Imagine, or maybe just remember, what it was like to turn to a parent and say, “it’s really your fault I am the way I am.” While we all might feel this way at one point or another, it is one thing to think it and another to voice this feeling aloud. If this is the case with one’s parents, how much more so would this be the case as it relates to our relationship with Gd. And yet, we find countless examples in the Jewish tradition that suggest we can verbally express the blame for our imperfections and troubles back at Gd.
One recent thought I came across expresses this concept from a statement in the work Hayyei Moharan, which describes anecdotes about the life of Rebbe Nachman of Breslov. The idea is a creative reinterpretation of how we understand the use of the plural in Viddui.
It is written in Chayei Moharan (601) in regards to viduy – the confession prayer, that Rebbe Nachman once said to Reb Yudel of Dashiv (a chossid of Rebbe Nachman, who was first, a chossid of Reb Pinchas Koritzer), “tell me something from your Rebbe, the Tzaddik, Reb Pinchos Koritzer. Reb Yudel responded, “Reb Pinchos once said that we say ashamnu, bagadnu, gazalnu in a plural tense, when really we should be saying it in a singular tense. However, (the reason [ed.]) we say it plurally is because we are really saying, so to speak, in a way of claim and argument towards Hashem, ashamnu, we have been guilty, that if not for you, Hashem, giving us the energy and ability to sin, we wouldn’t be able to sin.”
Sea of Wisdom Parshas Nitzavim/VaYeilech 5783 – R. Itche Meir Morgenstern
How do we have the audacity to turn around our imperfections and place some of the blame back on Gd? Well, this idea of Rebbe Nachman’s is not unique to him, but has precedent throughout the Jewish tradition. I found myself reminded of something I shared over a decade ago, which remains highly relevant as we enter Rosh Hashanah, 5784. At the time, I prepared a sermon describing multiple examples of spiritual audacity. See here for the full piece.
As part of this piece, I drafted the following prayer:
Dear G-d. We are here again standing in your shadow. We are in your presence. We are unworthy, because we are full of sin. But you know what G-d, it’s your fault we sinned. You are the master of the world. You created us with good and evil. You created the evil inclination, the yetzer hara. Therefore, we are blameless because without that stumbling block, we wouldn’t be in need of judgment each year.
Looking back, I am not sure I was correct in the usage of the phrase, “we are blameless.” If we believe we have the choice to make before each decision, then we are responsible for what we do. Yet, most of us often in life really feel so much about ourselves is not in our control. It wasn’t our fault, it’s someone or something else outside of our control that we can blame. True and… if we are to then find a path for growth and change, we need to be willing to accept responsibility as well.
For this Rosh Hashanah, when we sit down and reflect on the life we have led through 5783 and the life we wish to lead starting 5784, can we both be comfortable to verbalize our feelings that so much of who we are might not be our “faults” and also hold personal responsibility to acknowledge how much we can do to take the steps to forge a new path forward? When we confess to our shortcomings, we are taking the first step. So, speak your real thoughts, pray with abandon just like our ancestors, and simultaneously, examine the barriers holding us back from spiritual growth and plan strategies so we can see a better year in this upcoming year.
May this year be the start of a New Beginning and filled with opportunities for reaching closer to your goals and dreams.
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