Living and Growing from a place of not knowing

Too often we fashion ourselves as experts in things we are quite unfamiliar with. This is a mechanism to protect the more vulnerable parts of our personality because we are afraid our not knowing is a sign of lacking when in reality no one knows everything. We feel scared when we are thrust into something we feel unprepared for and sometimes to protect ourselves we act like we know.

Rabbi Dr. Abraham Twerski, in Growing Each Day, expounded on the following Talmudic passage from Berachot 4a:

דְּאָמַר מָר: לַמֵּד לְשׁוֹנְךָ לוֹמַר ״אֵינִי יוֹדֵעַ״, שֶׁמָּא תִּתְבַּדֶּה וְתֵאָחֵז.

articulated by the Master: Accustom your tongue to say: I do not know, lest you become entangled in a web of deceit.

Rabbi Dr. Twerski suggested:

“While no human being can know everything, some people cannot admit any ignorance about anything. For them, any admission of lack of knowledge threatens their fragile egos… Furthermore, the only way we can acquire knowledge is by accepting that we do not have it. People who claim to know everything cannot learn. Therefore, many opportunities to learn pass them by, and their denying their ignorance actually increases their ignorance… (p.216)”

Saying I don’t know is not strictly an admission of not knowing. Rather it is an opening and invitation to explore. It is through this exploration that we can know, and remove the desire to “fool” ourselves or others. Unfortunately, it is common that our fears of being “seen” actually further hinder our growth and ability to make forward strides. It is that fear that keeps us stagnant and yet leaves us feeling antsy, anxious, unsettled. We are unsettled because we close ourselves off from the value of listening to others and truly listening to ourselves.

One of the core elements of my chaplaincy and now my coaching is to foster the dual listening in the space of care. By my listening to others and hopefully the individuals listening to the words they are saying, it allows us to cultivate the gaining of knowledge through exploration, questions and reflections. Together we open the gates to find new vistas to confront challenging and difficult situations.

May we be blessed to be comfortable in the uncomfortable space of not knowing.

If you are looking to explore and discover new approaches to the difficulties in your life, Contact New Beginnings Spiritual Coaching and Consulting LLC at 732-314-6758 ext. 100 or via email at newbeginningsspiritualcoach@gmail.com.