growth – Page 5 – New beginnings: A blog about spirituality, chaplaincy and renewal

Rebbe Nachman’s Advice # 6 – Charity and Faith go together

Faith manifests itself in many forms. Much of our approach to faith is emotional/intellectual, in that we either try to gain clarity and understanding in what we see in the world or allow experience and gut to guide us on our journey. In the below quote from Rebbe Nachman, he suggests that faith has a more pragmatic, action oriented element as well:

טז. עִקַּר חֲשִׁיבוּת הַצְּדָקָה וּשְׁלֵמוּתָהּ הִיא בֶּאֱמוּנָה. וְכָל הַבְּרָכוֹת וְהַהַשְׁפָּעוֹת הַבָּאִים עַל־יְדֵי הַצְּדָקָה, אֵין לָהֶם שְׁלֵמוּת כִּי אִם עַל־יְדֵי אֱמוּנָה, שֶׁהִיא מְקוֹר הַבְּרָכוֹת. וְעִקַּר אֱמוּנָה זוֹכִין עַל־יְדֵי שְׁמִירַת שַׁבַּת קֹדֶשׁ: (לק”א סי’ ל”א אות ב’)

Charity is only perfect when it is combined with faith. The same is true of all the blessings which flow into the world through acts of charity. They are only perfect when there is faith. Faith is the source of blessings. Keeping the holy Shabbat — which is called the “source of blessings”— is the foundation of faith (31:2).

From this passage, we are given a shift in our perspective on both charity and faith. As to faith, Rebbe Nachman gives us a clear approach to its value in that faith allows us to be a receptacle for blessing. Through faith in its ideal, we open ourselves up to a more selfless approach to life as a whole. Obviously, this takes work and effort to overcome selfish faith, one in which we claim faith only so that we can receive blessing. Rather, we have to cultivate faith in our individual and collective missions to make the world a better place. All of this leads us to charity.

Charity is a complicated idea. Maimonides, for example, makes it clear that tzedaka, which we translate as charity, a term that implies a certain subjectivity in that we can choose how to be supportive, is not the correct translation of tzedaka. Rather tzedaka should be seen as a required form of supporting others in positions of need. Without tzedaka, the world wouldn’t stand as we would be relying only on acts of kindness, chesed, which are contingent on the goodness of one to another. Others work with the more colloquial approach to tzedaka as the equivalent of chesed, which I would argue is what Rebbe Nachman is suggesting. As such, this is where faith comes in. If we combine faith with our sense of charity, we will find it easier to give because this combination cultivates our sense of trusting our giving is not a diminishment in what we have but rather a conduit for furthering our collective mission as human beings in caring for all.

Finally, how does Shabbat fit in? Shabbat, cessation from doing, is the source of all blessing. When we allow ourselves to take a moment to witness all we have done, we can often gain a deeper perspective. We can see the bigger picture. We can have the time and space to reflect and to not be caught up in doing, allowing ourselves to strengthen our spirituality and ultimately our faith. This foundational principle is in line with the above. When we allow ourselves to stop, we are saying that we trust that even if we aren’t doing, the world can continue because we have done what we could. Faith is the sense that we do our part and believe that Gd will take care of the rest. Faith is a deep sense of trust. Resting/Shabbat and Charity both must be accompanied by this notion of faith in order for them to be done to their utmost and if they are, then we should hopefully see blessings come into this world as a result.

As we get ready to enter the Shabbat of the special reading for Parashat Shekalim, which is about the obligatory giving of a half shekel to support the tabernacle and Temple, may we see the merits of our giving shine a light on our lives.

Are you struggling with your spiritual growth? Faith? Feeling lost in the midst of the journey of life? Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com

Audio – Lessons in Tanya 44

End of chapter 27. This section looks at a second approach to overcoming our base, physical instincts, or overcoming the Sitra Achara (dark/other side). There are many permissible actions one is allowed to do yet we must also work on the motivation for doing them. If we are doing things for the sake of connecting to Gd, then we are also suppressing the power of the Sitra Achara from getting the upper hand. This comes through the means of learning how to delay giving in to our physical desires. We are not ignoring them. Rather we are using things like eating as a tools to grow spiritually. We also briefly explore the term Kadosh, translated as holy to find the depth and beauty of this term.

Episode 44

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Do you want to work on taking the actions of your life and find meaning in all you do and who you are? Are you struggling with your spiritual growth. Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com

Audio – Lessons in Tanya 43

Part two of chapter 27. The Tanya warns us not to be sad about the internal struggle because the internal struggle is our mission in life. He suggests that it is this struggle which helps define the Beinoni, the intermediary person, to whom he is writing. We discuss the power of struggle and overcoming it to continue along a path of spiritual growth. I reflect on the importance of maintaining practice even if our minds are not engaged because the actions can, if we are intentional, hopefully open the door to further spiritual growth.

