rabbichaplain

All New Beginnings are Difficult: Don’t Give Up.

Life is full of frustrations. We work hard, make good decisions, try to improve, and feel like nothing is working. We reach milestone moments and times in the calendar when we resolve to change, and then we fall back into the old habits. And then we try again, thinking this time we will see success, only to fall short, at least as it comes to our perceived timeline for change.

So what happens with perceived failure after failure? We want to quit. We start to wonder, “what’s the point?!” We haven’t gotten to where we want to be, so why keep striving forward?

(Rabbeinu HaOhr Letzion – Vol. 1, p. 424): There was a bachur who had just recently entered the realm of mitzvot. His parents had “succeeded” in enrolling him in an excellent yeshiva that had a high level of learning. However, his talents didn’t measure up, and he couldn’t keep up with the pace. He came before Rabbi Ben Tzion Abba Shaul, disheartened and despairing. No, he didn’t advise him to transfer to another yeshiva of lower standards. On the contrary, he encouraged him, saying, “Persist stubborly and remember the words of Rashi (Shemot 19:5): From now on everything will be sweet, as all beginnings are difficult! There is a barrier that needs to be broken, and then the road is smooth!”

The bachur wasn’t convinced.

Rabbi Ben Tzion asked, “Tell me, how much is one plus one?”

“Two,” the bachur replied, perplexed. After all, he wasn’t a complete fool.

“And how much is two plus two?”

“Four,” he responded, surprised by this childish examination.

“You didn’t even think, you just answered hastily,” Rabbi Ben Tzion said.

“Well, know that you will rule over the entire Torah in the same way. Whenever someone asks you a question, you will give an immediate answer. That is my promise!”

He relied on that, returned to his studies, concentrated diligently, and failed the examination. He was broken and shattered. He felt this wasn’t meant for him.

With great affection, Rabbi Ben Tzion held his hand and said, “You see, this is the problem. When they say that all beginnings are difficult, some people think it refers to time – a day, a week, a month. They don’t understand that it refers to a stage. For one person, it takes a short time, and for another, a long time. But this is a barrier that can be broken, and one can continue on the path of Hashem. A day will come when everything will shine. How much joy you will experience! Know that your life will be a life of constant happiness!”
PATHWAYS TO THE SOUL Parashat Ki Tavo 5783 – Smallness Leads To Greatnes – R. Israel Abargel

Why did R. Ben Tzion Abba Shaul ask the student seemingly rudimentary math? At first glance, like the student, I would have been perplexed by the random questions out of nowhere. It seems that the rabbi was not engaging the anguish the young man was expressing. However, R. Ben Tzion was trying to teach a lesson. If we think back, I would venture to suggest that most of us would be unable to conjure up the feelings of frustration we had when learning how to count, how to add, subtract, etc. And yet, we struggled and most of us eventually were able to come to a point where knowing 1+1 felt natural and to a point where we forgot how hard it was. It is clear that R. Ben Tzion was trying to show the student that all things start from struggle and can lead to much success if we persist, regardless of time.

Goals are crucial to growth. And goals are dangerous when we don’t allow ourselves to modify and adapt the path based on how far we have come. If we perceive a sense of failure or a sense of why haven’t I accomplished this yet, we are more susceptible to quitting.

In coaching others and in my own growth, one of the biggest points of emphasis is to see how far we have come. We might not be where we see ourselves, but we have come so far already. Setbacks are going to happen. But a setback doesn’t mean we haven’t succeeded. It just means we have more work to do to see the final goal we have set for ourselves.

May each of us strive and struggle on our way to achieving the New Beginnings we wish for ourselves and may we recognize how far we have come along the way.

Looking to gain further, broader insight in becoming your more authentic, spiritually focused self? Let me help you along this path! Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com

Elul Thoughts: Finding Renewed Ways to Connect

As I continue to reflect on my recent trip to Israel, one of the things that always strikes me when I am there is how comfortable I feel in Israel. This has many layers, from religiously and spiritually as well as I get a sense in certain parts of the country that it is like I am home. This makes travelling less fraught with worries and anxieties. And, this does also have a shadow side.

During this trip, as with most of my trips, I find myself drawn to spend time by the Kotel, the Western Wall. It is a place of prayer and pilgrimage. It is a sacred space. And while historically the physical wall itself was merely one of the four sides of the retaining wall for the Temple Mount, the area has become a spiritual focal point and symbol for so much. And yet, sometimes, the mystique seems to disappear.

