Sometimes we are reminded of a message that is deep and meaningful at the most important of times. Over the past few days, I keep coming across these two phrases, “I am but dust and ashes” and its contrast, “For my sake was the world created.” According to Rabbi Dr. Abraham Twerski, in Growing Each Day, it is said that:
Rabbi Bunim of Psis’cha said that everyone should have two pockets; one to contain, “I am but dust and ashes,” and the other to contain, “The world was created for my sake.” At certain times, we must reach into one pocket; at other times, into the other. The secret of correct living comes from knowing when to reach into which.
p. 62
I realized that this advice/message was crucial to how we all should strive to live. There are times when we feel down, feel lost, feel like we are just going through the motions of life. In those moments we could use the pick me up of recognizing that we each play a role in the role, perhaps even the most fundamental of roles. We should strive in those moments to reflect on how much our actions are of value to existence.
On the other hand, we can all get caught up in taking ourselves too seriously. It is very easy to fall into the trap of seeing ourselves as better than someone else, as the one to judge others, to point a finger and make ourselves out to be the best while others are not. In those moments we are best served remembering that we too are just human, we are imperfect and have our own flaws and challenges that we wouldn’t want others to judge us over.
I believe this is an important lesson when engaging in self-reflection and when working with a coach or a therapist. As we go through self-discovery, we can find ourselves oscillating between our great self and our lowly self, swinging along a pendulum trying to find the balance, static point. It behooves us to take steps to find ways and methods for approaching the highs and lows of life.
May we each find our balance, recognizing our importance and our humility at the same time.
If you are looking to explore and discover new approaches to the difficulties in your life, trying to find the middle path: Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com.
How often do we struggle to find success because we are more afraid of success than failure? We spend so much time expressing a fake humility, downplaying our successes because we don’t want to seem arrogant. Ironically, the truly humble are those who know and strive for their successes while also acknowledging the gifts that they have which allowed for this success. In the quote below, we find a similar sentiment about the fear of success.
How do we overcome this fear? Two approaches come to mind.
First – As I have reflected upon in my writings on this page, we work towards breaking down the goals into smaller, manageable steps, working piece by piece to rise to our success. While we might be afraid of success, we are also fearful the process will be too arduous and difficult. If we can eliminate this fear, building to the large goal with countless short term, forward moving, goals, we will stand a better chance of success.
Second – We do not have to go about this task alone. Success in most areas of life doesn’t come by isolating oneself to remove all distractions. Yes, there are times we need to take on a task alone. Yet, more often than not, we forget that others have travelled along similar paths and get help guide us along the journey to our goals, helping us with their strengths to cultivate and support our strengths. If we allow the fear of being imperfect dominate, we will never seek the advice and support needed to achieve our desired goals and dreams.
May this be a week of discovering how you can overcome the fear of success as you embark on the next steps of your journey!
Whenever we venture into the unknown, we see before us a vast expanse lying ahead, leaving us with fears and doubts as to what we will encounter along the way. For many of us, these fears stop us in our tracks and we never get the opportunity to go forth and explore. In these moments, we find ourselves similar to the biblical Patriarch Abraham when Gd calls him to “Go Forth from your land, from your birthplace and from your father’s home to the land that I will show you (Genesis 12:1).” There is a powerful idea in later Jewish writing that this call was not specific to Abraham but was a call that went out to the world that only Abraham was focused enough to hear. Perhaps this call is always out there, waiting for us when the time is right, when we are in the moment of deciding where to go next. In that moment, if we listen, we will know we aren’t going alone. Rather we must take the initial step and we will be shown what truly lies before us, not what we believe might be out there stopping us from going forward.
This is my story as well. This week marks the one year anniversary of New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC, a moment in my life of going forth to a new adventure, a new path in my life. It has been an amazing year for me on this journey of growing a private spiritual life coaching practice. New Beginnings began as a dream to build a business whose mission was to work with others confronting the spiritual and emotional challenges that arise during transitional periods in life. Through a focus on one’s spiritually and faith and the search for meaning, growth and change along the new paths we face, my goal is to foster and harness the tools we have or will need when embarking on a New Beginning. During this first year, I have worked with individuals and groups exploring areas such as:
engaging one’s spiritual self in one’s life decisions
grief and loss
meaning making
finding joy in the next chapter of life
Rediscovery of “Who am I”
Through a combination of active listening, exploration, reflection and reframing, we work together to uncover layers of self-awareness. Through working together, we will often reveal the skills and tools you already possess to affect true positive change. It is my passion to help guiding others through these times of self-discovery, navigating the waves that we experience during the various transitional moments in life.
