Prayer – New beginnings: A blog about spirituality, chaplaincy and renewal

Believing in Oneself is a form of Humility

Most of us are familiar with some version of the following story (found here):

So there is a joke you probably know on the topic of humility. The chief rabbi of the synagogue at Yom Kippur is beating his breast and crying, tears running down his cheeks “I’m nothing, Lord! I’m nothing! I’m absolutely nothing!” Next to him the chief donor to the synagogue, a wealthy banker kneels down and hits himself on the chest and yells “I’m nothing! God forgive me for thinking I’m something. I’m not. I’m nothing!” Whereupon Shlomo a poor man who sweeps the synagogue out after services and hauls trash gets down on his knees and yells “I’m nothing! I’m nothing.” The rabbi observes this, elbows the banker and whispers “Look who thinks he’s nothing.”

We tend to confuse humility, the idea that we lack pride and the idea of having an attitude that even if we are skilled and knowledgeable, it doesn’t make us inherently better than anyone else, with feelings of low self-worth and self esteem. In most spiritual practices this distinction is crucial because it can help frame a fundamental spiritual practice of self-nullification. Self-nullification is about recognizing that within the greater universe, we are practically nil. In many religions, this is described in relation to the divine, that from a divine perspective, the only real existence is the divine (see here for one example of a Jewish perspective of the definition and purpose of self-nullification).

Yet, in conjunction with this important practice, our spiritual growth can only truly become manifest if we balance this self-nullification with knowing that our lives have purpose and meaning. I have been thinking about this in relation to a piece I read last weekend from R. Elimelech Biderman in Torah Wellsprings (Parashat Beshalach – see the full piece here pgs.4-5).

To quote a few excerpts from the piece:

Reb Tzadok HaKohen (Tzidkas HaTzaddik 154) writes: “Just as one must believe in Hashem (Gd), one must also believe in himself. This means to believe that Hashem is interested in him. He must believe that his soul comes from Above, and Hashem has pleasure from him and has enjoyment when he does Hashem’s will. This is the meaning of the pasuk (verse) (Shmos ויאמינו בה’ ובמשה עבדו (14:31, ‘And they believed in Hashem and in Moshe…’ Moshe represents the six-hundred-thousand Yidden (Jews) of that generation. They believed that Hashem desires them and derives pleasure from them and from the good that’s in them.”

It is hard for people to believe that Hashem wants them because they know their faults. However, faults and errors are part of the creation of the world. This shouldn’t prevent us from believing that Hashem wants us…

From the very essence of creation, a pattern of imperfection emerged.

Yet after all of that, it states (Bereishis 1:31) וירא אלקים את כל אשר עשה והנה טוב מאוד, ”And Hashem saw all that He had made, and behold it was very good.”

This is what Hashem calls good. It is because of imperfections that Hashem created the world. Hashem has pleasure when we overcome the struggles, downfalls, blockades, and hardships and do His will. So, you can believe in yourself, even if you are imperfect. In fact, your imperfections are the purpose of the entire creation. This trait enables you to bring a nachas ruach (inner sense of wellbeing) to Hashem more than all the malachim (angels) in heaven…

Our approach in life is two fold. We must be humble in recognizing our finite nature, our inherent imperfections and our existence in relation to Gd. At the same time, we cannot see ourselves as so low and unworthy that we never strive for anything, we never strive to grow and improve and lessen the imperfections we have in life. When we have a healthy sense of self-compassion and self-worth, we are able to do the things that help us move along our paths to fulfill our goals, our purpose for being.

This is a challenging practice to work on. It can feel extremely difficult to maintain the balance between humility and self-worth. Yet, we must always be working to find the balance, the right mix, so that we are moving forward step by step, moment by moment. We have the opportunity each day to practice through prayer, through our relationships with others and through our work towards attaining our personal goals.

May we each work to foster our own balance between believing in ourselves and the humility to recognize each of us is another part of our interdependent existence.

