Tag: journeying forward

A balanced life perspective

Sometimes we are reminded of a message that is deep and meaningful at the most important of times. Over the past few days, I keep coming across these two phrases, “I am but dust and ashes” and its contrast, “For my sake was the world created.” According to Rabbi Dr. Abraham Twerski, in Growing Each Day, it is said that:

Rabbi Bunim of Psis’cha said that everyone should have two pockets; one to contain, “I am but dust and ashes,” and the other to contain, “The world was created for my sake.” At certain times, we must reach into one pocket; at other times, into the other. The secret of correct living comes from knowing when to reach into which.

p. 62

I realized that this advice/message was crucial to how we all should strive to live. There are times when we feel down, feel lost, feel like we are just going through the motions of life. In those moments we could use the pick me up of recognizing that we each play a role in the role, perhaps even the most fundamental of roles. We should strive in those moments to reflect on how much our actions are of value to existence.

On the other hand, we can all get caught up in taking ourselves too seriously. It is very easy to fall into the trap of seeing ourselves as better than someone else, as the one to judge others, to point a finger and make ourselves out to be the best while others are not. In those moments we are best served remembering that we too are just human, we are imperfect and have our own flaws and challenges that we wouldn’t want others to judge us over.

I believe this is an important lesson when engaging in self-reflection and when working with a coach or a therapist. As we go through self-discovery, we can find ourselves oscillating between our great self and our lowly self, swinging along a pendulum trying to find the balance, static point. It behooves us to take steps to find ways and methods for approaching the highs and lows of life.

May we each find our balance, recognizing our importance and our humility at the same time.

If you are looking to explore and discover new approaches to the difficulties in your life, trying to find the middle path: Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com.

Fear of success

How often do we struggle to find success because we are more afraid of success than failure? We spend so much time expressing a fake humility, downplaying our successes because we don’t want to seem arrogant. Ironically, the truly humble are those who know and strive for their successes while also acknowledging the gifts that they have which allowed for this success. In the quote below, we find a similar sentiment about the fear of success.

How do we overcome this fear? Two approaches come to mind.

First – As I have reflected upon in my writings on this page, we work towards breaking down the goals into smaller, manageable steps, working piece by piece to rise to our success. While we might be afraid of success, we are also fearful the process will be too arduous and difficult. If we can eliminate this fear, building to the large goal with countless short term, forward moving, goals, we will stand a better chance of success.

Second – We do not have to go about this task alone. Success in most areas of life doesn’t come by isolating oneself to remove all distractions. Yes, there are times we need to take on a task alone. Yet, more often than not, we forget that others have travelled along similar paths and get help guide us along the journey to our goals, helping us with their strengths to cultivate and support our strengths. If we allow the fear of being imperfect dominate, we will never seek the advice and support needed to achieve our desired goals and dreams.

May this be a week of discovering how you can overcome the fear of success as you embark on the next steps of your journey!

Are you struggling to overcome the fear of success and to embrace Gd’s gifts in your life. Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com

New Beginnings One Year Anniversary

Whenever we venture into the unknown, we see before us a vast expanse lying ahead, leaving us with fears and doubts as to what we will encounter along the way. For many of us, these fears stop us in our tracks and we never get the opportunity to go forth and explore. In these moments, we find ourselves similar to the biblical Patriarch Abraham when Gd calls him to “Go Forth from your land, from your birthplace and from your father’s home to the land that I will show you (Genesis 12:1).” There is a powerful idea in later Jewish writing that this call was not specific to Abraham but was a call that went out to the world that only Abraham was focused enough to hear. Perhaps this call is always out there, waiting for us when the time is right, when we are in the moment of deciding where to go next. In that moment, if we listen, we will know we aren’t going alone. Rather we must take the initial step and we will be shown what truly lies before us, not what we believe might be out there stopping us from going forward.

This is my story as well. This week marks the one year anniversary of New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC, a moment in my life of going forth to a new adventure, a new path in my life. It has been an amazing year for me on this journey of growing a private spiritual life coaching practice. New Beginnings began as a dream to build a business whose mission was to work with others confronting the spiritual and emotional challenges that arise during transitional periods in life. Through a focus on one’s spiritually and faith and the search for meaning, growth and change along the new paths we face, my goal is to foster and harness the tools we have or will need when embarking on a New Beginning. During this first year, I have worked with individuals and groups exploring areas such as:

  1. engaging one’s spiritual self in one’s life decisions
  2. grief and loss
  3. meaning making
  4. finding joy in the next chapter of life
  5. Rediscovery of “Who am I”

Through a combination of active listening, exploration, reflection and reframing, we work together to uncover layers of self-awareness. Through working together, we will often reveal the skills and tools you already possess to affect true positive change. It is my passion to help guiding others through these times of self-discovery, navigating the waves that we experience during the various transitional moments in life.