During this trip, I had two types of experiences. Some of my sojourns to the wall, I was left with something lacking. I couldn’t find my spiritual comfort zone, struggled to pray with much focus, almost finding myself asking what was even the point of making the trek from the apartment I was staying at. It can be difficult to feel inspired when the sacred space seems commercialized and is overflowing with people. Other times, I found that inspiration. This occurred in two ways. When I went on Shabbat afternoon and found the area pretty empty and quiet, I was able to hear my thoughts better. Other times, even in the midst of massive crowds, context can be key. Being there for a Bar Mitzvah and public Selichot, both times when the place is packed, also inspired me because it was the opportunity to experiences new things in a place I know so well.

I am sharing these thoughts because I came across and was reminded of a beautiful concept drawn from a question about Psalm 27. During the month of Elul, it is customary to recite this chapter twice a day. Reading the Psalm, we can see many themes that tie into the High Holidays. One, which I want to explore, emerges from Verse 4.

אַחַ֤ת ׀ שָׁאַ֣לְתִּי מֵֽאֵת־יְהֹוָה֮ אוֹתָ֢הּ אֲבַ֫קֵּ֥שׁ שִׁבְתִּ֣י בְּבֵית־יְ֭הֹוָה כׇּל־יְמֵ֣י חַיַּ֑י לַחֲז֥וֹת בְּנֹעַם־יְ֝הֹוָ֗ה וּלְבַקֵּ֥ר בְּהֵֽיכָלֽוֹ׃

One thing I ask of the LORD, only that do I seek:
that I may dwell in the House of Hashem all the days of my life, to behold the sweetness of Hashem and to contemplate in His Sanctuary.

There is a fundamental question that arises from this passage. How can we ask Gd to both live in Gd’s house forever and also be visitors “contemplating” his temple? Doesn’t this seem contradictory.

Over Shabbat I was reminded of this question from a Parasha printout called Alei Deshe, which shares the Torah thoughts of R. Shaul Alter, Rosh Yeshiva of Gur. He shared:

The answer given to this seeming contradiction is that our request is to reside permanently in Hashem’s house, and yet maintain the freshness and excitement of one who comes only as a visitor. But how is this possible? After all, a person naturally loses enthusiasm for activities that continue for a lengthy period of time.

In order to understand this, we must look at the words preceding the request for visitor-like excitement: לַחֲז֥וֹת בְּנֹעַם־יְ֝הֹוָ֗ה, to behold the sweetness of Hashem. When one feels the pleasure and beauty of sitting in Hashem’s house and serving Him, he will naturally maintain his enthusiasm for it, and will return day after day feeling as if it were his first day there.

Too often in life, finding ourselves in moments that used to drive us, inspire us, excite us, and suddenly it has little to no meaning. The shiny new toy feels like it loses its shine. When this happens, we get frustrated, we try to find something new. For most of us, it is easier to discard and move on to something new. Yet, perhaps the issue isn’t the lost luster but it starts with us. Did we go in with the wrong expectations? Did we presume to find the same inspiration and joy without playing our part in being present and focusing?

In this preparation season for Rosh Hashanah, are we truly listening to the daily shofar sound, to the added prayers, to our stirring souls which are looking to make meaningful changes to our lives. Have we slowed down to see? Or are we merely heading to the place we always head to because that’s just what we do?

Going back to my personal experiences, I found that if once I could remember inspiration comes just as much from what we put in as from what the moment gives me, I was able to feel that sense of enthusiasm of “visiting” instead of the routine feeling of always being present. It required a refocus, a renewed effort and, at least with the late night trek for Selichot, doing something new and different to help refind that spiritual connection I was seeking all along.

May each us, during these last two weeks leading to Rosh Hashanah, find our things that inspire us and find new ways to put in and take out those drops of inspiration so that we may see in ourselves growth and renewal during this upcoming new year.

Context Matters

For the past couple of weeks, I was away in Israel with one of my children. We went to participate and celebrate the Bar Mitzvah of one of his closest friends. During the Bar Mitzvah brunch, the Bar Mitzvah boy’s mother shared that part of her goal for celebrating in Israel was to give context to their Jewish living. I was struck by the word Context, recognizing that in the realm of spirituality and religion, context can, and I believe, needs to be an essential element of growth.

What is context?