Looking for the spiritual spark to reignite your life?
Searching for a sense of meaning, hope or joy?
Trying to grapple with suffering?
Then I invite you to contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com. I look forward to supporting you along your journey and your New Beginning.
Humility need not cause feelings of worthlessness. Although a zero may be nothing when it stands by itself, adding zeros to another digit can result in a number of astronomical magnitude.
If we stand alone, we are nothing. But when we stand together with G-d and with one another, we constitute a value of infinite proportion…
Humility is the recognition that we need not go at it alone. It is recognizing our place in the greater cosmos, reminding ourselves to be mindful of how we are part of a collective humanity and our lot in the world is not just of our making. Humility is recognizing the gifts we have and the need to use those gifts in a way that is beneficial to all those around us.
Faith is not a passive notion of simply saying “I believe…” It is not something we just “have.” Faith is an active recognition that we are not alone. Faith is the recognition we are working in partnership with a being greater than ourselves.
I believe that one of the biggest challenges to growth is how often we believe in the idea that “I must do this alone.” While it is true that it is the “I” that has to take the first step to change, it is just as true that growth and change take a collective effort. It is through recognizing that we do not have to go forth on our own which can be the difference between success and failure.
May each of us find that sense of connectivity and togetherness along the way of our journeys.
In exploring for myself and working with others to help foster spiritual growth and change, I stress time and again the notion of seeing every step as a positive gain even in the midst of one’s pain and suffering. Too often we get caught up in not being in our ideal states instead of embracing the road we are travelling and how far we might have already come.
In this week’s Torah portion, Bereishit, Gd provides perhaps the ultimate example of the importance of taking stock along the way. In the creation story, after Gd establishes something, whether it be light, land, animals and yes, even people, the section includes “And Gd saw that it was good (or very good in the case of day 6).” Gd, if you will, pauses after each major moment and sees that it is good even while still needing to do more. At the same time, Gd doesn’t just stop and say, OK, ‘I’ve created enough.’ The moment is good and then Gd continues until nothing is seemingly left to create.
At the end of this creation process, Gd offers us a second clue as the importance of reflection in the designation of a Sabbath day, the day Gd rested (Genesis 2:1-3). In a comment on verse 2:2, Rashi expresses an interesting read of the phrase וַיְכַ֤ל אֱלֹהִים֙ בַּיּ֣וֹם הַשְּׁבִיעִ֔י, On the seventh day God finished the work. He suggests:
Another explanation: What did the world lack? Rest! Sabbath came — Rest came; and the work was thus finished and completed (Genesis Rabbah 10:9)!
Rashi highlights the importance that rest plays in our creative nature. Without rest, the world is incomplete!
It is not enough to be creative beings, to be action oriented beings. If all we are doing is doing, then the tasks will never end. If we don’t rest, we don’t see the places we have reached. If we don’t take stock along the way, seeing that it was “good,” then what are we really accomplishing.
I believe this notion of rest as the culmination of creation is extremely important to our spiritual work as well. On the one hand, of course it is important to always strive towards greater heights, never “Resting on your laurels.” At the same time, how can any of us know how far we have come without taking stock of our journeys, our processes. If we don’t stop, pause and rest along the way, we miss out on the solidifying of all we have done.
May each of us be blessed to find the opportunities to truly rest along the path, see where we have come, and have the time to plan what the next step will be.
Looking for support as you take a pause, giving yourself the opportunity to “rest” and reflect: Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com.
It can be quite a challenge to be willing to work together with others. For many of us, it can seem less cumbersome and less stressful to just take on another task instead of seeking help from others. I believe this is particularly true when it comes to fostering our spiritual and emotional growth. Yet, if we allow ourselves to find the person or persons who can hold our hand and lift us up in the process, we will find greater success in all of what we venture out to do.
With the fall Jewish holidays over, the Torah reading cycle starts afresh with Bereishit, Genesis. Chapter one tells the story of creation, in which Gd, and Gd alone, for the most part, brings the world into existence. Yet, there is a single exception, for a mere 26 verses into the Torah, we come across a moment of collaboration in the midst of the story. Verse 1:26 states, in describing the creation of humanity:
And God said, “Let us make humankind in our image, after our likeness. They shall rule the fish of the sea, the birds of the sky, the cattle, the whole earth, and all the creeping things that creep on earth.”
