Torah thoughts – New beginnings: A blog about spirituality, chaplaincy and renewal

Needing Another Pair of Eyes to See our Lives

Are we really asking and searching for the right things in our lives? Are we able to see in the right direction or do we always feel turned around? Is life feeling so challenging that we lose perspective on our bigger picture dreams and hopes?

Too often, the difficulties and challenges in life can feel so overwhelming that we get lost in the narrow, nitty-gritty details of what is going on and lose sight of the bigger picture. This is understandable, as we hunker down and enter a survival mode state of mind. In these moments, our hopes shrink down to surviving the immediate, short term, often at the expense of longer term considerations. This is normal. This is as one would expect.

In the Passover Haggadah, as part of the Maggid section, we analyze a series of verses from Deuteronomy 26 (5-8) as a way of rereading the Exodus story. One line from that section states:

וַנִּצְעַק אֶל־ה’ אֱלֹהֵי אֲבֹתֵינוּ – כְּמָה שֶּׁנֶּאֱמַר: וַיְהִי בַיָּמִים הָרַבִּים הָהֵם וַיָּמָת מֶלֶךְ מִצְרַיִם, וַיֵּאָנְחוּ בְנֵי־יִשְׂרָאֵל מִ־הָעֲבוֹדָה וַיִּזְעָקוּ, וַתַּעַל שַׁוְעָתָם אֶל־הָאֱלֹהִים מִן הָעֲבֹדָה.

“And we cried out to the Lord, the God of our ancestors” – as it says: (Exodus 2:23); “It happened in the course of those many days that the king of Egypt died; and the Children of Israel groaned from the servitude and cried; their cry because of their servitude rose up to God.”

In their pain and suffering, they cried out to God. According to Artscroll’s Rav Shach Haggadah (for more on who Rav Shach is see here), this passage contains a strange grammatical choice, which Rav Shach expounds upon:

We would have expected the Torah to state, “The Children of Israel groaned because of the servitude. Why does it write instead that they groaned, “from the servitude?” Rav Shach explained this expression as follows.

Man is often swept up in his routine, and finds himself incapable of rising above it to view life from a different perspective. When the Jews groaned and cried out to God, they did so “from” (out of) their servitude. They were certain that their lives would continue forever in the same miserable state as it was then. They prayed for an amelioration of their condition, but such ideas as total liberation or redemption were totally beyond their mental grasp. That this is so may be seen from the people’s reaction when Moshe first appeared before them and declared his intent to take them out of Egypt: “They did not listen to Moshe, from shortness of spirit” (Shemos 6:9) – i.e., from an inability to break out of their narrow mental mode of servitude and relate to the concepts that Moshe was describing to them.

It is because of this limitation of the human mind that it is so important to seek advice often from others, especially from wise Torah sages, who possess the necessary breadth of mind to look beyond the pressing and sometimes overwhelming issues at hand, and “see the larger picture.”
Rav Shach Haggadah p. 99-100

So many of our choices in life come from within a situation, from within the narrowness of the moment. Again, this is normal and expected. And, it is something that we must take into consideration. Rav Shach’s approach is to recall that we need not struggle alone. We need not think we have to solve the problem by ourselves. Once we are open to the possibility that someone is out there to help us, we can be more receptive to that help. The first step is to be open and willing, to recognize that our perspective in these moments is from within the pain and trauma and that with the help of someone not “within” we can take the next steps along on our journey.

We can and should seek out help from someone who can offer a broader perspective to help us see beyond the narrowness that results from the trauma, pain and difficulty we are looking to emerge from. Remember, just like the image at the top of this post, sometimes we just need help being able to turn around and see something from a different angle.

May each of us, in moments of challenge, be able to find the person or people to turn to who can best help us see things from a different vantage point, helping us to engage with and journey through the difficulties and challenges that we will inevitably face in life.

If you or someone you know is looking to forge ahead and set new goals for the journey of life, we are here to help foster spiritual and emotional growth and change. Schedule your appointment today here. For more information, please contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com

Searching for the Chametz inside of Us

We are now one month away from Passover. It is a hectic time for most people as the month prior to Passover is spent planning, cleaning and preparing for the holiday. In addition to the physical components of preparing for Passover, there is a practice that begins the laws of Passover in the Shulchan Aruch, which states:

שואלים בהלכות פסח קודם לפסח שלשים יום:

1. We learn the halakhot of Pesach for 30 days before Pesach.
Shulchan Aruch, 429:1

In light of this command, this is the first of many planned posts during this next month based on my personal reading and studying of the Passover Haggadah in preparation for the holiday. My hope is to share from a couple of different commentaries I am reading this year ideas that are not just of importance as we consider the holiday of Passover, but that are fundamental to our growth as spiritual human beings.

