Tag: goal setting

2024 – Another New Year, Another Moment of Reflection

Yes, it is January 3. Yes, we are three days into 2024. And yes, writing about goal setting “after the fact” seems out of place. Yet, besides there never being a bad time to reflect on goal setting, I would argue that January 3rd is the best time to have this discussion. 

Think about it like this:

December 31, 2023 – We decide on new goals for the year, one’s that speak to our hopes for the new year. We have lists of things we wish to change and resolve to work on changing them. 

January 1, 2024 – Yes, we should start Day One. And we do. And it seems so easy to get started because for most of us, January 1 is a vacation day. It is easy to work on goals when the work of achieving our goals is our only task.

January 2, 2024 – Back to work. Back to the grind. This is the day of navigating how the goals we have in mind will meld into our busy lives. And I would guess that by last night, many of the goals we had in mind are already shifting around. Many of us are asking not just how to find the time but where do fit in the changes. Some are already feeling like January 2 was not much different than December 29th, meaning a humdrum work day that came and went.

Which brings us back to January 3. Today is the real litmus test. We saw and felt the exhilaration of starting off on the right foot that was January 1 and then the realistic struggle of meshing our hopes with our realities on January 2. The question is, what did we learn from these two experienes.

When we set goals for ourselves, whenever we do this, it is important to remember a couple of key points:

  1. The goal is the end product and our job needs to begin with not just where we wish to go but how we best think we can get there.
  2. It is OK to try an approach and fail at it. Even in the failure there is success. The January 2 people who struggled to maintain the January 1 process can learn and adapt practices to more realistically to achieve the goals they have set for themselves. A failure is not a failure but an opportunity for growth.
  3. Be compassionate about your choices. One of the biggest obstacles to staying the course with our goals is to celebrate the gains and forgive oneself moments of stagnation and falling backwards. 
  4. Today is a New Beginning. And so is tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after, etc. Each day brings us a chance to recalibrate, refocus and reconfigure as we need.

May each of us find the goals we wish to have, the ability to accomplish them step by step and the flexibility to integrate our new hopes into the lives we find ourselves living each and every day.

It’s a New Year and a new opportunity to start fresh. If you or someone you know is looking to forge ahead and set new goals or trying to find a sense of meaning in life, we are here to help foster a spiritual and emotional growth and change. Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com

Climb the mountain to attain the goal

Do we really want to attain the goal we have said we wish we could do? How much are we willing to do to make it happen?

In addition to a couple of other ideas I have shared about setting and working towards our goals, see for example here and here, I wanted to share something about achieving our goals that I was reading this morning. Rabbi Dr. Abraham Twerski, in Growing Each Day, offers a perspective on our attitude towards goal attainment:

While humans do not have an instinctual goal, we do have the capacity to discover our goals by use of our intellect. We must often overcome many hurdles and obstacles to reach out goals, and we must not allow ourselves to be discouraged by the struggles we encounter. Those who do not have the courage to overcome the challenge are likely to rationalize their retreat by saying that the goal is not worth the sacrifice. Instead of admitting their reluctance, they devalue the goal.

Moses knew that the land which was promised by Gd to Israel was the spiritual goal of the Jewish people, but he knew that when confronted with the difficulties of acquiring the land, some people might retreat and rationalize their reluctance by disparaging the land.

“Only if you are ready to climb mountains,” said Moses, “will you be able to truly see what the land is like.” The truth can be appreciated only by those who are ready to sacrifice for it.

P. 129

The question we must be asking ourselves when we start a task is whether we truly want to accomplish the goal. Are we willing to climb the mountain, working hard at times to achieve our wishes and dreams? What is our motivation? This can be a challenge in itself because motivations change. How many times do we start something with excitement and eventually lose momentum, forgetting the initial motivation?

