Tag: Abraham

New Beginnings One Year Anniversary

Whenever we venture into the unknown, we see before us a vast expanse lying ahead, leaving us with fears and doubts as to what we will encounter along the way. For many of us, these fears stop us in our tracks and we never get the opportunity to go forth and explore. In these moments, we find ourselves similar to the biblical Patriarch Abraham when Gd calls him to “Go Forth from your land, from your birthplace and from your father’s home to the land that I will show you (Genesis 12:1).” There is a powerful idea in later Jewish writing that this call was not specific to Abraham but was a call that went out to the world that only Abraham was focused enough to hear. Perhaps this call is always out there, waiting for us when the time is right, when we are in the moment of deciding where to go next. In that moment, if we listen, we will know we aren’t going alone. Rather we must take the initial step and we will be shown what truly lies before us, not what we believe might be out there stopping us from going forward.

This is my story as well. This week marks the one year anniversary of New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC, a moment in my life of going forth to a new adventure, a new path in my life. It has been an amazing year for me on this journey of growing a private spiritual life coaching practice. New Beginnings began as a dream to build a business whose mission was to work with others confronting the spiritual and emotional challenges that arise during transitional periods in life. Through a focus on one’s spiritually and faith and the search for meaning, growth and change along the new paths we face, my goal is to foster and harness the tools we have or will need when embarking on a New Beginning. During this first year, I have worked with individuals and groups exploring areas such as:

  1. engaging one’s spiritual self in one’s life decisions
  2. grief and loss
  3. meaning making
  4. finding joy in the next chapter of life
  5. Rediscovery of “Who am I”

Through a combination of active listening, exploration, reflection and reframing, we work together to uncover layers of self-awareness. Through working together, we will often reveal the skills and tools you already possess to affect true positive change. It is my passion to help guiding others through these times of self-discovery, navigating the waves that we experience during the various transitional moments in life.

To get a more in depth sense of what New Beginnings can do for you, please check out the link to the recent interview I did with Jewish Sacred Aging’s Seekers of Meaning Podcast.

If you or someone you know is:

  • Feeling lost, without your anchor?
  • Struggling with the death of a loved one?
  • Looking for the spiritual spark to reignite your life?
  • Searching for a sense of meaning, hope or joy?
  • Trying to grapple with suffering?

Then I invite you to contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com. I look forward to supporting you along your journey and your New Beginning.

Multigenerational Change?

Bible scholars throughout the generations recognized that the story of Isaac, (Genesis 25:19 – 28:9), is parallel in many ways to his father Abraham’s story (Genesis 12-25:18). There are some who suggest Isaac faces similar challenges as a means of rectifying and improving on the decisions of his father. Sometimes he succeeds and sometimes he fails. For an example of a lengthier, story by story analysis of this, see The Differences Between Avraham and Yitzchak by Rav Amnon Bazak.

In reflecting on the overall message of these parallel stories, I found myself reflecting on one of the challenges of change. In a previous post, Facing Yom Kippur Alone?, I reflected on how change is such a challenging undertaking that we incorporate all who have come before us to help guide and motivate our desire to change. This comes about by recognizing our imperfections.

As I have been reviewing the story of Isaac, I came to realize another element of change, the idea that many of our “desired” changes are driven by belief that we need to better the true and perceived mistakes of our parents/ancestors. While this is a noble effort, it can also be full of many pitfalls. When our only goal is to avoid making the same mistake, we are more likely to make that or a different mistake. For example, in the story of Isaac and family fleeing to the Philistine land due to a famine, Isaac, like his father, begins his sojourn in this land by claiming that his wife, Rebecca is his sister, not his wife. Abraham did this twice with Sarah, both in Egypt and in the land of the Philistines. Both times Abraham’s ruse was found out. Particularly striking is the reason Abraham gives to Avimelekh, king of the Philistines upon being found out:

וַיֹּ֙אמֶר֙ אַבְרָהָ֔ם כִּ֣י אָמַ֗רְתִּי רַ֚ק אֵין־יִרְאַ֣ת אֱלֹהִ֔ים בַּמָּק֖וֹם הַזֶּ֑ה וַהֲרָג֖וּנִי עַל־דְּבַ֥ר אִשְׁתִּֽי׃

“I thought,” said Abraham, “surely there is no fear of God in this place, and they will kill me because of my wife.

Genesis 20:11

Abraham expresses fear for his life. When Isaac finds himself in a similar situation a generation later, the Torah indicates Isaac’s reasoning and then shows how things worked out until Isaac was “caught:”

וַֽיִּשְׁאֲל֞וּ אַנְשֵׁ֤י הַמָּקוֹם֙ לְאִשְׁתּ֔וֹ וַיֹּ֖אמֶר אֲחֹ֣תִי הִ֑וא כִּ֤י יָרֵא֙ לֵאמֹ֣ר אִשְׁתִּ֔י פֶּן־יַֽהַרְגֻ֜נִי אַנְשֵׁ֤י הַמָּקוֹם֙ עַל־רִבְקָ֔ה כִּֽי־טוֹבַ֥ת מַרְאֶ֖ה הִֽוא׃

When the men of the place asked him about his wife, he said, “She is my sister,” for he was afraid to say “my wife,” thinking, “The men of the place might kill me on account of Rebekah, for she is beautiful.”