If you or someone you know is looking to forge ahead and set new goals for the journey of life or trying to find a sense of meaning in life, we are here to help foster spiritual and emotional growth and change. Schedule your appointment today here. For more information, please contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com

Audio – Lessons in Tanya 67

Beginning of Chapter 38. This chapter offers another perspective on the duality of speech and thought. We discuss the importance of verbalizing our prayers as it draws light into the body and reveals the light encased in the animal soul. We look at intentionality and the importance of lining up thought and speech, though sometimes speech can be “enough.” I also comment on how we learn intentionality from the sacrifices as it relates to this week’s Torah portion of VaYikra.

Episode 67

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Rebbe Nachman’s Advice # 11 – All we do is to reveal the Divine in the World

One of the most famous teachings from Pirkei Avot states:

שִׁמְעוֹן הַצַּדִּיק הָיָה מִשְּׁיָרֵי כְנֶסֶת הַגְּדוֹלָה. הוּא הָיָה אוֹמֵר, עַל שְׁלשָׁה דְבָרִים הָעוֹלָם עוֹמֵד, עַל הַתּוֹרָה וְעַל הָעֲבוֹדָה וְעַל גְּמִילוּת חֲסָדִים:

Shimon the Righteous was one of the last of the men of the great assembly. He used to say: the world stands upon three things: the Torah, the Temple service, and the practice of acts of piety.
Pirkei Avot 1:2

The question we should ask is how are these foundations of the world? That might sound somewhat heretical, yet I think it behooves us to ask this most fundamental of questions. How do prayer, study and kindness uphold the world? Perhaps the answer can be teased out from the following passage from Rebbe Nachman:

לא. הַכְּלָל הוּא, שֶׁכָּל מַה שֶּׁאָנוּ עוֹשִׂין, הֵן תְּפִלָּה, הֵן לִמּוּד תּוֹרָה וַעֲשִׂיַּת מִצְווֹת, הַכֹּל הוּא כְּדֵי שֶׁיִּתְגַּלֶּה אֱמוּנָתוֹ וּמַלְכוּתוֹ יִתְבָּרַךְ: (לק”א סי’ ע”ז)

Everything we do — praying, learning Torah, carrying out the mitzvoth — has one fundamental aim: to reveal the kingship of God (77).

The world stands on the concept of the Divine. If we break this down into the three categories of the mishnah and of Rebbe Nachman, we can see how this is foundational,

Prayer: When we pray, we are acknowledging how we cannot do it alone. We are humbling ourselves to show we are interdependent. In Rebbe Nachman’s point of view, this is our turning to Gd as we turn to a parent, asking and asking for what we need. This might be the easiest to understand for the world cannot function if we are all selfish and arrogant to think we are completely independent beings. In a way, we can define prayer as spiritual humility.

Torah study: Learning, expanding our knowledge base is also a mode of expressing our humility. I am reminded of the famous statement, the more I learn, the more I realize what I don’t know. When we can develop this intellectual humility, we also are able to make space for all who we come across in life, being open to learning from others. We become open to possibilities and hopefully can learn that there aren’t many absolutes. This expands our ability to explore the beauty of life around us.

Doing mitzvot/acts of kindness: Our activities as they relate to how we live our the final pillar. This pillar is also a cultivator of humility for when we do for others, we recognize two things. Others might need us and we need others. We also learn the importance of not presuming someone else will do it but that we must make the effort to do the actions needed.

All three of these modalities of cultivating humility make way for Gd to be experienced in the world. So often we lose sight of the divine element of the world because our lives get clouded by ego and selfhood. While it is important to work on our growth and the impact we want to have in the world, this cannot come at the expense of recognizing we are cogs in the great cycle of life.

May we always be working on our spiritual, intellectual and interpersonal growth so as to strengthen the foundation of the world so that we can continue to reveal the divine in the world.

Are you struggling with your spiritual growth? Faith? Feeling lost in the midst of the journey of life? Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com

Audio – Lessons in Tanya 47

Part one of Chapter 29. We discuss the challenge when our heart becomes like stone, when our heart becomes unfeeling. How do we overcome this? I offer a brief foray into the distinction between knowing something and feeling/experiencing it. We discuss the struggle of the beinoni as a source of growth, working through various levels of returning to Gd.

