Tag: Humility

Believing in Oneself is a form of Humility

Most of us are familiar with some version of the following story (found here):

So there is a joke you probably know on the topic of humility. The chief rabbi of the synagogue at Yom Kippur is beating his breast and crying, tears running down his cheeks “I’m nothing, Lord! I’m nothing! I’m absolutely nothing!” Next to him the chief donor to the synagogue, a wealthy banker kneels down and hits himself on the chest and yells “I’m nothing! God forgive me for thinking I’m something. I’m not. I’m nothing!” Whereupon Shlomo a poor man who sweeps the synagogue out after services and hauls trash gets down on his knees and yells “I’m nothing! I’m nothing.” The rabbi observes this, elbows the banker and whispers “Look who thinks he’s nothing.”

We tend to confuse humility, the idea that we lack pride and the idea of having an attitude that even if we are skilled and knowledgeable, it doesn’t make us inherently better than anyone else, with feelings of low self-worth and self esteem. In most spiritual practices this distinction is crucial because it can help frame a fundamental spiritual practice of self-nullification. Self-nullification is about recognizing that within the greater universe, we are practically nil. In many religions, this is described in relation to the divine, that from a divine perspective, the only real existence is the divine (see here for one example of a Jewish perspective of the definition and purpose of self-nullification).

Yet, in conjunction with this important practice, our spiritual growth can only truly become manifest if we balance this self-nullification with knowing that our lives have purpose and meaning. I have been thinking about this in relation to a piece I read last weekend from R. Elimelech Biderman in Torah Wellsprings (Parashat Beshalach – see the full piece here pgs.4-5).

To quote a few excerpts from the piece:

Reb Tzadok HaKohen (Tzidkas HaTzaddik 154) writes: “Just as one must believe in Hashem (Gd), one must also believe in himself. This means to believe that Hashem is interested in him. He must believe that his soul comes from Above, and Hashem has pleasure from him and has enjoyment when he does Hashem’s will. This is the meaning of the pasuk (verse) (Shmos ויאמינו בה’ ובמשה עבדו (14:31, ‘And they believed in Hashem and in Moshe…’ Moshe represents the six-hundred-thousand Yidden (Jews) of that generation. They believed that Hashem desires them and derives pleasure from them and from the good that’s in them.”

It is hard for people to believe that Hashem wants them because they know their faults. However, faults and errors are part of the creation of the world. This shouldn’t prevent us from believing that Hashem wants us…

From the very essence of creation, a pattern of imperfection emerged.

Yet after all of that, it states (Bereishis 1:31) וירא אלקים את כל אשר עשה והנה טוב מאוד, ”And Hashem saw all that He had made, and behold it was very good.”

This is what Hashem calls good. It is because of imperfections that Hashem created the world. Hashem has pleasure when we overcome the struggles, downfalls, blockades, and hardships and do His will. So, you can believe in yourself, even if you are imperfect. In fact, your imperfections are the purpose of the entire creation. This trait enables you to bring a nachas ruach (inner sense of wellbeing) to Hashem more than all the malachim (angels) in heaven…

Our approach in life is two fold. We must be humble in recognizing our finite nature, our inherent imperfections and our existence in relation to Gd. At the same time, we cannot see ourselves as so low and unworthy that we never strive for anything, we never strive to grow and improve and lessen the imperfections we have in life. When we have a healthy sense of self-compassion and self-worth, we are able to do the things that help us move along our paths to fulfill our goals, our purpose for being.

This is a challenging practice to work on. It can feel extremely difficult to maintain the balance between humility and self-worth. Yet, we must always be working to find the balance, the right mix, so that we are moving forward step by step, moment by moment. We have the opportunity each day to practice through prayer, through our relationships with others and through our work towards attaining our personal goals.

May we each work to foster our own balance between believing in ourselves and the humility to recognize each of us is another part of our interdependent existence.

