Tag: journey

Living and Growing from a place of not knowing

Too often we fashion ourselves as experts in things we are quite unfamiliar with. This is a mechanism to protect the more vulnerable parts of our personality because we are afraid our not knowing is a sign of lacking when in reality no one knows everything. We feel scared when we are thrust into something we feel unprepared for and sometimes to protect ourselves we act like we know.

Rabbi Dr. Abraham Twerski, in Growing Each Day, expounded on the following Talmudic passage from Berachot 4a:

דְּאָמַר מָר: לַמֵּד לְשׁוֹנְךָ לוֹמַר ״אֵינִי יוֹדֵעַ״, שֶׁמָּא תִּתְבַּדֶּה וְתֵאָחֵז.

articulated by the Master: Accustom your tongue to say: I do not know, lest you become entangled in a web of deceit.

Rabbi Dr. Twerski suggested:

“While no human being can know everything, some people cannot admit any ignorance about anything. For them, any admission of lack of knowledge threatens their fragile egos… Furthermore, the only way we can acquire knowledge is by accepting that we do not have it. People who claim to know everything cannot learn. Therefore, many opportunities to learn pass them by, and their denying their ignorance actually increases their ignorance… (p.216)”

Saying I don’t know is not strictly an admission of not knowing. Rather it is an opening and invitation to explore. It is through this exploration that we can know, and remove the desire to “fool” ourselves or others. Unfortunately, it is common that our fears of being “seen” actually further hinder our growth and ability to make forward strides. It is that fear that keeps us stagnant and yet leaves us feeling antsy, anxious, unsettled. We are unsettled because we close ourselves off from the value of listening to others and truly listening to ourselves.

One of the core elements of my chaplaincy and now my coaching is to foster the dual listening in the space of care. By my listening to others and hopefully the individuals listening to the words they are saying, it allows us to cultivate the gaining of knowledge through exploration, questions and reflections. Together we open the gates to find new vistas to confront challenging and difficult situations.

May we be blessed to be comfortable in the uncomfortable space of not knowing.

If you are looking to explore and discover new approaches to the difficulties in your life, Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com.

Rollercoasters and post Pesach reflections – taking a holiday message into our lives.

Mako Rollercoaster

I used to be a rollercoaster junkie. Any amusement park I went to I would spend my day riding one rollercoaster after another, seeking the next thrill, the next controlled risk. Nothing could stop me.

As often happens, as we get a bit older, we shy away from many thrills and risks. So there we were, during Chol HaMoed, at Sea World Orlando, and I decided I needed a thrill, a risk. Still, even though I had made up my mind, I was feeling nervous and worried. The ride warnings were telling me “just don’t” but my adventurous, live life side said “try.” Yet, it wasn’t until my nephews grabbed me by the arm to ride the Mako rollercoaster that I finally committed to “stepping back in time” and going for it.

The rollercoaster was wild. If you didn’t watched the video on top, watch it. The coaster was intense, leaving me with a sore neck and a bit woozy. Yet, was completely worth it! What a ride! Of course, it ended up being the only rollercoaster I went on all day (hey, I still have limits).

As I was sitting around reflecting on this moment, reminding myself of all the fun I used to have riding rollercoaster after rollercoaster, loops, no loops, wooden, you name it, I also found a hidden Passover message in the ride and the risk.

Passover celebrates the beginning of the Israelite journey out of Egypt. Beginnings are like the initial plunge of a rollercoaster. The new start seems very slow, an upwards grind, fighting “gravity.” The anticipation of the thrill as well as the accompanying fear grows as it travels higher and higher. And then, wham! the plunge, the moment of truth. When the Israelites leave Egypt, each part of the journey is like the grinding ascent, it’s a slow path to a moment. And once they reach that moment, there is no turning back.

For them, leaving Egypt was the initial plunge, the risk. Passover acknowledges the initial powerful, plunge into the unknown. Even if you can see the path of the rollercoaster, until you are on it, I would say you don’t know it. The Israelites knew the journey was to get to Israel, but how they would get there is the question. And along this journey there weren’t plunges, ups and downs and turns sideways, upside down, etc. we know the story is long, and we know Passover is just a moment and it is the moment all wrapped into one.

Life is similar. When we embark on the next rollercoaster, the next risk, we build up and up until the moment we choose to commit. We then take the plunge. We don’t know how it works ends, how it gets you there, but we know an end of the ride will be waiting. Every journey has this process.

The rabbis offer an approach to framing the beginning and end. We begin with the negative, the difficulties, the grinding upward mobility and end with the praises, the hope, etc., or in their words מתחיל בגנות ומסיים בשבח. Each journey begins from jettisoning the negative weight of what was and building up to the new, positive weight going forward. And when you take the step forward, the twists and turns makes for the thrill of the ride. So…

Take the plunge!

Need help riding the rails of new challenges: Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com

It’s storming – Don’t lose yourself

Lately, it seems we are all caught up in a storm that just won’t end. Between a pandemic, social upheaval, war, terrorism and not to mention our individual challenges we face during life, it feels like we are just being blown around without a rudder. It can be difficult to catch out breath, to feel calm, to find our focus.