Episode 47

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Audio – Lessons in Tanya 46

End of chapter 28. We discuss how foreign thoughts during prayer are natural, as they are part of the battle between the divine and animal souls. We discuss how having a positive goal oriented mindset is better than an avoidance mindset when it comes to focus and concentration. The Alter Rebbe reminds us of the importance of turning to/including Gd in our fight to overcome the foreign thoughts breaking our focus.

Episode 46

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Rebbe Nachman’s Advice # 5 – Growing our Faith beyond the intellect

As we continue to explore some key points of faith as per Rebbe Nachman, this short piece is fundamental to his thought as well as a good reflection on the ideal engagement with faith.

יד. אֲפִלּוּ מִי שֶׁזּוֹכֶה לְהַמְשִׁיךְ אֵיזֶה שֵׂכֶל דִּקְדֻשָּׁה, צָרִיךְ לְהַמְשִׁיךְ אֱמוּנָה לְתוֹךְ הַשֵּׂכֶל, כִּי אֵין לִסְמֹךְ עַל הַשֵּׂכֶל בְּעַצְמוֹ: (לק”א סי’ כ”ד אות ו’)

Even a person who attains a certain level of religious insight and understanding must take good care to ensure that the perception he has is suffused with faith. Intellect alone is not something to rely upon (24:6).

For faith to have an impact on our lives, it cannot just reside in our minds. Faith needs to find its place in our heart, in the depth of who we are. How many of us struggle with faith not because we don’t have it but because we work too hard to try to understand the world. We are educated to think, debate, hypothesize, experiment and sometimes we forget the simple beauty of just seeing what is right there in front of us. Rebbe Nachman warns that the more we learn, the more we think we know, the more we must also work to strengthen the tie to the emotional feeling that is faith. I believe it is from that feeling that is faith we draw on the strength to withstand traumas and crises.

But this is no easy task. It is hard work to get to this place. How do we do that without intellectualizing our faith? Perhaps this is the power and beauty that we can find in prayer. Through prayer, we approach the world from a place of recognizing lack and looking to Gd to show us how to fill up what is missing. Prayer as a regular practice goes beyond knowledge. While it is important to have a deep understanding of the words we are saying, the deeper investment of energy in tefillah, prayer, is in allowing each time we pray to be a new experience, leaving the intellectual to the side and approaching it from the emotional.

May each of us find and cultivate our individual reservoir of faith as we also work to learn and increase our knowledge and understanding of the world.

Rebbe Nachman’s Advice # 3 – Belief as it relates to the sacredness of the miracle of Time and Space

Are there actual miracles in the world? Can we be open to the concept that even the events that we think are natural are miraculous? Do we just rely on our knowledge, which blinds us to seeing the beauty and sacredness all around us?

I have suggested that our understanding of miracles has become more sophisticated. This is a double-edged sword. We can see the miraculous even in moments that we have a clear sense of the nature of what we are witnessing and yet, because we know more, we tend not to be able to experience the miraculous with as much excitement and wonder. Because of this, our skepticism gets in the way of our experiencing the world.

For Rebbe Nachman, as part of his perspectives on faith as culled together in Likkutei Etzot, recognizing the possibility of the miraculous, something seeming beyond the norm, is an important element of developing, strengthening and maintaining our faith. As he says:

ז. אֵלּוּ בְּנֵי אָדָם הַמַּכְחִישִׁים כָּל הַנִּסִּים, וְאוֹמְרִים שֶׁהַכֹּל דֶּרֶךְ הַטֶּבַע, וְאִם רוֹאִים אֵיזֶה נֵס הֵם מְכַסִּים הַנֵּס עִם דֶּרֶךְ הַטֶּבַע, שֶׁאוֹמְרִים שֶׁזֶּה דֶּרֶךְ הַטְּבָעִים, הֵם פּוֹגְמִים בָּאֱמוּנָה מְאֹד, וּפוֹגְמִים בַּתְּפִלָּה וּבְאֶרֶץ יִשְׂרָאֵל, וְהֵם מַאֲרִיכִין אֶת הַגָּלוּת: (שם אות ה’)

The people who deny that miracles are possible and claim that everything that takes place has a natural explanation can actually witness a miracle themselves and still try and glaze over it and explain it away. Naturally, this attitude of mind is very damaging to religious faith. It is harmful to prayer, and people’s understanding of the true significance of the Land of Israel becomes obscured. All this contributes to the lengthening of the exile (Ibid. 2).