If we look at the image above, we can see that our perspectives can be limited if we are only looking at a single frame. We, who see the entire image, of course see the elephant in the room. Yet, for the people in the picture, they only see the frame in front of them. When we think about fostering spiritual growth, the same may apply.

For many, the search for spirituality begins by reading. There is so much available to consume about all faiths, religions, practices, rituals, that we can get lost in the frame of reference we are searching in. Each of us has the limitations of the frame through which we are seeing.

After a while, most realize that reading just isn’t enough. We need to explore, see, feel, experience, the practices and rituals. We want to observe people living life in the manner we have read. This is the pilgrimage moment. And while I might be accused of overstating it a little bit with the word pilgrimage, to me, the physical exploration and exposure is the essence of the term. In biblical terminology, pilgrimage was the three times a year of going to Jerusalem to experience the festivals of Passover, Shavuot and Sukkot, putting into context all the things the people were doing in the areas they were living. To see the ritual in action, to bear witness, was all part of the pilgrimage. As such, when we choose to go beyond the study and reading to the seeing, we too are going on a pilgrimage, and in that pilgrimage we are giving ourselves the contextualization of what we have gained from book learning.

In the Jewish calendar, we are in the midst of Elul, the month prior to Rosh Hashanah, a month of reflection and retrospection. It is a time in which we search for how we can be inspired to grow and change during the next year. Part of this reflection period for many is getting perspective on what has inspired us in the past and trying to see things from a broader perspective, not just from the little frame in front of us but from the wider context.

As we march forward, may each of us find the context in our lives that helps us grow spiritually/religiously.

9 Av reflections 5783 – OY!

I have always struggled with the concept of a communal day of mourning. What if I am not feeling that sense of sadness that is required to truly experience the day? Does that make me unfeeling, uncaring? Am I separating myself from the community in moments when I can’t conjure up the emotional pain and suffering that comes from taking on signs of mourning on this day?

Sure, we have found ways over the centuries to overcome the difficulty of feeling the loss of a sacred building and sacrificial services by lumping all the tragedies of Jewish history into this one day. We even have the Midrashic tradition claiming that Tisha B’Av is a cursed day going all the way back to the Torah’s story about the spies (see Parashat Shelach). And so, we read Lamentations (Eichah), read a variety of poems of elegy (Kinnot) and try every which way to feel a sense of longing for the rebuilding of the Third Temple and the end of all Jewish tragedies.

But…then I remember – It isn’t about emotions alone. It is about memory. Tisha B’Av in our contemporary world is about carving a day out of our busy lives to sit and remember the past, remember the pain of what was. What we read on this day tries to offers reasons and explanations, yet, the most powerful moments are when we recite those short, pithy phrases during Kinnot that feel like we are just throwing our hands up in frustration and despair.

One refrain, which repeats in a couple of the poems is the chorus Oy, what has befallen us. After expressing or listing a moment, we have nothing left to “say” but Oy. There are no words at some point. All that is left is the cry of despair.

Today, whether you “feel” it or not, take the time to reflect on the unanswered, the loss of attempts at explanation, the moments in the past and present when all we can do is sit there numb, not sure what to think or feel but Oy!

May this Tisha B’Av be the last Tisha B’Av of suffering and may we merit to see brighter days ahead.

Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com

Shabbat as an Acceptance of Reality

I came across a line yesterday while reading The Soul of the Mishna by Rabbi Yakov Nagen. He suggests:

Throughout the six days of the week, we change the face of reality. Our actions denote a conception of reality that is lacking, and humanity’s inability to accept the lack. Action is forward-looking, toward a different reality that will appear as a result. The essence of Shabbat is the opposite: accepting reality as it is here and now, enabling one to be present in the moment.
p. 110

Our daily grind is the mission to create change in our lives. So many of us always feel like we are always on, constantly going from one thing to another. We are always searching for something else, something different, something meaningful and powerful. Too often we just keep moving and never stop to sit in the moment.

When we look at current suggestions about self-care, we find many advocates for making a Sabbath for oneself, designing a 24 hour period of detaching from constant connectivity and consciously reconnecting with oneself and those around you. This is a day of “not-doing.” It is a day of rest, rejuvenation, and returning to oneself. It is a day of being present.

As we continue to search for spiritual growth and find true meaning in life, do we give ourselves the time to sit where we are instead of just moving forward, looking for the next step. Are we smelling the roses?