To get a more in depth sense of what New Beginnings can do for you, please check out the link to the recent interview I did with Jewish Sacred Aging’s Seekers of Meaning Podcast.

If you or someone you know is:

  • Feeling lost, without your anchor?
  • Struggling with the death of a loved one?
  • Looking for the spiritual spark to reignite your life?
  • Searching for a sense of meaning, hope or joy?
  • Trying to grapple with suffering?

Then I invite you to contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com. I look forward to supporting you along your journey and your New Beginning.

Growth comes from Faith

Humility need not cause feelings of worthlessness. Although a zero may be nothing when it stands by itself, adding zeros to another digit can result in a number of astronomical magnitude.

If we stand alone, we are nothing. But when we stand together with G-d and with one another, we constitute a value of infinite proportion…

Rabbi Dr. Abraham J. Twerski’s, Living Each Day p. 42

Humility is the recognition that we need not go at it alone. It is recognizing our place in the greater cosmos, reminding ourselves to be mindful of how we are part of a collective humanity and our lot in the world is not just of our making. Humility is recognizing the gifts we have and the need to use those gifts in a way that is beneficial to all those around us.

Faith is not a passive notion of simply saying “I believe…” It is not something we just “have.” Faith is an active recognition that we are not alone. Faith is the recognition we are working in partnership with a being greater than ourselves.

I believe that one of the biggest challenges to growth is how often we believe in the idea that “I must do this alone.” While it is true that it is the “I” that has to take the first step to change, it is just as true that growth and change take a collective effort. It is through recognizing that we do not have to go forth on our own which can be the difference between success and failure.

May each of us find that sense of connectivity and togetherness along the way of our journeys.

Looking to shift to a new road on your journey. Let me help you along that process. Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com

Seeing a Miracle as a Joint Effort

Faith and belief is a funny thing. On the one hand, we know that no matter what we do, no matter how much effort we might put into something, success and failure are more often than not out of our hands. On the other hand, we know that if we just sit and wait, hoping for a miracle, the likelihood of something happening is severely reduced. This message is apparent in Noah’s building of the ark as described at the beginning of this week’s Torah portion.

The ark Noah was to build was to house he, his 3 sons, his wife and their wives as well as 1 or 7 pairs of all land animals and birds, and supplies to survive the flood. In other words, this would need to be a big boat. Commenting on Genesis 6:19, Nachmanides offered the following idea.

…Noah was thus obligated to bring all of them into the ark in order that they may beget their like. If you would gather a full year’s supply of food for all of them, [you would find] that this ark and ten others like it could not hold it! But this was a miracle of a small space containing a great quantity. And in case you suppose that he should have made it [the ark] very small and rely on this miracle, the answer is that the Holy One, blessed be He, saw fit to make it large so that the people of his generation should see it, wonder at it, converse about it, and speak of the subject of the flood and the gathering of the cattle, beast, and fowl into it so that perhaps they would repent. Furthermore, he made it large in order to reduce the miracle for such is the way with all miracles in the Torah or in the Prophets: whatever is humanly possible is done, with the balance left to Heaven…

והנה יצטרך להביא מכלם שיולידו כמותם וכאשר תאסוף לכלם מאכל אשר יאכל לשנה תמימה לא תכיל אותם התיבה הזאת ולא עשר כיוצא בה אבל הוא נס החזיק מועט את המרובה ואם תאמר יעשנה קטנה ויסמך על הנס הזה ראה השם יתברך לעשותה גדולה כדי שיראו אותה בני דורו ויתמהו בה ויספרו עליה וידברו בענין המבול וכנוס הבהמה והחיה והעוף לתוכה אולי יעשו תשובה ועוד עשו אותה גדולה למעט בנס כי כן הדרך בכל הניסים שבתורה או בנביאים לעשות מה שביד אדם לעשות והשאר יהיה בידי שמים

Before overanalyzing Nachmanides’ words, I believe the simplest way to express his idea is from one of the most iconic movie quotes of all time:

Life is a partnership. Nothing can be done alone. I shared one aspect of this idea of not going at it alone in my piece from last week, Humility is recognizing we don’t have to do it alone. Nachmanides now adds another layer. Faith and trust in something greater than ourselves is not just a waiting game. It requires active participation on our part. Nachmanides uses the example of Noah building a reasonably sized ark, yet clearly not an ark big enough to really house all of what would be needed for survival, as evidence for how a miracle is not a one way street.

