When you realize you are living mindlessly, you are succeeding in living mindfully. Becoming aware that you aren’t engaging with the present is the first step to mindfulness.
p. 22
True growth in spiritual practice begins with the first step we take in the process of working on that practice. This first step is predicated on one’s desire to make a change. Thus, the real first step is recognition. Once we have arrived at recognition, then we can take the next step, which is the first of many active steps along the path of change and growth.
Doors close and doors open. What do we see when we are looking for the next door? I recently came across a quote that expressed this in the context of opening and closing doors in life.
Our journeys take us through many doors. Not all of the doors are positioned right in front of us. As in the above picture, they might be right next to us and we just haven’t adjusted our eyes to what is in right in front of us. If all we are doing is staring at the door we feel was slammed shut (even if it was gently closed or even if we ourselves closed the door) and don’t just turn our heads ever so slightly, we will miss the new opportunities in store as a result.
In my personal experience, it is much easier to dwell on the closed door, which was the sure thing I knew, than to go through the new door that would require me to take a risk into the unknown. Yet, once I went through the next open door, I found more often than not it was the entrance to a New Beginning and new opportunity. While the risks of the new did not disappear, once I was able to see the road ahead instead of anticipating all the negative because I was dwelling on the road behind, I was able to refocus and reflect on the positive potential of the new.
Every day can be an opportunity to enter a new space. All we have to do is shift our focus slightly and it might already be waiting for you to walk through.
May each of us continue to see the opportunities for growth and change and the opportunities that lie ahead along this topsy-turvy path of life.
As I work with others to help support them as they explore the road ahead, I cannot help but work on my own growth and development. In doing this exploration and work, I continue to recognize the value and importance of embracing my hopes and dreams, claiming them even if I haven’t arrived at the ideal vision I have. Among these dreams that I have revived in myself is the internal belief that I am a writer. Perhaps this is why I have spent many years dabbling and engaging in blogging, writing and sharing different ideas in a public forum. I believe I have something to say and that I have an ability to get across clear messages on “paper.” Simply put:
I am a writer.
Now, in reality, I struggle with writing. It is not a simple task to express oneself in written form. I don’t see myself as a master wordsmith, figuring out how best to manipulate and use words in a way that makes me seem smart and sophisticated. I don’t find that I am great at embellishing and creating poetic magic. Yet, in writing I am finding ways to expand my word usage and to embrace writing for writing sake without being worried about how I measure up in relation to others. The more I practice the skill, the more the skill becomes natural and easier to foster. Writing more frequently has helped me nourish my long dormant desire to write.
I am a writer
I am a writer because I choose to claim that I am a writer. By this I mean that as a function of writing regularly, I am able to comfortably and confidently say that I am this thing. While it is true that just because a person says “I am X” is not always indicative of their reality, especially if it comes to professional credentialing, but when it comes to the creative, to the arts, we can all own our work and our desire to be defined by one type of creativity or another. Why should we sell ourselves short? Why should we hamper ourselves just because we can’t produce perfect prose or masterful poetry?
I am a writer
While I cannot say it was professional goal to write for a living, I did and still do dream of writing. If we hinder our desired dreams, if we don’t claim our aspirations, then we definitely won’t achieve. Of course, even if we do dream, we don’t always make it to the top level. But if we dream, and we work and we work some more, we will have achieved much by the working that we do along the path we have set before ourselves.
I am a writer.
I am writer because I work on writing. Over the past week, pushing myself to write more, to brainstorm and express myself on this blog, I have already found more that I want to say and more ways in which to express the thoughts and feelings I want to convey as lessons to help foster growth.
I believe that within each of us is a creative person struggling to be set free. Part of my spiritual coaching work is to help a person uncover the hopes and dreams we wish stirring in the depths of our soul to better and brighten one’s life and through that to better others lives as well. Part of the search for meaning is the search for finding out the many ways we can define who we are and who we wish to be.
May each of us continue to aspire towards fulfilling and sharing our creative sides to the world.
Lately, I have been writing and reflecting a lot on focusing on the process, on imperfection and on the need to take growth as single steps along the path to the place we hope to reach. I find myself working daily to take this more positive approach, learning to appreciate how in a way it is all progress, both my successes and my failures. In light of these thoughts I have previously shared, I want to share a short message based on a discussion I’m involved in on Whatsapp.