If you or someone you know is looking to forge ahead and set new goals for the journey of life or trying to find a sense of meaning in life, we are here to help foster spiritual and emotional growth and change. Schedule your appointment today here. For more information, please contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com

 

Audio – Lessons in Tanya 49

Chapter 30. This chapter continues to discuss how we can overcome the dullness of the heart. The methodology of this chapter is to see ourselves as so low that we must fight to survive. I offer a read of this chapter as using the evil impulses own tool to fight the battle against it. I found this chapter a bit challenging both as presented as well as from a psychological point of view, in that unless it is contrived, it can be dangerous to see ourselves as so lowly. I contend that his goal is to create the scenario but not to truly see ourselves in this manner of lowliness.

Episode 49

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Do you want to work on taking the actions of your life and find meaning in all you do and who you are? Are you struggling with your spiritual growth. Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com

Fear of success

How often do we struggle to find success because we are more afraid of success than failure? We spend so much time expressing a fake humility, downplaying our successes because we don’t want to seem arrogant. Ironically, the truly humble are those who know and strive for their successes while also acknowledging the gifts that they have which allowed for this success. In the quote below, we find a similar sentiment about the fear of success.

How do we overcome this fear? Two approaches come to mind.

First – As I have reflected upon in my writings on this page, we work towards breaking down the goals into smaller, manageable steps, working piece by piece to rise to our success. While we might be afraid of success, we are also fearful the process will be too arduous and difficult. If we can eliminate this fear, building to the large goal with countless short term, forward moving, goals, we will stand a better chance of success.

Second – We do not have to go about this task alone. Success in most areas of life doesn’t come by isolating oneself to remove all distractions. Yes, there are times we need to take on a task alone. Yet, more often than not, we forget that others have travelled along similar paths and get help guide us along the journey to our goals, helping us with their strengths to cultivate and support our strengths. If we allow the fear of being imperfect dominate, we will never seek the advice and support needed to achieve our desired goals and dreams.

May this be a week of discovering how you can overcome the fear of success as you embark on the next steps of your journey!

Are you struggling to overcome the fear of success and to embrace Gd’s gifts in your life. Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com

Growth comes from Faith

Humility need not cause feelings of worthlessness. Although a zero may be nothing when it stands by itself, adding zeros to another digit can result in a number of astronomical magnitude.

If we stand alone, we are nothing. But when we stand together with G-d and with one another, we constitute a value of infinite proportion…

Rabbi Dr. Abraham J. Twerski’s, Living Each Day p. 42

Humility is the recognition that we need not go at it alone. It is recognizing our place in the greater cosmos, reminding ourselves to be mindful of how we are part of a collective humanity and our lot in the world is not just of our making. Humility is recognizing the gifts we have and the need to use those gifts in a way that is beneficial to all those around us.

Faith is not a passive notion of simply saying “I believe…” It is not something we just “have.” Faith is an active recognition that we are not alone. Faith is the recognition we are working in partnership with a being greater than ourselves.

I believe that one of the biggest challenges to growth is how often we believe in the idea that “I must do this alone.” While it is true that it is the “I” that has to take the first step to change, it is just as true that growth and change take a collective effort. It is through recognizing that we do not have to go forth on our own which can be the difference between success and failure.

May each of us find that sense of connectivity and togetherness along the way of our journeys.

Looking to shift to a new road on your journey. Let me help you along that process. Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com

Humility is recognizing we don’t have to do it alone

It can be quite a challenge to be willing to work together with others. For many of us, it can seem less cumbersome and less stressful to just take on another task instead of seeking help from others. I believe this is particularly true when it comes to fostering our spiritual and emotional growth. Yet, if we allow ourselves to find the person or persons who can hold our hand and lift us up in the process, we will find greater success in all of what we venture out to do.

