I recently had the good fortune to be interviewed along with Rabbi Charles P. Rabinowitz, BCC for the a podcast produced by the NAJC (Neshama, Association for Jewish Chaplains). The focus of our interview was about the recently rebooted Journal of Jewish Spiritual Care, which we co-edited (journal can be found here).
Here is the link to the podcast, Rebooting the Journal. In this podcast, we share a bit about our personal journeys as chaplains, our goals in reviving the journal after ten years and reflections on the topic of the journal, Jewish Chaplaincy during COVID-19 (not as timely a topic as when we originally put out the call for papers yet still very relevant in terms of how chaplains adapt and grapple with moments of crisis). We also discussed the importance of different types of writing for the profession of chaplaincy, highlighting the differing values of quantitative research writing versus reflective and qualitative writing.
If you or someone you know is looking to forge ahead and set new goals or trying to find a sense of meaning in life, we are here to help foster spiritual and emotional growth and change. Schedule your appointment today here.Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com
Yes, it is January 3. Yes, we are three days into 2024. And yes, writing about goal setting “after the fact” seems out of place. Yet, besides there never being a bad time to reflect on goal setting, I would argue that January 3rd is the best time to have this discussion.
Think about it like this:
December 31, 2023 – We decide on new goals for the year, one’s that speak to our hopes for the new year. We have lists of things we wish to change and resolve to work on changing them.
January 1, 2024 – Yes, we should start Day One. And we do. And it seems so easy to get started because for most of us, January 1 is a vacation day. It is easy to work on goals when the work of achieving our goals is our only task.
January 2, 2024 – Back to work. Back to the grind. This is the day of navigating how the goals we have in mind will meld into our busy lives. And I would guess that by last night, many of the goals we had in mind are already shifting around. Many of us are asking not just how to find the time but where do fit in the changes. Some are already feeling like January 2 was not much different than December 29th, meaning a humdrum work day that came and went.
Which brings us back to January 3. Today is the real litmus test. We saw and felt the exhilaration of starting off on the right foot that was January 1 and then the realistic struggle of meshing our hopes with our realities on January 2. The question is, what did we learn from these two experienes.
When we set goals for ourselves, whenever we do this, it is important to remember a couple of key points:
The goal is the end product and our job needs to begin with not just where we wish to go but how we best think we can get there.
It is OK to try an approach and fail at it. Even in the failure there is success. The January 2 people who struggled to maintain the January 1 process can learn and adapt practices to more realistically to achieve the goals they have set for themselves. A failure is not a failure but an opportunity for growth.
Be compassionate about your choices. One of the biggest obstacles to staying the course with our goals is to celebrate the gains and forgive oneself moments of stagnation and falling backwards.
Today is a New Beginning. And so is tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after, etc. Each day brings us a chance to recalibrate, refocus and reconfigure as we need.
May each of us find the goals we wish to have, the ability to accomplish them step by step and the flexibility to integrate our new hopes into the lives we find ourselves living each and every day.
It’s a New Year and a new opportunity to start fresh. If you or someone you know is looking to forge ahead and set new goals or trying to find a sense of meaning in life, we are here to help foster a spiritual and emotional growth and change. Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com
I know this theme gets played out many times, yet it is so important to remind ourselves again and again about the importance of gratitude. Gratitude is not just merely about saying “Thank You,” but it is a mindset we would do well to cultivate. To live a life of gratitude is a daily spiritual practice, from the moment we wake up to the moment we go to sleep.
Unfortunately, there are many moments in life when it is quite challenging to maintain this gratitude mindset. We face moments and times of tragedy and trauma and we get subsumed by the all too real powerful emotions crisis presents to us. Yet, we wish to persevere, to live and to grow. And we can, with much work and support. Gratitude can be one of the various tools we can work to harness in those difficult moments.
As we think about gratitude today, I invite you to listen to one perspective on the importance of giving thanks I had the opportunity to listen to this morning. My colleague and friend Rabbi Benyamin Vineburg, BCC, recorded a conversation on Thanksgiving with his father Rabbi Dr. Sid Vineburg, Ed. D for the Be Wholly Podcast. I highly recommend listening to this episode, as it is a personal look at finding gratitude living with chronic illness. See below for the links:
If you or someone you know is struggling, spiritually and/or emotionally, trying to find a sense of meaning in these times of struggle, know that you are not alone. Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com
I recall a history professor of mine in Yeshiva University sharing that he would give an A to the entire class if not a single “war” was fought during the entire two semester long course, War in Western Civilization. Of course, as he said, the odds were in his favor as there were very few years in recorded history (he claimed 11 at the time) that did not have some kind of war happening somewhere in the world.
