Tag: spiritual growth

99 and 1 – 100 posts and seeing time in increments of 1%

Today I celebrate the 100th posting on this blog/website. As I reflect on the number 100, I find myself going back to my piece last week about the number 99 and prefer to see this post as number 99 + 1. I am grateful to have been able to share and reflect on a variety of topics with all my readers and look forward to continuing along on this journey of exploration.

For this post, I found myself trying to determine what the 1 of 99 + 1 could symbolize for me or what we could learn from this equation instead of merely sitting with the number 100. Fortunately, a colleague of mine in our local BNI group pointed out an idea about 1 as it relates to 1% of one’s day.

1% of the day is the equivalent of 14 minutes and 40 seconds. Imagine if we were intentional for just 1% of the time. What can you get accomplished in 14 min. and 40 sec. a day? According to this piece, TRANSFORM YOUR LIFE BY CHANGING JUST 1% OF YOUR DAY, we underestimate how much we can grow in this short burst of intentionality. We underestimate how establishing this small routine might very well be the mere opening to use more time with intentionality.

Similarly, in any long term activity we desire to take on, if we just take one piece at a time, we can find the greater success. For me, the achievement of this blog is not the total posts so far, but it is in each piece I write. Whether exceptional, plain or even subpar, each piece is a unique undertaking. And while it adds up over time, my focus can only be on the 1. Time is the same. I might be setting aside X hours to do a task, yet if I then break that down further and further to manageable moments, I will more likely come away with a better outcome. Too much and we get overwhelmed.

What do you do with your 1% of the day?

Exploring how to create a 1% a day practice?: Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com.

99 – imperfection and greatness

Today is my 99th post on this website. Usually, people celebrate the whole numbers, so I am one off from a celebratory moment of writing post 100. Yet, I find the number 99 to be highly significant for a story I will share a little later on. But first…

Last night, I was playing around on Twitter and came across this tweet from a friend:

Aaron Judge, probably the most recognizable #99 in today’s sports fandom, is having a season for the ages. And while I am a Mets fan, with his own #99 –

it is clear that Judge is the better #99. Granted, for me, #99 takes me back to the great one Wayne Gretzky (NHL) and to the eccentrics like Wild Thing Mitch Williams and the infamous Turk Wendell (MLB – if you know, you know), but right now, for Baseball fans, 99 is Aaron Judge, and all the others tend to be glossed over (for a full list of all those in MLB who wore 99, see here).

This got me thinking about the significance of 99, only to recall another 99, but not in terms of sports. I was reminded of a teachable moment from when I was in High School, which I go back to every so often. It was 11th grade Chumash. We had just gotten a test back from our teacher and I noticed that while I got every question correct, I only received a 99 (yes, I admit, I was one of those students, always looking for the extra point). This bothered me as clearly I had earned the 100, the arbitrary perfect score we generally place on tests. I went to the rabbi and asked him why I didn’t get 100 when I clearly got all of the questions correct. To this day, I recall his response:

“Even Moses didn’t know everything, so in my opinion it would be impossible for anyone to achieve a 100.”

I’ll admit, the answer didn’t fully satisfy me. Yet, the lessons are quite apparent and in truth ones I have come to appreciate.

  1. As I wrote about months ago, there is a notion of When 80 Percent is Perfect. We should always strive for the best we can do and recognize that the best will never be 100 percent because the 100 is a long term impossibility. There will always be something that is missed, even when it appears as if you got everything right.
  2. We need to appreciate the beauty and greatness of the 99 within the scale of 100. Truth is, we need to appreciate even more than just the number closest to 100. We need to learn to appreciate all we have gained and not focus on the missing point(s).

Which brings me back to sports. Aaron Judge is having an outstanding season, a season for the ages, since we learn that in sports we focus on the accomplishments when it comes to most statistics as opposed to the failures that are the opposite side of the coin. For example, he has been on base over 40% of the time this year, which means he not been on base a little less than 60% of the time. In other words, his great year includes more failures than successes. Yet, we see the success and ignore the failures. He is having a 99 season (which for sports video game people, is the highest rank a player can get for a season).

If you have made it this far, thank you for reading this 99th post. Writing is a series of failures, deletions and edits until something comes together that is hopefully coherent and interesting. Life is the same. We fail, change course, shift, all in the drive to forge a path for ourselves. We experience many endings and New Beginnings. May each of you find the success within the imperfection and remember the greatness that is a 99.