To begin, one of the more overused and yet highly important ideas about Passover is the reinterpretation of the laws regarding removing leavened products, Chametz, from our midst, that suggests not only the removal of Chametz in the food sense, but also the removal of our spiritual Chametz, the removal of our arrogance, our ego. We derive this latter idea from a prayer attributed to a Rabbi Alexandri, in which he connects the evil inclination to the yeast in the dough:

וְרַבִּי אָלֶכְּסַנְדְרִי בָּתַר דִּמְצַלֵּי אָמַר הָכִי: ״רִבּוֹן הָעוֹלָמִים, גָּלוּי וְיָדוּעַ לְפָנֶיךָ שֶׁרְצוֹנֵנוּ לַעֲשׂוֹת רְצוֹנֶךָ, וּמִי מְעַכֵּב? — שְׂאוֹר שֶׁבָּעִיסָּה וְשִׁעְבּוּד מַלְכֻיוֹת. יְהִי רָצוֹן מִלְּפָנֶיךָ שֶׁתַּצִּילֵנוּ מִיָּדָם, וְנָשׁוּב לַעֲשׂוֹת חוּקֵּי רְצוֹנְךָ בְּלֵבָב שָׁלֵם״.

that after Rabbi Alexandri prayed, he would say the following:
Master of the Universe, it is revealed and known before You
that our will is to perform Your will, and what prevents us?
On the one hand, the yeast in the dough, the evil inclination that is within every person;
and the subjugation to the kingdoms on the other.
May it be Your will
that You will deliver us from their hands, of both the evil inclination and the foreign kingdoms,
so that we may return to perform the edicts of Your will with a perfect heart.
Berachot 17a (translation includes commentary by Rabbi Adin Steinsaltz)

In reflecting on this spiritual notion of removing Chametz, the egocentric barriers that exists in our lives that negatively impact our growth, I want to share an additional element based on a few select passages from Artscroll’s Rav Shach Haggadah (for more on who Rav Shach is see here).

…But is it really possible for us to search our own hearts and cleanse them of sin? As the prophet Yirmiyahu (Jeremiah) writes, “The heart is the most deceptive of all things, and it is undependable; who can know it?” (17:9). There is only One Who can truly know what is in man’s heart: “I, Hashem, search men’s hearts and examine their inner thoughts” (17:10).

…We must conclude, said Rav Shach, that although wise men, prophets and angels are incapable of ascertaining what lies in other men’s hearts, each man himself is indeed able to – and expected to – peer into the recesses of his own heart and detect and rectify the imperfections that he finds there.

The reason for this, he explained, is that although it is “I, Hashem, search men’s hearts and examine their inner thoughts” (Jeremiah 17:10), man possesses within him a Divine soul that emanates from God Himself. “The soul of a man is the candle of Hashem, searching all his inner recesses” (Mishlei 20:27). It is with this “candle” that we can indeed search for the “chametz” of our souls and attempt to eradicate it.

…In order to cause dough to be leavened, all one has to do is leave it alone and do absolutely nothing. Similarly, if a person lets down his guard even for a moment, if he ceases to strive for spiritual growth and enhancement, he opens himself up to the disastrous effects of the yetzer hara, who avails himself of the opportunity to sow the seeds of spiritual ruin.
p. 8-10

One of our challenges is sifting through our egos to the point of being able to make real strides spiritually. We make excuses and offer justifications for why we continue to act a certain way, even when we wish to strive towards growth and change. And more often then not, when we don’t see ourselves changing for the better, we stop. Or, when we think we have reached a new place, we stop. Yet, we can never stop striving to find ways to remove our excuses and barriers. Stagnation is not neutral, but it is actually a negative.

I have written about the importance and value of celebrating each step in our growth. Celebrating our victories along the way is of the utmost importance as a way to encourage our continuous striving. It is not about resting on our laurels. Rather, we take another step and then we search again so as to take the next step, and keep going through this process.

As we begin this thirty day stretch leading to Passover, the holiday celebrating our redemption from Egypt, may we not just clean our homes but also work to “clean” ourselves of those things that stand in the way of reaching the spiritual goals and heights we wish to attain.

