Today, I am thinking about my motivations. Why do I do the things I do? Why share my thoughts with others through this medium? Why do I help others in times of crisis? Why do I live a life focused on spiritual growth? These questions, among others, are part of my daily reflections. Of course, at times one question sticks out more than the rest while other questions percolate below the surface, ready to come forth when they need time and reinforcement.
I am reminded of this because of the following idea from the thought of Rebbe Nachman.
לח. אִישׁ אֱמֶת שֶׁעוֹשֶׂה כָּל הַמִּצְווֹת בְּכָל הַדִּקְדּוּקִים בֵּינוֹ לְבֵין קוֹנוֹ כְּמוֹ בִּפְנֵי בְּנֵי אָדָם, וְאֵין חִלּוּק אֶצְלוֹ כְּלָל, כִּי אֵין בּוֹ שׁוּם צַד שֶׁקֶר לַעֲשׂוֹת חַ”ו אֵיזֶה תְּנוּעָה בַּעֲבוֹדָתוֹ בִּשְׁבִיל בְּנֵי אָדָם, הוּא מַמְשִׁיךְ לְעַצְמוֹ כֹּחַ כָּל הַצְּדָקוֹת, וְעַל־יְדֵי זֶה הוּא מְבַטֵּל מַחֲשָׁבוֹת שֶׁל כְּפִירוֹת הַנַּ”ל: (שם)
A person should be so honest that when he carries out the mitzvot and all their fine details it is for the sake of God alone. Even if he were completely alone with no one to watch him, he would still carry them all out scrupulously. Being free of the slightest hint of dishonesty, he would never do anything merely to impress others (Ibid.).
Do my motivations change if others watch me do an action? Am I consistent in private and public? Being consistent in our inner and outer selves is quite difficult. It is something that I know to be a daily struggle. Most of us tend to find elements of our motivations coming from external incentives, whether honor, glory, the hope someone will return the favor (quid pro quo), etc. This is not a negative. Yet, this cannot be seen as an ideal for us to live by. While it is part of our growth to need these external incentives for our growth, the true goal is to move beyond the reward and do it for its own sake. To me, reading these words of Rebbe Nachman, I am reminded of this statement from Pirkei Avot, Ethics of our Fathers:
אַנְטִיגְנוֹס אִישׁ סוֹכוֹ קִבֵּל מִשִּׁמְעוֹן הַצַּדִּיק. הוּא הָיָה אוֹמֵר, אַל תִּהְיוּ כַעֲבָדִים הַמְשַׁמְּשִׁין אֶת הָרַב עַל מְנָת לְקַבֵּל פְּרָס, אֶלָּא הֱווּ כַעֲבָדִים הַמְשַׁמְּשִׁין אֶת הָרַב שֶׁלֹּא עַל מְנָת לְקַבֵּל פְּרָס, וִיהִי מוֹרָא שָׁמַיִם עֲלֵיכֶם:
Antigonus a man of Socho received [the oral tradition] from Shimon the Righteous. He used to say: do not be like servants who serve the master in the expectation of receiving a reward, but be like servants who serve the master without the expectation of receiving a reward, and let the fear of Heaven be upon you.
Pirkei Avot 1:3
Our spiritual growth is a continuous process of struggle to be consistent in the motivations for all we do. Today, may we reflect on what makes us do the great things we do and begin working on aligning our real motivations with the actions we take.
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