Reflecting on how to appreciate the steps along the way: Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com.

Self-reflection/looking in the mirror

A couple of my more recent posts have explored the topic of identifying the various components of self identity. In this post, I am…, I included the beginnings of a list of different terms as to who I see myself as and as a paradigm for your personal growth. This practice, of listing the various “I ams” is a crucial component of growth. By looking in the mirror and engaging in the various elements of who we see, we can then explore the deeper characteristics that underlie each of those elements of our self-makeup.

Some of you reading this might question this method. After all, the work of claiming an “I” seemingly flies in the face of many spiritual practices. It is a common misconception that the goal of spiritual practice is an absolute self-nullification, a removal of all “I” elements of life. I would argue that this is a mistaken premise. Self-nullification, losing oneself in greater spiritual growth, is about the work of not allowing any of the identifying elements of the self to become sacred, to become the be all and end all.

Rather, what I am proposing is that the “I am” is a gateway to deep exploration and spiritual work as it relates to growth. This dawned on me in working with a couple of my clients, exploring the underlying meaning of the terms they were using to identify themselves. The exploration was to try to understand what were the drivers behind the particular term that the person used as a definition of self. When we are clear on who we are and what that means to us, we can then travel a road of who we wish to become within or without the term we are exploring.

For example, in my previous post, I identified myself as a “reader.” If I were to break this down further, I might begin by describing what I like to read or the types of books I find myself reading at the moment. I might explore what reading does for me. In fact, here is a rough outline of what saying I am a Reader is to me:

  1. explorer
  2. curious
  3. seeker of knowledge
  4. reading allows me times to escape from the challenges of life
  5. reading is a spiritual practice
  6. growth and change
  7. reading is a gateway to unexplored worlds
  8. reading is helpful in being a writer

I would then take this list and go deeper in this and related topics as it pertains to the goals the person I am working with would like to explore. For example, if I want to explore the notion of reading as a personal spiritual practice in relation to what it means when I define myself as a reader, I would work with the person to deepen their self-notion of what reading as a spiritual practice is. Is it the focus of reading? Is reading really about study and being absorbed in the depths of another’s words? Is it a form of connection to Gd (there is much in religious thought about connecting to the divine through the practice of study, of learning)? The goal of these explorations would be to help foster within the person the richness that comes from insights into the self so as to better foster the growth a person is looking for.

May each of us discover new aspects of ourselves as we consider the “I ams” we bring to the world.

Reflecting on your own path of self-discovery: Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com.

How many drafts does it take

I have been finding a lot of self-reflective material when considering aspects of writing. In writing, like life, it is almost impossible to create the perfect piece in a single sitting. Just like it is important to remember that all goals are made up of a series of single steps, one foot after the other, so too writing is a process of putting one word on paper at a time, in which eventually the string of words becomes a cohesive unit. Along the way, there will be updates to the unit of writing, whether because of a misspelled word, a missing punctuation mark, or information that is lacking because we forget to convey to the reader precisely what we are thinking. Or, perhaps you think it is good, post it on a website, and then get a copy-editor’s eye to read it and circle in yellow the errors in the piece (which luckily is easily fixable in wordpress).

Serious writing is a series of rough drafts, when in a way even the final draft remains an incomplete, imperfect product. Yet, for those of us who persist in writing, the rough draft, the initial go, is often as valuable if not more valuable than the “final product.” The rough draft is the opportunity to try and fail in the craft of formulating an idea. The rough draft is the proof you need to know you have taken the hard first step of engaging in the writing process.

The rough draft is a great metaphor when we consider self-introspection and change. Most of us are searching for do-overs, the opportunity to change what was, whether by scrapping something and moving away from the past or from veering slightly to the right of left to a different turn that we believe will lead us in the direction we really want to go. Like with writing, when we cross out and change words, life gives us countless opportunities to adjust to the moment, to the times by changing, rearranging or erasing elements of our before so as to make the step forward towards a new start.

I came to this thought this afternoon as I was scrolling through a list of some of the blog posts which I have either not completed or have pretty much decided to leave in the draft folder because they don’t resonate for me at this point. Many of the drafts were like the dipping of a toe into a topic and realizing the water was not ready yet or perhaps might never be. The draft folder contains the tried and failed so as to then try again and succeed with any number of other posts.