Episode 43

All episodes can also now be heard on Apple Podcasts – here

Who isn’t an imposter? The struggle of confidence

Let’s be real today. Who among us isn’t struggling to a certain extent with feeling like an imposter? According to this overview of imposter syndrome from Psychology Today, 70% of adults will have the feelings related to imposter syndrome at least once in life. In other words, most of us will have experienced this sense at some point in life.

I find myself reflecting on confidence and feeling like an imposter often. I find that part of the struggle is because we are inundated with the pristine images presented on social media. And just to be clear, we all do this. We get headshots to show our ideal selves, our smiling faces, our confidence. Most of us weed out the awkward picture for the perfect shot. We try not to post our foibles, only our successes.

Today, I want to say, I get the imposter feeling because many times I myself struggle with confidence. Recently I had an experience which reminded me of this struggle. The other day I was working along with a colleague and when he started speaking about me to a third person while I was present, sharing some of my “resume,” I found myself feeling both a sense of embarrassment to hear praise about myself (not in a humble sense, so don’t presume this comes from a sense of humility) and a sense of confidence being reminded that, yes, I am those things. For those who know me, that response is not surprising. Yes, I am aware of my resume and I do know what I have accomplished or attempted to accomplish. Yet, I struggle to believe it to be true. I struggle like we all struggle wondering whether we really have made an impact.

Why am I sharing this, being vulnerable with my readers?

I have a philosophy I bring to my work as a spiritual coach and I always tried to bring to my chaplaincy. It was something I learned early on in hospice work. Inevitably, during the course of a visit with the hospice patient and/or family, people would start asking me basic questions about my life, such as, was I married, did I have children, where do I live. At first, though I would respond, I was hesitant to answer, boundaries and all. Eventually, I realized that this was their way of testing the waters to see the humanness of the professional across the room. Sure, we could argue it is a form of avoidance in the midst of seriousness, but I truly believe it was a method for building trust. As such, I came to see this part of the conversation as a value unto itself. Sure, there are limits and professional boundaries and we aren’t there to unburden ourselves. Yet, if we don’t relate and connect on the basic human level, we will never fully engage the depth and sacredness of the space. In my coaching work, I have found the importance of bringing myself into the space, drawing from our common humanity to help further explore and build trust and relationship, which inevitably goes a long way to helping someone grow and discover.

Back to the imposter syndrome. We are all struggling in one way or another with who we really are and with how we perceive how others perceive us. It is part of being human. My hope is that each of has ways to remind ourselves that while it is a struggle, if we really think through all the naysaying, we might find how much we really are the person we claim to be, not an imposter pretending to be what we aren’t. May each of you find the confidence to overcome feeling like an imposter.

Are you struggling with your sense of self-confidence? Wondering if you really are the person people see you as? Are you working on your spiritual growth? Faith? Feeling lost in the midst of the journey of life? Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com

Rebbe Nachman’s Advice # 3 – Belief as it relates to the sacredness of the miracle of Time and Space

Are there actual miracles in the world? Can we be open to the concept that even the events that we think are natural are miraculous? Do we just rely on our knowledge, which blinds us to seeing the beauty and sacredness all around us?

I have suggested that our understanding of miracles has become more sophisticated. This is a double-edged sword. We can see the miraculous even in moments that we have a clear sense of the nature of what we are witnessing and yet, because we know more, we tend not to be able to experience the miraculous with as much excitement and wonder. Because of this, our skepticism gets in the way of our experiencing the world.

For Rebbe Nachman, as part of his perspectives on faith as culled together in Likkutei Etzot, recognizing the possibility of the miraculous, something seeming beyond the norm, is an important element of developing, strengthening and maintaining our faith. As he says:

ז. אֵלּוּ בְּנֵי אָדָם הַמַּכְחִישִׁים כָּל הַנִּסִּים, וְאוֹמְרִים שֶׁהַכֹּל דֶּרֶךְ הַטֶּבַע, וְאִם רוֹאִים אֵיזֶה נֵס הֵם מְכַסִּים הַנֵּס עִם דֶּרֶךְ הַטֶּבַע, שֶׁאוֹמְרִים שֶׁזֶּה דֶּרֶךְ הַטְּבָעִים, הֵם פּוֹגְמִים בָּאֱמוּנָה מְאֹד, וּפוֹגְמִים בַּתְּפִלָּה וּבְאֶרֶץ יִשְׂרָאֵל, וְהֵם מַאֲרִיכִין אֶת הַגָּלוּת: (שם אות ה’)

The people who deny that miracles are possible and claim that everything that takes place has a natural explanation can actually witness a miracle themselves and still try and glaze over it and explain it away. Naturally, this attitude of mind is very damaging to religious faith. It is harmful to prayer, and people’s understanding of the true significance of the Land of Israel becomes obscured. All this contributes to the lengthening of the exile (Ibid. 2).