When in doubt, don’t overthink

Life is a series of tests. No, not the kind we take in school. The kind in which we have to make a choice and hope that the choice in front of us is the best possible solution in a given situation. At times, it is important to confront our problems with a multi step approach in which we try to imagine the results of several possible outcomes before choosing the “best” approach as we see it. Of course, if you are like me, you get stuck in this overthinking state and perhaps never even get to the solution. And even if you make a choice, you spend hours, days, perhaps weeks replaying the options in your head.

Last year, I spent a bit of time writing about and reflecting on some of Rebbe Nachman’s teachings on faith from the work Likkutei Etzot, a book that gathers quotations and aphorisms based on the teachings of Rebbe Nachman of Breslov (see here for the introduction to this series and search throughout for the previous pieces I wrote up at that time). In circling back around to this book while doing some further reflective work, I came across two important and complimentary aphorisms about overthinking.

.הַחָכְמוֹת מַזִּיקִים מְאֹד לְהָאָדָם, וְהַחֲכָמִים נִלְכָּדִין בְּחָכְמָתָן שֶׁל עַצְמָן. וְצָרִיךְ לְהִתְרַחֵק מְאֹד מִכָּל מִינֵי חָכְמוֹת שֶׁיֵּשׁ לִקְצָת אֲנָשִׁים שֶׁהֵם חֲכָמִים בְּעֵינֵיהֶם, וְנִדְמֶה לָהֶם שֶׁהֵם יוֹדְעִים חָכְמוֹת גְּדוֹלוֹת בַּעֲבוֹדַת ה’. כִּי כָּל אֵלּוּ הַחָכְמוֹת הֵם שְׁטוּתִים גְּדוֹלִים, כִּי אֵין צְרִיכִין אֵלּוּ הַחָכְמוֹת כְּלָל לַעֲבוֹדַת הַבּוֹרֵא יִתְבָּרַךְ. כִּי הָעִקָּר הוּא רַק תְּמִימוּת וּפְשִׁיטוּת וֶאֱמוּנָה שְׁלֵמָה בְּהַשֵּׁם יִתְבָּרַךְ וּבְצַדִּיקֵי אֱמֶת. אַף עַל פִּי שֶׁגַּם בְּהַתְּמִימוּת צְרִיכִין לִזָּהֵר לִבְלִי לִהְיוֹת שׁוֹטֶה, אַף עַל פִּי כֵן חָכְמוֹת אֵין צְרִיכִין כְּלָל. וִיכוֹלִין לָבוֹא לְשִׂמְחָה גְּדוֹלָה עַל־יְדֵי תְּמִימוּת וֶאֱמוּנָה בִּפְשִׁיטוּת גָּמוּר: (שם)

Sophistication can be very harmful. Thinkers are easily trapped in their own wisdom. Keep well away from the wisdom of those self-important people who believe they know great truths about serving God. Their wisdom is nothing but foolishness. All their sophistication is quite unnecessary in serving God. The main thing is to be pure and simple and to have pure faith in God and His Tzaddikim. True, you have to be careful that you are being pure and simple as opposed to idiotic. But sophistication is entirely unnecessary. Simplicity, purity and faith can bring you to great joy (Ibid.).

. זֶה עִקַּר הַחָכְמָה, שֶׁיַּשְׂכִּיל שֶׁרָחוֹק מִמֶּנּוּ הַחָכְמָה: (לק”ת סי’ פ”ג)

The greatest sophistication is to work out how to avoid sophistication (Ibid. 83).
Likkutei Etzot, Temimut 5 and 6

Rebbe Nachman suggested an interesting balance in our lives. On the one hand, we are to avoid sophistry and the “deep” thinking of those who claim to have all the answers. On the other hand, as is evidenced in this second quote, the need to avoid sophistication is not a suggestion of not learning and thinking. Rather, it is the recognition that we must not allow our minds to take control of our heart and soul. There is a place for thinking and a place for putting aside our thinking. For example, in a third piece from this section, we see how Rebbe Nachman sees this sophisticated simplicity.

