growth – Page 9 – New beginnings: A blog about spirituality, chaplaincy and renewal

Trying to Write a blogpost: Reflections on blogging and imperfection

Earlier this morning, I found myself stuck. I was having trouble coming up with a message for today that would clearly articulate something on my mind about spiritual growth as it relates to daily prayer. While I still intend to post some thoughts on this in the coming days, I realize that my being stuck is itself a lesson to be shared as we journey along a path of growth and change.

Too often, we expect perfection. I know that wanting to put out the best message possible can be challenging at times. We expect to hit on the perfect words, phrases, something catchy that will resonate. We expect that this will be the post that gets more and more hits. And when it doesn’t, this leaves a sense of discouragement, which over time might build into a fear of failure, causing inaction. I know because these feelings started to arise in me today.

I have struggled over the years maintaining the momentum of blogging because of these reasons, among others. And I’ve tried to write about different topics on those blogs, from spirituality, to politics, from sports to Judaism. At times it was fun and at times it became too much for me. Eventually, I would succumb to the frustration of imperfection and just give up.

When I started this blog August of last year, I was beginning to decide on the next steps in my life, trying to figure out the next steps of my journey. I felt the need to blog again, this time not just trying to revive what was but, following much of the advice I was giving myself, starting fresh and new. I promised myself at the time I would blog as little or as often as I desired, and would write for the sake of sharing my thoughts and ideas without allowing the number of hits I could gather be the goal. One year (and a week) later, I have written 87 posts, about one post every 4-5 days and have been enjoying the writing process. I have enjoyed the attempts at getting my message out for the sake of sharing some of my work in progress thinking.

If you stayed with me so far, here is my message for today. Sometimes the best thing to do is to jump in, put forth the effort and watch the magic start to happen. Don’t be discouraged if the path is bumpy, because even a bumpy path leads to a destination.

Looking for help on your journey on the waves of life? Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com.

Focus on the Process

As we continue to travel along this seven week path towards Rosh Hashanah, I found the following quote to be a good point of reflection for daily growth:

No matter what the tangible outcome is, you cannot help but become a better person when you follow a creative call. If you focus on the product, you get fleeting satisfaction from an end result. If you focus on the process you get a life because life is a process.
The Muse Is In: An Owner’s Manual to Your Creativity p. 20

We establish a goal or multiple goals. We desire reach our intended goal/s. Yet, to get their requires not the the goal but the steps along the way towards the goal. By being able to focus on the steps along the path, we gain the ability to see progress, celebrate progress and pivot from the main path much easier if the approach to the goal is not leading us there. By recognizing this last point, we don’t get stuck in frustration presuming that there is only a single path that can lead us to where we want to be.

As we continue on towards Rosh Hashanah, may we find inspiration from the day to day process towards the goal of establishing new opportunities all along the path.

Looking for help along your journey as you go onward and upward? Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com.

Onward and Upward

The title of this post was inspired by my wife’s comment to yesterday’s piece, From Despair to Hope: Seven Weeks until Rosh Hashanah. Each day, we have the opportunity to do something that helps foster a feeling of onward and upward. Too often we remain in the despair, the stagnant place of not doing. There could be many reasons for the paralysis. We are afraid, we hate making a mistake or mistakes, we don’t want to fail. Or perhaps we are really in a place where progress is almost impossible to foster (and we need the support of professionals to help and support us in these darker moments.)

How do we foster the ability to go onward and upward?

Forward momentum begins from a place of taking stock. If we spend the time in introspection, in reflecting on our journeys, we will begin to see how far we have come. We have taken the step/s forward we intended on the way to attaining our goals. Yet, too often, as I have been writing about lately, we don’t recognize how we got this moment, but will only look at how far we still want or need to go. My personal growth and journey continuously includes the work of seeing what I have accomplished along the way, not as a means of resting on my past but as a way of drawing strength from what was to continue to take one step at a time. Every step is an achievement unto itself. By celebrating the results, regardless of “success” or “failure,” we can learn to find real success, which is the striving forward we all look for in our lives.

A primary element of the period leading into Rosh Hashanah is the preparation for the aspect of Rosh Hashanah that is Gd judging the world for the upcoming year. This preparation is usually described as Teshuva, normally translated as repentance but better translated as a type of returning. In the words of Rabbi Menachem Mendel Schneerson o.b.m. as presented by Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks o.b.m:

2. Teshuvah and Repentance

“Repentance” in Hebrew is not teshuvah, but charatah. Not only are these two terms not synonymous, they are opposites.