Every Elul as well as every other demarcation point in one’s year, when we reflect and desire to explore unknown elements of the path going forward, we are reminding ourselves that we remain a “rough” draft in need to further polishing. The polishing can take multiple reads, multiples steps and missteps along the way. We can and do go through many drafts of our lives. The goal is fostering and maintaining the hope that each time we reread and edit, we are succeeding by seeing the incremental and/or monumental improvement over the previous version.

May this be a time of year when we can all look inside and make the necessary edits to improve on the rough drafts we have crafted up until now.

Need help scouring and editing the Rough Drafts of your life: Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com.

Being the person you want to be takes hard work

With Rosh Hashanah 27 days away, it is an important time to reflect on the work of change. Realistically, one should not treat growth and change like most of us treat tests, a time to cram and get it over with. Rather, one should regularly be in a place of self-improvement so as to have times in which to ramp up the process a bit, such as during this auspicious time leading to a new demarcation, a new year, a New Beginning.

As most of you who have been reading this blog have noticed, much of what I emphasize is incremental growth, small steps, the importance of acknowledging the gains along the path, and other modalities of fostering long term success. I recognize that these ideas can and are difficult. First, we have to begin the journey, which, as which I described in my previous post, is the hardest step. Once we do that, we then have the difficulty of maintaining and taking more steps. This isn’t easy, though if we recognize the accomplishment of the initial step, perhaps we can find the strength to continue along.

I myself continue to consciously work on these approaches in my own growth work, and struggle with the ups and downs that inevitably do come into play when travelling along the waves of life. Yet, if we try to just leap from the bottom to the top, most likely we will just fall right back down. If we put one foot in front of the other, walking or climbing one step at a time, we can always stop on the landing along the way to catch our breath, take stock and reflect on the step we have arrived at before continued “upward.”

Recently, a client sent me an article that struck me as highlighting this point about perspective when things seem challenging. The author, Binyomin Yudin, describes two situations, one logistics, one self-care focused in which to do “right” he had to the hard thing. At the end of his piece, he reflected on the following:

It was during one of these four-mile walks that Rav Steinman’s words came to mind. Walking up a grueling hill near my office, I was getting fairly aggravated, thinking about all of my friends who don’t have to do this, who can eat what they want without worrying about the impact of their choices on their lifespans. As I crested this hill, however, I realized that this was the quintessential example of Rav Steinman’s lesson. I had sweat running down my face; the exercise was clearly tirchah. Just as clearly, though, it was the right thing to do.

“We can do hard things.” Living the life you want to live and being the person you want to be demands hard work, I reminded myself, with Rav Steinman’s words echoing in my ears: “I’ve found that doing the right thing often takes tirchah.”

In this month of Elul, 5782, as we desire to work towards striving to be the person we wish we could be, we should remember, that with growth comes regular work, daily ritual and routine, challenges and moments of needing to foster our drive for continued successes along the way.

Need support as you work on the difficult task of self improvement and growth: Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com.

The hardest step is the first step

I think most of us feel this way. We have a goal, a dream. We want to make a change in our lives. And yet, we don’t follow through because the first step seems like such a leap to make. Too often we get lost because, like the picture, it seems like the first step is impossible to reach.

Yet, I bet that once you take the first step along a journey of steps, in hindsight you realize the first step was the same as every other step in that it wasn’t really a leap but it was a manageable step.

These words sum up the point. Do it now, get started. Don’t allow the paralysis, the fear leave you seeing an insurmountable step, when in reality it is not insurmountable. I know this because in many areas of my life I struggled and continue to struggle with taking first steps. We are all afraid of taking the first step and not landing on solid ground, of falling, of failure, of defeat. There can seem to be too many stumbling blocks along the way. And if any of those obstacles really do stand in the way, we can also work to pick ourselves up and take another step, go another way around. Or, if you go back to image above, maybe the way to get up the first step is bring a ladder and use a tool you already have to climb up.

Regardless of outcome, what is most important is the initial moment of striving towards the dream, the wish, the change. May each of us find the way to take a first step today along a new path that we want to open up in front of us.

Are you looking for a ladder to help you climb up to the first step: Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com.

I am…

Last week I wrote a personal reflection I Am A Writer, expressing how I see myself as the writer I am and want to be. It was a post about self-definition and about claiming one’s dreams as one’s current reality.