Today, may we reflect on whether we give ourselves the time, whether formally or not, to be present and be accepting of reality. Do we live life only as people always grinding, or do we live Shabbat oriented lives as well, taking time to just be present to the here and now?

Looking to discover your more authentic, spiritually focused self? Let me help you along this path! Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com

The Invitation – Poem about Life’s meaning

As much as I am here to help others and to support them in life’s challenging moments, I would be lying if I didn’t acknowledge how much I have learned from those people with whom I have been privileged to work. The other day, while I was visiting a hospice patient and the person’s family, one of the family members, as we were reflecting on meaning in life, shared the following poem, The Invitation (see here for a different reflection on this poem).

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life’s betrayals or have become shrivelled and closed from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it, or fade it, or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own; if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic, remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself. If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul. If you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty even when it is not pretty every day. And if you can source your own life from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand at the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, ‘Yes.’

It doesn’t interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the centre of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

By Oriah Mountain Dreamer

In my reading of this poem, I find the words suggest that true connection in relationship, both relationship to oneself and relationship to others is not the externals we define ourselves by but the internal makeup of who we struggle to be. True spiritual growth is allowing our inner soul to be the driving factor in our lives, not the externals. To get to this place, we must first work on our self-exploration, finding our inner soul.

Today, let me invite each of you to reflect on this poem and start down the path of revealing the real, complicated life we all experience. May we find the way to live a more authentic life.

Every End is another Beginning: Post Shavuot thought

During Shavuot, I came across an idea which I have been reflecting on these past couple of days. During the prayers we recite on Shavuot, we refer to the holiday as Zeman Matan Torateinu, the day of the giving of the Torah, not the day of receiving the Torah. What is the difference between a day on which we were given something vs. a day we received something? Aren’t those just two sides of the same coin?

R. Menachem Genack, in his introduction to a book of R. Dr. Norman Lamm’s collected sermons, Torah Beloved, offers a simple, yet important answer to this question. He writes:

The reason we do not refer to Shavuot as the day on which we received the Torah is that Shavuot is not the day on which we received the Torah. Before I am accused of heresy, let me clarify. The Luhot which Moshe received on Shavuot were shattered at the base of the mountain, forty days later. We never received them. It was only after two more forty-day periods of prayer and fasting, on Yom Kippur, that God gave Moshe the second set of Luhot which the Jewish people were able to receive, unshattered. Thus, the day on which we received the Torah is actually Yom Kippur, not Shavuot, and that is why Shavuot is not identified in our liturgy as the day we received the Torah.
pg. XV

Shavuot is a culmination of sorts. It is a holiday that concludes a seven week countdown for the early harvest period. In our modern take, it is the completion of a seven week period of preparation to receive the Torah. Either way, Shavuot is an ending. Yet, when we reflect on R. Genack’s words, we realize that Shavuot is an end that remains incomplete. In a way, Shavuot is just the beginning. Shavuot was the first moment of what became a 120 day process of being able to truly receive the Torah.

To answer the question of giving vs. receiving, it makes sense that Shavuot is referred to as the Giving Torah day, not the receiving Torah day. When we are given something, it doesn’t automatically mean we have received it. Yes, it is now something in our “possession,” but there is a difference between something just dropped into one’s lap vs. being ready to receive it. I think reception in the context of the Torah needed to be an active process of grabbing hold of the precious item being given. And clearly, this is not something that is so easily done. For R. Genack, recalling the entire story of receiving the whole tablets, from Shavuot to Yom Kippur, we can learn a lesson about recognizing the different demarcation points in our lives.

All milestones, important moments in life contain two sides of the same coin. The milestone is a moment of accomplishment, of arriving at this junction of life. And yet, a milestone is also a stop along the way, from which we move to the next stop along our journey. It is a New Beginning. And we have an opportunity to always be ready to go for the next milestone while also celebrating the place we have arrived.

So my charge for today: Each morning, when we wake up, we have a chance to start fresh. We have completed and arrived at this new point. We have built up to be ready for today’s newness. Take a moment today reflecting on how we got to this moment, this day and then take a moment to recognize how we can take whatever brokenness came along with getting here and build and mend the brokenness while starting on this next step of our journeys today and every day.

