goals – New beginnings: A blog about spirituality, chaplaincy and renewal

True Greatness Is Knowing Where We Are

We all have those days where we feel we will never amount to what we wish we would become. We feel small, distant, lost. We don’t know how to find our way forward along the path to find our “greatness.” Instead, we spend so much energy and time seeing all the ways we haven’t reached our life goals.

One area I want to focus on is spiritual growth. In working on our spiritual goals, our spiritual growth, this inability to focus on where we are versus where we aren’t can make it feel like we aren’t having success. We feel distant from our desires to be more connected to our faith, our religion, our trust in Gd. But are we really so far away? Perhaps we aren’t distant but how we perceive things is what is leading to think we are distant. So much of growing along the path of life comes down to the mindset we bring to the moment. I think this is illustrated in the following teaching:

Someone asked the Rebbe Shlit”a how they should deal with their feelings of lack of success. They hear so much from the Rebbe about the high and lofty spiritual levels one should reach, but they feel so far from reaching any of this! The Rebbe answered that the Zohar HaKadosh says that “he who is small is great,” therefore, by a person simply acknowledging where they are truly holding i.e. that they are “small” and not yet on these high levels they learned about, they are showing that they are truly great.
Sea of Wisdom, Parshas Bo 5784 – R. Yitzchak Meir Morgenstern

When we embrace the notion that we aren’t there yet, not in a negative way, but in a growth mindset way, we change the paradigm. It is no longer that our distance from our desired goals is a sign of what we are lacking. Rather, our place now is our “greatness” and through this current greatness, we are on the path to higher levels of spiritual growth.

Today, and everyday, when we take stock of where we are, not where we haven’t gotten to, I hope that we can see we are in the place of today’s greatness, knowing full well we want to journey further to tomorrow’s greatness. May we embrace where we are now and find the inspiration from this spot to move along the road of becoming more and more.

Looking for help in recognizing the greatness that is you? If you or someone you know is looking to forge ahead and set new goals or trying to find a sense of meaning in life, we are here to help foster spiritual and emotional growth and change. Schedule your appointment today here. For more information, please contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com

The Importance and Power of the Desire for Success

I think most of us make the mistake of thinking that our emotions are things that just happen to us. We presume we just feel and that we have zero control over those feelings. And once we feel something, then that will be it, we won’t have to do things to build upon the feeling.

When it comes to accomplishing the things we wish to accomplish, I often wonder if we are just waiting for the inspiration to push forward instead of taking the steps necessary to see our goals come to fruition. In reading a lot about goal setting and striving to become a better self, I have come to recognize that one of the biggest hurdles to success is fostering the will and desire to take on a new opportunity. While it is easy to say we want to succeed and we want to accomplish new things, very often it is merely us paying lip service and not taking action. Last Shabbat, I came across the following piece which speaks about the power of desiring to succeed as the first step to spiritual growth:

The Power of Desire
Someone asked the Rebbe for financial advice. The Rebbe said: The most important thing a person has to have is a strong desire, whether it is a desire to open a business, to build something, to invent something. A person has to have a powerful desire for something, that is the first step. Once a person develops a strong desire for something physical, they should then transfer that desire into something spiritual, and something pertaining to their avodas Hashem, and then they will truly feel and understand what a strong desire is. With a strong enough desire, a person will succeed b’ezras Hashem in what they try to accomplish.
(Shabbos Parshas Vayechi 5784)
Sea of wisdom for Parashas Shemos 5784 – R. Yitchak Meir Morgenstern

We see that desire is not something we just claim to have but it is something we must actively cultivate and embrace. When we fully embrace the person we wish to become or the thing we truly wish to accomplish, then we will be on the road to success. The lack of a cultivated and focused desire to achieve something is often the barrier to reach the destination we have in mind and is the death of so many of our goals and resolutions.

As we continue to evaluate the goals we have set for ourselves, we should take the time to first examine what it is we really wish to accomplish and see if the desire for success is truly there to be our guide along the way. Don’t be afraid if the desire that was is no longer present as it could be we either need to reinvest our energy into our wishes or perhaps we need to make changes to the goal we had in mind and the process of reaching that goal.