Before unpacking this idea, I would highlight a summarization of this concept from earlier in this section of Likkutei Etzot:

ב. אֱמוּנָה וּתְפִלָּה וְנִסִּים וְאֶרֶץ יִשְׂרָאֵל הֵם בְּחִינָה אַחַת, וְכֻלָּם תְּלוּיִים זֶה בָּזֶה: (שם)

Faith, prayer, miracles and the Land of Israel are all one concept. They are all dependent upon each other (Ibid.).

If we remove the belief in the miraculous, we run the risk of losing the feelings of awe and wonder that is the beauty in the world. If we lose this sense of awe, we presume everything has a direct correlation, instead of maintaining a sense of the faith we often need to help guide us through challenging moments. Without this faith, why would we pray, since how can prayer ever make a change. And finally, we close ourselves off the sacredness of time and space, as exemplified by the notion of that the true significance of Israel is obscured, for part of the true significance of Israel is the notion that place can be sacred.

Rebbe Nachman is advising us to be open to experiencing things without having to intellectualize them. If we allow for experience, we open ourselves up to feeling the changes between the mundane and sacred. How do we feel the difference between a weekday and Shabbat if we merely just look at a calendar? How do we see the beauty of Gd’s creation if all we are doing is driving through? When we experience the sacredness, we feel the inspiration to grow, to connect, to recognize the faith of the “unknown.”

May we be able to open our hearts and minds to truly feel the holiness and sacred of our world. May we recognize how different times and different spaces have different vibes.

Audio – Lessons in Tanya 37

Part one chapter 25. This recording reviews some of the concepts we have seen in the previous chapters about how to overcome the spirit of folly. If we presume our ability to love and fear Gd are always present, we have the tools needed to sustain our positive spiritual growth. This section reviews the importance of relationship with the divine as part of the ability to overcome our mistakes. I also add in a plug for spiritual growth as relational and my work as a spiritual coach. I also offer a special wish at the end of the show to my older son as he turns 13 today on the Gregorian calendar (Hebrew birthday upcoming in a week).

Episode 37

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Carob tree and planting the seeds of success – Tu B’Shvat

Today marks the midway of the winter season and the new year for trees in the Jewish tradition. It is the holiday called Tu B’Shevat, named after the day it falls out, the 15th of Shevat. This days marks the starting point of seed growth, of seeing the results of the plantings we have done in the fall, preparing for the Spring/harvest season. In honor of Tu B’Shvat, I want to share a short reflection on the Carob tree and setting events into motion.

Change is hard. Change can feel impossible. So often, we might feel like we aren’t progressing, perhaps even feeling like we are “swimming upstream.” I know that many times I have to remind myself of this idea.

There is a Talmudic story which reflects this same concept. All we can do is plant the seeds and celebrate the possibilities of success. BT Taanit 23a describes the following story:

יוֹמָא חַד הֲוָה אָזֵל בְּאוֹרְחָא, חַזְיֵיהּ לְהָהוּא גַּבְרָא דַּהֲוָה נָטַע חָרוּבָא, אֲמַר לֵיהּ: הַאי, עַד כַּמָּה שְׁנִין טָעֵין? אֲמַר לֵיהּ: עַד שִׁבְעִין שְׁנִין. אֲמַר לֵיהּ: פְּשִׁיטָא לָךְ דְּחָיֵית שִׁבְעִין שְׁנִין? אֲמַר לֵיהּ הַאי גַּבְרָא: עָלְמָא בְּחָרוּבָא אַשְׁכַּחְתֵּיהּ. כִּי הֵיכִי דִּשְׁתַלוּ לִי אֲבָהָתִי — שְׁתַלִי נָמֵי לִבְרָאִי.

One day, he was walking along the road when he saw a certain man planting a carob tree. Ḥoni said to him: This tree, after how many years will it bear fruit? The man said to him: It will not produce fruit until seventy years have passed. Ḥoni said to him: Is it obvious to you that you will live seventy years, that you expect to benefit from this tree? He said to him: That man himself found a world full of carob trees. Just as my ancestors planted for me, I too am planting for my descendants.