Life can often seem like a game of darts. The bullseye is the goal we set before us. The dart is the tasks and tools are our disposal as we aim to reach the goal. When we aim and throw, we are ultimately hoping that the effort will lead us directly to the end goal, to the bullseye. And of course, we always want to hit the bullseye but sometimes we miss. Sometimes we miss by a little and sometimes completely. Yet, missing the target shouldn’t stop us from throwing the next dart. The challenge is, do we find the way to come back to the focus, the concentration of previous throws or do we allow the frustration to get in the way, increasing the odds of further misses?
It is difficult to fail, to miss, to be imperfect. I believe that many of the barriers we place before ourselves stems from this one fear, the fear of failure. If we fail, people will believe we are frauds. In truth, if we fail, it is not because we are frauds, rather, it is because there is no perfection and there will be times when we miss the target. And this goes for everyone around us as well.
As I sit here writing these words, I am reminded of the following read regarding the beginning of this week’s Torah portion, Vaetchanan.
“O lord Gd, You who let Your servant see the first works of Your greatness and Your mighty hand, You whose powerful deeds no god in heaven or on earth can equal!
But Gd was wrathful with me on your account and would not listen to me. Gd said to me, “Enough! Never speak to Me of this matter again!
Deuteronomy 3:23-26
Moses tells the people he prayed to Gd to overturn the punishment of not being able to enter Israel and that Gd said “no.” There is even a suggested idea that Moses didn’t just pray once or twice but 515 times (based on the numerical value of וָאֶתְחַנַּ֖ן), always receiving “no” for an answer (see Midrash Aggadah, Deuteronomy 3:23:13). Moses admits he failed (yes, he also does also cast blame on the people for Gd’s anger and decision to keep the “punishment” that resulted from the Israelites second complaint about not having water and Moses responded inappropriately with anger (see Numbers 20:1-13)). Nevertheless, for Moses to admit that Gd said no, when so often his prayers ended up with Gd heeding the request, is itself a valuable lesson along the lines of .
There is no perfect person. We are all imperfect in some way. The imperfections, the failures are not excuses to not try, or try and try again. Yes, there are times when we must exit the one path and walk along another. But even this is not a failure, it is a transition to the next opportunity, to a new goal, A New Beginning.
May we each learn how to aim for the center, hit the target or miss the target, aim again or aim differently to hit the next target.
Earlier this morning, I found myself stuck. I was having trouble coming up with a message for today that would clearly articulate something on my mind about spiritual growth as it relates to daily prayer. While I still intend to post some thoughts on this in the coming days, I realize that my being stuck is itself a lesson to be shared as we journey along a path of growth and change.
Too often, we expect perfection. I know that wanting to put out the best message possible can be challenging at times. We expect to hit on the perfect words, phrases, something catchy that will resonate. We expect that this will be the post that gets more and more hits. And when it doesn’t, this leaves a sense of discouragement, which over time might build into a fear of failure, causing inaction. I know because these feelings started to arise in me today.
I have struggled over the years maintaining the momentum of blogging because of these reasons, among others. And I’ve tried to write about different topics on those blogs, from spirituality, to politics, from sports to Judaism. At times it was fun and at times it became too much for me. Eventually, I would succumb to the frustration of imperfection and just give up.
When I started this blog August of last year, I was beginning to decide on the next steps in my life, trying to figure out the next steps of my journey. I felt the need to blog again, this time not just trying to revive what was but, following much of the advice I was giving myself, starting fresh and new. I promised myself at the time I would blog as little or as often as I desired, and would write for the sake of sharing my thoughts and ideas without allowing the number of hits I could gather be the goal. One year (and a week) later, I have written 87 posts, about one post every 4-5 days and have been enjoying the writing process. I have enjoyed the attempts at getting my message out for the sake of sharing some of my work in progress thinking.
If you stayed with me so far, here is my message for today. Sometimes the best thing to do is to jump in, put forth the effort and watch the magic start to happen. Don’t be discouraged if the path is bumpy, because even a bumpy path leads to a destination.
The title of this post was inspired by my wife’s comment to yesterday’s piece, From Despair to Hope: Seven Weeks until Rosh Hashanah. Each day, we have the opportunity to do something that helps foster a feeling of onward and upward. Too often we remain in the despair, the stagnant place of not doing. There could be many reasons for the paralysis. We are afraid, we hate making a mistake or mistakes, we don’t want to fail. Or perhaps we are really in a place where progress is almost impossible to foster (and we need the support of professionals to help and support us in these darker moments.)