In a departure from the majority of the verses in chapter one, this verse states that Gd seemingly has consulted with other “beings” in the decision to create the human being. In response to this anomaly, Rashi, the great medieval Jewish biblical commentator, suggests a non-literal, ethical read of the text. He states:
נעשה אדם WE WILL MAKE MAN — Although they did not assist Him in forming him (the man) and although this use of the plural may give the heretics an occasion to rebel (i. e. to argue in favour of their own views),yet the verse does not refrain from teaching proper conduct and the virtue of humbleness, namely, that the greater should consult, and take permission from the smaller; for had it been written, “I shall make man”, we could not, then, have learned that He spoke to His judicial council but to Himself. And as a refutation of the heretics it is written immediately after this verse “And God created the man”, and it is not written “and they created” (Genesis Rabbah 8:9)
Quoting midrashic literature, Rashi suggests that the verse is written in plural form to teach that true humility includes not believing one has to do things by oneself. In looking at this comment, it is a reminder of the adage from Ethics of our Fathers,
Joshua ben Perahiah and Nittai the Arbelite received [the oral tradition] from them. Joshua ben Perahiah used to say: appoint for yourself a teacher, and acquire for yourself a companion and judge all favorably.
Pirkei Avot 1:6
Life is about making connections and looking to one another for support and help. If Gd could be presumed to have asked for advice, then for sure each of us needs to find people in our lives who will help lift us up. In fact, like the above picture, one of the underlying premises of New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting is to give someone a hand to help lift them up. Being willing to reach out a hand for another to help them up, an act of humility, an act of accepting one’s need for help, is the first step in spiritual growth.
I believe Rashi makes the choice of offering a non-literal read of the use of the plural instead of suggesting the more literal suggestion that the verse is merely using the “royal we” in this particular circumstance. Rashi is tasking the reader to see early on how the Torah can be a moral guide if we pay attention to the subtle nuances and gaps in the text. In this case, we learn this valuable lesson about humility. Of course, western religious literature is full of texts and commentaries that offer us multiple readings of the text to teach us lessons about life. If we pay attention, study the words carefully, and expand our reading to include different and varied approaches to these sacred texts, we are metaphorically putting out our hand to be lifted up spiritually.
As we begin the new Torah reading cycle, may each of us find a true sense of humility in realizing that there are always new opportunities to reach out our hands to be raised higher.
If you are ready to reach out your hand, I am here to help lift you along your journey of spiritual growth: Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com.
The hour is late. In mere hours we will be entering Yom Kippur. We have had ample opportunity for reflection and introspection. And while we might think it is too late, we would do well to remember it is never too late. We can still open our hearts to the desire to change and offer that deep desire as our first step to real, true teshuvah, true returning to the person we strive to be. I came across the following idea from Rav Moshe Weinberger that illustrates this concept (found here [p.19]):
One year on Yom Kippur, the Sar Shalom of Belz quoted the mishna in Shabbos (34a),
”ג’ דברים צריך אדם לומר בתוך ביתו ערב שבת עם חשכה עשרתם ערבתם הדליקו את הנר,““a person must say three things erev Shabbos as it gets dark, ‘Have you tithed?’, ‘Have you prepared the eruvim?’, and ‘Light the candle!’”
He explained that because Yom Kippur is called the ultimate Shabbos (Vayikra 16:31), this mishna also alludes to our feelings as we enter into Yom Kippur. “עשרתם “means “Have you tithed,” but because the root word is “עשר “,meaning ten, it alludes to the ten days of teshuva, as if to ask, “Have you used the ten days of teshuva properly?” Indeed, the ten days of teshuva have passed and what did we accomplish?! “ערבתם “ means “have you prepared the eruvim?”, like the eruv techumim and the eruv chatzeiros. But “ערב “also means “eve,” as if to ask “Have you used the eve of Yom Kippur properly to prepare? Erev Yom Kippur has passed and how did we use it?!
And the last question relates to kindling the Yom Kippur candles. The Sar Shalom continued “The candles are already lit and look what a state we are in!” He was quiet for a moment and then he concluded, “But ‘הדליקו את הנר ‘,does not mean ‘the candle is already lit.’ It means ‘Light the candles!’ Therefore it is not too late! Each and everyone of us still has time to light the candle, which refers to (Mishlei 20:27) ‘ נר אדם נשמת’ ה’ ‘,the soul of man is G-d’s candle.’”
