change – New beginnings: A blog about spirituality, chaplaincy and renewal

True Greatness Is Knowing Where We Are

We all have those days where we feel we will never amount to what we wish we would become. We feel small, distant, lost. We don’t know how to find our way forward along the path to find our “greatness.” Instead, we spend so much energy and time seeing all the ways we haven’t reached our life goals.

One area I want to focus on is spiritual growth. In working on our spiritual goals, our spiritual growth, this inability to focus on where we are versus where we aren’t can make it feel like we aren’t having success. We feel distant from our desires to be more connected to our faith, our religion, our trust in Gd. But are we really so far away? Perhaps we aren’t distant but how we perceive things is what is leading to think we are distant. So much of growing along the path of life comes down to the mindset we bring to the moment. I think this is illustrated in the following teaching:

Someone asked the Rebbe Shlit”a how they should deal with their feelings of lack of success. They hear so much from the Rebbe about the high and lofty spiritual levels one should reach, but they feel so far from reaching any of this! The Rebbe answered that the Zohar HaKadosh says that “he who is small is great,” therefore, by a person simply acknowledging where they are truly holding i.e. that they are “small” and not yet on these high levels they learned about, they are showing that they are truly great.
Sea of Wisdom, Parshas Bo 5784 – R. Yitzchak Meir Morgenstern

When we embrace the notion that we aren’t there yet, not in a negative way, but in a growth mindset way, we change the paradigm. It is no longer that our distance from our desired goals is a sign of what we are lacking. Rather, our place now is our “greatness” and through this current greatness, we are on the path to higher levels of spiritual growth.

Today, and everyday, when we take stock of where we are, not where we haven’t gotten to, I hope that we can see we are in the place of today’s greatness, knowing full well we want to journey further to tomorrow’s greatness. May we embrace where we are now and find the inspiration from this spot to move along the road of becoming more and more.

Looking for help in recognizing the greatness that is you? If you or someone you know is looking to forge ahead and set new goals or trying to find a sense of meaning in life, we are here to help foster spiritual and emotional growth and change. Schedule your appointment today here. For more information, please contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com

My Precious – Time

I am fan of Lord of the Rings. And of course, one of the iconic lines/scenes is when we see Smeagol find the Ring to Rule them All and begin to refer to it as “my precious.”

Do we cherish Time in the same way? For us, time is the true precious. It is a blessing and a curse. It is the most valuable thing we have and yet, we are cursed with so little of it. How do we treat time? Do we see every minute as “our precious” or do neglect it and let it slip away from us?

I was reminded of these questions when reading this short blog post from Seth Godin’s website

No time to waste

Of course there isn’t.

Time is all we’ve got.

Time is all there is.

We can’t waste time because it’s not ours to waste. It’s simply the way we keep track of everything else.

Everyday we struggle to maximize our time, to build in time to grow, to change, to be productive, to experience life and all it has to offer. Every so often it is important to remind ourselves of the preciousness of every moment.

May today be a day of reflecting on how we best use our time! May this process of reflection help you find your New Beginning!

Are you or someone you know struggling to maintain one’s spiritual growth? Are you looking for strategies to maximize your time and energy? Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com

Audio – Lessons in Tanya 52

First part of chapter 52. This episode discusses the Alter Rebbe’s understanding of V’Ahavta Reiacha Kamocha, You should Love your Fellow as Yourself. We explore how this verse is a message of connecting to each other on a soul level, as if all of us are “soulmates.” I point out how this line is a fundamental element of bringing a prayer quorum “together” and the implications of this verse for our spiritual growth.

Episode 52

All episodes can also now be heard on Apple Podcasts – here

Do you want to work on taking the actions of your life and find meaning in all you do and who you are? Are you struggling with your spiritual growth. Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com

Standing in someone else’s shoes

If you could be someone else for a day, who would you be, and why?

I was playing around with the Jetpack app (newer app to serve for wordpress.com) and came across prompt questions to write about. Interestingly, this was today’s question. I think this question is a great exercise in self reflection. At first glance, the question presumes we want to be someone we are not and that we have an image of who that person is. The answer we give could be a combination of our current personal struggles, our dreams and our perception of what life is like for the other person. Yet, we also know that this wish is perhaps a bit like how we see the grass is greener on the other side, thinking it better to be anywhere but here.

Nevertheless, let’s play this question out a little bit using a deeper dive. What are we looking for/at when we imagine life as someone else? Is it about looks, riches, the joy we perceive? Is it a momentary isolated picture on Facebook which makes us dream of that life? Do we see an immaculate house while living in clutter? Whatever the picture is of life in another’s shoes, when we have those moments, perhaps it is the opportune moment to take steps that lead us to a New Beginning.