In either case, may each of us find the willpower and passion to take our first steps to our desired goals for becoming the people we wish to become.

It’s a New Year and a new opportunity to start fresh. If you or someone you know is looking to forge ahead and set new goals or trying to find a sense of meaning in life, we are here to help foster a spiritual and emotional growth and change. Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com

2024 – Another New Year, Another Moment of Reflection

Yes, it is January 3. Yes, we are three days into 2024. And yes, writing about goal setting “after the fact” seems out of place. Yet, besides there never being a bad time to reflect on goal setting, I would argue that January 3rd is the best time to have this discussion.

Think about it like this:

December 31, 2023 – We decide on new goals for the year, one’s that speak to our hopes for the new year. We have lists of things we wish to change and resolve to work on changing them.

January 1, 2024 – Yes, we should start Day One. And we do. And it seems so easy to get started because for most of us, January 1 is a vacation day. It is easy to work on goals when the work of achieving our goals is our only task.

January 2, 2024 – Back to work. Back to the grind. This is the day of navigating how the goals we have in mind will meld into our busy lives. And I would guess that by last night, many of the goals we had in mind are already shifting around. Many of us are asking not just how to find the time but where do fit in the changes. Some are already feeling like January 2 was not much different than December 29th, meaning a humdrum work day that came and went.

Which brings us back to January 3. Today is the real litmus test. We saw and felt the exhilaration of starting off on the right foot that was January 1 and then the realistic struggle of meshing our hopes with our realities on January 2. The question is, what did we learn from these two experienes.

When we set goals for ourselves, whenever we do this, it is important to remember a couple of key points:

The goal is the end product and our job needs to begin with not just where we wish to go but how we best think we can get there.
It is OK to try an approach and fail at it. Even in the failure there is success. The January 2 people who struggled to maintain the January 1 process can learn and adapt practices to more realistically to achieve the goals they have set for themselves. A failure is not a failure but an opportunity for growth.
Be compassionate about your choices. One of the biggest obstacles to staying the course with our goals is to celebrate the gains and forgive oneself moments of stagnation and falling backwards.
Today is a New Beginning. And so is tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after, etc. Each day brings us a chance to recalibrate, refocus and reconfigure as we need.

May each of us find the goals we wish to have, the ability to accomplish them step by step and the flexibility to integrate our new hopes into the lives we find ourselves living each and every day.

Climb the mountain to attain the goal

Do we really want to attain the goal we have said we wish we could do? How much are we willing to do to make it happen?

In addition to a couple of other ideas I have shared about setting and working towards our goals, see for example here and here, I wanted to share something about achieving our goals that I was reading this morning. Rabbi Dr. Abraham Twerski, in Growing Each Day, offers a perspective on our attitude towards goal attainment:

While humans do not have an instinctual goal, we do have the capacity to discover our goals by use of our intellect. We must often overcome many hurdles and obstacles to reach out goals, and we must not allow ourselves to be discouraged by the struggles we encounter. Those who do not have the courage to overcome the challenge are likely to rationalize their retreat by saying that the goal is not worth the sacrifice. Instead of admitting their reluctance, they devalue the goal.

Moses knew that the land which was promised by Gd to Israel was the spiritual goal of the Jewish people, but he knew that when confronted with the difficulties of acquiring the land, some people might retreat and rationalize their reluctance by disparaging the land.

“Only if you are ready to climb mountains,” said Moses, “will you be able to truly see what the land is like.” The truth can be appreciated only by those who are ready to sacrifice for it.
P. 129

The question we must be asking ourselves when we start a task is whether we truly want to accomplish the goal. Are we willing to climb the mountain, working hard at times to achieve our wishes and dreams? What is our motivation? This can be a challenge in itself because motivations change. How many times do we start something with excitement and eventually lose momentum, forgetting the initial motivation?

As you set a new goal for yourself, I would encourage you to ask yourself the following kinds of questions and set demarcation points to review and reflect on the questions to see what continues to drive you and what has changed:

What is my goal?
What do I hope to accomplish?
How do I achieve my goal?
What is my motivation?

And when reviewing these questions during the process, some other questions to ask are:

Am I still motivated and why?
What has changed and how do I adapt those changes to my goal?
Is my original goal still the same goal or do I need to readjust?