One of the greatest miracles we experience is the miracle of growth and change. It is extremely difficult to overcome our habits. It is quite challenging to make a lasting change in life, so much so that more often than not, changes don’t always last. Yet, we are always responsible to keep at it, keep trying, keep taking single steps along the path. True faith comes from a sense that if we take the single step, if we open the door to change, we will see the fruits of our labor. Or, in the words of Midrash Shir HaShirim Rabba 5:2 –

“Open for me” – Rabbi Yasa said: The Holy One blessed be He said to Israel: My children, open for Me one opening of repentance like the eye of the needle, and I will open for you openings that wagons and carriages enter through it.”

Today, may each of us find the sense to take that next step, open the door to new opportunity and may we, in partnership, come to find there is more room to change than meets the eye.

Don’t go at it alone. If you or someone you know is looking to start along the journey of change and growth: Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com.

We can still Light the Candle

The hour is late. In mere hours we will be entering Yom Kippur. We have had ample opportunity for reflection and introspection. And while we might think it is too late, we would do well to remember it is never too late. We can still open our hearts to the desire to change and offer that deep desire as our first step to real, true teshuvah, true returning to the person we strive to be. I came across the following idea from Rav Moshe Weinberger that illustrates this concept (found here [p.19]):

One year on Yom Kippur, the Sar Shalom of Belz quoted the mishna in Shabbos (34a),


”ג’ דברים צריך אדם לומר בתוך ביתו ערב שבת עם חשכה עשרתם ערבתם הדליקו את הנר,““a person must say three things erev Shabbos as it gets dark, ‘Have you tithed?’, ‘Have you prepared the eruvim?’, and ‘Light the candle!’”

He explained that because Yom Kippur is called the ultimate Shabbos (Vayikra 16:31), this mishna also alludes to our feelings as we enter into Yom Kippur. “עשרתם “means “Have you tithed,” but because the root word is “עשר “,meaning ten, it alludes to the ten days of teshuva, as if to ask, “Have you used the ten days of teshuva properly?” Indeed, the ten days of teshuva have passed and what did we accomplish?! “ערבתם “ means “have you prepared the eruvim?”, like the eruv techumim and the eruv chatzeiros. But “ערב “also means “eve,” as if to ask “Have you used the eve of Yom Kippur properly to prepare? Erev Yom Kippur has passed and how did we use it?!

And the last question relates to kindling the Yom Kippur candles. The Sar Shalom continued “The candles are already lit and look what a state we are in!” He was quiet for a moment and then he concluded, “But ‘הדליקו את הנר ‘,does not mean ‘the candle
is already lit.’ It means ‘Light the candles!’ Therefore it is not too late! Each and everyone of us still has time to light the candle, which refers to (Mishlei 20:27) ‘ נר אדם נשמת’ ה’ ‘,the soul of man is G-d’s candle.’”

Much of my suggested work in coaching others begins by showing them that the first step is to take the first step. If we just light the candle, do this one small task, we are already along the way to change. Once we recognize that the hardest thing is such a simple thing, we will then be able to begin along a new path towards growth.

Yom Kippur is both a culmination and a beginning. If we have been working on how to change this whole time, Yom Kippur allows us to have a sense of the slate wiped clean so we can make the fresh start we desire. And if we haven’t used this time as well as we could, don’t despair. Yom Kippur is a roadmap towards areas we can and always should be working to better ourselves in.

May each of us find this Day of Atonement to be the guide forward we are in need of as we all continue to foster the desire for New Beginnings in our lives.

If you are exploring ways to deepen your ability to recognize within yourself areas of desired spiritual growth: Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com.

Self-reflection/looking in the mirror

A couple of my more recent posts have explored the topic of identifying the various components of self identity. In this post, I am…, I included the beginnings of a list of different terms as to who I see myself as and as a paradigm for your personal growth. This practice, of listing the various “I ams” is a crucial component of growth. By looking in the mirror and engaging in the various elements of who we see, we can then explore the deeper characteristics that underlie each of those elements of our self-makeup.