The change we are seeking when dreaming of that other life might not even be about the facts we are imagining. They might be about a desire for someone different than what we are currently doing. Maybe it’s how we schedule the day. Maybe it is re-prioritizing the important and the unimportant. Or maybe it really is a desire to be different and that we should foster bigger change through small, goal oriented steps. Any which way we look at it, trying to imagine being another person can actually be beneficial if it comes from a cautious growth oriented mindset and not from a place of jealousy.

After all that, I am sorry to disappoint everyone but truth is, I don’t really have a desire to be someone else for a day. I am truly blessed to be who I am and have worked to recognize that the desires to be someone else where really all about how to be better in my own life.

Are you imaging your life would be different that it is? Wondering if you really are the person people see you as? Are you working on your spiritual growth? Faith? Feeling lost in the midst of the journey of life? Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com

Rebbe Nachman’s Advice # 10 – Personal faith and the conflict of religion vs/ spirituality

In the modern world, the practice of a religion and the journey for increased spirituality are often at odds. Many times it is because we create false dichotomies between the two as a means of explaining away the ways of people. It is an example of how I often will say don’t a religion by the people who practice it. Religion can and should be a pathway for spiritual growth and hopefully spiritual growth will come along to help show people the beauty of time-honored ritual. Yes, our modern world doesn’t always jive with ancient ritual and yet so often we see the reintroduction of these ancient rituals as finding a “new” method for better self-care and help. My favorite of these which I often quote is when we read about the importance of a Sabbath, as if its a new notion of setting aside a day a week for “rest.”

All of the above relates to this idea of Rebbe Nachman on faith. For Rebbe Nachman, and in reality for anyone actively pursuing the spiritual, our growth and journey is built on faith, the trust of the unknown. As Rebbe Nachman posits:

כח. אֱמוּנָה אֵין שַׁיָּךְ אֶלָּא בְּדָבָר שֶׁאֵינוֹ יוֹדֵעַ טַעַם. וְאַף עַל פִּי כֵן אֵצֶל הַמַּאֲמִין הַדָּבָר גָּלוּי, כְּאִלּוּ רוֹאֶה בְּעֵינָיו אֶת הַדָּבָר שֶׁמַּאֲמִין בּוֹ מֵחֲמַת גֹּדֶל אֱמוּנָתוֹ הַשְּׁלֵמָה: (לק”א סי’ ס”ב אות ה’)

We only speak of faith when the one who believes does not know why he believes. But even so, for the believer himself the thing he believes in is perfectly clear and obvious to him — as if he saw it with his own eyes. This is because his faith is so strong (62:5).

Notice the two points in the above lines. First, is the admission of faith being something we cannot “know.” It is something non-intellectual. This doesn’t mean our faith is purely an emotional state. Rather, it is a reflection on how we cannot presume faith as intellectual, as sitting in the mind. At the same time, we also learn from this passage that our faith must be as it is “known.” Our mission is to build our internal faith into something unknown but known. It needs to remain faith, but be so clear as to be as if we know.

As it relates to the struggle of bridging religion and spirituality, too often the challenge is that religion is that which is more of a communal nature while spirituality has a stronger individualistic bent. The bridge is faith. Faith can be cultivated by the rituals and practices we take on as individuals and as a community. At the same time, faith is something that is purely individualistic, for only we can see our beliefs. The spirituality aspect is supporting the individuality that we can imbue the communal ritual with.

Today, may we continue to work to cultivate and enhance our personal faith/spirituality while also finding the ways to bring that spirituality into our communal, religiously inspired rituals.

Are you struggling with your spiritual growth? Faith? Feeling lost in the midst of the journey of life? Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com

Audio – Lessons in Tanya 48

Part two of Chapter 29 – We discuss two methods of overcoming the sitra achara, the “dark” side of our soul. We learn about spiritual accounting and how to rage against this dark side. This chapter also works through being a vessel for the divine, leading to a quick thought on this week’s Torah portion, Terumah.

Episode 48

All episodes can also now be heard on Apple Podcasts – here

Who isn’t an imposter? The struggle of confidence

Let’s be real today. Who among us isn’t struggling to a certain extent with feeling like an imposter? According to this overview of imposter syndrome from Psychology Today, 70% of adults will have the feelings related to imposter syndrome at least once in life. In other words, most of us will have experienced this sense at some point in life.