May each of you find your goal and motivation to achieve your goal. May you find the resolve to climb the mountain and see.

If you are struggling to establish and pursue your goals and dreams and need help working through the underlying motivations? Or if you know someone who is working on goal setting and needs support in the process, Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com

Self-reflection/looking in the mirror

A couple of my more recent posts have explored the topic of identifying the various components of self identity. In this post, I am…, I included the beginnings of a list of different terms as to who I see myself as and as a paradigm for your personal growth. This practice, of listing the various “I ams” is a crucial component of growth. By looking in the mirror and engaging in the various elements of who we see, we can then explore the deeper characteristics that underlie each of those elements of our self-makeup.

Some of you reading this might question this method. After all, the work of claiming an “I” seemingly flies in the face of many spiritual practices. It is a common misconception that the goal of spiritual practice is an absolute self-nullification, a removal of all “I” elements of life. I would argue that this is a mistaken premise. Self-nullification, losing oneself in greater spiritual growth, is about the work of not allowing any of the identifying elements of the self to become sacred, to become the be all and end all.

Rather, what I am proposing is that the “I am” is a gateway to deep exploration and spiritual work as it relates to growth. This dawned on me in working with a couple of my clients, exploring the underlying meaning of the terms they were using to identify themselves. The exploration was to try to understand what were the drivers behind the particular term that the person used as a definition of self. When we are clear on who we are and what that means to us, we can then travel a road of who we wish to become within or without the term we are exploring.

For example, in my previous post, I identified myself as a “reader.” If I were to break this down further, I might begin by describing what I like to read or the types of books I find myself reading at the moment. I might explore what reading does for me. In fact, here is a rough outline of what saying I am a Reader is to me:

explorer
curious
seeker of knowledge
reading allows me times to escape from the challenges of life
reading is a spiritual practice
growth and change
reading is a gateway to unexplored worlds
reading is helpful in being a writer

I would then take this list and go deeper in this and related topics as it pertains to the goals the person I am working with would like to explore. For example, if I want to explore the notion of reading as a personal spiritual practice in relation to what it means when I define myself as a reader, I would work with the person to deepen their self-notion of what reading as a spiritual practice is. Is it the focus of reading? Is reading really about study and being absorbed in the depths of another’s words? Is it a form of connection to Gd (there is much in religious thought about connecting to the divine through the practice of study, of learning)? The goal of these explorations would be to help foster within the person the richness that comes from insights into the self so as to better foster the growth a person is looking for.

May each of us discover new aspects of ourselves as we consider the “I ams” we bring to the world.

Reflecting on your own path of self-discovery: Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com.

Focus on the Process

As we continue to travel along this seven week path towards Rosh Hashanah, I found the following quote to be a good point of reflection for daily growth:

No matter what the tangible outcome is, you cannot help but become a better person when you follow a creative call. If you focus on the product, you get fleeting satisfaction from an end result. If you focus on the process you get a life because life is a process.
The Muse Is In: An Owner’s Manual to Your Creativity p. 20

We establish a goal or multiple goals. We desire reach our intended goal/s. Yet, to get their requires not the the goal but the steps along the way towards the goal. By being able to focus on the steps along the path, we gain the ability to see progress, celebrate progress and pivot from the main path much easier if the approach to the goal is not leading us there. By recognizing this last point, we don’t get stuck in frustration presuming that there is only a single path that can lead us to where we want to be.

As we continue on towards Rosh Hashanah, may we find inspiration from the day to day process towards the goal of establishing new opportunities all along the path.

Looking for help along your journey as you go onward and upward? Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com.

Gaps and Gains

I recently read The Gap and The Gain: The High Achievers’ Guide to Happiness, Confidence, and Success. This book offers a model for success based on the idea that we should see the gains we have made and build off of them instead of always seeing the gaps along the way.