Yesterday, in the course of a conversation about life’s challenges, someone shared:

“Don’t let the storm take you off course.”

I found these words to be the right fit at the right time. It is so easy for us to veer off our paths because of all the things happening outside of our control. We watch the news, we doom scroll through social media, looking for the next thing to worry about. How many of us begin the day thinking, ‘what bad news will I find today?’ These are not new things to experience. Yet, I know that most of us have been living in such a heightened state of concern these past couple of years that it is almost the norm.

Still, in those quiet moments, when we are not overwhelmed, when we look to our goals, our dreams, our hopes, we must not allow the uncontrollable take control. We care, we are empathetic to the plight of others. We try to do for those suffering, for those in horrific situations. And, as we are taught, if we don’t help ourselves, we will struggle to help others (a fundamental principle in any caring profession and perhaps the number one rule to limit the compassion fatigue we are bound to experience).

My hope today is that whatever storm you are feeling, whether it is the global problems we are experiencing or your own personal storm, that you continue to see your path and not get pushed off course.

Need help staying on course in the midst of your storm: Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com

Process and new beginnings

Today, I was reminded of a valuable lesson about process and fostering new beginnings. When we set out on the road to a destination, most of us are anxious to arrive as soon as possible. While it is true that there are times when we have a deadline to reach or a timeframe that we must adhere to, many of our journeys are less structured and not time bound. This can be quite challenging.

When the journey seems to be going nowhere, or it feels like we are spinning our wheels, it can be of value to stop and take stock of the steps taken so far. Don’t just wait until you have reached a “destination” because each step is a destination to cherish.It is also of value to remember that while we are planting the seeds and must do the work associated with cultivating those seeds, we are not alone in working the path.

As you go on your journey, keep planting! Without the seeds in the ground, we cannot grow and develop our paths.

Looking for help in cultivating the seeds planted along the way: Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com

What is your soundtrack?

Song and music are manifestations of a great inner joy that cannot be contained inwardly. A person, overcome with joy, breaks out in song. Song and music are also infectious; they call forth a response in the listener, and often touch upon the innermost feelings of a person, making him want to join in the singing. This is especially so in the case of sacred music, which inspires higher feelings, and often touches upon the very heartstrings of the soul.

My Prayer, vol. 1 P. 205

What is your soundtrack? How does music help uplift your mood?

Most of us have our soundtracks, bands, etc. for our daily commutes. Sometimes the music changes depending on our mood and where we are headed. The same is true in life. How many of us wonder what the soundtrack of our lives would sound like? As we journey, what are the sounds of the day?

Let us help in finding the “soundtrack” for your journey. Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com

Purim 2022/5782 – Incomplete Joy/Complete Joy

Tonight begins the holiday of Purim, which focuses on the story told in Megillat Esther, set in Persia approximately 2500 years ago. Purim is a festive, fun, topsy turvy day, celebrating Jewish survival from the midst of an evil, genocidal decree. The victory and survival bring about a tremendous sense of relief and joy. This is best described in Esther 8:16:

לַיְּהוּדִ֕ים הָֽיְתָ֥ה אוֹרָ֖ה וְשִׂמְחָ֑ה וְשָׂשֹׂ֖ן וִיקָֽר׃

The Jews enjoyed light and gladness, happiness and honor.

Yet, if we take the story as a whole, something is missing. The book of Esther ends with the Jews in the same place as they were at the beginning, remaining under King Ahasuerus’s rule in Persia instead of returning to Israel and rebuilding the Second Temple.  In fact, the story ends with the anti-climatic moment of the Ahasuerus placing a tax upon all who live in his land, showing how surviving a genocidal decree doesn’t mean being free from the whims of weak leadership and potential oppression.  How can we celebrate while also sitting with this sense of incompleteness?

I would like to suggest that celebration is warranted, even if the story seems incomplete. In the moment of triumph, we can feel a tremendous burden lifted off our shoulders, leading to a sense of exhilaration or a sense of relief.  I contend most of us can find many experiences in our lives where this sense of relief in the moment might even lead us to a temporary happiness.

For the Jews of Shushan, surviving Haman’s decree provided this sense of relief.  As such, they celebrated their newly found “new lease on life.” Their celebration was one of communal care and support, guaranteeing all could celebrate through the giving of Mishloah Manot (gifts to friends) and Matanot L’Evyonim (gifts to the poor).  Subsequently, this celebration was established as a yearly practice, as being able to celebrate Purim was proof of continued survival, and the importance to taking the time to reflect on the moment. 

At the same time, 2500 years later, with the fortune of hindsight, we are led to question what were the long term gains of this survival.  They continued to be under foreign rule.  Eventually, the lightness, the relief goes away, and the reality of life returns, with all its trials and tribulations.  Yet, by establishing Purim, we are acknowledging the value in celebrating even a good that might not be complete, recognizing that it is right to celebrate momentary victories even when they remain incomplete.

This is a fundamental life lesson. While keeping the end goal in front of us is important to our journeys, if we don’t take stock in the middle, enjoying the pieces of the story each of us is writing, then we miss opportunities to reinvigorate and reinvest ourselves in our growth. May this Purim be a reminder of the importance of taking the time to celebrate the steps along the path the goals we have set for ourselves.