I find myself reflecting on confidence and feeling like an imposter often. I find that part of the struggle is because we are inundated with the pristine images presented on social media. And just to be clear, we all do this. We get headshots to show our ideal selves, our smiling faces, our confidence. Most of us weed out the awkward picture for the perfect shot. We try not to post our foibles, only our successes.

Today, I want to say, I get the imposter feeling because many times I myself struggle with confidence. Recently I had an experience which reminded me of this struggle. The other day I was working along with a colleague and when he started speaking about me to a third person while I was present, sharing some of my “resume,” I found myself feeling both a sense of embarrassment to hear praise about myself (not in a humble sense, so don’t presume this comes from a sense of humility) and a sense of confidence being reminded that, yes, I am those things. For those who know me, that response is not surprising. Yes, I am aware of my resume and I do know what I have accomplished or attempted to accomplish. Yet, I struggle to believe it to be true. I struggle like we all struggle wondering whether we really have made an impact.

Why am I sharing this, being vulnerable with my readers?

I have a philosophy I bring to my work as a spiritual coach and I always tried to bring to my chaplaincy. It was something I learned early on in hospice work. Inevitably, during the course of a visit with the hospice patient and/or family, people would start asking me basic questions about my life, such as, was I married, did I have children, where do I live. At first, though I would respond, I was hesitant to answer, boundaries and all. Eventually, I realized that this was their way of testing the waters to see the humanness of the professional across the room. Sure, we could argue it is a form of avoidance in the midst of seriousness, but I truly believe it was a method for building trust. As such, I came to see this part of the conversation as a value unto itself. Sure, there are limits and professional boundaries and we aren’t there to unburden ourselves. Yet, if we don’t relate and connect on the basic human level, we will never fully engage the depth and sacredness of the space. In my coaching work, I have found the importance of bringing myself into the space, drawing from our common humanity to help further explore and build trust and relationship, which inevitably goes a long way to helping someone grow and discover.

Back to the imposter syndrome. We are all struggling in one way or another with who we really are and with how we perceive how others perceive us. It is part of being human. My hope is that each of has ways to remind ourselves that while it is a struggle, if we really think through all the naysaying, we might find how much we really are the person we claim to be, not an imposter pretending to be what we aren’t. May each of you find the confidence to overcome feeling like an imposter.

Are you struggling with your sense of self-confidence? Wondering if you really are the person people see you as? Are you working on your spiritual growth? Faith? Feeling lost in the midst of the journey of life? Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com

Audio – Lessons in Tanya 39

Final section of Chapter 25. This last section deals with two topics.

1. The daily need for forgiveness for the negligence that is our human imperfection as it relates to not constantly fulfilling study of Torah and performing mitzvot. This negligence is in contrast to willfully abrogating the law, for which teshuva is much more complicated.

2. A review of how reciting Shema 2x a day is a message of absolute loyalty to Gd. It is about commitment. Spiritual growth and connection to faith is ideally about absolute commitment.

We look at how we have to commit to change and not just claim we want it.

Finally, we end off with a short Torah thought based on Parashat Yitro regarding Gd’s revelation of Torah at Mount Sinai in light of what we have studied as it relates to Gd revealing Gdself distilled through the Torah.

Shabbat Shalom.

Episode 39

All episodes can also now be heard on Apple Podcasts – here

Carob tree and planting the seeds of success – Tu B’Shvat

Today marks the midway of the winter season and the new year for trees in the Jewish tradition. It is the holiday called Tu B’Shevat, named after the day it falls out, the 15th of Shevat. This days marks the starting point of seed growth, of seeing the results of the plantings we have done in the fall, preparing for the Spring/harvest season. In honor of Tu B’Shvat, I want to share a short reflection on the Carob tree and setting events into motion.

Change is hard. Change can feel impossible. So often, we might feel like we aren’t progressing, perhaps even feeling like we are “swimming upstream.” I know that many times I have to remind myself of this idea.

There is a Talmudic story which reflects this same concept. All we can do is plant the seeds and celebrate the possibilities of success. BT Taanit 23a describes the following story:

יוֹמָא חַד הֲוָה אָזֵל בְּאוֹרְחָא, חַזְיֵיהּ לְהָהוּא גַּבְרָא דַּהֲוָה נָטַע חָרוּבָא, אֲמַר לֵיהּ: הַאי, עַד כַּמָּה שְׁנִין טָעֵין? אֲמַר לֵיהּ: עַד שִׁבְעִין שְׁנִין. אֲמַר לֵיהּ: פְּשִׁיטָא לָךְ דְּחָיֵית שִׁבְעִין שְׁנִין? אֲמַר לֵיהּ הַאי גַּבְרָא: עָלְמָא בְּחָרוּבָא אַשְׁכַּחְתֵּיהּ. כִּי הֵיכִי דִּשְׁתַלוּ לִי אֲבָהָתִי — שְׁתַלִי נָמֵי לִבְרָאִי.