Before unpacking this idea, I would highlight a summarization of this concept from earlier in this section of Likkutei Etzot:

ב. אֱמוּנָה וּתְפִלָּה וְנִסִּים וְאֶרֶץ יִשְׂרָאֵל הֵם בְּחִינָה אַחַת, וְכֻלָּם תְּלוּיִים זֶה בָּזֶה: (שם)

Faith, prayer, miracles and the Land of Israel are all one concept. They are all dependent upon each other (Ibid.).

If we remove the belief in the miraculous, we run the risk of losing the feelings of awe and wonder that is the beauty in the world. If we lose this sense of awe, we presume everything has a direct correlation, instead of maintaining a sense of the faith we often need to help guide us through challenging moments. Without this faith, why would we pray, since how can prayer ever make a change. And finally, we close ourselves off the sacredness of time and space, as exemplified by the notion of that the true significance of Israel is obscured, for part of the true significance of Israel is the notion that place can be sacred.

Rebbe Nachman is advising us to be open to experiencing things without having to intellectualize them. If we allow for experience, we open ourselves up to feeling the changes between the mundane and sacred. How do we feel the difference between a weekday and Shabbat if we merely just look at a calendar? How do we see the beauty of Gd’s creation if all we are doing is driving through? When we experience the sacredness, we feel the inspiration to grow, to connect, to recognize the faith of the “unknown.”

May we be able to open our hearts and minds to truly feel the holiness and sacred of our world. May we recognize how different times and different spaces have different vibes.

Rebbe Nachman’s Advice # 2 – Attaining Faith through Prayer

ו. עַל־יְדֵי שֶׁמִּתְפַּלֵּל בְּכֹחַ וּמַכְנִיס כָּל כֹּחוֹ בְּאוֹתִיּוֹת הַתְּפִלָּה, עַל־יְדֵי זֶה זוֹכִים לֶאֱמוּנָה: (לק”א סי’ ט’ אות א’)

Pray with strength and put all your force into the letters of the prayers. Through this you attain faith (9:1).

Prayer comes from faith and faith comes from prayer.

How many of us who pray daily throw away prayer through rote recitation and then say, “prayer has no meaning for me?” Or perhaps prayer seems uninspired. The question is, just as much as we want prayer to give us something, so too prayer “wants” us to give it something.

For Rebbe Nachman, strengthening our faith comes from the exertion and work of growing and cultivating that faith. Faith is not something we just have. It is something we need to plant, water and grow. Faith is something that can be damaged or even “destroyed (but don’t despair, the seed we planted will always remain, perhaps deep down, but it remains).” An ideal way to strengthen our faith is through the “action” of tefillah, turning to Gd daily in recognition of being provided with what we need and having opportunity to request what we believe will help us further our lives. If we focus and we take hold of what we are saying and to Whom we are addressing, we have the opportunity to enhance and inspire our prayers.

Regarding the letters of prayer, I will just add that within mystical traditions each letter carries a spark of the divine which, through our recitation, we are said to be able to reveal to the world. When we do the work, we reap the efforts spiritually.

Today, may each of us find the inspiration within the faith we already carry to inspire our prayer so as to continue to grow our faith.

Prayer before Prayer

Every so often, it is important to come back to certain basics of spiritual growth as a means of reflection. Perhaps, even more than that, it is important to habituate ourselves in practices that enhance our spirituality while at the same time finding ways to make the habits into something that continues to feel new. One of those is the opening words of the Amidah,

ה’ שפתי תפתח ופי יגיד תהילתך

Gd, open up my lips and my mouth will share Your praises.

