Tag: motivation

FAILure is not a Bad Word

This morning, while I was writing in my journal, I noticed something that has come up for me often. Like most people, there are things in life that I shy away from because of previously bad experiences. And as many of us do, when I have a bad experience, I carry with me the burden of feeling like I “failed.” It is true that in certain previous experiences, in so much as they weren’t successful, I allowed the sense of failure to push me in a different direction without considering whether to try again. And so there I sat, thinking and reflecting, and staring at the word “failure” which I had written out on my journal page.

After a few moments, I took a deep breath and looked at the word failure again through a different lens. I realized that I was seeing the word in a different way, recalling something I had heard over the weekend. The word fail can also be an acronym for First Attempt In Learning. To fail means that you tried and didn’t succeed and hopefully you will have another opportunity, so that the “failed” attempt is really the first attempt. And while this is a good metaphor, as I was searching online, I found the image above and an article about the word “failure” also being an acronym. Failure is not the first attempt at learning and then that’s it, you give up and move on. Failure is when you try, don’t find success and then come back and reevaluate. It is when you err and then reflect on the mistakes to hopefully come back stronger the next time.

Failure is part of all of our journeys in life. While we are programmed to see Failure as a setback, in fact, failure is part of our forward moving journey of life. If anything, failure can be a tool that slows us down and if used wisely, a way for us to figure out if we are travelling on the right road and just hit a bump or if we need to take a ramp to another road that bypasses the impassable spot. Or perhaps we need to exit the road we are on completely and travel along a road that veers us off from our previously considered goals and dreams.

Today, my hope is that we can all embrace failure as something that teaches us lessons and helps us reflect on where we are and where we hope we are going.

If you or someone you know is looking to forge ahead and set new goals for the journey of life, we are here to help foster spiritual and emotional growth and change. Schedule your appointment today here. For more information, please contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com

The Importance and Power of the Desire for Success

I think most of us make the mistake of thinking that our emotions are things that just happen to us. We presume we just feel and that we have zero control over those feelings. And once we feel something, then that will be it, we won’t have to do things to build upon the feeling. 

When it comes to accomplishing the things we wish to accomplish, I often wonder if we are just waiting for the inspiration to push forward instead of taking the steps necessary to see our goals come to fruition. In reading a lot about goal setting and striving to become a better self, I have come to recognize that one of the biggest hurdles to success is fostering the will and desire to take on a new opportunity. While it is easy to say we want to succeed and we want to accomplish new things, very often it is merely us paying lip service and not taking action. Last Shabbat, I came across the following piece which speaks about the power of desiring to succeed as the first step to spiritual growth: 

The Power of Desire
Someone asked the Rebbe for financial advice. The Rebbe said: The most important thing a person has to have is a strong desire, whether it is a desire to open a business, to build something, to invent something. A person has to have a powerful desire for something, that is the first step. Once a person develops a strong desire for something physical, they should then transfer that desire into something spiritual, and something pertaining to their avodas Hashem, and then they will truly feel and understand what a strong desire is. With a strong enough desire, a person will succeed b’ezras Hashem in what they try to accomplish.
(Shabbos Parshas Vayechi 5784)

Sea of wisdom for Parashas Shemos 5784 – R. Yitchak Meir Morgenstern

We see that desire is not something we just claim to have but it is something we must actively cultivate and embrace. When we fully embrace the person we wish to become or the thing we truly wish to accomplish, then we will be on the road to success. The lack of a cultivated and focused desire to achieve something is often the barrier to reach the destination we have in mind and is the death of so many of our goals and resolutions. 

As we continue to evaluate the goals we have set for ourselves, we should take the time to first examine what it is we really wish to accomplish and see if the desire for success is truly there to be our guide along the way. Don’t be afraid if the desire that was is no longer present as it could be we either need to reinvest our energy into our wishes or perhaps we need to make changes to the goal we had in mind and the process of reaching that goal. 

In either case, may each of us find the willpower and passion to take our first steps to our desired goals for becoming the people we wish to become.

It’s a New Year and a new opportunity to start fresh. If you or someone you know is looking to forge ahead and set new goals or trying to find a sense of meaning in life, we are here to help foster a spiritual and emotional growth and change. Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com

Rebbe Nachman’s Advice # 18 – What is my real motivation

Today, I am thinking about my motivations. Why do I do the things I do? Why share my thoughts with others through this medium? Why do I help others in times of crisis? Why do I live a life focused on spiritual growth? These questions, among others, are part of my daily reflections. Of course, at times one question sticks out more than the rest while other questions percolate below the surface, ready to come forth when they need time and reinforcement.

I am reminded of this because of the following idea from the thought of Rebbe Nachman.

לח. אִישׁ אֱמֶת שֶׁעוֹשֶׂה כָּל הַמִּצְווֹת בְּכָל הַדִּקְדּוּקִים בֵּינוֹ לְבֵין קוֹנוֹ כְּמוֹ בִּפְנֵי בְּנֵי אָדָם, וְאֵין חִלּוּק אֶצְלוֹ כְּלָל, כִּי אֵין בּוֹ שׁוּם צַד שֶׁקֶר לַעֲשׂוֹת חַ”ו אֵיזֶה תְּנוּעָה בַּעֲבוֹדָתוֹ בִּשְׁבִיל בְּנֵי אָדָם, הוּא מַמְשִׁיךְ לְעַצְמוֹ כֹּחַ כָּל הַצְּדָקוֹת, וְעַל־יְדֵי זֶה הוּא מְבַטֵּל מַחֲשָׁבוֹת שֶׁל כְּפִירוֹת הַנַּ”ל: (שם)

A person should be so honest that when he carries out the mitzvot and all their fine details it is for the sake of God alone. Even if he were completely alone with no one to watch him, he would still carry them all out scrupulously. Being free of the slightest hint of dishonesty, he would never do anything merely to impress others (Ibid.).