Shavuot – Judgment Day for Torah Study

I know what you are thinking right now. We aren’t near Rosh Hashanah; Isn’t the upcoming holiday Shavuot, the holiday celebrating the giving of the Torah. Why are you posting an image of judgment scales, which would be more appropriate to share in a few months for Rosh Hashanah? Wouldn’t this be a better picture to depict Shavuot?

Yet, if we examine a recently I came across fromom the Shlah HaKadosh (R. Isaiah Horowitz), we would see that the celebration of receiving the Torah and the scales of judgment work come together. He writes (Aseret HaDibrot, Shavuot):

חייב אדם לשמוח בזה החג ביותר, כי הוא יום שזכינו בו לכתר תורה. ובפסחים פרק אלו דברים (סח, ב), הכל מודים בעצרת דבעינן נמי לכם. מר בריה דרבינא יתיב כולא שתא בתעניתא, בר מעצרתא ויומי דפוריא כו’. רב יוסף ביומא דעצרתא עבד ליה עגלא תילתא, אמר, אי לאו ההוא יומא כמה יוסף איכא בשוקא. מכל מקום גילו ברעדה כתיב (תהלים ב, יא), והשמחה אשר שמח תהיה שמחה רוחניית והודות והלל להשם יתברך שנתן לנו התורה, מתעורר מאוד בלבו להתקדש ולתקן מעשיו ולהיות מוכתר בכתר תורה לקיים (יהושע א, ח) והגית בו יומם ולילה, כי היום הקדוש הזה הוא יומא דדינא:

וזה לשון תולעת יעקב דף נ”ח, ודע כי כמו שבראש השנה רצה הקדוש ברוך הוא להשגיח ולדרוש מעשה בני אדם כי הוא יום הבריאה הראשונה וחדוש העולם, וכמו שתקנו לומר זה היום תחלת מעשיך כדברי רבי אליעזר שאמר בתשרי נברא העולם (ר”ה ח, א), כן רצה ביום מתן תורה שהוא מורה על החדוש העולם להשגיח ולדרוש על מעשה העולם ולדונו על פירות האילן, כדאיתא בפרק קמא דראש השנה (טז, א) בארבע פרקים העולם נידון כו’, בעצרת על פירות האילן. וכבר ביארנו כי הפירות ההם הם הנשמות הפורחות מאילנו של הקדוש ברוך הוא, והעולם נידון ביום זה על התורה שנתנה בו שבטלו עצמה ממנה והוא אמרם על פירות האילן בלא השלימם בתורה ובמצות כראוי.

To Summarize: Shavuot is a day of celebrating receiving the crown of Torah. It is a day of rejoicing, a day dedicated to the spiritual rejoicing we experienced in receiving the Torah. The day is a time to renew our commitment to Torah study and enwrapping ourselves in the beauty of Gd’s word. It is the time we have the opportunity to renew this coronation. As such, it is a judgment day like Rosh Hashanah. This is based on the Mishnah from Rosh Hashanah (1:2), which says:

בְּאַרְבָּעָה פְרָקִים הָעוֹלָם נִדּוֹן, בְּפֶסַח עַל הַתְּבוּאָה, בַּעֲצֶרֶת עַל פֵּרוֹת הָאִילָן, בְּרֹאשׁ הַשָּׁנָה כָּל בָּאֵי הָעוֹלָם עוֹבְרִין לְפָנָיו כִּבְנֵי מָרוֹן, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (תהלים לג) הַיּוֹצֵר יַחַד לִבָּם, הַמֵּבִין אֶל כָּל מַעֲשֵׂיהֶם. וּבֶחָג נִדּוֹנִין עַל הַמָּיִם:

At four times of the year the world is judged: On Passover judgment is passed concerning grain; on Shavuot concerning fruits that grow on a tree; on Rosh HaShana, all creatures pass before Him like sheep [benei maron], as it is stated: “He Who fashions their hearts alike, Who considers all their deeds” (Psalms 33:15); and on the festival of Sukkot they are judged concerning water, i.e., the rainfall of the coming year.

Shavuot, Azteret, is the day the world is judged concerning fruits that grow from a tree. Reading this Mishnah with an eye towards the mystical, the spiritual, The Shlah suggests that the Torah, which is considered the Tree of Life, bears the fruits that result from our study and effort. What does all of this mean? How do we get judged on our intellectual output and what are we supposed to do to have a “favorable” judgment?