Charatah implies remorse, or a feeling of guilt about the past and an intention to behave in a completely new way in the future. The person decides to become “a new man.” But teshuvah means “returning” to the old, to one’s original nature. Underlying the concept of teshuvah is the fact that the Jew is, in essence, good. Desires or temptations may deflect him temporarily from being himself, being true to his essence. But the bad that he does is not part of, nor does it affect, his real nature. Teshuvah is a return to the self. While “repentance” involves dismissing the past and starting anew, teshuvah means going back to one’s roots in G‑d and exposing them as one’s true character.

For this reason, while the righteous have no need to repent, and the wicked may be unable to, both may do teshuvah. The righteous, though they have never sinned, have to constantly strive to return to their innermost. And the wicked, however distant they are from G‑d, can always return, for teshuvah does not involve creating anything new, only rediscovering the good that was always within them.

Torah Studies: The Ten Days of Teshuvah

What resonates most for me is that by seeing Teshuva as a focus on the idea of returning to one’s spiritual roots instead of seeing the time as one we spend reflecting on all we haven’t accomplished, we can find the strength to truly go onward and upward.

Today is the second day along the seven week path towards Rosh Hashanah. What will your “return to self” look like? How will you work on taking the steps you are taking in your lives and further fostering growth and change to better oneself in this life?

From Despair to Hope: Seven Weeks until Rosh Hashanah

What can we do to change our mindset from feeling the sense of divine distance to divine nearness? What is the path to be ready to “greet the King in the field” which is a theme of the month of Elul, the month preceding Rosh Hashanah?

Yesterday was the commemoration known as Tisha B’Av (usually falling out on the 9th day of the Hebrew calendar month Av but due to the 9th being Shabbat, the fast day was pushed off until Sunday, the 10th of Av). Tisha B’Av is a day of collective mourning in the Jewish community, focused first and foremost on the destruction of the First and Second Temples in Jerusalem (586 BCE and 70 CE respectively) and then tying in all other tragedies that we have experienced throughout Jewish History. It is a day we lament and try to grapple with “why” and with “how.” After expressing many prayers and reflections that focus on these pain questions, we begin to search and look for some form of collective hope.

Coming out of Tisha B’Av, while having touched on this sense of hope, there remains the sense of Gd being distant, far away. It is hard to find how the tiny amount of hope will help lead us forward from feeling Gd is hiding to the sense of Gd’s presence we look to feel in seven weeks, when we change our tune and acknowledge Gd as the ruler of all humanity, coronating Gd as we do yearly on Rosh Hashanah.

What can we do to change our mindset from feeling the sense of divine distance to divine nearness? What is the path to be ready to “greet the King in the field” which is a theme of the month of Elul, the month preceding Rosh Hashanah?

It isn’t a coincidence that just like how the time period of Passover to Shavuot seven weeks period which is supposed to be a time of getting ready to receive the Torah anew, this 7 week period between Tisha B’Av and Rosh Hashanah is also a preparation period. The preparation begins by rising up from the depths of pain by taking one single step at a time. By taking the first step, we begin the journey and process.

Breaking it down further, there are two main periods we have in front of us as we get ready for Rosh Hashanah. The first three weeks from today until the beginning of Elul are about opening up our hearts and souls to the notion of reconnecting. We do this through study, through readings that offer comfort (nechama) and that awaken us to the notion we are never abandoned.

We then enter Elul. Starting from the first day of the month, we sound the shofar daily as a wake up call to work on ourselves (teshuva). The work we do is to take steps in our desire for self-improvement and growth, with the specific purpose of preparing for the new beginning Rosh Hashanah sets before us. We cannot just enter this period, waiting for the alarm call. We have the opportunity over the next three weeks to set the alarm so that when it goes off, one’s heart and soul is ready to hear the sounds emanating from the shofar. We shouldn’t just wait for the alarm but need to set it and prepare for it in the first three weeks leading up to Elul.

May these next 7 weeks be a time of growth and introspection and a time of finding hope out of the depths of despair.

Looking for help along your journey from despair to hope? Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com.

Keep writing the story

“I never expected this to be the outcome.”

“Things just didn’t work out the way i imagined.”