Many of us, as we strive towards setting and fulfilling tasks towards our ideal goal, we often find ourselves in a place of struggle because we feel unfulfilled. The authors, Dan Sullivan and Dr. Benjamin Hardy suggest this frustration results from the cycle on the left of picture, in which we are measuring our goals by how far we are from the ideal instead of measuring them from how far we have come. The gap and the gain they describe is illustrated below:

This is a new way of the age old question of whether we see the glass is half full or half empty:

Daily we accomplish a lot, though often we take it for granted because we are focused on what we haven’t done instead of reflecting on how far we have come during the day. One of the suggestions the book presents is the importance of taking stock at night of all the gains of the day. By just taking 5-10 minutes to reflect and/or journal what we have done during the day, we will find a sense of accomplishment and gratitude for the opportunities the day brought us.

Our journey in life needs the self-reinforcement and kindness this practice can afford us. If we begin to offer ourselves the kindness and positive reinforcement we more easily offer to others, seeing the growth and gains we have made instead of “punishing” ourselves for what we didn’t do, we can find more meaning and hope in this often challenging world.

May each of us acknowledge our Gains and build from those foundations to strive forward in reaching our goals.

Only seeing the gaps and looking to recognize the gains! Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com.

Calm Water

My fundamental goal in establishing New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting is to help people navigate the waves in life. Our lives are composed of a series of ups and downs, daily, weekly, monthly, etc. While there is much to be gained from life as dynamic like a wave as opposed to static like calm water, most want a life with tiny waves in the midst of calm waters, not giant waves crashing down.

I came across a quote from a short book of reflections called How to Relax by Thich Nhat Hanh that I found particularly poignant to part of the philosophy underlying my spiritual coaching method:

Each of us is like the waves and also like the water. Sometimes we’re excited, noisy and agitated like the waves. Sometimes we’re tranquil like still water. When water is calm, it reflects the blue sky, the clouds, and the trees. Sometimes, whether we’re at home, work, or school, we become tired, agitated, or unhappy and we need to transform into calm water. We already have the calmness in us; we just need to know how to make it manifest.
p. 16

For more information and to schedule a session, contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or email newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com.

Hazardous travel – life is a journey

When we drive or travel along a road, sometimes we come across a sign warning us about hazardous road conditions. Without this sign, we would not be prepared for the challenges of the road ahead.

In Living Each Day by Rabbi Dr. Abraham Twerski, he discusses the importance of noticing the hazards along the way on our personal paths in life.

In ancient times, travel was indeed hazardous. There was always the danger of being robbed by highwaymen, attacked by ferocious beasts, or injured in a violent storm.
Today’s travel is, of course, much safer. But there is one journey that remains hazardous, and that is the journey throughout life, until we arrive at our final destination.
Awareness of the presence of danger is in itself a safeguard, because we can then be alert and on guard. One can take protective and evasive measures, or enlist the necessary help to overcome the danger.
If we bear in mind that life is a journey to an ultimate destination, we may then be alert to exercise the necessary precautions so that nothing should interfere with our arriving at our desired goal.
p. 126

As we journey each day, being aware of the potential hazards is fundamental to reaching the destination to which we hope to arrive. May each of us be able to see the obstacles as we negotiate the day to day of our lives, and may those barriers not hold us back from continuing forward.

If you are someone in the process of creating your own new beginning, trying to negotiate the hazard along your journey, New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC is here to help. For more information, please check out: https://achaplainsnewjourney.wordpress.com/about/

To begin new, we must end what was

The other day I shared the first rule of transitions as posited by William Bridges in his book Transitions. The rule described how we gravitate back to the familiar in the midst of transition.

Bridges’s second rule about transitions is very simple yet very profound:

Every transition begins with an ending. We have to let go of the old thing before we can pick up the new one – not just outwardly, but inwardly, where we keep our connections to people and places that act as definitions of who we are.
p. 11

A new beginning requires something to come to an end. In order to create this transition, we must be willing to let go of the image of who we think we are. Most often, the barriers to change come from a fear that by changing, we lose our core self. We worry family and friends won’t be accepting and we will lose the social connections that help fulfill our lives. Yet, as is so often the case, our perceptions of what we will lose are merely the internal voices we project on others because we ourselves are not ready yet.

If we can embrace endings as much as we tend to desire to embrace a new beginning, we will truly be on the path of transitioning to a new beginning in whatever we choose to do.

If you are someone in the process of creating your own new beginning, New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC is here to help. For more information, please check out: https://achaplainsnewjourney.wordpress.com/about/