צָרִיךְ לִזָּהֵר לְקַיֵּם הָעֲבוֹדוֹת הַפְּשׁוּטוֹת וְהַמִּנְהָגִים הַקְּדוֹשִׁים שֶׁל יִשְׂרָאֵל, כְּגוֹן לוֹמַר זְמִירוֹת בְּשַׁבָּת וּבְמוֹצָאֵי שַׁבָּת וְכַיּוֹצֵא בָּזֶה. וְטוֹב מְאֹד מִי שֶׁיָּכוֹל לוֹמַר תְּחִנּוֹת וּבַקָּשׁוֹת הַרְבֵּה, כְּגוֹן הַתְּחִנּוֹת שֶׁבְּתוֹךְ הַסִּדּוּרִים הַגְּדוֹלִים וְכַיּוֹצֵא, וְלֹא כְּמוֹ הַחֲכָמִים בְּעֵינֵיהֶם הַמִּתְלוֹצְצִים מִזֶּה. כִּי בֶּאֱמֶת עִקַּר הַיַּהֲדוּת הִיא פְּשִׁיטוּת וּתְמִימוּת בְּלִי שׁוּם חָכְמוֹת כְּלָל: (שיחות הר”ן סי’ קנ”ה)

You should be careful to follow the simple devotions and sacred customs of Israel such as singing songs on Shabbat and at the conclusion of Shabbat, and similar practices. It is good to recite many prayers and supplications — such as those printed in the large prayer books. People think it is clever to ridicule these practices. But they are wrong. The essence of Judaism is simplicity and purity, without sophistication at all (Rabbi Nachman’s Wisdom 155).
Likkutei Etzot, Temimut 7

Circling back around to our topic, I think the same advice we see in these three pieces can be extremely important in creating a mindset that can help us overcome the doubts we have about our choices (see this short piece on analysis paralysis). It is important to think through the possibilities we have before us, at least the ones we can anticipate. This is true in all aspects of our lives, from choices in career and place to live to the ways we enhance our spiritual and emotional lives. Yet, we cannot just remain in the planning and thinking stages. We need to make decisions and take action.

There is a time for study and reflection and there is a time for action. In the moments of action, we cannot get bogged down in the questions. This is the sophisticated simplicity that Rebbe Nachman suggests to us.

As you go about your day, may you find the ability to foster this sophisticated spirituality and through that reach new heights in your spiritual and emotional growth.

If you or someone you know is looking to forge ahead and set new goals for the journey of life or trying to find a sense of meaning in life, we are here to help foster spiritual and emotional growth and change. Schedule your appointment today here. For more information, please contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com

Believing in Oneself is a form of Humility

Most of us are familiar with some version of the following story (found here):

So there is a joke you probably know on the topic of humility. The chief rabbi of the synagogue at Yom Kippur is beating his breast and crying, tears running down his cheeks “I’m nothing, Lord! I’m nothing! I’m absolutely nothing!” Next to him the chief donor to the synagogue, a wealthy banker kneels down and hits himself on the chest and yells “I’m nothing! God forgive me for thinking I’m something. I’m not. I’m nothing!” Whereupon Shlomo a poor man who sweeps the synagogue out after services and hauls trash gets down on his knees and yells “I’m nothing! I’m nothing.” The rabbi observes this, elbows the banker and whispers “Look who thinks he’s nothing.”

We tend to confuse humility, the idea that we lack pride and the idea of having an attitude that even if we are skilled and knowledgeable, it doesn’t make us inherently better than anyone else, with feelings of low self-worth and self esteem. In most spiritual practices this distinction is crucial because it can help frame a fundamental spiritual practice of self-nullification. Self-nullification is about recognizing that within the greater universe, we are practically nil. In many religions, this is described in relation to the divine, that from a divine perspective, the only real existence is the divine (see here for one example of a Jewish perspective of the definition and purpose of self-nullification).

Yet, in conjunction with this important practice, our spiritual growth can only truly become manifest if we balance this self-nullification with knowing that our lives have purpose and meaning. I have been thinking about this in relation to a piece I read last weekend from R. Elimelech Biderman in Torah Wellsprings (Parashat Beshalach – see the full piece here pgs.4-5).

To quote a few excerpts from the piece:

Reb Tzadok HaKohen (Tzidkas HaTzaddik 154) writes: “Just as one must believe in Hashem (Gd), one must also believe in himself. This means to believe that Hashem is interested in him. He must believe that his soul comes from Above, and Hashem has pleasure from him and has enjoyment when he does Hashem’s will. This is the meaning of the pasuk (verse) (Shmos ויאמינו בה’ ובמשה עבדו (14:31, ‘And they believed in Hashem and in Moshe…’ Moshe represents the six-hundred-thousand Yidden (Jews) of that generation. They believed that Hashem desires them and derives pleasure from them and from the good that’s in them.”

It is hard for people to believe that Hashem wants them because they know their faults. However, faults and errors are part of the creation of the world. This shouldn’t prevent us from believing that Hashem wants us…

From the very essence of creation, a pattern of imperfection emerged.