As you set a new goal for yourself, I would encourage you to ask yourself the following kinds of questions and set demarcation points to review and reflect on the questions to see what continues to drive you and what has changed:

  1. What is my goal?
  2. What do I hope to accomplish?
  3. How do I achieve my goal?
  4. What is my motivation?

And when reviewing these questions during the process, some other questions to ask are:

  1. Am I still motivated and why?
  2. What has changed and how do I adapt those changes to my goal?
  3. Is my original goal still the same goal or do I need to readjust?

May each of you find your goal and motivation to achieve your goal. May you find the resolve to climb the mountain and see.

If you are struggling to establish and pursue your goals and dreams and need help working through the underlying motivations? Or if you know someone who is working on goal setting and needs support in the process, Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com

Hanukkah and Spiritual Growth

We are in the midst of Hanukkah. This is a time of celebration, joy and lots of fun activities and food (especially those who love fried foods like latkes and donuts). It is also, and perhaps moreso, a time of reflecting on how we are to have faith in things working out even in the seemingly impossible situations of life. By reflecting on the liturgy of the 8 day festival, which speaks about the overcoming of overwhelming military odds and the lighting of candles, going from 1 candle on the first night to 8 candles on the last night, one added every night, as a reminder of the story told of finding enough oil to only last one day which then lasted eight days, we have an opportunity to take stock and reflect.

In my work with people as a Spiritual Life Coach, we work to take the little jug of oil a person has uncovered, the desire to foster a change in life, and step by step craft the desired goals into a New Beginning. This is true for those dealing with grief and loss, with transitions in life and those just searching for a renewed sense of meaning. Fostering lasting change is miraculous in that it is often difficult to sustain the step by step growth. Too many of us struggle because we want to reach the end quickly and without fail, not realizing that the goal can only be reached one step at a time. This attitude can lead to failed opportunities and missed celebrations for milestones we reach along the way. Time and again, we each can find the ways to support and care for ourselves so that we may find the new lights we are trying to light in our lives.

As we light for the last time tonight, filling all 8 spots on the menorah, we should take a moment to reflect on the night by night process of how we got here. Some of us have felt rushed during the holiday, maybe not being home for every night, yet, we have continued to do in some way shape or form. It wasn’t a straight and perfect ride, yet we have arrived at the culmination point. I think this is true of our work of change as well. The process of change is not perfect. It has bumps and ditches along the way. Yet, when we reach a milestone moment, when we have a breakthrough that gives us the push forward to the next part of the growth journey, we should take the time to celebrate the imperfect, bumpy path we have taken to this point.

May we be blessed to appreciate the bumps along the way and the arrival to points along the path. May we remember to celebrate the incomplete as much as we come to enjoy the complete.

Working on setting new goals and needing a process for maintaining your goals. Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com

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The hardest step is the first step

I think most of us feel this way. We have a goal, a dream. We want to make a change in our lives. And yet, we don’t follow through because the first step seems like such a leap to make. Too often we get lost because, like the picture, it seems like the first step is impossible to reach.

Yet, I bet that once you take the first step along a journey of steps, in hindsight you realize the first step was the same as every other step in that it wasn’t really a leap but it was a manageable step.

These words sum up the point. Do it now, get started. Don’t allow the paralysis, the fear leave you seeing an insurmountable step, when in reality it is not insurmountable. I know this because in many areas of my life I struggled and continue to struggle with taking first steps. We are all afraid of taking the first step and not landing on solid ground, of falling, of failure, of defeat. There can seem to be too many stumbling blocks along the way. And if any of those obstacles really do stand in the way, we can also work to pick ourselves up and take another step, go another way around. Or, if you go back to image above, maybe the way to get up the first step is bring a ladder and use a tool you already have to climb up.

Regardless of outcome, what is most important is the initial moment of striving towards the dream, the wish, the change. May each of us find the way to take a first step today along a new path that we want to open up in front of us.

Are you looking for a ladder to help you climb up to the first step: Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com.