How do we foster the ability to go onward and upward?
Forward momentum begins from a place of taking stock. If we spend the time in introspection, in reflecting on our journeys, we will begin to see how far we have come. We have taken the step/s forward we intended on the way to attaining our goals. Yet, too often, as I have been writing about lately, we don’t recognize how we got this moment, but will only look at how far we still want or need to go. My personal growth and journey continuously includes the work of seeing what I have accomplished along the way, not as a means of resting on my past but as a way of drawing strength from what was to continue to take one step at a time. Every step is an achievement unto itself. By celebrating the results, regardless of “success” or “failure,” we can learn to find real success, which is the striving forward we all look for in our lives.
A primary element of the period leading into Rosh Hashanah is the preparation for the aspect of Rosh Hashanah that is Gd judging the world for the upcoming year. This preparation is usually described as Teshuva, normally translated as repentance but better translated as a type of returning. In the words of Rabbi Menachem Mendel Schneerson o.b.m. as presented by Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks o.b.m:
2. Teshuvah and Repentance
“Repentance” in Hebrew is not teshuvah, but charatah. Not only are these two terms not synonymous, they are opposites.
Charatah implies remorse, or a feeling of guilt about the past and an intention to behave in a completely new way in the future. The person decides to become “a new man.” But teshuvah means “returning” to the old, to one’s original nature. Underlying the concept of teshuvah is the fact that the Jew is, in essence, good. Desires or temptations may deflect him temporarily from being himself, being true to his essence. But the bad that he does is not part of, nor does it affect, his real nature. Teshuvah is a return to the self. While “repentance” involves dismissing the past and starting anew, teshuvah means going back to one’s roots in G‑d and exposing them as one’s true character.
For this reason, while the righteous have no need to repent, and the wicked may be unable to, both may do teshuvah. The righteous, though they have never sinned, have to constantly strive to return to their innermost. And the wicked, however distant they are from G‑d, can always return, for teshuvah does not involve creating anything new, only rediscovering the good that was always within them.
What resonates most for me is that by seeing Teshuva as a focus on the idea of returning to one’s spiritual roots instead of seeing the time as one we spend reflecting on all we haven’t accomplished, we can find the strength to truly go onward and upward.
Today is the second day along the seven week path towards Rosh Hashanah. What will your “return to self” look like? How will you work on taking the steps you are taking in your lives and further fostering growth and change to better oneself in this life?
What can we do to change our mindset from feeling the sense of divine distance to divine nearness? What is the path to be ready to “greet the King in the field” which is a theme of the month of Elul, the month preceding Rosh Hashanah?
Yesterday was the commemoration known as Tisha B’Av (usually falling out on the 9th day of the Hebrew calendar month Av but due to the 9th being Shabbat, the fast day was pushed off until Sunday, the 10th of Av). Tisha B’Av is a day of collective mourning in the Jewish community, focused first and foremost on the destruction of the First and Second Temples in Jerusalem (586 BCE and 70 CE respectively) and then tying in all other tragedies that we have experienced throughout Jewish History. It is a day we lament and try to grapple with “why” and with “how.” After expressing many prayers and reflections that focus on these pain questions, we begin to search and look for some form of collective hope.
Coming out of Tisha B’Av, while having touched on this sense of hope, there remains the sense of Gd being distant, far away. It is hard to find how the tiny amount of hope will help lead us forward from feeling Gd is hiding to the sense of Gd’s presence we look to feel in seven weeks, when we change our tune and acknowledge Gd as the ruler of all humanity, coronating Gd as we do yearly on Rosh Hashanah.
What can we do to change our mindset from feeling the sense of divine distance to divine nearness? What is the path to be ready to “greet the King in the field” which is a theme of the month of Elul, the month preceding Rosh Hashanah?
It isn’t a coincidence that just like how the time period of Passover to Shavuot seven weeks period which is supposed to be a time of getting ready to receive the Torah anew, this 7 week period between Tisha B’Av and Rosh Hashanah is also a preparation period. The preparation begins by rising up from the depths of pain by taking one single step at a time. By taking the first step, we begin the journey and process.