Yet after all of that, it states (Bereishis 1:31) וירא אלקים את כל אשר עשה והנה טוב מאוד, ”And Hashem saw all that He had made, and behold it was very good.”

This is what Hashem calls good. It is because of imperfections that Hashem created the world. Hashem has pleasure when we overcome the struggles, downfalls, blockades, and hardships and do His will. So, you can believe in yourself, even if you are imperfect. In fact, your imperfections are the purpose of the entire creation. This trait enables you to bring a nachas ruach (inner sense of wellbeing) to Hashem more than all the malachim (angels) in heaven…

Our approach in life is two fold. We must be humble in recognizing our finite nature, our inherent imperfections and our existence in relation to Gd. At the same time, we cannot see ourselves as so low and unworthy that we never strive for anything, we never strive to grow and improve and lessen the imperfections we have in life. When we have a healthy sense of self-compassion and self-worth, we are able to do the things that help us move along our paths to fulfill our goals, our purpose for being.

This is a challenging practice to work on. It can feel extremely difficult to maintain the balance between humility and self-worth. Yet, we must always be working to find the balance, the right mix, so that we are moving forward step by step, moment by moment. We have the opportunity each day to practice through prayer, through our relationships with others and through our work towards attaining our personal goals.

May we each work to foster our own balance between believing in ourselves and the humility to recognize each of us is another part of our interdependent existence.

True Greatness Is Knowing Where We Are

We all have those days where we feel we will never amount to what we wish we would become. We feel small, distant, lost. We don’t know how to find our way forward along the path to find our “greatness.” Instead, we spend so much energy and time seeing all the ways we haven’t reached our life goals.

One area I want to focus on is spiritual growth. In working on our spiritual goals, our spiritual growth, this inability to focus on where we are versus where we aren’t can make it feel like we aren’t having success. We feel distant from our desires to be more connected to our faith, our religion, our trust in Gd. But are we really so far away? Perhaps we aren’t distant but how we perceive things is what is leading to think we are distant. So much of growing along the path of life comes down to the mindset we bring to the moment. I think this is illustrated in the following teaching:

Someone asked the Rebbe Shlit”a how they should deal with their feelings of lack of success. They hear so much from the Rebbe about the high and lofty spiritual levels one should reach, but they feel so far from reaching any of this! The Rebbe answered that the Zohar HaKadosh says that “he who is small is great,” therefore, by a person simply acknowledging where they are truly holding i.e. that they are “small” and not yet on these high levels they learned about, they are showing that they are truly great.
Sea of Wisdom, Parshas Bo 5784 – R. Yitzchak Meir Morgenstern

When we embrace the notion that we aren’t there yet, not in a negative way, but in a growth mindset way, we change the paradigm. It is no longer that our distance from our desired goals is a sign of what we are lacking. Rather, our place now is our “greatness” and through this current greatness, we are on the path to higher levels of spiritual growth.

Today, and everyday, when we take stock of where we are, not where we haven’t gotten to, I hope that we can see we are in the place of today’s greatness, knowing full well we want to journey further to tomorrow’s greatness. May we embrace where we are now and find the inspiration from this spot to move along the road of becoming more and more.

Looking for help in recognizing the greatness that is you? If you or someone you know is looking to forge ahead and set new goals or trying to find a sense of meaning in life, we are here to help foster spiritual and emotional growth and change. Schedule your appointment today here. For more information, please contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com

The Path Reveals Itself Over Time

Wouldn’t it be great if we had the roadmap of life in front of us, knowing where we were supposed to go, when to make a turn and when to recognize we had fulfilled what it is we are here to fulfill? Life would be much simpler, though I would guess it would also become too boring. When everything is predictable, we tend to stop trying because we pretty much know the results.

I am always thinking about the road I am traveling on, wondering if I have read the road signs along the way to know if my decisions were in line with how the story of my life is to play out. While at times I, and I assume most of us, have taken side roads and exit ramps to different areas, we inevitably seem to be drawn back to some sort of main path. Of course, we know what we want, or try to establish what we want, yet often what we want and what we live are not one and the same. Part of this is the reality of not just being on an individual road but a road with each other, reacting to the world around us. And part of this is because perhaps what we want is not our purpose, our reason for being. Recently, I came across an idea that has me reconsidering how we should be looking ahead on our personal roads.