I am a writer

As I work with others to help support them as they explore the road ahead, I cannot help but work on my own growth and development. In doing this exploration and work, I continue to recognize the value and importance of embracing my hopes and dreams, claiming them even if I haven’t arrived at the ideal vision I have. Among these dreams that I have revived in myself is the internal belief that I am a writer. Perhaps this is why I have spent many years dabbling and engaging in blogging, writing and sharing different ideas in a public forum. I believe I have something to say and that I have an ability to get across clear messages on “paper.” Simply put:

I am a writer.

Now, in reality, I struggle with writing. It is not a simple task to express oneself in written form. I don’t see myself as a master wordsmith, figuring out how best to manipulate and use words in a way that makes me seem smart and sophisticated. I don’t find that I am great at embellishing and creating poetic magic. Yet, in writing I am finding ways to expand my word usage and to embrace writing for writing sake without being worried about how I measure up in relation to others. The more I practice the skill, the more the skill becomes natural and easier to foster. Writing more frequently has helped me nourish my long dormant desire to write.

I am a writer

I am a writer because I choose to claim that I am a writer. By this I mean that as a function of writing regularly, I am able to comfortably and confidently say that I am this thing. While it is true that just because a person says “I am X” is not always indicative of their reality, especially if it comes to professional credentialing, but when it comes to the creative, to the arts, we can all own our work and our desire to be defined by one type of creativity or another. Why should we sell ourselves short? Why should we hamper ourselves just because we can’t produce perfect prose or masterful poetry?

I am a writer

While I cannot say it was professional goal to write for a living, I did and still do dream of writing. If we hinder our desired dreams, if we don’t claim our aspirations, then we definitely won’t achieve. Of course, even if we do dream, we don’t always make it to the top level. But if we dream, and we work and we work some more, we will have achieved much by the working that we do along the path we have set before ourselves.

I am a writer.

I am writer because I work on writing. Over the past week, pushing myself to write more, to brainstorm and express myself on this blog, I have already found more that I want to say and more ways in which to express the thoughts and feelings I want to convey as lessons to help foster growth.

I believe that within each of us is a creative person struggling to be set free. Part of my spiritual coaching work is to help a person uncover the hopes and dreams we wish stirring in the depths of our soul to better and brighten one’s life and through that to better others lives as well. Part of the search for meaning is the search for finding out the many ways we can define who we are and who we wish to be.

May each of us continue to aspire towards fulfilling and sharing our creative sides to the world.

Looking for skills to uncover and foster your creativity: Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com.

Focus on the Process

As we continue to travel along this seven week path towards Rosh Hashanah, I found the following quote to be a good point of reflection for daily growth:

No matter what the tangible outcome is, you cannot help but become a better person when you follow a creative call. If you focus on the product, you get fleeting satisfaction from an end result. If you focus on the process you get a life because life is a process.

The Muse Is In: An Owner’s Manual to Your Creativity p. 20

We establish a goal or multiple goals. We desire reach our intended goal/s. Yet, to get their requires not the the goal but the steps along the way towards the goal. By being able to focus on the steps along the path, we gain the ability to see progress, celebrate progress and pivot from the main path much easier if the approach to the goal is not leading us there. By recognizing this last point, we don’t get stuck in frustration presuming that there is only a single path that can lead us to where we want to be.

As we continue on towards Rosh Hashanah, may we find inspiration from the day to day process towards the goal of establishing new opportunities all along the path.

Looking for help along your journey as you go onward and upward? Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com.

Gaps and Gains

I recently read The Gap and The Gain: The High Achievers’ Guide to Happiness, Confidence, and Success. This book offers a model for success based on the idea that we should see the gains we have made and build off of them instead of always seeing the gaps along the way.

Many of us, as we strive towards setting and fulfilling tasks towards our ideal goal, we often find ourselves in a place of struggle because we feel unfulfilled. The authors, Dan Sullivan and Dr. Benjamin Hardy suggest this frustration results from the cycle on the left of picture, in which we are measuring our goals by how far we are from the ideal instead of measuring them from how far we have come. The gap and the gain they describe is illustrated below:

This is a new way of the age old question of whether we see the glass is half full or half empty:

Daily we accomplish a lot, though often we take it for granted because we are focused on what we haven’t done instead of reflecting on how far we have come during the day. One of the suggestions the book presents is the importance of taking stock at night of all the gains of the day. By just taking 5-10 minutes to reflect and/or journal what we have done during the day, we will find a sense of accomplishment and gratitude for the opportunities the day brought us.