As you can see, and please forgive my cynicism for just a moment, to suggest the world is in A crisis moment might be an unfair statement, for most of existence is one crisis moment after another, at least somewhere. Yet, I cannot help but feel that these current times truly feel like the crisis moments of my life, and I must presume of so many other people as well.
In essence, we are all struggling. We are all grieving. The world is not a safe place. Each community, each minority, has had multiple moments of this struggle, this feeling of crisis over the past couple of decades. This is not to suggest struggles just suddenly arose. Rather, it is to recognize that for so many of us, in this moment, we are overwhelmed by the consistency and waves of hatred, bigotry, anti…, and overall feelings of insecurity.
Before I go further, I would be remiss if I didn’t “blame” much of our emotional turmoil on the 24/7 information sharing that we have. And yes, we could just tune it out, as I hope many of you are trying to do. Yet, if you are like me, it is quite difficult to not always want to know and see who said what and when. Some have suggested “doomscrolling” is our way of creating a false feeling of having a bit of control back in these moments when we might feel like we are mere pawns in someone else’s game. While I think there is much validity in that suggestion, I am hard pressed to place the blame for all of the emotional ups and downs merely on the amount of time one spends online.
Let me repeat my words from the previous paragraph. We are all struggling and all grieving.
We are grieving from the imagery of terrorism at its worst.
We are grieving because we are seeing the truth that people will believe whatever they wish to believe, even if the information is patently false.
We are grieving the continued loss of trust in the stories we hear and tell each other.
We are grieving the overt signs of hatred all around us.
We are grieving the loss of presumed safety, whether we really had it or not.
We are grieving and struggling with feeling displaced.
We are grieving because everything around us feels so out of sorts.
What do we do with this? Who do we turn to in times like this? How can we find support if even those who we naturally turn to for support are struggling?
Two weeks ago, I shared a thought on Reflections on how to deal with Crisis. Please take a look if you haven’t, and if you have, it is important to remember the actionable points each and every day.
Yes it is true that each of us, coaches, mental health professionals, chaplains, psychologists, etc. are also personally affected and struggling in our own lives with the depth of numbness and pain during this time when we are grieving. And we are trained within our professional disciplines to be present even within our own struggles. It is important in times like this to not try to weather these emotions alone. If you are struggling, having trouble staying on target in your own lives and/or trying to figure out the best strategies for how to be during this traumatic moment, please seek out help!
While we are truly in a time when it feels we are pushing the big boulder uphill by ourselves, I want to remind you of another image of going uphill. Perhaps instead of seeing the boulder we are pushing, we can see the hand reaching out to help us up, like in the image below from the background of my business card.
We are finding ourselves in an uphill battle, struggling with the waves of life. When I started my coaching practice, my vision was to be able to help people navigate the waves of life through the lens of spirituality and meaning making. We are all on these waves right now. My hope is that each of us has someone who is reaching out to pull us up. We can help pull others up while also needing a hand outstretched to us as well.
If you or someone you know is struggling, spiritually and/or emotionally, trying to find a sense of meaning in these times of struggle, know that you are not alone. Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com
So often in life, we plan and Gd laughs. So often in life we are on a path only to be diverted due to outside forces. I had wished to spend time reflecting on the recently completed Jewish Holidays, considering things gained and learned during those three weeks of reflection, introspection and celebration. Yet, since Saturday, Oct. 7, which coincided with the end of the holidays, Shemini Atzeret and Simchat Torah, anything I thought about sharing has felt trite.
The sheer barbarism that occurred during the most joyful part of the fall Jewish holiday season cannot be put into words. What Hamas did to my brethren in Israel, which truthfully by extension was to all of us, was devastating to so many of us. And so, even now, I am writing words that feel so hollow, yet write I must, because this is my outlet.
The post I wanted to write would have focused on celebrating the opportunities to reflect. It would have been on how Yom Kippur gives us the time to recognize how easily it is to fall short and at the same time how easy it can be to get back on course. I would have written about how our Sukkot this year was a beautiful week of joy, celebration, community and learning. And yet, all this was shattered.
Instead, I can write the post about how the Jewish community in Israel and around the world faced crisis head on and did not fall victim to fear. I can share that people from all over have gathered to handle this latest blow through prayer and action. I can share that people are not allowing terror and hate overwhelm them but are instead facing it with resolve and strength.