There is an important, fundamental idea in avodas Hashem (serving Gd) that the tachlis, the ultimate purpose (of the world, and of a person in this world as well) is constantly hidden from a person. This is because a person should constantly yearn and long for the tachlis. The tachlis is never clearly revealed to a person; what is revealed is only the closest next level to a person ( that they need to and can reach). Similarly, at all times (through every particular detail of life a person goes through), only the next small step is revealed to a person. However, a person’s “next level,” the one in reach of him, is not revealed. Therefore, people are often confused about what the tachlis is, and aren’t clear as to what the ultimate level they need to achieve is. But, in reality, a person doesn’t need to know more than this – just knowing the next level they need to get to is enough for our avodah (following this is the closest one can get to the tachlis).
Sea of Wisdom, Parashat Va’Era 5784 – R. Yitzchak Meir Morgenstern

Faith (Emunah) is one of the most difficult things to cultivate and experience (I discuss some of this in a recent post). Faith is something we must actively work on and actively cultivate. We cannot just sit and wait. Part of this process is being open to recognizing that while we might not know where we are headed, we can see small glimmers of the road ahead. Faith is also realizing that we will only ever see small glimmers of the road ahead and that we must have the confidence to move forward nevertheless because the path will reveal itself over time. Faith is maintaining the hope we will be able to discern what we are seeing and know how best to approach the next stretch of road.

Looking to start fresh? If you or someone you know is looking to forge ahead and set new goals or trying to find a sense of meaning in life, we are here to help foster a spiritual and emotional growth and change. Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com

The Importance and Power of the Desire for Success

I think most of us make the mistake of thinking that our emotions are things that just happen to us. We presume we just feel and that we have zero control over those feelings. And once we feel something, then that will be it, we won’t have to do things to build upon the feeling.

When it comes to accomplishing the things we wish to accomplish, I often wonder if we are just waiting for the inspiration to push forward instead of taking the steps necessary to see our goals come to fruition. In reading a lot about goal setting and striving to become a better self, I have come to recognize that one of the biggest hurdles to success is fostering the will and desire to take on a new opportunity. While it is easy to say we want to succeed and we want to accomplish new things, very often it is merely us paying lip service and not taking action. Last Shabbat, I came across the following piece which speaks about the power of desiring to succeed as the first step to spiritual growth:

The Power of Desire
Someone asked the Rebbe for financial advice. The Rebbe said: The most important thing a person has to have is a strong desire, whether it is a desire to open a business, to build something, to invent something. A person has to have a powerful desire for something, that is the first step. Once a person develops a strong desire for something physical, they should then transfer that desire into something spiritual, and something pertaining to their avodas Hashem, and then they will truly feel and understand what a strong desire is. With a strong enough desire, a person will succeed b’ezras Hashem in what they try to accomplish.
(Shabbos Parshas Vayechi 5784)
Sea of wisdom for Parashas Shemos 5784 – R. Yitchak Meir Morgenstern

We see that desire is not something we just claim to have but it is something we must actively cultivate and embrace. When we fully embrace the person we wish to become or the thing we truly wish to accomplish, then we will be on the road to success. The lack of a cultivated and focused desire to achieve something is often the barrier to reach the destination we have in mind and is the death of so many of our goals and resolutions.

As we continue to evaluate the goals we have set for ourselves, we should take the time to first examine what it is we really wish to accomplish and see if the desire for success is truly there to be our guide along the way. Don’t be afraid if the desire that was is no longer present as it could be we either need to reinvest our energy into our wishes or perhaps we need to make changes to the goal we had in mind and the process of reaching that goal.

In either case, may each of us find the willpower and passion to take our first steps to our desired goals for becoming the people we wish to become.

It’s a New Year and a new opportunity to start fresh. If you or someone you know is looking to forge ahead and set new goals or trying to find a sense of meaning in life, we are here to help foster a spiritual and emotional growth and change. Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com

Audacity in Prayer During the High Holidays

Imagine, or maybe just remember, what it was like to turn to a parent and say, “it’s really your fault I am the way I am.” While we all might feel this way at one point or another, it is one thing to think it and another to voice this feeling aloud. If this is the case with one’s parents, how much more so would this be the case as it relates to our relationship with Gd. And yet, we find countless examples in the Jewish tradition that suggest we can verbally express the blame for our imperfections and troubles back at Gd.

One recent thought I came across expresses this concept from a statement in the work Hayyei Moharan, which describes anecdotes about the life of Rebbe Nachman of Breslov. The idea is a creative reinterpretation of how we understand the use of the plural in Viddui.

