As I continue to reflect on my recent trip to Israel, one of the things that always strikes me when I am there is how comfortable I feel in Israel. This has many layers, from religiously and spiritually as well as I get a sense in certain parts of the country that it is like I am home. This makes travelling less fraught with worries and anxieties. And, this does also have a shadow side.
During this trip, as with most of my trips, I find myself drawn to spend time by the Kotel, the Western Wall. It is a place of prayer and pilgrimage. It is a sacred space. And while historically the physical wall itself was merely one of the four sides of the retaining wall for the Temple Mount, the area has become a spiritual focal point and symbol for so much. And yet, sometimes, the mystique seems to disappear.
During this trip, I had two types of experiences. Some of my sojourns to the wall, I was left with something lacking. I couldn’t find my spiritual comfort zone, struggled to pray with much focus, almost finding myself asking what was even the point of making the trek from the apartment I was staying at. It can be difficult to feel inspired when the sacred space seems commercialized and is overflowing with people. Other times, I found that inspiration. This occurred in two ways. When I went on Shabbat afternoon and found the area pretty empty and quiet, I was able to hear my thoughts better. Other times, even in the midst of massive crowds, context can be key. Being there for a Bar Mitzvah and public Selichot, both times when the place is packed, also inspired me because it was the opportunity to experiences new things in a place I know so well.
I am sharing these thoughts because I came across and was reminded of a beautiful concept drawn from a question about Psalm 27. During the month of Elul, it is customary to recite this chapter twice a day. Reading the Psalm, we can see many themes that tie into the High Holidays. One, which I want to explore, emerges from Verse 4.
אַחַ֤ת ׀ שָׁאַ֣לְתִּי מֵֽאֵת־יְהֹוָה֮ אוֹתָ֢הּ אֲבַ֫קֵּ֥שׁ שִׁבְתִּ֣י בְּבֵית־יְ֭הֹוָה כׇּל־יְמֵ֣י חַיַּ֑י לַחֲז֥וֹת בְּנֹעַם־יְ֝הֹוָ֗ה וּלְבַקֵּ֥ר בְּהֵֽיכָלֽוֹ׃
One thing I ask of the LORD, only that do I seek:
that I may dwell in the House of Hashem all the days of my life, to behold the sweetness of Hashem and to contemplate in His Sanctuary.
There is a fundamental question that arises from this passage. How can we ask Gd to both live in Gd’s house forever and also be visitors “contemplating” his temple? Doesn’t this seem contradictory.
Over Shabbat I was reminded of this question from a Parasha printout called Alei Deshe, which shares the Torah thoughts of R. Shaul Alter, Rosh Yeshiva of Gur. He shared:
The answer given to this seeming contradiction is that our request is to reside permanently in Hashem’s house, and yet maintain the freshness and excitement of one who comes only as a visitor. But how is this possible? After all, a person naturally loses enthusiasm for activities that continue for a lengthy period of time.
In order to understand this, we must look at the words preceding the request for visitor-like excitement: לַחֲז֥וֹת בְּנֹעַם־יְ֝הֹוָ֗ה, to behold the sweetness of Hashem. When one feels the pleasure and beauty of sitting in Hashem’s house and serving Him, he will naturally maintain his enthusiasm for it, and will return day after day feeling as if it were his first day there.
Too often in life, finding ourselves in moments that used to drive us, inspire us, excite us, and suddenly it has little to no meaning. The shiny new toy feels like it loses its shine. When this happens, we get frustrated, we try to find something new. For most of us, it is easier to discard and move on to something new. Yet, perhaps the issue isn’t the lost luster but it starts with us. Did we go in with the wrong expectations? Did we presume to find the same inspiration and joy without playing our part in being present and focusing?
In this preparation season for Rosh Hashanah, are we truly listening to the daily shofar sound, to the added prayers, to our stirring souls which are looking to make meaningful changes to our lives. Have we slowed down to see? Or are we merely heading to the place we always head to because that’s just what we do?
Going back to my personal experiences, I found that if once I could remember inspiration comes just as much from what we put in as from what the moment gives me, I was able to feel that sense of enthusiasm of “visiting” instead of the routine feeling of always being present. It required a refocus, a renewed effort and, at least with the late night trek for Selichot, doing something new and different to help refind that spiritual connection I was seeking all along.
May each us, during these last two weeks leading to Rosh Hashanah, find our things that inspire us and find new ways to put in and take out those drops of inspiration so that we may see in ourselves growth and renewal during this upcoming new year.
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