Some of you reading this might question this method. After all, the work of claiming an “I” seemingly flies in the face of many spiritual practices. It is a common misconception that the goal of spiritual practice is an absolute self-nullification, a removal of all “I” elements of life. I would argue that this is a mistaken premise. Self-nullification, losing oneself in greater spiritual growth, is about the work of not allowing any of the identifying elements of the self to become sacred, to become the be all and end all.

Rather, what I am proposing is that the “I am” is a gateway to deep exploration and spiritual work as it relates to growth. This dawned on me in working with a couple of my clients, exploring the underlying meaning of the terms they were using to identify themselves. The exploration was to try to understand what were the drivers behind the particular term that the person used as a definition of self. When we are clear on who we are and what that means to us, we can then travel a road of who we wish to become within or without the term we are exploring.

For example, in my previous post, I identified myself as a “reader.” If I were to break this down further, I might begin by describing what I like to read or the types of books I find myself reading at the moment. I might explore what reading does for me. In fact, here is a rough outline of what saying I am a Reader is to me:

  1. explorer
  2. curious
  3. seeker of knowledge
  4. reading allows me times to escape from the challenges of life
  5. reading is a spiritual practice
  6. growth and change
  7. reading is a gateway to unexplored worlds
  8. reading is helpful in being a writer

I would then take this list and go deeper in this and related topics as it pertains to the goals the person I am working with would like to explore. For example, if I want to explore the notion of reading as a personal spiritual practice in relation to what it means when I define myself as a reader, I would work with the person to deepen their self-notion of what reading as a spiritual practice is. Is it the focus of reading? Is reading really about study and being absorbed in the depths of another’s words? Is it a form of connection to Gd (there is much in religious thought about connecting to the divine through the practice of study, of learning)? The goal of these explorations would be to help foster within the person the richness that comes from insights into the self so as to better foster the growth a person is looking for.

May each of us discover new aspects of ourselves as we consider the “I ams” we bring to the world.

Reflecting on your own path of self-discovery: Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com.

How many drafts does it take

I have been finding a lot of self-reflective material when considering aspects of writing. In writing, like life, it is almost impossible to create the perfect piece in a single sitting. Just like it is important to remember that all goals are made up of a series of single steps, one foot after the other, so too writing is a process of putting one word on paper at a time, in which eventually the string of words becomes a cohesive unit. Along the way, there will be updates to the unit of writing, whether because of a misspelled word, a missing punctuation mark, or information that is lacking because we forget to convey to the reader precisely what we are thinking. Or, perhaps you think it is good, post it on a website, and then get a copy-editor’s eye to read it and circle in yellow the errors in the piece (which luckily is easily fixable in wordpress).

Serious writing is a series of rough drafts, when in a way even the final draft remains an incomplete, imperfect product. Yet, for those of us who persist in writing, the rough draft, the initial go, is often as valuable if not more valuable than the “final product.” The rough draft is the opportunity to try and fail in the craft of formulating an idea. The rough draft is the proof you need to know you have taken the hard first step of engaging in the writing process.

The rough draft is a great metaphor when we consider self-introspection and change. Most of us are searching for do-overs, the opportunity to change what was, whether by scrapping something and moving away from the past or from veering slightly to the right of left to a different turn that we believe will lead us in the direction we really want to go. Like with writing, when we cross out and change words, life gives us countless opportunities to adjust to the moment, to the times by changing, rearranging or erasing elements of our before so as to make the step forward towards a new start.

I came to this thought this afternoon as I was scrolling through a list of some of the blog posts which I have either not completed or have pretty much decided to leave in the draft folder because they don’t resonate for me at this point. Many of the drafts were like the dipping of a toe into a topic and realizing the water was not ready yet or perhaps might never be. The draft folder contains the tried and failed so as to then try again and succeed with any number of other posts.

Every Elul as well as every other demarcation point in one’s year, when we reflect and desire to explore unknown elements of the path going forward, we are reminding ourselves that we remain a “rough” draft in need to further polishing. The polishing can take multiple reads, multiples steps and missteps along the way. We can and do go through many drafts of our lives. The goal is fostering and maintaining the hope that each time we reread and edit, we are succeeding by seeing the incremental and/or monumental improvement over the previous version.

May this be a time of year when we can all look inside and make the necessary edits to improve on the rough drafts we have crafted up until now.

Need help scouring and editing the Rough Drafts of your life: Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com.

