Let’s be real today. Who among us isn’t struggling to a certain extent with feeling like an imposter? According to this overview of imposter syndrome from Psychology Today, 70% of adults will have the feelings related to imposter syndrome at least once in life. In other words, most of us will have experienced this sense at some point in life.
I find myself reflecting on confidence and feeling like an imposter often. I find that part of the struggle is because we are inundated with the pristine images presented on social media. And just to be clear, we all do this. We get headshots to show our ideal selves, our smiling faces, our confidence. Most of us weed out the awkward picture for the perfect shot. We try not to post our foibles, only our successes.
Today, I want to say, I get the imposter feeling because many times I myself struggle with confidence. Recently I had an experience which reminded me of this struggle. The other day I was working along with a colleague and when he started speaking about me to a third person while I was present, sharing some of my “resume,” I found myself feeling both a sense of embarrassment to hear praise about myself (not in a humble sense, so don’t presume this comes from a sense of humility) and a sense of confidence being reminded that, yes, I am those things. For those who know me, that response is not surprising. Yes, I am aware of my resume and I do know what I have accomplished or attempted to accomplish. Yet, I struggle to believe it to be true. I struggle like we all struggle wondering whether we really have made an impact.
Why am I sharing this, being vulnerable with my readers?
I have a philosophy I bring to my work as a spiritual coach and I always tried to bring to my chaplaincy. It was something I learned early on in hospice work. Inevitably, during the course of a visit with the hospice patient and/or family, people would start asking me basic questions about my life, such as, was I married, did I have children, where do I live. At first, though I would respond, I was hesitant to answer, boundaries and all. Eventually, I realized that this was their way of testing the waters to see the humanness of the professional across the room. Sure, we could argue it is a form of avoidance in the midst of seriousness, but I truly believe it was a method for building trust. As such, I came to see this part of the conversation as a value unto itself. Sure, there are limits and professional boundaries and we aren’t there to unburden ourselves. Yet, if we don’t relate and connect on the basic human level, we will never fully engage the depth and sacredness of the space. In my coaching work, I have found the importance of bringing myself into the space, drawing from our common humanity to help further explore and build trust and relationship, which inevitably goes a long way to helping someone grow and discover.
Back to the imposter syndrome. We are all struggling in one way or another with who we really are and with how we perceive how others perceive us. It is part of being human. My hope is that each of has ways to remind ourselves that while it is a struggle, if we really think through all the naysaying, we might find how much we really are the person we claim to be, not an imposter pretending to be what we aren’t. May each of you find the confidence to overcome feeling like an imposter.
Are you struggling with your sense of self-confidence? Wondering if you really are the person people see you as? Are you working on your spiritual growth? Faith? Feeling lost in the midst of the journey of life? Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com
New beginnings: A blog about spirituality, chaplaincy and renewal 