While we could offer the same thoughts on the entire prayer piece, the Amidah, at least as it pertains to the opening 3 and closing 3 blessings, this line in particular is quite special and meaningful.

First, if we consider the structure of the prayer service as a whole, much of what we have already done before getting to the Amidah is praise of Gd. Second, if the point is that this prayer is like a gateway prayer to further prayer, why here, why now? Third, if we are really in this place of struggle, how can we even presume to open our mouth with a prayer to be able to pray?

As I find myself focused on this line, I would offer that a prayer before prayer is the most profound and important of prayers and that it being in the midst of prayer, not at the very beginning of each service is also of crucial importance. If you are like me, by the time you reach the Amidah, you are of two minds. There is the anticipation of having opportunity built in for more personal reflection while at the same time much energy has hopefully been exuded to reach this place. As such, I would offer that the line introducing the Amidah is the chance to regroup and recharge. It is a chance to remember and reflect on how we can only say these prayers because Gd has granted us the ability to speak these words.

I found the inspiration for this in thinking about something from last week’s Torah portion. As Moses is arguing with Gd about not wanting the job of leading the Israelites from Egypt, he tries one last argument (Exodus 4:10-12):

וַיֹּ֨אמֶר מֹשֶׁ֣ה אֶל־יְהֹוָה֮ בִּ֣י אֲדֹנָי֒ לֹא֩ אִ֨ישׁ דְּבָרִ֜ים אָנֹ֗כִי גַּ֤ם מִתְּמוֹל֙ גַּ֣ם מִשִּׁלְשֹׁ֔ם גַּ֛ם מֵאָ֥ז דַּבֶּרְךָ֖ אֶל־עַבְדֶּ֑ךָ כִּ֧י כְבַד־פֶּ֛ה וּכְבַ֥ד לָשׁ֖וֹן אָנֹֽכִי׃

But Moses said to יהוה, “Please, O my lord, I have never been a man of words, either in times past or now that You have spoken to Your servant; I am slow of speech and slow of tongue.”

וַיֹּ֨אמֶר יְהֹוָ֜ה אֵלָ֗יו מִ֣י שָׂ֣ם פֶּה֮ לָֽאָדָם֒ א֚וֹ מִֽי־יָשׂ֣וּם אִלֵּ֔ם א֣וֹ חֵרֵ֔שׁ א֥וֹ פִקֵּ֖חַ א֣וֹ עִוֵּ֑ר הֲלֹ֥א אָנֹכִ֖י יְהֹוָֽה׃

And יהוה said to him, “Who gives humans speech? Who makes them dumb or deaf, seeing or blind? Is it not I, יהוה ?

וְעַתָּ֖ה לֵ֑ךְ וְאָנֹכִי֙ אֶֽהְיֶ֣ה עִם־פִּ֔יךָ וְהוֹרֵיתִ֖יךָ אֲשֶׁ֥ר תְּדַבֵּֽר׃

Now go, and I will be with you as you speak and will instruct you what to say.”

In addition to the irony of Moses using this as a final argument after seemingly having many words for excuses, what is most interesting is the point that it is not Moses who is able to speech on his own but Moses who is able to speak and argue because Gd allows him to argue.

In other words, we may be praying, expressing praises and wishes to Gd, but it is important to be regroup and ground ourselves time and again in the midst of prayer with the notion that Gd gives us the ability to pray and offer these words. Each prayer service is a journey, and on a journey it is important to take stock and recognize where you have come from, where you are and where you are going.

As we work on spiritual growth as it pertains to our prayerful lives, may we recognize the importance of knowing from Whom our prayers come and to Whom we direct our prayers.

Are you working on enhancing your prayer life and are not sure how best to go about it? Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com

Audio – Lessons in Tanya 22

Continuation of chapter 12. Today’s short piece engages the question of why the Beinoni is not a Tzaddik. The focus is on what the person experiences when not in a prayer state of being. I use this is piece as a jumping off point to name a couple of similarities/differences between Tanya and another book of early 19th century Eastern Europe, Nefesh HaHayyim as a way of showing different approaches to connecting to Gd.

Episode 22