Much of my suggested work in coaching others begins by showing them that the first step is to take the first step. If we just light the candle, do this one small task, we are already along the way to change. Once we recognize that the hardest thing is such a simple thing, we will then be able to begin along a new path towards growth.
Yom Kippur is both a culmination and a beginning. If we have been working on how to change this whole time, Yom Kippur allows us to have a sense of the slate wiped clean so we can make the fresh start we desire. And if we haven’t used this time as well as we could, don’t despair. Yom Kippur is a roadmap towards areas we can and always should be working to better ourselves in.
May each of us find this Day of Atonement to be the guide forward we are in need of as we all continue to foster the desire for New Beginnings in our lives.
If you are exploring ways to deepen your ability to recognize within yourself areas of desired spiritual growth: Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com.
How many of us only pay superficial attention when someone talks to us? Are we only conscious of hearing just what is being said? Maybe we are among the fortunate who pay just enough attention to get the gist of the message? Or perhaps, when someone is commenting about a situation or offering constructive criticism, even with the best of intentions, all we hear is the criticism without listening to the underlying suggestions of ways to improve? Are we too stuck in who we are, too stubborn to receive feedback, to recognize how the criticism is hopefully coming from a good place? (And yes, I am and have been guilty of this way too many times to count).
Sometimes the rebuke is really a blessing in disguise!
I came across a thought from the end of last week’s Torah portion that I found to be spot on as a reflection of hearing/not hearing as it pertains to growth and change. Deuteronomy 31:30 states:
וַיְדַבֵּ֣ר מֹשֶׁ֗ה בְּאזְנֵי֙ כל־קְהַ֣ל יִשְׂרָאֵ֔ל אֶת־דִּבְרֵ֥י הַשִּׁירָ֖ה הַזֹּ֑את עַ֖ד תֻּמָּֽם׃ {פ} Then Moses recited the words of this poem to the very end, in the hearing of the whole congregation of Israel:
When the Torah uses the word אזני (in the hearing (related to the word for ear)) or any of its derivative words, it implies a different kind of listening, perhaps as in emphasizing paying attention. The people were to be paying attention to some form of poetic rendering of Moses’ final speech. This is either a reference to Deuteronomy 32 or it is a reference to the series of verses that precede 31:30 starting from 31:22, which also uses the word שירה as a reference to the words of Moses. Regardless, the word שירה has a positive connotation, the words preceding or upcoming are more of a rebuke. As such, what did they hear?
The Israelites, while hearing the harsh words from Moses, also heard hope in his words. They didn’t just hear the rebuke and the consequences of their fall. They also heard that even when falling so far, there is a point of being able to rise back up, that the relationship promised would remain. They heard the song because they were listening with their ear, listening intently to the entire speech, not just sitting with the negativity of rebuke.
Every year, I am amazed at the extent of the formal confessionary forms of prayer we engage in throughout the period between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, culminating in the Viddui/confessions of our various “sins,” which are recited time and again on Yom Kippur. It is easy to get overwhelmed by the categories of our errors and how far we must come. Yet, I am also amazed that within this hard reality check, we can emerge with a renewed feeling of “success” and belief that we will be sealed for a good year. In many synagogues, it has become the practice to sing and dance immediately post Yom Kippur as a show of our seeing beyond the words. Through our confronting our humanity in a serious fashion, we come out the otherside having taken the heaviness and made it into something to celebrate, not dread.
May each of us “hear” the prayers of Yom Kippur as the road map forward for us to grow each day. May our “ears” be open to both the voice inside ourselves looking to improve and to the feedback we hear from others.
If you are exploring ways to deepen your ability to recognize within yourself areas of desired spiritual growth: Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com.
Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year, is a meaningful holiday for me. It is one of a series of opportunities in the year to take stock and to start anew. Unlike other times, such as my birthday and my wedding anniversary, part of the power of Rosh Hashanah is how together, communally, we are all together in this process of establishing a New Beginning, a new hope for the upcoming year. Through the sound of the Shofar, we are called to wake up and listen to the sounds and to the silences around us so as to better figure out what it is we hope for in the coming year.
I had the fortune to do a lot of reading and reflecting on the past two days (the beauty of being shut off from the constant barrage that comes from our connected world). And yes, while Shabbat and the holidays are about so much more than unplugging, the unplugging is a powerful byproduct.