Often we have moments in our lives when we feel that the story is “over,” feeling as though we have reached the ending of the book that is our story. In the moment of feeling stagnant, we believe that now life is destined to be a certain way because we have made our choices and are no longer in the driver’s seat of where we would like to head. In these moments of despair, when we feel that the outcome is inevitable, that we go from being in “control” to being the passive passenger along for the ride, resigning ourselves to “fate.” We feel a sense of sadness, loss, anger and frustration at our lot. Perhaps we begin to spiral into despair and depression. These feelings become further roadblocks and barriers on our life’s highway. Perhaps we feel we are on the wrong path.

How do we overcome this sensation, this feeling, this set of traps along the path?

First, I am a strong believer in the importance of naming and sitting with the emotions that rise up. One of the challenges to overcoming sadness, anger and other “negative” emotions is we try to squash them, try to avoid them or compartmentalize them. We thus end up in two fights, the fight against the emotion and the fight with ourselves to avoid feeling bad. Yes, we all want to feel good, happy and positive. Yet, many times, we don’t. It is in those moments when engaging the emotion in a constructive manner is crucial. In those moments of pain, the variety of feelings are there to help foster growth, even if it is painful.

Second, in those moments of despair and feeling like there is no further one can go, we need to reframe the narrative. As the above quote says, “Keep writing, your story is worth it.” If we think of our lives as a big canvas that is telling a story, then the end is not the end until the inevitable end of life. Yes, situations end, changes occur. One chapter ends, not the book. In those moments of feeling “this is not how I expected it to be,” we can take a different tack and sit with the sense of ending as if it is a stop along the path so as to get the next set of directions. It is hard to imagine, but in reality each day, no matter our station in life, is an opportunity to shift our journey, taking different roads along the highway of life. I recall countless interviews with centenarians who have suggested a secret to their longevity was the learning of something new everyday. Underlying that message is the drive to seize an opportunity to write our own story instead of allowing the story to write us.

Keep writing your story. The ending hasn’t been written yet.

Want help crafting the next chapters of your story! Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com.

Gaps and Gains

I recently read The Gap and The Gain: The High Achievers’ Guide to Happiness, Confidence, and Success. This book offers a model for success based on the idea that we should see the gains we have made and build off of them instead of always seeing the gaps along the way.

Many of us, as we strive towards setting and fulfilling tasks towards our ideal goal, we often find ourselves in a place of struggle because we feel unfulfilled. The authors, Dan Sullivan and Dr. Benjamin Hardy suggest this frustration results from the cycle on the left of picture, in which we are measuring our goals by how far we are from the ideal instead of measuring them from how far we have come. The gap and the gain they describe is illustrated below:

This is a new way of the age old question of whether we see the glass is half full or half empty:

Daily we accomplish a lot, though often we take it for granted because we are focused on what we haven’t done instead of reflecting on how far we have come during the day. One of the suggestions the book presents is the importance of taking stock at night of all the gains of the day. By just taking 5-10 minutes to reflect and/or journal what we have done during the day, we will find a sense of accomplishment and gratitude for the opportunities the day brought us.

Our journey in life needs the self-reinforcement and kindness this practice can afford us. If we begin to offer ourselves the kindness and positive reinforcement we more easily offer to others, seeing the growth and gains we have made instead of “punishing” ourselves for what we didn’t do, we can find more meaning and hope in this often challenging world.

May each of us acknowledge our Gains and build from those foundations to strive forward in reaching our goals.

Only seeing the gaps and looking to recognize the gains! Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com.

Don’t Get Stuck

The biggest barrier to change is the line “I’ve always been this way.” By saying that, we are allowing the past to control who we are in the now and who we hope to be in the future. If we can allow the past to be a place we turn to learn lessons of what to do/not to do and for tools we might need to draw on in similar situations going forward, we are taking control of the past instead of allowing the past to take control of us and keep you stagnant.

When reflections of past events come to mind at seemingly random moments, it is an opportunity for reflection. I have shared previously how it is important to not ignore the recollections. Rather, when these memories rise up, it is part of the inner work we are in need of doing to take the nexts steps we are striving to take.

If we can see the past as the lessons to be learned and not as the blueprint for who we are to be today, we can then set ourselves up so that each day is a new opportunity for growth, for blessing, for a new beginning.

Struggling to find your inspiration, your spiritual sustenance? Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com.

Preparing for the unknown

How many of us can relate to this image?

Often we feel like we are traveling on a dark road with no end in sight. We can’t begin to figure out where the destination is. All we see is the uncertainty that lies ahead. How can we overcome the inevitable fear we feel on this long, unknown path? One way is to work to change the image we see before us. Perhaps, this next images changes the mood.