When we face a crisis, each of us has many tools we can draw upon to deal with the challenges before us. I was fortunate to receive a document via email last week with a lesson on dealing with a crisis based on a story of David before he was king (Samuel 1 chapter 30 – see here). While most of us have a sense of this at the moment, I will nevertheless share with you the four pronged approach:
Crying and sadness – We must allow ourselves to take the time to be honest to our sadness and pain. Bottling up these feelings will only have negative repercussions at some further point down the road.
Emotional introspection – As a corollary to the first point, we experience a multiplicity of emotions in times of crisis. For myself, these past 9 days have been ones of worry, fear, resolve, hope, joy, sadness, and a host of other feelings, sometimes simultaneously. And that is OK as well. We can celebrate and also feel the pain and grief for those who were murdered in cold blood.
Faith – For so many, this has been a week of increased prayer and religious resolve. For others, this has been a week of questioning and anger towards Gd. Both are signs of faith. Spirituality is a lifetime struggle. It is in these times when we confront Gd however we choose and hopefully find something within that struggle to help carry us forward.
Action – What can I do to help? So often in crisis moments, people find that they can’t just watch from the sidelines. It is amazing what human resolve can do and what people can do to support one another.
As we continue to go through these terrible days, may we continue to have the strength to support each other and make sure we are also supporting ourselves.
If you or someone you know is struggling, spiritually or emotionally, trying to find a sense of meaning in times of struggle, know that you are not alone. Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com
As much as I am here to help others and to support them in life’s challenging moments, I would be lying if I didn’t acknowledge how much I have learned from those people with whom I have been privileged to work. The other day, while I was visiting a hospice patient and the person’s family, one of the family members, as we were reflecting on meaning in life, shared the following poem, The Invitation (see here for a different reflection on this poem).
It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.
It doesn’t interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life’s betrayals or have become shrivelled and closed from fear of further pain.
I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it, or fade it, or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own; if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic, remember the limitations of being human.
It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself. If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul. If you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see Beauty even when it is not pretty every day. And if you can source your own life from its presence.
I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand at the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, ‘Yes.’
It doesn’t interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone and do what needs to be done to feed the children.
It doesn’t interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the centre of the fire with me and not shrink back.
It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.
By Oriah Mountain Dreamer
In my reading of this poem, I find the words suggest that true connection in relationship, both relationship to oneself and relationship to others is not the externals we define ourselves by but the internal makeup of who we struggle to be. True spiritual growth is allowing our inner soul to be the driving factor in our lives, not the externals. To get to this place, we must first work on our self-exploration, finding our inner soul.
Today, let me invite each of you to reflect on this poem and start down the path of revealing the real, complicated life we all experience. May we find the way to live a more authentic life.
Looking to discover your more authentic, spiritually focused self? Let me help you along this path! Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com
Late yesterday, I updated my Facebook profile picture and cover photo to reflect who I am currently. Interesting that this change got a lot of reactions from my social media feed. This lesson in social media ties into something that I have been thinking about, “who is the real me?” This question relates to how we portray ourselves in public vs. how we see ourselves in private. We live in a very public, open world in our digital age. We live in a world where the majority of us are not just sharing public and private personas in our small communities. Living in a global community requires an increased consciousness of what we want others to see and that most likely moves us further away from our true, inner self that we often show in the privacy of our homes. And if I were to be honest, this is a challenging state to constantly have to navigate.
When we meet new people, are they showing us the glossy website version of themselves, the deep, troubled version or something in between? Sure, meeting a new person and expecting an instant trust is hard to ask of anyone. Yet, why is it that we hide behind an image. We are all guilty of this.
My Spiritual Life Coaching Practice, which is informed by my pastoral/spiritual care training, is also informed by the real, imperfect person that I am. No two people will ever have the same experiences. And, nobody is ever alone in experience, as we all have a well of emotional and spiritual ups and downs we can draw upon to be present with someone else struggling. I believe that if we are to help others discover hope, meaning, New Beginnings in a transitional period in life, we have to meet them from the place of our humanness and vulnerability. We must maintain boundaries with each other and we must find a way to build the trust needed to explore and effect the changes we are looking for when engaging a professional to help in our self discovery.
As I write these words, I realize how so much of this notion of showing the “real” me is predicated on trusting myself to be OK and compassionate to the real, imperfect self that I am. My belief is that each of us is masking our true, real selves behind a mask because we aren’t OK with who we are. Too many of us don’t like the person we see in the mirror, even though we wish we could. And yes, that last line is channeled from an interesting albeit strange self-help practice call the High Five Habit, in which we develop a notion of self-compassion and confidence through literally offering ourselves a high five each morning in the mirror.
