway for spiritual growth and hopefully spiritual growth will come along to help show people the beauty of time-honored ritual. Yes, our modern world doesn’t always jive with ancient ritual and yet so often we see the reintroduction of these ancient rituals as finding a “new” method for better self-care and help. My favorite of these which I often quote is when we read about the importance of a Sabbath, as if its a new notion of setting aside a day a week for “rest.”

All of the above relates to this idea of Rebbe Nachman on faith. For Rebbe Nachman, and in reality for anyone actively pursuing the spiritual, our growth and journey is built on faith, the trust of the unknown. As Rebbe Nachman posits:

כח. אֱמוּנָה אֵין שַׁיָּךְ אֶלָּא בְּדָבָר שֶׁאֵינוֹ יוֹדֵעַ טַעַם. וְאַף עַל פִּי כֵן אֵצֶל הַמַּאֲמִין הַדָּבָר גָּלוּי, כְּאִלּוּ רוֹאֶה בְּעֵינָיו אֶת הַדָּבָר שֶׁמַּאֲמִין בּוֹ מֵחֲמַת גֹּדֶל אֱמוּנָתוֹ הַשְּׁלֵמָה: (לק”א סי’ ס”ב אות ה’)

We only speak of faith when the one who believes does not know why he believes. But even so, for the believer himself the thing he believes in is perfectly clear and obvious to him — as if he saw it with his own eyes. This is because his faith is so strong (62:5).

Notice the two points in the above lines. First, is the admission of faith being something we cannot “know.” It is something non-intellectual. This doesn’t mean our faith is purely an emotional state. Rather, it is a reflection on how we cannot presume faith as intellectual, as sitting in the mind. At the same time, we also learn from this passage that our faith must be as it is “known.” Our mission is to build our internal faith into something unknown but known. It needs to remain faith, but be so clear as to be as if we know.

As it relates to the struggle of bridging religion and spirituality, too often the challenge is that religion is that which is more of a communal nature while spirituality has a stronger individualistic bent. The bridge is faith. Faith can be cultivated by the rituals and practices we take on as individuals and as a community. At the same time, faith is something that is purely individualistic, for only we can see our beliefs. The spirituality aspect is supporting the individuality that we can imbue the communal ritual with.

Today, may we continue to work to cultivate and enhance our personal faith/spirituality while also finding the ways to bring that spirituality into our communal, religiously inspired rituals.

Audio – Lessons in Tanya 25

Chapter 14. We continue to explore the uniqueness of the Beinoni. This individual would be someone who recognizes that while they can never be a tzaddik in the soul sense of the term, they should always be striving to reach a level similar enough to the righteous person that they can connect to a truly righteous soul. This chapter lays the groundwork for the connection between a rebbe and follower, in that the Rebbe is the role of the tzaddik and the followers are all the people struggling and striving forward. We also discuss the work needed to avoid evil and do good, including contemplating the loathsomeness of evil. I end with a short piece highlighting why some of the Tanya begins to sound repetitive and why that is an important part of this work.

Episode 25

Do you want to work on taking the actions of your life and find meaning in all you do and who you are? Are you struggling with your spiritual growth. Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com

Self-reflection/looking in the mirror

A couple of my more recent posts have explored the topic of identifying the various components of self identity. In this post, I am…, I included the beginnings of a list of different terms as to who I see myself as and as a paradigm for your personal growth. This practice, of listing the various “I ams” is a crucial component of growth. By looking in the mirror and engaging in the various elements of who we see, we can then explore the deeper characteristics that underlie each of those elements of our self-makeup.

Some of you reading this might question this method. After all, the work of claiming an “I” seemingly flies in the face of many spiritual practices. It is a common misconception that the goal of spiritual practice is an absolute self-nullification, a removal of all “I” elements of life. I would argue that this is a mistaken premise. Self-nullification, losing oneself in greater spiritual growth, is about the work of not allowing any of the identifying elements of the self to become sacred, to become the be all and end all.

Rather, what I am proposing is that the “I am” is a gateway to deep exploration and spiritual work as it relates to growth. This dawned on me in working with a couple of my clients, exploring the underlying meaning of the terms they were using to identify themselves. The exploration was to try to understand what were the drivers behind the particular term that the person used as a definition of self. When we are clear on who we are and what that means to us, we can then travel a road of who we wish to become within or without the term we are exploring.