Today, I want to continue in the same vain, with a discussion of the more general statement “I am…” I was inspired by two things. First, while at a local business networking meeting, BNI, giving my 45 second ask, I realized that I was struggling to specify my ideal client. In the course of this challenge, I came to the recognition that understanding the ideal client would also require me to further understand who I am, who do I bring to a session when I am meeting with someone. Second, I had the fortune of connecting with a fellow rabbi/Spiritual coach to discuss how we serve others and how we can continue to grow our respective clientele. During this meeting, he reminded me about the importance of claiming who I am as part of growth for both myself and my business.

Before I answer this question, I want to explore this phrase “I am…” There is a classic situation in which someone asks us to tell them who you are and the initial answer we often give begins with our profession. And while this is one aspect of “I am…,” it is not the core of who we are. Yet, we are that professional as much as we are a parent, child, spouse, individual, a member of a community, faith tradition, etc. At different times we are one or many of these “I am…” descriptions. Further, the definition of “I am…” will inevitably change depending on our life circumstances.

To answer the question of who “I am…” is a moving target, yet it is a composite of all of the various definitions we experience of ourselves in life as it relates to both ourselves and to others. And finally, I think “I am…” can and should also include some of our in process goals and dreams as it can be a means of claiming elements of ourselves that might be incomplete/works in progress. As such, let me share some of my “I am…” statements and invite you to consider the same exercise for yourselves.

I am…

A husband, father, son, grandson, brother (and brother in law), uncle, nephew, cousin.

A Rabbi, chaplain, spiritual coach, teacher, writer, reader, learner.

A friend, colleague, mentor, disciple, student.

And this is just the tip of the iceberg of parts of who I am and helps me recognize how best to work and to serve others. All of these elements both enter a space with me and remain outside the sacred encounter with a client. When we have a deeper sense of self, the good, bad and ugly, we can better sit in the space of the uncomfortable with another.

As such, the answer to my ideal client is… You! You who are searching or engaging the same work of “I am…” You who are trying to foster a New Beginning. You who have experienced loss, death, new challenges and are trying to redefine the “I am…” that is who you are.

Reflecting on your own path of self-discovery: Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com.

Perspective: Working to see the good

Let’s be real. It is much easier to see the negative, the difficult, the “bad” in life. And if you read most self help books, one of the themes that jumps out is the importance of working on seeing the positive, which should help us be more positive. For example, how often do we hear about the importance of smiling even when not happy because it has the physiological effect of eventually helping one to feel more positive (see The Health Benefits of Smiling as an example).

In relating this topic, I am reminded of the opening of this week’s Torah portion, Parashat Re’eh, presents the following choice:

רְאֵ֗ה אָנֹכִ֛י נֹתֵ֥ן לִפְנֵיכֶ֖ם הַיּ֑וֹם בְּרָכָ֖ה וּקְלָלָֽה׃

See, this day I set before you blessing and curse:

אֶֽת־הַבְּרָכָ֑ה אֲשֶׁ֣ר תִּשְׁמְע֗וּ אֶל־מִצְוֹת֙ יְהֹוָ֣ה אֱלֹֽהֵיכֶ֔ם אֲשֶׁ֧ר אָנֹכִ֛י מְצַוֶּ֥ה אֶתְכֶ֖ם הַיּֽוֹם׃

blessing, if you obey the commandments of your God יהוה that I enjoin upon you this day;

וְהַקְּלָלָ֗ה אִם־לֹ֤א תִשְׁמְעוּ֙ אֶל־מִצְוֹת֙ יְהֹוָ֣ה אֱלֹֽהֵיכֶ֔ם וְסַרְתֶּ֣ם מִן־הַדֶּ֔רֶךְ אֲשֶׁ֧ר אָנֹכִ֛י מְצַוֶּ֥ה אֶתְכֶ֖ם הַיּ֑וֹם לָלֶ֗כֶת אַחֲרֵ֛י אֱלֹהִ֥ים אֲחֵרִ֖ים אֲשֶׁ֥ר לֹֽא־יְדַעְתֶּֽם׃ {ס}        

and curse, if you do not obey the commandments of your God יהוה, but turn away from the path that I enjoin upon you this day and follow other gods, whom you have not experienced.