With the fall Jewish holidays over, the Torah reading cycle starts afresh with Bereishit, Genesis. Chapter one tells the story of creation, in which Gd, and Gd alone, for the most part, brings the world into existence. Yet, there is a single exception, for a mere 26 verses into the Torah, we come across a moment of collaboration in the midst of the story. Verse 1:26 states, in describing the creation of humanity:

וַיֹּ֣אמֶר אֱלֹהִ֔ים נַֽעֲשֶׂ֥ה אָדָ֛ם בְּצַלְמֵ֖נוּ כִּדְמוּתֵ֑נוּ וְיִרְדּוּ֩ בִדְגַ֨ת הַיָּ֜ם וּבְע֣וֹף הַשָּׁמַ֗יִם וּבַבְּהֵמָה֙ וּבְכׇל־הָאָ֔רֶץ וּבְכׇל־הָרֶ֖מֶשׂ הָֽרֹמֵ֥שׂ עַל־הָאָֽרֶץ׃

And God said, “Let us make humankind in our image, after our likeness. They shall rule the fish of the sea, the birds of the sky, the cattle, the whole earth, and all the creeping things that creep on earth.”

In a departure from the majority of the verses in chapter one, this verse states that Gd seemingly has consulted with other “beings” in the decision to create the human being. In response to this anomaly, Rashi, the great medieval Jewish biblical commentator, suggests a non-literal, ethical read of the text. He states:

נעשה אדם WE WILL MAKE MAN — Although they did not assist Him in forming him (the man) and although this use of the plural may give the heretics an occasion to rebel (i. e. to argue in favour of their own views), yet the verse does not refrain from teaching proper conduct and the virtue of humbleness, namely, that the greater should consult, and take permission from the smaller; for had it been written, “I shall make man”, we could not, then, have learned that He spoke to His judicial council but to Himself. And as a refutation of the heretics it is written immediately after this verse “And God created the man”, and it is not written “and they created” (Genesis Rabbah 8:9)

Quoting midrashic literature, Rashi suggests that the verse is written in plural form to teach that true humility includes not believing one has to do things by oneself. In looking at this comment, it is a reminder of the adage from Ethics of our Fathers,

יְהוֹשֻׁעַ בֶּן פְּרַחְיָה וְנִתַּאי הָאַרְבֵּלִי קִבְּלוּ מֵהֶם. יְהוֹשֻׁעַ בֶּן פְּרַחְיָה אוֹמֵר, עֲשֵׂה לְךָ רַב, וּקְנֵה לְךָ חָבֵר, וֶהֱוֵי דָן אֶת כָּל הָאָדָם לְכַף זְכוּת:

Joshua ben Perahiah and Nittai the Arbelite received [the oral tradition] from them. Joshua ben Perahiah used to say: appoint for yourself a teacher, and acquire for yourself a companion and judge all favorably.

Pirkei Avot 1:6

Life is about making connections and looking to one another for support and help. If Gd could be presumed to have asked for advice, then for sure each of us needs to find people in our lives who will help lift us up. In fact, like the above picture, one of the underlying premises of New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting is to give someone a hand to help lift them up. Being willing to reach out a hand for another to help them up, an act of humility, an act of accepting one’s need for help, is the first step in spiritual growth.

I believe Rashi makes the choice of offering a non-literal read of the use of the plural instead of suggesting the more literal suggestion that the verse is merely using the “royal we” in this particular circumstance. Rashi is tasking the reader to see early on how the Torah can be a moral guide if we pay attention to the subtle nuances and gaps in the text. In this case, we learn this valuable lesson about humility. Of course, western religious literature is full of texts and commentaries that offer us multiple readings of the text to teach us lessons about life. If we pay attention, study the words carefully, and expand our reading to include different and varied approaches to these sacred texts, we are metaphorically putting out our hand to be lifted up spiritually.

As we begin the new Torah reading cycle, may each of us find a true sense of humility in realizing that there are always new opportunities to reach out our hands to be raised higher.

If you are ready to reach out your hand, I am here to help lift you along your journey of spiritual growth: Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com.