For example, in my previous post, I identified myself as a “reader.” If I were to break this down further, I might begin by describing what I like to read or the types of books I find myself reading at the moment. I might explore what reading does for me. In fact, here is a rough outline of what saying I am a Reader is to me:

explorer
curious
seeker of knowledge
reading allows me times to escape from the challenges of life
reading is a spiritual practice
growth and change
reading is a gateway to unexplored worlds
reading is helpful in being a writer

I would then take this list and go deeper in this and related topics as it pertains to the goals the person I am working with would like to explore. For example, if I want to explore the notion of reading as a personal spiritual practice in relation to what it means when I define myself as a reader, I would work with the person to deepen their self-notion of what reading as a spiritual practice is. Is it the focus of reading? Is reading really about study and being absorbed in the depths of another’s words? Is it a form of connection to Gd (there is much in religious thought about connecting to the divine through the practice of study, of learning)? The goal of these explorations would be to help foster within the person the richness that comes from insights into the self so as to better foster the growth a person is looking for.

May each of us discover new aspects of ourselves as we consider the “I ams” we bring to the world.

Reflecting on your own path of self-discovery: Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com.

Seeing the wonder in each moment

The above picture is from last summer, on a beach in Florida. It was at the beach that I was originally inspired with the motto for New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC, “Helping you on the journey through the waves of life.”

I find myself reflecting on this picture today, thinking about the wonders of the world. Many of us find comfort and spirituality in the workings of nature, truly seeing the beauty and grandeur of the world. By observing the movement of the trees, the waves of the ocean, hearing the sounds of the birds, we can find our connection in the cycle of life.

For me, looking at this picture of the waves, I am reminded about how life is a series of ebbs and flows. Each wave carries sediment, and leaves it at the shore, while also dragging sand back into the ocean. Each step of life is a combination of leaving something behind and also carrying something forward.

Need help on the journey through the waves of life. Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com.

Putting on the wrong Tallit

I came across a great line in the Kedushat Levi, of R. Levi of Berditchev (second to last piece on Parashat Shelach in standard printings), that helps to shed light on this week’s Torah portion as well as provides us with a powerful perspective on keeping in our lane as we journey through life.

In reflecting on the character of Korach, R. Levi offered an interesting perspective. He suggests that Korach’s intention was not ego but it was the desire to serve Gd in the best way he perceived, which as a member of the Levite tribe meant the desire to serve in a priestly role like his cousin Aaron and sons. While noble, this was not the role Gd had in mind for Korach or for the other Levites for that matter. As such, Korach was punished with living in the state of limbo of being swallowed alive by the earth, “to live in Sheol (which biblically is like a netherworld). In the midst of analyzing Korach’s motivation and why it was problematic, R. Levi offers the analogy that Korach’s desire was like wearing a Tallit that didn’t belong to him (Reminds me of Harry Potter and the using of a wand which isn’t yours, as the wand chooses the wizard. The wand will work but not in the way that the person’s destined wand would work).

I would suggest that Kedushat Levi offers this analogy to connect the story of Korach to the end of last week’s Torah portion, which commands the Israelites in wearing a four cornered garment with tzitzit, strings. The tzitzit are worn as a constant reminder to follow after the laws Gd commanded. Part of the commandments is an underlying idea of the rules helping one stay in one’s lane, not starting after the desires of the heart and the eyes. Presumably, if you are find yourself straying from your “path,” you find yourself in limbo, or you find yourself along a path that isn’t yours. (I would also venture to suggest this analogy of the tallit is based on one of the rabbinic reads of Korach’s challenges to Moses. Karachi is said to have argued with Moses about whether a garment of all techeilet (blueish color) would qualify for the additional command to have one of the strings being of the techeilet color).

I found this metaphor resonated with me on a deeper level as regards to how we can grow in life. Most of us, with good intentions, will often go down a path we think we should go because others have found success or because it is the presumed best way to act. Yet, as we know, each of our paths is different and we shouldn’t try to walk along the path that we aren’t destined to go. We should work to properly wear our own “tallit” and not try to fit into someone else’s Tallit.

