Life is full of frustrations. We work hard, make good decisions, try to improve, and feel like nothing is working. We reach milestone moments and times in the calendar when we resolve to change, and then we fall back into the old habits. And then we try again, thinking this time we will see success, only to fall short, at least as it comes to our perceived timeline for change.
So what happens with perceived failure after failure? We want to quit. We start to wonder, “what’s the point?!” We haven’t gotten to where we want to be, so why keep striving forward?
(Rabbeinu HaOhr Letzion – Vol. 1, p. 424): There was a bachur who had just recently entered the realm of mitzvot. His parents had “succeeded” in enrolling him in an excellent yeshiva that had a high level of learning. However, his talents didn’t measure up, and he couldn’t keep up with the pace. He came before Rabbi Ben Tzion Abba Shaul, disheartened and despairing. No, he didn’t advise him to transfer to another yeshiva of lower standards. On the contrary, he encouraged him, saying, “Persist stubborly and remember the words of Rashi (Shemot 19:5): From now on everything will be sweet, as all beginnings are difficult! There is a barrier that needs to be broken, and then the road is smooth!”
The bachur wasn’t convinced.
Rabbi Ben Tzion asked, “Tell me, how much is one plus one?”
“Two,” the bachur replied, perplexed. After all, he wasn’t a complete fool.
“And how much is two plus two?”
“Four,” he responded, surprised by this childish examination.
“You didn’t even think, you just answered hastily,” Rabbi Ben Tzion said.
“Well, know that you will rule over the entire Torah in the same way. Whenever someone asks you a question, you will give an immediate answer. That is my promise!”
He relied on that, returned to his studies, concentrated diligently, and failed the examination. He was broken and shattered. He felt this wasn’t meant for him.
With great affection, Rabbi Ben Tzion held his hand and said, “You see, this is the problem. When they say that all beginnings are difficult, some people think it refers to time – a day, a week, a month. They don’t understand that it refers to a stage. For one person, it takes a short time, and for another, a long time. But this is a barrier that can be broken, and one can continue on the path of Hashem. A day will come when everything will shine. How much joy you will experience! Know that your life will be a life of constant happiness!”
PATHWAYS TO THE SOUL Parashat Ki Tavo 5783 – Smallness Leads To Greatnes – R. Israel Abargel
Why did R. Ben Tzion Abba Shaul ask the student seemingly rudimentary math? At first glance, like the student, I would have been perplexed by the random questions out of nowhere. It seems that the rabbi was not engaging the anguish the young man was expressing. However, R. Ben Tzion was trying to teach a lesson. If we think back, I would venture to suggest that most of us would be unable to conjure up the feelings of frustration we had when learning how to count, how to add, subtract, etc. And yet, we struggled and most of us eventually were able to come to a point where knowing 1+1 felt natural and to a point where we forgot how hard it was. It is clear that R. Ben Tzion was trying to show the student that all things start from struggle and can lead to much success if we persist, regardless of time.
Goals are crucial to growth. And goals are dangerous when we don’t allow ourselves to modify and adapt the path based on how far we have come. If we perceive a sense of failure or a sense of why haven’t I accomplished this yet, we are more susceptible to quitting.
In coaching others and in my own growth, one of the biggest points of emphasis is to see how far we have come. We might not be where we see ourselves, but we have come so far already. Setbacks are going to happen. But a setback doesn’t mean we haven’t succeeded. It just means we have more work to do to see the final goal we have set for ourselves.
May each of us strive and struggle on our way to achieving the New Beginnings we wish for ourselves and may we recognize how far we have come along the way.
Looking to gain further, broader insight in becoming your more authentic, spiritually focused self? Let me help you along this path! Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com
New beginnings: A blog about spirituality, chaplaincy and renewal 