Today I find myself thinking about losing and finding our voice in life. Many of the people I have worked with have expressed that their journey is one of “finding my voice,” meaning finding the ways to express “who am I” to the world. Often, this reflection emerges in a moment of rupture in someone’s life, when the person recognizes that a new opportunity is open to them to explore.
How do we foster this search to “find” the voice that we feel we let go of to an extent within a relationship without causing a detriment to relationship? How do we reclaim our independent, individual self without betraying the love and care we gave and received in the relationships we had?
I believe we tend to carry a multiplicity of emotions battling each other at every moment. One example that I see most often is in the midst of grief, it is very common for people to also express feelings of relief and gratitude that the deceased is no longer suffering. This feeling arises at the same time as the pain and sadness we feel about the death of the person. Too often, this conflicting emotional state leads to a sense of guilt and becomes a primary barrier to effective grieving. One of the tasks we work on is living with both types of emotions simultaneously, acknowledging and sitting in our sadness as well as admitting and embracing the future life we will build in this new stage of being.
Second, as one continues to search for and claims there “I,” it is crucial to express an acceptance of the changed reality. How many times do we feel that accepting the reality is a betrayal? To find and reclaim our voice, we need to have the space to express how relationships do create boundaries around our lives that often are not our ideal. This is not a lament on compromise or on pulling back the self for the sake of the whole. Being able to dwell within a relationship requires us to balance self and other. Yet, this can very often feel and be experienced as restrictive, which again, we were/are afraid to be honest about. When we suddenly don’t have to make the choice between self and other, many people express a guilt about feeling happy to do things they couldn’t do before. Yet, as this a normal feeling. As I work with people, I encourage people to embrace this feeling while recognizing and exploring the struggle that this feeling brings.
Through engaging in this struggle, I have found people eventually come to find the “voice” they want to come to forefront. By reclaiming our voice, we claim that the new path in front of us is the one we must walk, regardless of where it will go. While we can’t know where the path will lead, with our “voice” we have a powerful tool to help us explore our next journey, our new beginning.
Are you searching to reclaim your voice in the midst of change? Are you struggling in the midst of grief with embracing the next part of your life’s journey? Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com
New beginnings: A blog about spirituality, chaplaincy and renewal 