Do my motivations change if others watch me do an action? Am I consistent in private and public? Being consistent in our inner and outer selves is quite difficult. It is something that I know to be a daily struggle. Most of us tend to find elements of our motivations coming from external incentives, whether honor, glory, the hope someone will return the favor (quid pro quo), etc. This is not a negative. Yet, this cannot be seen as an ideal for us to live by. While it is part of our growth to need these external incentives for our growth, the true goal is to move beyond the reward and do it for its own sake. To me, reading these words of Rebbe Nachman, I am reminded of this statement from Pirkei Avot, Ethics of our Fathers:

אַנְטִיגְנוֹס אִישׁ סוֹכוֹ קִבֵּל מִשִּׁמְעוֹן הַצַּדִּיק. הוּא הָיָה אוֹמֵר, אַל תִּהְיוּ כַעֲבָדִים הַמְשַׁמְּשִׁין אֶת הָרַב עַל מְנָת לְקַבֵּל פְּרָס, אֶלָּא הֱווּ כַעֲבָדִים הַמְשַׁמְּשִׁין אֶת הָרַב שֶׁלֹּא עַל מְנָת לְקַבֵּל פְּרָס, וִיהִי מוֹרָא שָׁמַיִם עֲלֵיכֶם:

Antigonus a man of Socho received [the oral tradition] from Shimon the Righteous. He used to say: do not be like servants who serve the master in the expectation of receiving a reward, but be like servants who serve the master without the expectation of receiving a reward, and let the fear of Heaven be upon you.

Pirkei Avot 1:3

Our spiritual growth is a continuous process of struggle to be consistent in the motivations for all we do. Today, may we reflect on what makes us do the great things we do and begin working on aligning our real motivations with the actions we take.

Are you struggling with your spiritual growth? Faith? Feeling lost in the midst of the journey of life? Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com

The Day after – What happens after we decide on a goal?

Yesterday, as I was sitting and scrolling through Facebook and Twitter, I was seeing reminders of the big Daf Yomi Siyum HaShas (completion of the daily study of one page of Talmud a day which takes 7.5 yrs to complete) event that took place Jan. 1 2020 at MetLife stadium and other venues around the world. In seeing these posts, I began to reflect on the drive to maintain daily disciplines, whether study, prayer, spiritual practice, new hobby, etc. What does it take to maintain these self-driven desires for improvement, for growth? How do we start a daily routine and keep it going without becoming self-absorbed in it to the detriment of those around us?

Here is an outline of how to best work towards true goal setting and change:

  1. What do we want to change? Before getting into the muck of why and how we want to bring about change, we must first name the change, either in specific or in general terms. Name the thing we want to do different.
  2. Why do I want to change? What is motivating the change? For some, it is the humdrum nature of the lives we are currently living. For others, there is a deep yearning of the soul for growth and connection to something far greater than ourselves. Maybe we feel stuck, lost, drained. And maybe we need to make a better change to foster better, healthier habits and choices. Regardless, in order to set goals and maintain change, the motivation for why needs to be clear and needs to be constantly reviewed so as to remember why we started down this path.
  3. How do I bring about the change in behavior? Truth is, this might be the toughest category to reflect upon. Making a big change to establish a new routine and/or goal requires a multiplicity of smaller changes which can affect others. Do I need to change my sleep habits? Do I need to delete an app from my phone that I’m addicted to? How do I balance a new routine with the needs of my family? These questions and many others require time and discussion as we work on scheduling and establishing this new thing. As such, each of us needs to take a two prong approach. On the one hand, begin the journey. Don’t wait for everything to line up perfectly because it never will. On the other hand, make sure those around you support you as best they can. It can be hard for others to fit your change into their lives. For true spiritual growth, we need to be working toward finding a balance of our desires with the needs of those around us.
  4. Don’t overthink – With those other three suggestions, remember to not overanalyze and overthink the journey. It is easy to get paralyzed in all the details of how to make it work instead of just Do It. Sometimes, the doing makes the rest fall into place. Sometimes it will be imperfect. Sometime it might even be going through the motions. But as you do and you build step by step, seeing how far you have come will help motivate on those days it is more difficult to get going.
  5. Don’t get overwhelmed by the process. Going back to the Daf Yomi as an example, it is easy to feel like the task is too big. I know that studying a page a day can be very challenging, which is why I have failed at it more often than I remember (by fail I mean I fall off and stop). I am in the midst of trying again. This time, my motivations have changed and my focus is different. I hope to maintain the success and am proud of how I try each day, even when it is far from an ideal situation.

These 5 ideas are how I work on setting my goals and how I work with others to set and maintain their spiritual growth and work.

May each of us find the motivation and focus to succeed along the path we wish to set before us in our spiritual and emotional growth.

Set goals for this year and looking to uncover and solidify the why and how of making the goals stick? Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com