Updated from the piece I originally wrote here:

Find the joy in the steps along the path to change. Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com

It’s already inside you

One of the challenges of growth relates to wishing we had something we think we are missing a feeling. When we are deep in sadness we feel as though we have no happiness. When we are frustrated constantly, we look to those who seem content and wish we had a more relaxed demeanor. Who doesn’t ask themselves “how do I acquire that positive feeling?”

Fear not: The positive emotions and character traits you are looking for already live inside of you. True growth comes from unveiling what is already inside. We do not have to search outside of ourselves to acquire change. We can, ourselves or often with the help of others, search inside ourselves, investigate the path we have taken and finding the tools necessary that we collected along the old path to help forge a New Beginning.

As a chaplain/spiritual care provider for many years, working in hospice and senior care, my philosophy of care and support has been to be with others and foster the revelation of the already developed and nurtured feelings they carried deep down. I believe that if we examine our lived experiences, we will find the tools necessary to handle most challenges, from grief and loss to traumas and tragedies as well as the unexpected shadows that often come from good times. It is through the self-discovery that so many are able to walk forward step by step during the times when it feels like we are stagnant.

New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC is based on this same principle. I am here to foster this approach to personal growth in whatever stage of life one finds oneself. If you or someone you know is looking to unveil what is covered up inside and learn how to incorporate these newly revealed aspects of yourself, contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com

Don’t forget about the inner essence

One of the biggest challenges in finding a true balance in life is how much our profession becomes our defining character trait. Most of us tend to introduce ourselves by our profession because it is something concrete to hang our hat on. Yet, the professional we are is not who we are.

Over the course of the past few weeks, the Torah cycle has arrived at the building of the Tabernacle in the desert. In a few places throughout this latter part of Exodus, Gd warns the people that while building the Tabernacle is of much value, the people must be careful to not work on it on Shabbat. R. Eliezer Melamed in the introduction to his work on the Laws of Shabbat vol. 1, expresses an idea about this connection which I feel speaks to the challenge of getting to who we really are:

One might have thought that only secular activities would be prohibited on Shabbat, but actually the Torah prohibits any type of activity necessary for the construction of the Mishkan (the Tabernacle erected by the Israelites in the desert). Moreover, the 39 melakhot (types of labor forbidden on Shabbat) are derived from the work done for the Mishkan, and all forms of labor that were involved in assembling the Mishkan are prohibited on Shabbat. Thus, juxtaposed to the descriptions of the work done in the Mishkan we read, ‘Nevertheless, you must keep My Shabbatot (Shemot 31:13), which teaches us that although erecting the Mishkan is a great mitzva, one must desist even from on Shabbat. For even crafting the Mishkan needs to be connected to its inner divine essence. If this were not the case, all the difficulties in putting up the Mishkan would be left like a body without a soul, unable to fulfill its purpose of revealing the word of Gd to the world. Sometimes it is specifically those whose work is linked to the holy who need to be particularly careful about this, because due to their awareness of the value of the holy they are likely to invest their all in building a framework for it, to the point that forget its inner essence.

Laws of Shabbat vol. 1 p 14-15

Shabbat is a day of rest from those things which distract us from getting to our core, our essence. It is the day that allows us to “check” on our foundation, making sure what is truly holding us up is not just “smoke and mirrors.”

We are always striving to achieve but are those achievements built on a strong or a weak foundation. As each of us looks to new opportunities, new beginnings, are we being careful to reinforce those parts of us with which we are traveling forward on this journey in life? Are we uncovering the inner essence of what makes each of us special, unique, or are we just making the framework look more beautiful?

May each of us find the beauty in Shabbat and find the spark that helps to reinforce our inner essence.

If you or someone you know is struggling to see your inner essence as part of your spiritual journey, contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or email newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com.

Do we ever truly arrive?

Two chassidim were discoursing.

“How do you define a chassid?” asked the first

“A chassid is someone who aspires to be a chassid,” the other answered.

“Well, what person would not want to become a chassid?” the first asked.

“That’s simple. Anyone who thinks that he already is one,” the other replied.

Living Each Day p. 165

I recently came across this story In Living Each Day by Rabbi Dr. Abraham Twerski. Rabbi Dr. Twerski offers the following observation upon this exchange:

Spirituality is a rather strange entity, in that we only have it as long as we think we do not have it. Once we believe we already have attained spirituality, we have actually lost it.

Spiritual growth can occur only when we feel ourselves to be lacking in spirituality.

ibid.

What is true for spirituality is a foundational point about growth in all aspects of life. If we do not see ourselves as always working towards attainment, then we stop growing and moving forward. While it is nice to define ourselves a certain way, and valuable to celebrate milestones, we benefit from not resting on the accomplishment. Rather we benefit from seeing the milestone as another resting place along the journey. Through this recognition, we can use the energy and excitement from arriving to push us to strive further down the road.

If you or someone you know is striving for success in growth on one’s personal journey, contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or email newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com.