In my reading over the holiday, I came across a piece that relates back to a book I read through this summer, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself, by Dr. Kristin Neff. In a piece from Rabbi Dr. Abraham Twerski’s Growing Each Day, he suggests the following spiritual approach to understanding judgment during this period between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur which I would extend to how we should see self-reflection in our daily lives:
God knows that personal interest makes us oblivious to the significance of our own misdeeds, so He contrives to make us observes in others actions and behavior similar to our own. How we react to our own acts as we see them in others determines how God will judge us. If we are considerate and lenient in our judgment, and give others the benefit of the doubt, allowing them the broadest latitude of circumstances that might have caused them to behave improperly, then God will judge us with equal leniency. But if we are self-righteous and quick to condemn others, we will be judged with equal severity.
p. 3
When we consider the work of self-compassion, one of the premises is that we tend to be quicker to forgive others mistakes than our own when the same mistake is made. We tend to be our own harshest critic. And lest you think that our self-criticism doesn’t ultimately harm our compassion for others, the more we lack in self-compassion, the harder it will be to continue to be compassionate and forgiving of others for their foibles. If we consider the above quote, we can see how our sense of personal, self-acceptance and compassion for our imperfections will open us up to increase our ability to be compassionate to others. If we are reacting to what we are witnessing, we would do well to spend a moment or two reflecting on what we see and what is being mirrored to us so we can react better to them and to ourselves.
As we continue on this journey together exploring how to foster new beginnings for ourselves, may we find ways to bring more compassion into the world for ourselves and for all those around us.
If you are looking to deepen your ability to recognize within yourself areas of desired spiritual growth: Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com.
Today is my 99th post on this website. Usually, people celebrate the whole numbers, so I am one off from a celebratory moment of writing post 100. Yet, I find the number 99 to be highly significant for a story I will share a little later on. But first…
Last night, I was playing around on Twitter and came across this tweet from a friend:
Aaron Judge, probably the most recognizable #99 in today’s sports fandom, is having a season for the ages. And while I am a Mets fan, with his own #99 –
it is clear that Judge is the better #99. Granted, for me, #99 takes me back to the great one Wayne Gretzky (NHL) and to the eccentrics like Wild Thing Mitch Williams and the infamous Turk Wendell (MLB – if you know, you know), but right now, for Baseball fans, 99 is Aaron Judge, and all the others tend to be glossed over (for a full list of all those in MLB who wore 99, see here).
This got me thinking about the significance of 99, only to recall another 99, but not in terms of sports. I was reminded of a teachable moment from when I was in High School, which I go back to every so often. It was 11th grade Chumash. We had just gotten a test back from our teacher and I noticed that while I got every question correct, I only received a 99 (yes, I admit, I was one of those students, always looking for the extra point). This bothered me as clearly I had earned the 100, the arbitrary perfect score we generally place on tests. I went to the rabbi and asked him why I didn’t get 100 when I clearly got all of the questions correct. To this day, I recall his response:
“Even Moses didn’t know everything, so in my opinion it would be impossible for anyone to achieve a 100.”
I’ll admit, the answer didn’t fully satisfy me. Yet, the lessons are quite apparent and in truth ones I have come to appreciate.
As I wrote about months ago, there is a notion of When 80 Percent is Perfect. We should always strive for the best we can do and recognize that the best will never be 100 percent because the 100 is a long term impossibility. There will always be something that is missed, even when it appears as if you got everything right.
We need to appreciate the beauty and greatness of the 99 within the scale of 100. Truth is, we need to appreciate even more than just the number closest to 100. We need to learn to appreciate all we have gained and not focus on the missing point(s).
Which brings me back to sports. Aaron Judge is having an outstanding season, a season for the ages, since we learn that in sports we focus on the accomplishments when it comes to most statistics as opposed to the failures that are the opposite side of the coin. For example, he has been on base over 40% of the time this year, which means he not been on base a little less than 60% of the time. In other words, his great year includes more failures than successes. Yet, we see the success and ignore the failures. He is having a 99 season (which for sports video game people, is the highest rank a player can get for a season).
If you have made it this far, thank you for reading this 99th post. Writing is a series of failures, deletions and edits until something comes together that is hopefully coherent and interesting. Life is the same. We fail, change course, shift, all in the drive to forge a path for ourselves. We experience many endings and New Beginnings. May each of you find the success within the imperfection and remember the greatness that is a 99.
New beginnings: A blog about spirituality, chaplaincy and renewal 