May today be the day we begin to foster our self-compassion, trust and acceptance of the person we see in the mirror and may this person be the person we share with others.
Looking to discover your more authentic, spiritually focused self? Let me help you along this path! Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com
I recently came across a powerful comment from Lessons in Tanya that I believe is important to reflect upon:
Now, we are constantly taught that one should be wary of spiritual intentions which outstrip one’s current spiritual pace; spirituality must be earned in an environment of honesty.
Lessons in Tanya, Vol. 2 p. 616
Spiritual growth, like all other areas of life, requires goals. Who do we want to be? How do we get there? What path should we take? We have desires for being different, more connected to the divine, to Gd, to our inner self. Yet, growth is a not a 0-60 in 3 seconds endeavor. It is a steady, daily process of taking step after step, rising slightly more each and every day. The above is a reminder that while we have desires to be an ideal self, we must strive towards it, not force it forward, for speeding things up is fraught with dangers of falling hard and fast.
Today, take the first step towards your goal. Don’t rush, don’t let the desire for growth push you towards taking shortcuts. Move forward step by step, day by day and you will find true Spiritual Honesty.
Are you or someone you know struggling to maintain one’s spiritual growth? Are you looking for strategies to stay along a path and jump too far forward? Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com
I came across a recent interview that my colleague and friend Rabbi Dr. Jason Weiner did with Patricia Greenberg. In this video, he describes the essential points of being a chaplain/spiritual care provider, the importance of advance directives, the balance between his personal philosophy and his role as chaplain, as well shares a few vignettes of his work as a healthcare chaplain.
Let’s be real today. Who among us isn’t struggling to a certain extent with feeling like an imposter? According to this overview of imposter syndrome from Psychology Today, 70% of adults will have the feelings related to imposter syndrome at least once in life. In other words, most of us will have experienced this sense at some point in life.
I find myself reflecting on confidence and feeling like an imposter often. I find that part of the struggle is because we are inundated with the pristine images presented on social media. And just to be clear, we all do this. We get headshots to show our ideal selves, our smiling faces, our confidence. Most of us weed out the awkward picture for the perfect shot. We try not to post our foibles, only our successes.
Today, I want to say, I get the imposter feeling because many times I myself struggle with confidence. Recently I had an experience which reminded me of this struggle. The other day I was working along with a colleague and when he started speaking about me to a third person while I was present, sharing some of my “resume,” I found myself feeling both a sense of embarrassment to hear praise about myself (not in a humble sense, so don’t presume this comes from a sense of humility) and a sense of confidence being reminded that, yes, I am those things. For those who know me, that response is not surprising. Yes, I am aware of my resume and I do know what I have accomplished or attempted to accomplish. Yet, I struggle to believe it to be true. I struggle like we all struggle wondering whether we really have made an impact.
Why am I sharing this, being vulnerable with my readers?
I have a philosophy I bring to my work as a spiritual coach and I always tried to bring to my chaplaincy. It was something I learned early on in hospice work. Inevitably, during the course of a visit with the hospice patient and/or family, people would start asking me basic questions about my life, such as, was I married, did I have children, where do I live. At first, though I would respond, I was hesitant to answer, boundaries and all. Eventually, I realized that this was their way of testing the waters to see the humanness of the professional across the room. Sure, we could argue it is a form of avoidance in the midst of seriousness, but I truly believe it was a method for building trust. As such, I came to see this part of the conversation as a value unto itself. Sure, there are limits and professional boundaries and we aren’t there to unburden ourselves. Yet, if we don’t relate and connect on the basic human level, we will never fully engage the depth and sacredness of the space. In my coaching work, I have found the importance of bringing myself into the space, drawing from our common humanity to help further explore and build trust and relationship, which inevitably goes a long way to helping someone grow and discover.
Back to the imposter syndrome. We are all struggling in one way or another with who we really are and with how we perceive how others perceive us. It is part of being human. My hope is that each of has ways to remind ourselves that while it is a struggle, if we really think through all the naysaying, we might find how much we really are the person we claim to be, not an imposter pretending to be what we aren’t. May each of you find the confidence to overcome feeling like an imposter.
Are you struggling with your sense of self-confidence? Wondering if you really are the person people see you as? Are you working on your spiritual growth? Faith? Feeling lost in the midst of the journey of life? Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com
New beginnings: A blog about spirituality, chaplaincy and renewal 