Reflecting on the bolded question, what keeps coming back to mind is the word effort. We are judged not on what we produce, but the effort we exert. Yes, there is a goal and desire to come up with novel, unique, deep approaches in our learning. But, this isn’t the goal and message of Shavuot. Rather, the goal is strengthening our daily connection to the Torah, to the gift and beauty of the corpus that is Gd’s word, Gd’s revealed “self” to the world. The goal of Shavuot is that this holiday is the moment each year we recommit to planting the seeds of deepening our desire to study daily. Through study, through connecting to Gd’s essence, we recommit to upholding one of the foundational points of the world (as we see from these words of Pirkei Avot (1:2)):

שִׁמְעוֹן הַצַּדִּיק הָיָה מִשְּׁיָרֵי כְנֶסֶת הַגְּדוֹלָה. הוּא הָיָה אוֹמֵר, עַל שְׁלשָׁה דְבָרִים הָעוֹלָם עוֹמֵד, עַל הַתּוֹרָה וְעַל הָעֲבוֹדָה וְעַל גְּמִילוּת חֲסָדִים:

Shimon the Righteous was one of the last of the men of the great assembly. He used to say: the world stands upon three things: the Torah, the Temple service, and the practice of acts of piety.

When we exert effort, we are deserving of the crown of Torah. When we do our due diligence, when we put our effort in, we will see the results. To quote from a recent podcast/shiur from a friend, who was quoting from a former US President, Ask Not What Hashem Can Do For You, But What You Can Do For Hashem.

May we find that on Shavuot, whatever we learn, whenever we learn, that this holiday be one in which we recommit to our desires for spiritual and intellectual growth, putting in just a little bit more effort than we usually do, for with that effort we will find ourselves taking that most important first step forward to a New Beginning in our relationship to our spirituality and our faith.

Who is The Real Me

Late yesterday, I updated my Facebook profile picture and cover photo to reflect who I am currently. Interesting that this change got a lot of reactions from my social media feed. This lesson in social media ties into something that I have been thinking about, “who is the real me?” This question relates to how we portray ourselves in public vs. how we see ourselves in private. We live in a very public, open world in our digital age. We live in a world where the majority of us are not just sharing public and private personas in our small communities. Living in a global community requires an increased consciousness of what we want others to see and that most likely moves us further away from our true, inner self that we often show in the privacy of our homes. And if I were to be honest, this is a challenging state to constantly have to navigate.

When we meet new people, are they showing us the glossy website version of themselves, the deep, troubled version or something in between? Sure, meeting a new person and expecting an instant trust is hard to ask of anyone. Yet, why is it that we hide behind an image. We are all guilty of this.

My Spiritual Life Coaching Practice, which is informed by my pastoral/spiritual care training, is also informed by the real, imperfect person that I am. No two people will ever have the same experiences. And, nobody is ever alone in experience, as we all have a well of emotional and spiritual ups and downs we can draw upon to be present with someone else struggling. I believe that if we are to help others discover hope, meaning, New Beginnings in a transitional period in life, we have to meet them from the place of our humanness and vulnerability. We must maintain boundaries with each other and we must find a way to build the trust needed to explore and effect the changes we are looking for when engaging a professional to help in our self discovery.

As I write these words, I realize how so much of this notion of showing the “real” me is predicated on trusting myself to be OK and compassionate to the real, imperfect self that I am. My belief is that each of us is masking our true, real selves behind a mask because we aren’t OK with who we are. Too many of us don’t like the person we see in the mirror, even though we wish we could. And yes, that last line is channeled from an interesting albeit strange self-help practice call the High Five Habit, in which we develop a notion of self-compassion and confidence through literally offering ourselves a high five each morning in the mirror.

May today be the day we begin to foster our self-compassion, trust and acceptance of the person we see in the mirror and may this person be the person we share with others.

Audio – Lessons in Tanya 84

Beginning of Chapter 44. This chapter returns to Love of Gd, working with the two level of love we outlined in the previous chapter. Here was see that lower love of Gd is manifest in fulfilling the Torah and its commandments while love is the yearning of the soul to be connected with the divine. He introduces a third approach, one which combines both the lower and upper levels of love. This is the desire of closeness that we have when recognizing the duality of physical and spiritual realms “existing” together. This section also reflects on “fake it till you make it.” Even if you aren’t really feeling the connection to Gd, strive towards it at all times.

Episode 84

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Do you want to work on taking the actions of your life and find meaning in all you do and who you are? Are you struggling with your spiritual growth. Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com