Our journey in life needs the self-reinforcement and kindness this practice can afford us. If we begin to offer ourselves the kindness and positive reinforcement we more easily offer to others, seeing the growth and gains we have made instead of “punishing” ourselves for what we didn’t do, we can find more meaning and hope in this often challenging world.

May each of us acknowledge our Gains and build from those foundations to strive forward in reaching our goals.

Only seeing the gaps and looking to recognize the gains! Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com.

The power of a pause

We are constantly doing. It is hard to stop and reflect. We think that if we stop we won’t progress. If we don’t pause to reflect and to truly listen to our inner voice, so much will be lost.

The book of Leviticus, VaYikra, begins with Gd calling to Moses as an invitation to teach Moses the vast array of laws related to sacrifices. Verse 1:1 states:

וַיִּקְרָ֖א אֶל־מֹשֶׁ֑ה וַיְדַבֵּ֤ר יְהֹוָה֙ אֵלָ֔יו מֵאֹ֥הֶל מוֹעֵ֖ד לֵאמֹֽר׃

Gd called to Moses and spoke to him from the Tent of Meeting, saying:

When Gd is speaking to Moses, the Torah usually says, Gd spoke to Moses, similar to the language in the middle of verse one, after the initial call. As such, the first words, Gd called to Moses, seem superfluous. The great medieval commentator Rashi offers a pedagogical/psychological answer to this seeming redundancy.

ויקרא אל משה AND HE CALLED UNTO MOSES — This implies that the Voice went on and reached his (Moses’s) ears only but all the other Israelites did not hear it). One might think that for the subsections there was also such a call! It, however, states, “[And the Lord called unto Moses] and spake (וידבר) [to him]”, thus intimating that a דבור, a complete section had (was preceded by) a call (e. g., in our text chapters 1—4), but not the subsections. And what purpose did these subsections serve (i. e., why are the larger sections broken up into smaller ones)? To give Moses an interval for reflection between one division and another and between one subject and another — something which is all the more necessary for an ordinary man receiving instruction from an ordinary man (Sifra, Vayikra Dibbura d’Nedavah, Chapter 1 9).

There is a distinction between calling and speaking that hints towards the importance of allowing a lesson to resonate before moving on. In the Torah’s context, the verse is saying: Moses was called to Gd to be taught a series of laws. This call was an overarching invitation to be in the same space. Once Moses enters the space, Gd speaks to him. Yet, Gd doesn’t just teach everything in one breath. Rather, it is broken into different lessons. Via this picture, we can see, as Rashi indicates, the importance of teaching ideas in manageable parts while recognizing that there is an overarching subject. This message is of such importance that Rashi repeats the same idea 10 verses laters, stating:

ואם מן הצאן AND IF [HIS OFFERING BE] OF THE SHEEP — The ו (of אם) adds something to the former subject (i. e. shows that this is a continuation of it). Why, then, is there a break between the two paragraphs (i. e. why does the following form a separate paragraph)? In order to give Moses an interval between the one section and the next section to reflect upon what has already been said (Sifra, Vayikra Dibbura d’Nedavah, Section 5 1).

Rashi Vayikra 1:10

From a literal perspective, the breaks are just breaks. They indicate a change in subject. Breaks are a means of clear, structured writing. Yet, in this comment, we see that a break is more than that. It is a lesson about life. When we want to change, we can’t just do it all at once. We must go step by step and allow the change to time have to percolate. There is as much to learn in the break as there is in the words themselves.

All new beginnings take time and energy because if we do too much too quick, we are more likely to lose all momentum. If we break things down into smaller, subsections, we have a higher chance of success.

