I have always struggled with the concept of a communal day of mourning. What if I am not feeling that sense of sadness that is required to truly experience the day? Does that make me unfeeling, uncaring? Am I separating myself from the community in moments when I can’t conjure up the emotional pain and suffering that comes from taking on signs of mourning on this day?
Sure, we have found ways over the centuries to overcome the difficulty of feeling the loss of a sacred building and sacrificial services by lumping all the tragedies of Jewish history into this one day. We even have the Midrashic tradition claiming that Tisha B’Av is a cursed day going all the way back to the Torah’s story about the spies (see Parashat Shelach). And so, we read Lamentations (Eichah), read a variety of poems of elegy (Kinnot) and try every which way to feel a sense of longing for the rebuilding of the Third Temple and the end of all Jewish tragedies.
But…then I remember – It isn’t about emotions alone. It is about memory. Tisha B’Av in our contemporary world is about carving a day out of our busy lives to sit and remember the past, remember the pain of what was. What we read on this day tries to offers reasons and explanations, yet, the most powerful moments are when we recite those short, pithy phrases during Kinnot that feel like we are just throwing our hands up in frustration and despair.
One refrain, which repeats in a couple of the poems is the chorus Oy, what has befallen us. After expressing or listing a moment, we have nothing left to “say” but Oy. There are no words at some point. All that is left is the cry of despair.
Today, whether you “feel” it or not, take the time to reflect on the unanswered, the loss of attempts at explanation, the moments in the past and present when all we can do is sit there numb, not sure what to think or feel but Oy!
May this Tisha B’Av be the last Tisha B’Av of suffering and may we merit to see brighter days ahead.
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