Deuteronomy 11:26-28

Notice that the language of choosing between blessing and curse is the language of sight, “See.” Moses’ exhortation is not just choose but see that the choice is placed before you. And with that choice, via the actions we take, following the commandments or not, will be the driver towards seeing the blessings or the curses of life.

In relation to this verse is an idea I came across from Kedushat Levi, R. Levi of Berditchev, one of the great early Chasidic thinkers. He presents in a variety of locations the following argument. There is an outlier belief quoted in the Babylonian Talmud (Kiddushin 39b) – רַבִּי יַעֲקֹב הִיא דְּאָמַר שְׂכַר מִצְוָה בְּהַאי עָלְמָא לֵיכָּא – It is in accordance with the opinion of Rabbi Ya’akov, who says: There is no reward for performance of a mitzva in this world, as one is rewarded for mitzvot only World-to-Come (often the Talmud quotes singular opinions in relation to the more presumed normative view as a means of recording an opinion that might be a polemical response to other beliefs of the time). R. Levi raised the following question. Does this view work in relation to another adage from Ethics of the Fathers (Pirkei Avot) – שֶׁשְּׂכַר מִצְוָה, מִצְוָה, the reward for performing a commandment is another commandment (4:2)? He suggests that reconciling this contradiction is that more opportunities to do mitzvot is the reward for doing mitzvot.

As I have been ruminating on this particular idea in relation to perspective making, I realize that this message about the reward for mitzvah is another mitzvah is similar to the idea of “smile and it will make you feel happy.” Every incremental action, positive or negative, has a corresponding positive or negative effect. To create blessing, it comes from positive incremental opportunities to do good, to perpetuate the positive.

This is not an easy or simple task. It is a task we have to constantly be working at, to constantly be seeing in front of us. Every opportunity is a choice, the choice to move forward, to take the next step building on the previous step. And if we do fall into a time of curse, a time of negativity, we have to guard ourselves from allowing that path to become the new road. The safeguard is to work to remind ourselves that we can always SEE the choice before us, the choice of turning back to the place of positivity, the place of blessing. Or, as I recently read in the book Now Is the Way: An Unconventional Approach to Modern Mindfulness by Cory Allen:

When we are dedicated to choosing the good, our view of the world changes. It grows into the shape of peace. And so do our lives.

P. 71

May you find the sight to see the positive, and may that sight be the first step along a more blessed path.

Reflecting on how to foster incremental positive change: Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com.

Being Mindful of being Mindless

Do you feel mindless? Do you notice when your mind is just wandering all over the place?

If so, then perhaps you are already on the right track. I came across the following idea in a book I am currently reading, Now Is the Way: An Unconventional Approach to Modern Mindfulness by Cory Allen:

When you realize you are living mindlessly, you are succeeding in living mindfully. Becoming aware that you aren’t engaging with the present is the first step to mindfulness.

p. 22

True growth in spiritual practice begins with the first step we take in the process of working on that practice. This first step is predicated on one’s desire to make a change. Thus, the real first step is recognition. Once we have arrived at recognition, then we can take the next step, which is the first of many active steps along the path of change and growth.

Reflecting on how to foster step by step growth and change: Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com.

Seeing the open door wherever it is

Doors close and doors open. What do we see when we are looking for the next door? I recently came across a quote that expressed this in the context of opening and closing doors in life.

Our journeys take us through many doors. Not all of the doors are positioned right in front of us. As in the above picture, they might be right next to us and we just haven’t adjusted our eyes to what is in right in front of us. If all we are doing is staring at the door we feel was slammed shut (even if it was gently closed or even if we ourselves closed the door) and don’t just turn our heads ever so slightly, we will miss the new opportunities in store as a result.

In my personal experience, it is much easier to dwell on the closed door, which was the sure thing I knew, than to go through the new door that would require me to take a risk into the unknown. Yet, once I went through the next open door, I found more often than not it was the entrance to a New Beginning and new opportunity. While the risks of the new did not disappear, once I was able to see the road ahead instead of anticipating all the negative because I was dwelling on the road behind, I was able to refocus and reflect on the positive potential of the new.

Every day can be an opportunity to enter a new space. All we have to do is shift our focus slightly and it might already be waiting for you to walk through.

May each of us continue to see the opportunities for growth and change and the opportunities that lie ahead along this topsy-turvy path of life.

Looking for support in shifting perspectives to see the open door in front of you: Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com.