Imagine this brighter image. Yes, it is an open road, but with the sun, we will hopefully have a better sense of where we are able to go.

The first step on the journey to change and find our path is to “turn on the light.” This is not a simple practice. It is one which takes time and effort to find the “switch.” Yet, once we shift our perception, we can then begin to progress to the next destination along the road of life.

Don’t want to walk this path alone. Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com.

Drawing the road map of exits

Often, as we are trying to find our way along our personal journeys, we search for tools to help us attain a greater focus on where we are going. I want to share one tool which I recently read about in The Awakened Brain: The New Science of Spirituality and Our Quest for an Inspired Life by Lisa Miller, PhD. The method is called Three Doors. The goal is described as helping to “show that when we’re using the lens of achieving awareness alone, we see boulders blocking our path, but when we engage our awakened attention, the boulders are actually stepping-stones that show us the path forward (P. 180).” This method resonates for me because it puts into focus the importance of reflecting on what was to help guide us forward while also allowing the what was to not prevent our next steps, something I have written about in other posts, including this early one Let the Broken Pieces Fall.

Three Doors Exercise (p. 180-181):

On a sheet of paper or in your journal, draw the road of your life
Identify a place on the road where you faced a hurdle: a loss, a disappointment, a death; a time when the thing you wanted – a job, a relationship, an award or accomplishment, an acceptance letter from a particular school – seemed lined up, in reach; and then somehow, unexpectedly, the door slammed, and you didn’t get what you wanted or what you thought you were going to get. Draw the slammed door on the road.
Now consider what happened as a result of that loss or disappointment that wouldn’t have happened otherwise. Because the door closed, and because you didn’t claw ahead trying to force it back open, because you stopped and looked around, you saw a new door you hadn’t noticed before. What new insight of connection or path emerged, what new doorway opened, when the first door closed? Add the open door, leading to the new landscape along the road.
Next, can you locate a messenger or helper who showed up and, with or without knowing they played a role, somehow supported or guided you? Perhaps it was someone you’d never met before or someone you knew well; someone who showed up in person or called you or sent you a letter, or someone you thought of at a crucial moment. Who were the messengers or helpers who pointed you to the open door? Draw the messenger(s) on the road.
Repeat steps 2 through 4 twice more, so that your road of life shows three doors that closed and three that opened, and who showed up along the way to you on your path.

As I was reflecting on this exercise, I recall times when I have worked through a similar map to recognize how certain moments continue to line up in ways that have helped navigate me along a certain path towards were I am today. The catch is that an exercise like this cannot be done just one. It needs to be repeated multiple times during our lives to capture a greater sense of how the trials and tribulations of our journeys have led us to where we are at the moments we reflect on where to go next.

May each of us be attentive enough to see how a closed door is not an ending but is merely a marking point to take another exit along the journey each of us is going on.

Need help visioning and drawing the road map of your life. Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com.

Many Faiths, One Truth

Years ago, I recall a hospice visit with a Presbyterian family in which we spent time during the visit holding hands and praying together, each of us from our different backgrounds, creating a holy and sacred space of care and support. The memories of this moment serve as a regular reminder of the grandeur and beauty we can create through our coming together to care for each other.

Spiritual Care, Interfaith Chaplaincy, Spiritual Life Coaching all work within a framework of working with others through the eyes of our collective human experiences of meaning making, hope and faith. The chaplain, spiritual care provider, coach enters the space recognizing the invisible boundaries that at first seem to exist in relation to the backgrounds of both parties in the sacred space. Each encounter is an intricate dance of balancing the universalistic goal of supporting and helping others with the particularisms that might arise in the space resulting from each one’s background. I offer this brief reflection because of an old post I shared here which I decided to revisit.