Breaking it down further, there are two main periods we have in front of us as we get ready for Rosh Hashanah. The first three weeks from today until the beginning of Elul are about opening up our hearts and souls to the notion of reconnecting. We do this through study, through readings that offer comfort (nechama) and that awaken us to the notion we are never abandoned.
We then enter Elul. Starting from the first day of the month, we sound the shofar daily as a wake up call to work on ourselves (teshuva). The work we do is to take steps in our desire for self-improvement and growth, with the specific purpose of preparing for the new beginning Rosh Hashanah sets before us. We cannot just enter this period, waiting for the alarm call. We have the opportunity over the next three weeks to set the alarm so that when it goes off, one’s heart and soul is ready to hear the sounds emanating from the shofar. We shouldn’t just wait for the alarm but need to set it and prepare for it in the first three weeks leading up to Elul.
May these next 7 weeks be a time of growth and introspection and a time of finding hope out of the depths of despair.
Often we have moments in our lives when we feel that the story is “over,” feeling as though we have reached the ending of the book that is our story. In the moment of feeling stagnant, we believe that now life is destined to be a certain way because we have made our choices and are no longer in the driver’s seat of where we would like to head. In these moments of despair, when we feel that the outcome is inevitable, that we go from being in “control” to being the passive passenger along for the ride, resigning ourselves to “fate.” We feel a sense of sadness, loss, anger and frustration at our lot. Perhaps we begin to spiral into despair and depression. These feelings become further roadblocks and barriers on our life’s highway. Perhaps we feel we are on the wrong path.
How do we overcome this sensation, this feeling, this set of traps along the path?
First, I am a strong believer in the importance of naming and sitting with the emotions that rise up. One of the challenges to overcoming sadness, anger and other “negative” emotions is we try to squash them, try to avoid them or compartmentalize them. We thus end up in two fights, the fight against the emotion and the fight with ourselves to avoid feeling bad. Yes, we all want to feel good, happy and positive. Yet, many times, we don’t. It is in those moments when engaging the emotion in a constructive manner is crucial. In those moments of pain, the variety of feelings are there to help foster growth, even if it is painful.
Second, in those moments of despair and feeling like there is no further one can go, we need to reframe the narrative. As the above quote says, “Keep writing, your story is worth it.” If we think of our lives as a big canvas that is telling a story, then the end is not the end until the inevitable end of life. Yes, situations end, changes occur. One chapter ends, not the book. In those moments of feeling “this is not how I expected it to be,” we can take a different tack and sit with the sense of ending as if it is a stop along the path so as to get the next set of directions. It is hard to imagine, but in reality each day, no matter our station in life, is an opportunity to shift our journey, taking different roads along the highway of life. I recall countless interviews with centenarians who have suggested a secret to their longevity was the learning of something new everyday. Underlying that message is the drive to seize an opportunity to write our own story instead of allowing the story to write us.
Keep writing your story. The ending hasn’t been written yet.
The above picture is from last summer, on a beach in Florida. It was at the beach that I was originally inspired with the motto for New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC, “Helping you on the journey through the waves of life.”
I find myself reflecting on this picture today, thinking about the wonders of the world. Many of us find comfort and spirituality in the workings of nature, truly seeing the beauty and grandeur of the world. By observing the movement of the trees, the waves of the ocean, hearing the sounds of the birds, we can find our connection in the cycle of life.
For me, looking at this picture of the waves, I am reminded about how life is a series of ebbs and flows. Each wave carries sediment, and leaves it at the shore, while also dragging sand back into the ocean. Each step of life is a combination of leaving something behind and also carrying something forward.
Often we feel like we are traveling on a dark road with no end in sight. We can’t begin to figure out where the destination is. All we see is the uncertainty that lies ahead. How can we overcome the inevitable fear we feel on this long, unknown path? One way is to work to change the image we see before us. Perhaps, this next images changes the mood.
Imagine this brighter image. Yes, it is an open road, but with the sun, we will hopefully have a better sense of where we are able to go.
The first step on the journey to change and find our path is to “turn on the light.” This is not a simple practice. It is one which takes time and effort to find the “switch.” Yet, once we shift our perception, we can then begin to progress to the next destination along the road of life.
New beginnings: A blog about spirituality, chaplaincy and renewal 