It is written in Chayei Moharan (601) in regards to viduy – the confession prayer, that Rebbe Nachman once said to Reb Yudel of Dashiv (a chossid of Rebbe Nachman, who was first, a chossid of Reb Pinchas Koritzer), “tell me something from your Rebbe, the Tzaddik, Reb Pinchos Koritzer. Reb Yudel responded, “Reb Pinchos once said that we say ashamnu, bagadnu, gazalnu in a plural tense, when really we should be saying it in a singular tense. However, (the reason [ed.]) we say it plurally is because we are really saying, so to speak, in a way of claim and argument towards Hashem, ashamnu, we have been guilty, that if not for you, Hashem, giving us the energy and ability to sin, we wouldn’t be able to sin.”
Sea of Wisdom Parshas Nitzavim/VaYeilech 5783 – R. Itche Meir Morgenstern

How do we have the audacity to turn around our imperfections and place some of the blame back on Gd? Well, this idea of Rebbe Nachman’s is not unique to him, but has precedent throughout the Jewish tradition. I found myself reminded of something I shared over a decade ago, which remains highly relevant as we enter Rosh Hashanah, 5784. At the time, I prepared a sermon describing multiple examples of spiritual audacity. See here for the full piece.

As part of this piece, I drafted the following prayer:

Dear G-d. We are here again standing in your shadow. We are in your presence. We are unworthy, because we are full of sin. But you know what G-d, it’s your fault we sinned. You are the master of the world. You created us with good and evil. You created the evil inclination, the yetzer hara. Therefore, we are blameless because without that stumbling block, we wouldn’t be in need of judgment each year.

Looking back, I am not sure I was correct in the usage of the phrase, “we are blameless.” If we believe we have the choice to make before each decision, then we are responsible for what we do. Yet, most of us often in life really feel so much about ourselves is not in our control. It wasn’t our fault, it’s someone or something else outside of our control that we can blame. True and… if we are to then find a path for growth and change, we need to be willing to accept responsibility as well.

For this Rosh Hashanah, when we sit down and reflect on the life we have led through 5783 and the life we wish to lead starting 5784, can we both be comfortable to verbalize our feelings that so much of who we are might not be our “faults” and also hold personal responsibility to acknowledge how much we can do to take the steps to forge a new path forward? When we confess to our shortcomings, we are taking the first step. So, speak your real thoughts, pray with abandon just like our ancestors, and simultaneously, examine the barriers holding us back from spiritual growth and plan strategies so we can see a better year in this upcoming year.

May this year be the start of a New Beginning and filled with opportunities for reaching closer to your goals and dreams.

Looking to gain further, broader insight in becoming your more authentic, spiritually focused self? Let me help you along this path! Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com

Elul Thoughts: Finding Renewed Ways to Connect

As I continue to reflect on my recent trip to Israel, one of the things that always strikes me when I am there is how comfortable I feel in Israel. This has many layers, from religiously and spiritually as well as I get a sense in certain parts of the country that it is like I am home. This makes travelling less fraught with worries and anxieties. And, this does also have a shadow side.

During this trip, as with most of my trips, I find myself drawn to spend time by the Kotel, the Western Wall. It is a place of prayer and pilgrimage. It is a sacred space. And while historically the physical wall itself was merely one of the four sides of the retaining wall for the Temple Mount, the area has become a spiritual focal point and symbol for so much. And yet, sometimes, the mystique seems to disappear.

During this trip, I had two types of experiences. Some of my sojourns to the wall, I was left with something lacking. I couldn’t find my spiritual comfort zone, struggled to pray with much focus, almost finding myself asking what was even the point of making the trek from the apartment I was staying at. It can be difficult to feel inspired when the sacred space seems commercialized and is overflowing with people. Other times, I found that inspiration. This occurred in two ways. When I went on Shabbat afternoon and found the area pretty empty and quiet, I was able to hear my thoughts better. Other times, even in the midst of massive crowds, context can be key. Being there for a Bar Mitzvah and public Selichot, both times when the place is packed, also inspired me because it was the opportunity to experiences new things in a place I know so well.

I am sharing these thoughts because I came across and was reminded of a beautiful concept drawn from a question about Psalm 27. During the month of Elul, it is customary to recite this chapter twice a day. Reading the Psalm, we can see many themes that tie into the High Holidays. One, which I want to explore, emerges from Verse 4.