וַיְהִ֗י כִּ֣י אָֽרְכוּ־ל֥וֹ שָׁם֙ הַיָּמִ֔ים וַיַּשְׁקֵ֗ף אֲבִימֶ֙לֶךְ֙ מֶ֣לֶךְ פְּלִשְׁתִּ֔ים בְּעַ֖ד הַֽחַלּ֑וֹן וַיַּ֗רְא וְהִנֵּ֤ה יִצְחָק֙ מְצַחֵ֔ק אֵ֖ת רִבְקָ֥ה אִשְׁתּֽוֹ׃

When some time had passed, Abimelech king of the Philistines, looking out of the window, saw Isaac fondling his wife Rebekah.

Genesis 26:7-8

One can imagine the following scenario: Isaac heard about the times his parents fled due to famine and perhaps even the stories about Abraham trying to pass Sarah off as his sister, and why. As such, when Isaac is faced with a similar situation, he figures he needs to be careful as well, but also calculates that since he knows what happened before, he can put extra precautions in place to avoid anything going wrong. And it worked. It worked so well that time passed and he let his guard down, leading to the revelation of Isaac and Rebecca’s true relationship. Change can be the avoidance of the errors of the past but often as time passes, we too let our guard down and the change we have been striving to maintain falls away because we get complacent or frustrated. This can be a sign that the change was not due to a deep yearning to begin anew but a more surface level need for change for some outside reason.

When embarking on a new beginning, the examination of one’s motivations can be crucial to the process and the extent that the change will have a long lasting effect. We strive to learn the lessons of the past, the lessons of our own mistakes and the mistakes of parents, etc. We strive to correct and improve our lives by implementing the lessons learned in our actions. From the parallel stories of Abraham and Isaac, we can see how sometimes we will succeed in changing the narrative and sometimes we will also fall short. It is our mission to uncover the motivations behind our choices, to work to embed our desire for change in our heart to help increase the likelihood of continued successful steps forward. Change is a constant and each incremental step is a victory unto itself. Through the work of uncovering motivation, it is my hope that each of us will find the growth and change we truly wish for, building on the past and paving the road for the future.

“And Abraham eulogized and cried”

Genesis 23, the first chapter of this week’s Torah portion, focuses on the death and burial of Sarah. In describing Abraham’s response to Sarah’s death, the Torah states:

וַתָּ֣מת שָׂרָ֗ה בְּקִרְיַ֥ת אַרְבַּ֛ע הִ֥וא חֶבְר֖וֹן בְּאֶ֣רֶץ כְּנָ֑עַן וַיָּבֹא֙ אַבְרָהָ֔ם לִסְפֹּ֥ד לְשָׂרָ֖ה וְלִבְכֹּתָֽהּ׃

Sarah died in Kiriath-arba—now Hebron—in the land of Canaan; and Abraham proceeded to mourn (eulogize) for Sarah and to bewail (cry for) her.

Genesis 23:2

In considering the way most people experience the death of a loved one and the subsequent grief, the order of Abraham’s actions, eulogizing first and only then crying is the opposite of how we presume most respond to death. And in Abraham’s case, it is even more anomalous in that he only proceeds to funeral planning and burial after the eulogizing and crying. We picture or experience a person crying, planning and finally eulogizing and beginning the process of integrating the death into one’s life. While some elements of this description fit a certain order and process of death and funeral rituals of the ancient world, when we reflect on our current understandings of grief and loss, we can find a different way to understand the internal goings on of Abraham.

To illustrate this point, I am reminded of a story from one of the bereavement groups I ran. A member of the group came and shared how since her spouse passed away, which was about 8 months prior to her attending the group, she finds that she has been unable to cry for him. While for most, emotional numbness is an initial response to death, this inability to cry was weighing heavily on her. Through the reflections of the group, we offered that the crying would come when it was meant to come. Within a couple of sessions, she returned and reported that one particular evening she sat down and the tears just started flowing. This crying was the cathartic experience she needed to relieve the multiple burdens she had felt in her inability to cry.

There is no roadmap for grieving. Yes, religions have rituals that act as roadmaps through the process. And yes, those roadmaps can and often do provide elements of comfort and integration. Yet, for so many people, grieving and mourning is an ongoing part of one’s life that cannot be limited to the ritual times as prescribed. Grieving and mourning is like a wave of ups and downs, with the hope that the waves over time become less like tsunamis and more like the tranquility of a nice sunny day at the beach.

For Abraham, the death of Sarah was a shock. He was seemingly unprepared. As some do, when the initial shock hits, we go into a focused mode of trying to absorb the death. In his case, Abraham began by working through an intellectual acceptance of her death. This is symbolized by the term eulogize. Through talking about her, remembering her for who she was, it created for him the first step in his grief. It was only when he was able to integrate her loss into his conscious does he cry and then attend to burying her. Similar to the woman in my group, Abraham’s reaction was the reaction Abraham needed in the timing that it needed to happen.

When we make ourselves present to support those going through the challenges of illness and death, let us remember that each person absorbs, integrates and reacts to death differently, depending on a variety of factors. By reflecting on this, we can better be present to people in a non-judgmental, supportive way.