One day, he was walking along the road when he saw a certain man planting a carob tree. Ḥoni said to him: This tree, after how many years will it bear fruit? The man said to him: It will not produce fruit until seventy years have passed. Ḥoni said to him: Is it obvious to you that you will live seventy years, that you expect to benefit from this tree? He said to him: That man himself found a world full of carob trees. Just as my ancestors planted for me, I too am planting for my descendants.

יָתֵיב, קָא כָּרֵיךְ רִיפְתָּא, אֲתַאי לֵיהּ שִׁינְתָּא, נִים. אַהְדַּרָא לֵיהּ מְשּׁוּנִּיתָא, אִיכַּסִּי מֵעֵינָא, וְנִים שִׁבְעִין שְׁנִין. כִּי קָם, חַזְיֵיהּ לְהָהוּא גַּבְרָא דְּהוּא קָא מְלַקֵּט מִינַּיְיהוּ, אָמַר לֵיהּ: אַתְּ הוּא דִּשְׁתַלְתֵּיהּ? אֲמַר לֵיהּ: בַּר בְּרֵיהּ אֲנָא. אֲמַר לֵיהּ: שְׁמַע מִינַּהּ דִּנְיַימִי שִׁבְעִין שְׁנִין. חֲזָא לַחֲמָרְ[תֵּ]יהּ דְּאִתְיְילִידָא לַיהּ רַמְכֵי רַמְכֵי. Ḥoni sat and ate bread. Sleep overcame him and he slept. A cliff formed around him, and he disappeared from sight and slept for seventy years. When he awoke, he saw a certain man gathering carobs from that tree. Ḥoni said to him: Are you the one who planted this tree? The man said to him: I am his son’s son. Ḥoni said to him: I can learn from this that I have slept for seventy years, and indeed he saw that his donkey had sired several herds during those many years.

The planting we do is not always for ourselves. It can be something an ancestor set into motion that we are experiencing today. Today is the day we celebrate the beginning of the potentiality becoming reality. We might not know what will result, but we can find the will to rejoice in the effort and process because we know something will eventually come from it.

If you are struggling to establish and pursue your goals and dreams and need help working through the underlying motivations? Or if you know someone who is working on goal setting and needs support in the process, Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com

Climb the mountain to attain the goal

Do we really want to attain the goal we have said we wish we could do? How much are we willing to do to make it happen?

In addition to a couple of other ideas I have shared about setting and working towards our goals, see for example here and here, I wanted to share something about achieving our goals that I was reading this morning. Rabbi Dr. Abraham Twerski, in Growing Each Day, offers a perspective on our attitude towards goal attainment:

While humans do not have an instinctual goal, we do have the capacity to discover our goals by use of our intellect. We must often overcome many hurdles and obstacles to reach out goals, and we must not allow ourselves to be discouraged by the struggles we encounter. Those who do not have the courage to overcome the challenge are likely to rationalize their retreat by saying that the goal is not worth the sacrifice. Instead of admitting their reluctance, they devalue the goal.

Moses knew that the land which was promised by Gd to Israel was the spiritual goal of the Jewish people, but he knew that when confronted with the difficulties of acquiring the land, some people might retreat and rationalize their reluctance by disparaging the land.

“Only if you are ready to climb mountains,” said Moses, “will you be able to truly see what the land is like.” The truth can be appreciated only by those who are ready to sacrifice for it.
P. 129

The question we must be asking ourselves when we start a task is whether we truly want to accomplish the goal. Are we willing to climb the mountain, working hard at times to achieve our wishes and dreams? What is our motivation? This can be a challenge in itself because motivations change. How many times do we start something with excitement and eventually lose momentum, forgetting the initial motivation?

As you set a new goal for yourself, I would encourage you to ask yourself the following kinds of questions and set demarcation points to review and reflect on the questions to see what continues to drive you and what has changed:

What is my goal?
What do I hope to accomplish?
How do I achieve my goal?
What is my motivation?

And when reviewing these questions during the process, some other questions to ask are:

Am I still motivated and why?
What has changed and how do I adapt those changes to my goal?
Is my original goal still the same goal or do I need to readjust?

May each of you find your goal and motivation to achieve your goal. May you find the resolve to climb the mountain and see.