Take the first step! Open the door to a new path and begin a process of change. Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com

When 80 percent is perfect

When we embark on any new beginning, we often get lost in our ideal selves wanting everything to be perfect. While we must always strive to do the best we can, with hard work, dedication and resolve, it is important to be grateful for the imperfections that will be inevitable. Often, if something isn’t perfect, we immediately give up.

As we are arriving at the end of 2021, heading into another new calendrical year, when so many of us consider what we want to do new or different, let us not lose momentum when things are imperfect. Instead, recognize how far you have come and find the inspiration to keep going through seeing how much you have accomplished so far.

If you are someone in the process of creating your own new beginning, New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC is here to help. For more information, please check out: https://achaplainsnewjourney.wordpress.com/about/

Speak Truth in Your Heart

In the piece for today in Growing Each Day, Rabbi Dr. Abraham Twerski offers a comment on Psalm 15:1-4:

מִזְמ֗וֹר לְדָ֫וִ֥ד יְ֭הֹוָה מִי־יָג֣וּר בְּאהֳלֶ֑ךָ מִֽי־יִ֝שְׁכֹּ֗ן בְּהַ֣ר קדְשֶֽׁךָ׃

A psalm of David.

LORD, who may sojourn in Your tent,
who may dwell on Your holy mountain?

הוֹלֵ֣ךְ תָּ֭מִים וּפֹעֵ֥ל צֶ֑דֶק וְדֹבֵ֥ר אֱ֝מֶ֗ת בִּלְבָבֽוֹ׃

He who lives without blame,
who does what is right,
and speaks truth in his heart;

לֹֽא־רָגַ֨ל ׀ עַל־לְשֹׁנ֗וֹ לֹא־עָשָׂ֣ה לְרֵעֵ֣הוּ רָעָ֑ה וְ֝חֶרְפָּ֗ה לֹא־נָשָׂ֥א עַל־קְרֹבֽוֹ׃

”whose tongue is not given to evil;-a
who has never done harm to his fellow,
or borne reproach for [his acts toward] his neighbor;

נִבְזֶ֤ה ׀ בְּֽעֵ֘ינָ֤יו נִמְאָ֗ס וְאֶת־יִרְאֵ֣י יְהֹוָ֣ה יְכַבֵּ֑ד נִשְׁבַּ֥ע לְ֝הָרַ֗ע וְלֹ֣א יָמִֽר׃

for whom a contemptible man is abhorrent,
but who honors those who fear the LORD;
who stands by his oath even to his hurt;

Rabbi Twerski suggests the following psycho-spiritual reading for this section of verses.

People often fail to grow because they are reluctant to face the painful truth that they have done wrong. We have an innate tendency to avoid pain, and therefore we are apt to conjure up rationalizations that justify our behavior. These rationalizations are nothing but lies – sometimes clever and convincing, but lies nonetheless. Facing the truth and accepting the pain that comes with it requires courage.

People who “speak truth in their heart” says the Psalmist, do not retract their word even if it is to their own hurt. On the other hand, those who constantly seek to change everything to conform to their maximum comfort are only lying to themselves.

Growing Each Day P. 44

As I was reading this piece this morning, I found myself reflecting on the challenge of combating our innate attempts at self-deception and justification. The first example that came to mind was in the area of goal setting, a fundamental element in working on personal growth. How often do we have a goal in mind and yet find reasons to push it off, to change it for convenience or to just give it up because we missed a deadline along the way? How often do we then find justifications for our actions? Life is never a straight line and plans do often get waylaid for a variety of reasons (“Man plans and God laughs”). Yet, do we allow these curveballs to dictate our lives or do we find ways to incorporate the curveballs into how we choose to live?

Everyday we have affords us a new opportunity, a new beginning. A lost opportunity does not have to be the end of an opportunity. Rather, if we realize it is a bump in the road, we can pick up and continue along the path. If we are true to our perceived mission, our perceived goals in life, the bumps along the way can also guide us forward.

As we work daily on our growth, may we not allow unforeseen to completely derail us from our personal hopes and dreams.