In May, 2010, the Dalai Lama had the following op-ed published in the NY Times (copied from here):

Many Faiths, One Truth

By TENZIN GYATSO

Published: May 24, 2010

WHEN I was a boy in Tibet, I felt that my own Buddhist religion must be the best — and that other faiths were somehow inferior. Now I see how naïve I was, and how dangerous the extremes of religious intolerance can be today.
Though intolerance may be as old as religion itself, we still see vigorous signs of its virulence. In Europe, there are intense debates about newcomers wearing veils or wanting to erect minarets and episodes of violence against Muslim immigrants. Radical atheists issue blanket condemnations of those who hold to religious beliefs. In the Middle East, the flames of war are fanned by hatred of those who adhere to a different faith.
Such tensions are likely to increase as the world becomes more interconnected and cultures, peoples and religions become ever more entwined. The pressure this creates tests more than our tolerance — it demands that we promote peaceful coexistence and understanding across boundaries.
Granted, every religion has a sense of exclusivity as part of its core identity. Even so, I believe there is genuine potential for mutual understanding. While preserving faith toward one’s own tradition, one can respect, admire and appreciate other traditions.
An early eye-opener for me was my meeting with the Trappist monk Thomas Merton in India shortly before his untimely death in 1968. Merton told me he could be perfectly faithful to Christianity, yet learn in depth from other religions like Buddhism. The same is true for me as an ardent Buddhist learning from the world’s other great religions.
A main point in my discussion with Merton was how central compassion was to the message of both Christianity and Buddhism. In my readings of the New Testament, I find myself inspired by Jesus’ acts of compassion. His miracle of the loaves and fishes, his healing and his teaching are all motivated by the desire to relieve suffering.
I’m a firm believer in the power of personal contact to bridge differences, so I’ve long been drawn to dialogues with people of other religious outlooks. The focus on compassion that Merton and I observed in our two religions strikes me as a strong unifying thread among all the major faiths. And these days we need to highlight what unifies us.
Take Judaism, for instance. I first visited a synagogue in Cochin, India, in 1965, and have met with many rabbis over the years. I remember vividly the rabbi in the Netherlands who told me about the Holocaust with such intensity that we were both in tears. And I’ve learned how the Talmud and the Bible repeat the theme of compassion, as in the passage in Leviticus that admonishes, “Love your neighbor as yourself.”
In my many encounters with Hindu scholars in India, I’ve come to see the centrality of selfless compassion in Hinduism too — as expressed, for instance, in the Bhagavad Gita, which praises those who “delight in the welfare of all beings.” I’m moved by the ways this value has been expressed in the life of great beings like Mahatma Gandhi, or the lesser-known Baba Amte, who founded a leper colony not far from a Tibetan settlement in Maharashtra State in India. There he fed and sheltered lepers who were otherwise shunned. When I received my Nobel Peace Prize, I made a donation to his colony.
Compassion is equally important in Islam — and recognizing that has become crucial in the years since Sept. 11, especially in answering those who paint Islam as a militant faith. On the first anniversary of 9/11, I spoke at the National Cathedral in Washington, pleading that we not blindly follow the lead of some in the news media and let the violent acts of a few individuals define an entire religion.
Let me tell you about the Islam I know. Tibet has had an Islamic community for around 400 years, although my richest contacts with Islam have been in India, which has the world’s second-largest Muslim population. An imam in Ladakh once told me that a true Muslim should love and respect all of Allah’s creatures. And in my understanding, Islam enshrines compassion as a core spiritual principle, reflected in the very name of God, the “Compassionate and Merciful,” that appears at the beginning of virtually each chapter of the Koran.
Finding common ground among faiths can help us bridge needless divides at a time when unified action is more crucial than ever. As a species, we must embrace the oneness of humanity as we face global issues like pandemics, economic crises and ecological disaster. At that scale, our response must be as one.
Harmony among the major faiths has become an essential ingredient of peaceful coexistence in our world. From this perspective, mutual understanding among these traditions is not merely the business of religious believers — it matters for the welfare of humanity as a whole.

In my original reflection on this piece, I found myself questioning what I perceived his primary argument to be, that through the commonality of compassion we should find the ability to rise above our particularistic beliefs to find a single unified humanity. I struggled at the time because I believed that it is from the particular backgrounds we came from that can best serve us in working together. In the original post, I wrote “While he is correct about said premise, compassion doesn’t necessarily translate into the reality of all religions being of a single truth. I think we sometimes lose track of our differences and hence this causes more conflict than would be had if we come to the table stating our stances on all topics.” Part of my claim was that so often we enter common space and apologize for who we are because we are afraid of the confrontation. Yet, if we take a deeper look at relationships, it is in the confrontation that I believe we can find compassion, care and real growth.

If we treat a space of with the compassion of respect, through listening, reflecting, sharing and being comfortable in the uncomfortable, we can foster our collective humanity. Often, we think the solution is to remove aspects of what we are bringing to the common space because of fear. Yet, by entering the space with people from other backgrounds, faiths, practices, etc. each of us has already taken the first step to building the bridge.