אַחַ֤ת ׀ שָׁאַ֣לְתִּי מֵֽאֵת־יְהֹוָה֮ אוֹתָ֢הּ אֲבַ֫קֵּ֥שׁ שִׁבְתִּ֣י בְּבֵית־יְ֭הֹוָה כׇּל־יְמֵ֣י חַיַּ֑י לַחֲז֥וֹת בְּנֹעַם־יְ֝הֹוָ֗ה וּלְבַקֵּ֥ר בְּהֵֽיכָלֽוֹ׃

One thing I ask of the LORD, only that do I seek:
that I may dwell in the House of Hashem all the days of my life, to behold the sweetness of Hashem and to contemplate in His Sanctuary.

There is a fundamental question that arises from this passage. How can we ask Gd to both live in Gd’s house forever and also be visitors “contemplating” his temple? Doesn’t this seem contradictory.

Over Shabbat I was reminded of this question from a Parasha printout called Alei Deshe, which shares the Torah thoughts of R. Shaul Alter, Rosh Yeshiva of Gur. He shared:

The answer given to this seeming contradiction is that our request is to reside permanently in Hashem’s house, and yet maintain the freshness and excitement of one who comes only as a visitor. But how is this possible? After all, a person naturally loses enthusiasm for activities that continue for a lengthy period of time.

In order to understand this, we must look at the words preceding the request for visitor-like excitement: לַחֲז֥וֹת בְּנֹעַם־יְ֝הֹוָ֗ה, to behold the sweetness of Hashem. When one feels the pleasure and beauty of sitting in Hashem’s house and serving Him, he will naturally maintain his enthusiasm for it, and will return day after day feeling as if it were his first day there.

Too often in life, finding ourselves in moments that used to drive us, inspire us, excite us, and suddenly it has little to no meaning. The shiny new toy feels like it loses its shine. When this happens, we get frustrated, we try to find something new. For most of us, it is easier to discard and move on to something new. Yet, perhaps the issue isn’t the lost luster but it starts with us. Did we go in with the wrong expectations? Did we presume to find the same inspiration and joy without playing our part in being present and focusing?

In this preparation season for Rosh Hashanah, are we truly listening to the daily shofar sound, to the added prayers, to our stirring souls which are looking to make meaningful changes to our lives. Have we slowed down to see? Or are we merely heading to the place we always head to because that’s just what we do?

Going back to my personal experiences, I found that if once I could remember inspiration comes just as much from what we put in as from what the moment gives me, I was able to feel that sense of enthusiasm of “visiting” instead of the routine feeling of always being present. It required a refocus, a renewed effort and, at least with the late night trek for Selichot, doing something new and different to help refind that spiritual connection I was seeking all along.

May each us, during these last two weeks leading to Rosh Hashanah, find our things that inspire us and find new ways to put in and take out those drops of inspiration so that we may see in ourselves growth and renewal during this upcoming new year.

9 Av reflections 5783 – OY!

I have always struggled with the concept of a communal day of mourning. What if I am not feeling that sense of sadness that is required to truly experience the day? Does that make me unfeeling, uncaring? Am I separating myself from the community in moments when I can’t conjure up the emotional pain and suffering that comes from taking on signs of mourning on this day?

Sure, we have found ways over the centuries to overcome the difficulty of feeling the loss of a sacred building and sacrificial services by lumping all the tragedies of Jewish history into this one day. We even have the Midrashic tradition claiming that Tisha B’Av is a cursed day going all the way back to the Torah’s story about the spies (see Parashat Shelach). And so, we read Lamentations (Eichah), read a variety of poems of elegy (Kinnot) and try every which way to feel a sense of longing for the rebuilding of the Third Temple and the end of all Jewish tragedies.

But…then I remember – It isn’t about emotions alone. It is about memory. Tisha B’Av in our contemporary world is about carving a day out of our busy lives to sit and remember the past, remember the pain of what was. What we read on this day tries to offers reasons and explanations, yet, the most powerful moments are when we recite those short, pithy phrases during Kinnot that feel like we are just throwing our hands up in frustration and despair.

One refrain, which repeats in a couple of the poems is the chorus Oy, what has befallen us. After expressing or listing a moment, we have nothing left to “say” but Oy. There are no words at some point. All that is left is the cry of despair.

Today, whether you “feel” it or not, take the time to reflect on the unanswered, the loss of attempts at explanation, the moments in the past and present when all we can do is sit there numb, not sure what to think or feel but Oy!

May this Tisha B’Av be the last Tisha B’Av of suffering and may we merit to see brighter days ahead.

Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com