First Day of…

Today is the start of the school year for my two boys, as they enter 7th and 6th grade. It’s a very exciting day, full of hope and anticipation for a good year. It’s also a day full of nerves and worries about what will come during the year.

The notion of firsts has been a primary focus of mine lately, as you can tell from a few of my most recent posts. I have been trying to grapple with how we begin something and how we prepare to begin something new. Yet, another element of firsts is the calendrical milestone moments we encounter throughout the year. As I continue to reflect on and prepare for Rosh Hashanah (now only 25 days away), I find myself focused on how we mark the new start, the first day, the first step along a new aspect of our journeys.

Isn’t it interesting, that for new beginnings, we often take the smiling, before picture, highlighting the hope and excitement that comes from the starting new. And we all know that underlying the smiles is fear and nerves, yet we show our brave, happy faces to hide away the muck that is most often found inside us during these moments of the unknown. The before picture is like the on-ramp to this next journey. We are standing, carrying the tools we will need for this part of the path, trying to figure out how much of who we were and who we wish to be will help guide in this new section of our story.

And of course, if we are talking about the beginning, we cannot forget that there will be an end as well. What fascinates me is that we often forget to also take the “after” picture, either because the ending doesn’t happen or we merely don’t get as excited by the ending as the beginning. Or perhaps because we could say all “before” pictures are really the “after” pictures from the previous period of time, we never truly do miss out because in a grander sense each new leg of the journey is another beginning from a previous ending.

How do you capture your firsts? It doesn’t just have to be firsts like a new school year that we ritualize. Each of us should take the time to celebrate a new start, a new job, a new research project, taking the initial step into the new time frame we are about to enter. If we think about Rosh Hashanah, the anticipation and hope for a sweet new year, symbolized by dipping apple into honey and offering a wish for this action to manifest itself in our lives, is a beautiful example of setting a positive tone to whatever we hope to accomplish in the upcoming year.

Starting new things is difficult. Celebrate and embrace that you began something. By starting, you have already accomplished tremendous amounts.

Are you working on starting something new and finding ways to take that first step: Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com.

Being the person you want to be takes hard work

With Rosh Hashanah 27 days away, it is an important time to reflect on the work of change. Realistically, one should not treat growth and change like most of us treat tests, a time to cram and get it over with. Rather, one should regularly be in a place of self-improvement so as to have times in which to ramp up the process a bit, such as during this auspicious time leading to a new demarcation, a new year, a New Beginning.

As most of you who have been reading this blog have noticed, much of what I emphasize is incremental growth, small steps, the importance of acknowledging the gains along the path, and other modalities of fostering long term success. I recognize that these ideas can and are difficult. First, we have to begin the journey, which, as which I described in my previous post, is the hardest step. Once we do that, we then have the difficulty of maintaining and taking more steps. This isn’t easy, though if we recognize the accomplishment of the initial step, perhaps we can find the strength to continue along.

I myself continue to consciously work on these approaches in my own growth work, and struggle with the ups and downs that inevitably do come into play when travelling along the waves of life. Yet, if we try to just leap from the bottom to the top, most likely we will just fall right back down. If we put one foot in front of the other, walking or climbing one step at a time, we can always stop on the landing along the way to catch our breath, take stock and reflect on the step we have arrived at before continued “upward.”

Recently, a client sent me an article that struck me as highlighting this point about perspective when things seem challenging. The author, Binyomin Yudin, describes two situations, one logistics, one self-care focused in which to do “right” he had to the hard thing. At the end of his piece, he reflected on the following:

It was during one of these four-mile walks that Rav Steinman’s words came to mind. Walking up a grueling hill near my office, I was getting fairly aggravated, thinking about all of my friends who don’t have to do this, who can eat what they want without worrying about the impact of their choices on their lifespans. As I crested this hill, however, I realized that this was the quintessential example of Rav Steinman’s lesson. I had sweat running down my face; the exercise was clearly tirchah. Just as clearly, though, it was the right thing to do.

“We can do hard things.” Living the life you want to live and being the person you want to be demands hard work, I reminded myself, with Rav Steinman’s words echoing in my ears: “I’ve found that doing the right thing often takes tirchah.”

In this month of Elul, 5782, as we desire to work towards striving to be the person we wish we could be, we should remember, that with growth comes regular work, daily ritual and routine, challenges and moments of needing to foster our drive for continued successes along the way.

Need support as you work on the difficult task of self improvement and growth: Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com.