How would we know? R. Levi offers the answer. Going down a path that is “good” but not one’s path, like Korach, leaves a person in limbo. If we find ourselves living life yet feeling this sense of being neither here nor there, perhaps it is a deeper message inside our hearts to examine if we left the path we were destined for and veered onto a path we chose because it seemed for various reasons like the right one.

Need support in walking along your destined path. Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com.

What is your soundtrack?

Song and music are manifestations of a great inner joy that cannot be contained inwardly. A person, overcome with joy, breaks out in song. Song and music are also infectious; they call forth a response in the listener, and often touch upon the innermost feelings of a person, making him want to join in the singing. This is especially so in the case of sacred music, which inspires higher feelings, and often touches upon the very heartstrings of the soul.
My Prayer, vol. 1 P. 205

What is your soundtrack? How does music help uplift your mood?

Most of us have our soundtracks, bands, etc. for our daily commutes. Sometimes the music changes depending on our mood and where we are headed. The same is true in life. How many of us wonder what the soundtrack of our lives would sound like? As we journey, what are the sounds of the day?

Let us help in finding the “soundtrack” for your journey. Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com

The power of a pause

We are constantly doing. It is hard to stop and reflect. We think that if we stop we won’t progress. If we don’t pause to reflect and to truly listen to our inner voice, so much will be lost.

The book of Leviticus, VaYikra, begins with Gd calling to Moses as an invitation to teach Moses the vast array of laws related to sacrifices. Verse 1:1 states:

וַיִּקְרָ֖א אֶל־מֹשֶׁ֑ה וַיְדַבֵּ֤ר יְהֹוָה֙ אֵלָ֔יו מֵאֹ֥הֶל מוֹעֵ֖ד לֵאמֹֽר׃
Gd called to Moses and spoke to him from the Tent of Meeting, saying:

When Gd is speaking to Moses, the Torah usually says, Gd spoke to Moses, similar to the language in the middle of verse one, after the initial call. As such, the first words, Gd called to Moses, seem superfluous. The great medieval commentator Rashi offers a pedagogical/psychological answer to this seeming redundancy.

ויקרא אל משה AND HE CALLED UNTO MOSES — This implies that the Voice went on and reached his (Moses’s) ears only but all the other Israelites did not hear it). One might think that for the subsections there was also such a call! It, however, states, “[And the Lord called unto Moses] and spake (וידבר) [to him]”, thus intimating that a דבור, a complete section had (was preceded by) a call (e. g., in our text chapters 1—4), but not the subsections. And what purpose did these subsections serve (i. e., why are the larger sections broken up into smaller ones)? To give Moses an interval for reflection between one division and another and between one subject and another — something which is all the more necessary for an ordinary man receiving instruction from an ordinary man (Sifra, Vayikra Dibbura d’Nedavah, Chapter 1 9).

There is a distinction between calling and speaking that hints towards the importance of allowing a lesson to resonate before moving on. In the Torah’s context, the verse is saying: Moses was called to Gd to be taught a series of laws. This call was an overarching invitation to be in the same space. Once Moses enters the space, Gd speaks to him. Yet, Gd doesn’t just teach everything in one breath. Rather, it is broken into different lessons. Via this picture, we can see, as Rashi indicates, the importance of teaching ideas in manageable parts while recognizing that there is an overarching subject. This message is of such importance that Rashi repeats the same idea 10 verses laters, stating:

ואם מן הצאן AND IF [HIS OFFERING BE] OF THE SHEEP — The ו (of אם) adds something to the former subject (i. e. shows that this is a continuation of it). Why, then, is there a break between the two paragraphs (i. e. why does the following form a separate paragraph)? In order to give Moses an interval between the one section and the next section to reflect upon what has already been said (Sifra, Vayikra Dibbura d’Nedavah, Section 5 1).
Rashi Vayikra 1:10

From a literal perspective, the breaks are just breaks. They indicate a change in subject. Breaks are a means of clear, structured writing. Yet, in this comment, we see that a break is more than that. It is a lesson about life. When we want to change, we can’t just do it all at once. We must go step by step and allow the change to time have to percolate. There is as much to learn in the break as there is in the words themselves.

All new beginnings take time and energy because if we do too much too quick, we are more likely to lose all momentum. If we break things down into smaller, subsections, we have a higher chance of success.

Take the first step! Open the door to a new path and begin a process of change. Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com