יָתֵיב, קָא כָּרֵיךְ רִיפְתָּא, אֲתַאי לֵיהּ שִׁינְתָּא, נִים. אַהְדַּרָא לֵיהּ מְשּׁוּנִּיתָא, אִיכַּסִּי מֵעֵינָא, וְנִים שִׁבְעִין שְׁנִין. כִּי קָם, חַזְיֵיהּ לְהָהוּא גַּבְרָא דְּהוּא קָא מְלַקֵּט מִינַּיְיהוּ, אָמַר לֵיהּ: אַתְּ הוּא דִּשְׁתַלְתֵּיהּ? אֲמַר לֵיהּ: בַּר בְּרֵיהּ אֲנָא. אֲמַר לֵיהּ: שְׁמַע מִינַּהּ דִּנְיַימִי שִׁבְעִין שְׁנִין. חֲזָא לַחֲמָרְ[תֵּ]יהּ דְּאִתְיְילִידָא לַיהּ רַמְכֵי רַמְכֵי. Ḥoni sat and ate bread. Sleep overcame him and he slept. A cliff formed around him, and he disappeared from sight and slept for seventy years. When he awoke, he saw a certain man gathering carobs from that tree. Ḥoni said to him: Are you the one who planted this tree? The man said to him: I am his son’s son. Ḥoni said to him: I can learn from this that I have slept for seventy years, and indeed he saw that his donkey had sired several herds during those many years.

The planting we do is not always for ourselves. It can be something an ancestor set into motion that we are experiencing today. Today is the day we celebrate the beginning of the potentiality becoming reality. We might not know what will result, but we can find the will to rejoice in the effort and process because we know something will eventually come from it.

If you are struggling to establish and pursue your goals and dreams and need help working through the underlying motivations? Or if you know someone who is working on goal setting and needs support in the process, Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com

Audio – Lessons in Tanya 33

Chapter 22. We continue on the topic of Divine vs Human speech with a discussion of the Torah speaking in the language of humanity. The Torah uses our way of seeing the world to describe Gd, so on some level we see Gd’s speech as being “separate” from Gd. This leads into a discussion of how Gd can allow for the notion of denial of Gd in the universe, exploring in greater depth the ramifications of the term tzimtzum (contraction). Chapter 22 focuses on how people come to “false worship,” the notion of having “other Gods before Gd,” which is prohibited in the 10 commandments. We get into a discussion of arrogance and humility as it relates to our relationship to Gd and to how speech is the crux of the connection between the divine and human.

Episode 33

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Climb the mountain to attain the goal

Do we really want to attain the goal we have said we wish we could do? How much are we willing to do to make it happen?

In addition to a couple of other ideas I have shared about setting and working towards our goals, see for example here and here, I wanted to share something about achieving our goals that I was reading this morning. Rabbi Dr. Abraham Twerski, in Growing Each Day, offers a perspective on our attitude towards goal attainment:

While humans do not have an instinctual goal, we do have the capacity to discover our goals by use of our intellect. We must often overcome many hurdles and obstacles to reach out goals, and we must not allow ourselves to be discouraged by the struggles we encounter. Those who do not have the courage to overcome the challenge are likely to rationalize their retreat by saying that the goal is not worth the sacrifice. Instead of admitting their reluctance, they devalue the goal.

Moses knew that the land which was promised by Gd to Israel was the spiritual goal of the Jewish people, but he knew that when confronted with the difficulties of acquiring the land, some people might retreat and rationalize their reluctance by disparaging the land.

“Only if you are ready to climb mountains,” said Moses, “will you be able to truly see what the land is like.” The truth can be appreciated only by those who are ready to sacrifice for it.
P. 129

The question we must be asking ourselves when we start a task is whether we truly want to accomplish the goal. Are we willing to climb the mountain, working hard at times to achieve our wishes and dreams? What is our motivation? This can be a challenge in itself because motivations change. How many times do we start something with excitement and eventually lose momentum, forgetting the initial motivation?

As you set a new goal for yourself, I would encourage you to ask yourself the following kinds of questions and set demarcation points to review and reflect on the questions to see what continues to drive you and what has changed:

What is my goal?
What do I hope to accomplish?
How do I achieve my goal?
What is my motivation?

And when reviewing these questions during the process, some other questions to ask are:

Am I still motivated and why?
What has changed and how do I adapt those changes to my goal?
Is my original goal still the same goal or do I need to readjust?

May each of you find your goal and motivation to achieve your goal. May you find the resolve to climb the mountain and see.

Audio – Lessons in Tanya 29

Chapter 18. We take a deeper dive into the notion of love and fear of Gd being “a very near thing,” so near in fact that it is embedded in our DNA. We discuss how this spark always exists, which oftens comes out at times when our backs are up against the wall. I also expound on how this concept is another sign that the Alter Rebbe’s approach is one of encouraging even those who seem so far removed that there is always an opportunity to change. We cannot despair of being stuck.

Episode 29

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